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-   -   ALFs jokes thread (https://www.thisisbigbrother.com/forums/showthread.php?t=360044)

Kate! 05-08-2019 10:28 PM

ALFs jokes thread
 
For Alf :love:

Alf 05-08-2019 10:36 PM

Donald Trump and Mike Pence are on the roof of Trump Tower having a chat. Trump says to Pence, "I want to do something good to put a smile on American's faces" Pence says "You could Jump"

Dogeatdog 05-08-2019 10:38 PM

Tesco to cut 4,500 jobs across 153 stores

I guess 'Every Lidl helps'

Kate! 05-08-2019 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Evil (Post 10652227)
Tesco to cut 4,500 jobs across 153 stores

I guess 'Every Lidl helps'

Boom boom!

Dogeatdog 05-08-2019 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kate! (Post 10652232)
Boom boom!

https://www.beyondthejoke.co.uk/site...?itok=j9FNdUAt

Dogeatdog 05-08-2019 10:56 PM

My dentist informed me today that I need a crown.

Finally, someone who understands me.

Alf 05-08-2019 11:08 PM

My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I went and got drunk.

Alf 05-08-2019 11:11 PM

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof

Alf 05-08-2019 11:19 PM

My wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

Alf 05-08-2019 11:22 PM

I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

Dogeatdog 05-08-2019 11:37 PM

Eye jokes

The Cornea the better.

Dogeatdog 05-08-2019 11:40 PM

As a child:
'You’re grounded’

As an adult:
'Your package will be delivered between 8 am and 6 pm’

Kate! 05-08-2019 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Evil (Post 10652286)
As a child:
'You’re grounded’

As an adult:
'Your package will be delivered between 8 am and 6 pm’

:joker: soooo true.

Alf 06-08-2019 11:13 AM

I was in the bank the other day when an old woman asked me if I could check her balance. So I pushed her over.

Vicky. 06-08-2019 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Evil (Post 10652286)
As a child:
'You’re grounded’

As an adult:
'Your package will be delivered between 8 am and 6 pm’

:D

Alf 06-08-2019 11:19 AM

I should post the ones I posted in private chat, incase people didn't get to see them.

What did the penis say to the condom?

Spoiler:

Cover me, I'm going in

Alf 06-08-2019 11:20 AM

My mother is so fat that when she falls down the stairs, her neighbours think Eastenders is finishing

Alf 06-08-2019 11:22 AM

I used to make jokes about German Sausages, but they were the wurst

Alf 06-08-2019 11:23 AM

I'm sick and tired of WW2 jokes, Anne Frankly they need to stop

Morgan. 06-08-2019 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alf (Post 10652249)
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I went and got drunk.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alf (Post 10652251)
My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof

That relationship moved quickly

Alf 06-08-2019 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morgan. (Post 10652577)
That relationship moved quickly

That's what you took from it did you?

Dogeatdog 06-08-2019 11:50 AM

So I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night

I should’ve put it on aloha setting.

Ammi 06-08-2019 12:58 PM

...why did the first elephant fall out of the tree...?...


Spoiler:

...it slipped...

Ammi 06-08-2019 01:00 PM

...why did the second elephant fall out of the tree..?..

Spoiler:

..it was glued to the first elephant...

Ammi 06-08-2019 01:01 PM

...why did the third elephant fall out of the tree...?...


Spoiler:

...he thought it was a game...


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