Unsubstantial Blues

Hello! Happy New Year to you all, and welcome to 2010 - it's been a while since I last wrote to my blog. Since the last time I posted one, I've become a moderator on here - which is still surreal to me. I'm also now back at Uni for my 2nd semester of 1st year, so far it's been easy, but my 9am lectures start up next week, so that'll undoubtedly change and I'll be hating life once more. So far I've managed to do one of the twenty things on my list of things to do for 2010 - I'm impressed with myself, we're only half way through January! The one I've managed to do was to get any one of five of my friends really drunk; as they have never been drunk/don't drink. That probably sounds really weird, but when the number of people who don't drink outnumber the number of people that do in a group of friends; your options for people to go out with on a night out are severely limited. Anyway, I went into town when I was still at home with a group of the guys and one of the non-drinkers got wasted - yippee!

Another one of the things on my to do list is to go out on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and a Friday over the course of this semester. They don't have to be in the same week, and I only have to do it once, so far I've managed a Tuesday and a Wednesday (earlier this week) so that one should be the next one to be completed. Anyway, Wednesday, that one was a weird one. I got taken to a gay bar (YOOOOU! I wanna take you to a gay bar! rofl) which was probably the worst experience of my life. I don't know what it was that put me on edge; but I was actually feeling physically sick at the thought of going there - I went with six other people; two of them were my flatmates, only two of the people I went with were gay and one of them is in a relationship; so it really shouldn't have been the nerve-wracking experience that it turned out to be. I didn't buy a drink once when I was there; I was far too scared to go to the bar alone. I'm not sure if that makes me homophobic or not, but I'm mature enough to admit (and also, I suppose, immature/arrogant enough to think) that I thought I was going to get hit on; and I'd have had no idea how to handle that. Maybe you can understand my fear; I have never in all my life seen so many people copping off on the dancefloor at any club; there were straights, gays, lesbians, drag queens and goodness knows who else (it was pretty dark) pulling (kissing with tongues... I think it's a Scottish thing, I feel weird saying snogging or whatever alternative you may use).

In the end, nothing happened to me at all. I just stood there with this knot in my stomach, worrying for absolutely no reason, and ended up leaving early with my two flatmates; I was tired, I'd sobered up and I just wanted to get out of there. I don't think I'll ever go back. The funniest part of the whole night, though, was that me, my two flatmates and my flatmate's gay best friend from her course went upstairs for some fresh air, so we were sitting at a table, and we were people watching, and the gay friend started ranting about all the flamboyant gays that walked past. I didn't expect that; I thought I was this demon of a person who, despite all my good intentions, was at heart a homophobe, so that made me feel a lot better.

It's ironic, in many ways, that most of my good friends from TiBB are gay, yet I felt uncomfortable being around lots of gays. I'm still trying to figure out if that means I'm homophobic or if that's a perfectly normal reaction to being somewhere where I don't belong, but it gave me something to blog about, so maybe I should go more often .

Anyway, I'll end this blog post and I'll hopefully have some other things to talk about in the near future! Thanks for reading .