Hello

Stuart told me a bout this site a while back, but Im not a real Internet fan, Ionly have access to it at work so Im sorry about not popping in earlier to sa"Hi"

Its nice to know that you all still remember us BB2 lot fondly and I shall pass on all your good wishes to Helen.

As for Helen,we are very happy and as I say, I thank you for wishing us well. A lot of people are quite cynical and c rude to us in the media so its nice to hear support from time to time.

I shall try and pop in from time to time and say hello, if thats ok.

Before I go, I should say never believe anything about Helen and I unless it comes from the horses mouth, so to speak.

Thanks

Paul (+ Helen!)

hello welcome!!

thanks for dropping by

Mr Paul Clarke

Can it REALLY be you after all this time??

I feel, as your number one fan you could at least have waited until I was ONLINE!

You are most EXTREMELY welcome!!

Words (almost) fail me....

You have inspired me to prose (please take with the affection it has been written)

I would just like to tell you that you are still, and always will be as far as I am concerned, absolutely and totally STONKING!!

Am just going to lie down in a darkened room...............

Paul Clarke!! Hello & welcome!


[b]Oh My God!!!

Would like to add that IF this is a cruel jest it may backfire when Stuart talks to Paul about it. He might just visit us then out of pure curiousity.

Just in case though, not missing an opportunity to say,


COME BACK SOON! WE ARE MAD, BUT HARMLESS!

Hi Paul

If it is indeed you we are thrilled to see you, you and Helen have a lot of fans here.

I hope you don't mind if I check with Stuart, who I do know, cos we have had a few wind ups and hoaxers in the past.

Just got this e-mail from Stuart


Sorry to burst everyone's balloon, but better to nip this in the bud now

It was a Hoax

OK then Sticks, would you please ask Stuart if he could persuade Paul to make a posting just to make this imposter feel less smug?

Personally, I am not in the least embarassed. I have said nothing that I haven't said a hundred times before.

The man is gorgeous. Very private, which I respect, but gorgeous. I just wish that on this occasion he would make an exception and say HI.........

is all I have to say on the matter

I was afraid this was going to turn out to be a hoax. The telling part of the post for me was the satement indicating he does not have a computer at home!!

A modern young man. no computer at home. No internet!!!!!!!

A designer and no computer at home!!!.

I do hope the REAL Mr Clarke will post and say a true "Hello"

Well I hope Stuart will put in a good word for us and that the one and only magnificent Mr C will pop in and see just how wonderful and loyal we all are.

I did think it was a bit unlikely that they didnt have a computer at home

But Paul and H we would really love to hear from you. Though the hospitals may have a sudden influx of patients who have injured themselves after fallling down from the ceiling with shock. BUT IT WOULD BE WORTH IT.

At first I felt very but then that Paul Clarke had made us a visit.

But as I read on and found we had a hoaxer posting as Mr Clarke I felt very

Some people I just can't make out

To tell the truth I was suspicious immediately as I have seen this before elsewhere. That time they pretended to be Narinda

I know it is a horrible job shattering peoples dreams, but hoax busting is a necassary evil.

Just remember our hoax buster song

When there's some one strange posting on your board

Who ya gonna call

HOAX BUSTERS!!!!

If it's something weird and it don't feel good

Who ya gonna call

HOAX BUSTERS!!!!

I aint fooled by no hoax

I aint fooled by no hoax


If your reading things strange posted on this thread

Who can you call


Hoax Busters!!!!!

A phoney ID posting in your thread oh

Who ya gonna call

HOAX BUSTERS!!!!

I aint fooled by no hoax


I aint fooled by no hoax


Who ya gonna call

HOAX BUSTERS!!!!

If your all alone pick up the phone

I aint fooled by no hoax


I aint fooled by no hoax

Oh well, it would have been nice, but you've certainly cheered me up Sticks!

I did wonder about some of the typing in the original post - I'm sure Mr Clarke is far better than that!

What a strange person to post something like that,they must be very stuck for amusement if they have to do something as silly as this
and really to try and pretend to be as lovely as Mr Clarke I don't think so!!!!in their dreams I would say
Its probably some real saddo that sits at the computer wondering who they can pretend to be to make their life more exciting
oh well I think at least one good thing came out of this WEll DONE Sticks I laughed so much
and please The real Mr Clarke come and say hello to us

Yes its true, Sticks the man who loves doom and gloom , made people laugh ,

Well done sticks very good

What a shame!

It's sad that someone thinks they're being clever by raising our hopes like that. They should have known that we would find out that they are not Mr Clarke.

Paul Clarke would NEVER have put Helen in brackets anyway!!!!!!!!

Sticks, you are, undoubtedly, a class act my friend!!


Anyway, through the powers of telepathy, I have received this virtual message from the erstwhile International Popstar:


Hiya!

Yeah, this really is your actual Paul 'Clarkey' Clarke here.

I was absolutely gutted to hear from Stuart that some prat has posted on your site, pretending to me. That just isn't on. It's totally out of order, and it's just not on, not on at all.

It's really, really wierd. I mean, just what is this guy or girl on?

So, although you know I have been keeping a pretty low profile, and to be honest, I would like to keep it that way, I just thought it would be nice to say HIYA!

I am fine, we both are fine, and we are still living our own little lives in our own little home. It's brilliant!

What's really nice is that we can do what we want, whenever we want - although sometimes we still like to pretend we're hiding.... Helen likes that kind of stuff and I am totally cool with that.

Helen likes looking after me, and I like looking after her. I am a really good cook now. I mean, I always was, and I don't care what they said in the house. Mate, my fish pie is the dog's b******s! It is legend. No, you really should try it, it is BLINDING! Well, of course you can't, but you know what I mean. It's Gastro-tastic!

I am still designing car doors. It is my skill, so I use it. I am also working on designs for bonnet lids as well now. My ultimate ambition is of course to design the definitive car of the 21st century, and why not? Anything is possible.

Failing that, my dad has sent some designs I done to George Lucas. It's for a new Millenium Falcon. You would not believe how brilliant it is. Dad says George will be really impressed. So look out for my name on the credits of the next SW film!

Course, that would be absolutely fantastic, because then I could help Helen realise another of her ambitions.....and take her to the Oscars. I can see it now. She'll be in pink of course!
Still, it suits her, bless her. I ain't wearing no matching cumerband though, I don't care what she says!

Right, well, I think that's about all I have got to say to you all, except maybe thanks for all the postings, it's brilliant that you still remember us. Mind you, one or two of you should get help. That ROB sounds as if she is one file short of a folder if you ask me!

Now, I am going back to get on with my life, nice and anonomous stylie, and may the force be with you, yeah?

Cool!

ROB that sound much more like Paul than the hoaxer thank you
they should come to you for some lessons next time laugh:

Stuart phoned me up this morning for a chat. Like us he finds it pathetic that some people get pleasure out of doing this kind of wind up post.

He said Paul is well and that the pair of them are meeting up for a game of golf later in the week.

He also said that it was unlikely that Paul would post anything on here as he wants to keep a very low profile and stay private. I said that was fine by me and to pass on good wishes from everyone at TiBB to him and Helen.

thats bloody hilarious. not

what a waster??

I do respect Paul's desire to be private.

BUT you know what , just on this occasion it would be so nice if he sent a message especially for us on TIBB back via Stuart.

I wonder if he realises how much we have campaigned to keep Helen on our screens with endless emails, and Feefs and I gave Channel 5 a real run for their money about keeping Paul on.

AND we have never forgotten them, and we love them.

It would be lovely to get a little special feedback from him, even if he won't post himself. Nothing about their private life, just a hello.

And, has he read the stories? (Purely selfish of course). If they like Alistair McGowan, I hope they like the ROB spoofs too!

So Stuart, if you have a quick look beforehand, pleease ask for a message for his/their loyal fans!!

As for the imposter. I have my suspicions of course. Pity their life is so empty that they have to resort to it. You have to feel sorry for them really:

1. Because they have nothing better to do
2. Because their attempts at parody are so poor. Only enthusiasm and hope clouded my judgement momentarily. However, I stand by my eulogising, Mr Clarke is just fan-bloody-tastic!!

ROB, that's more like our Paul!

That's really sad. I can't imagine what this person must have been thinking

But luckily we got a plausable explanation from ROB (brilliant as usual)

I really loved your Hoax Buster song, Sticks, and your virtual message from Paul, ROB! You're my kind of people!