ALFs jokes thread
For Alf :love:
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Donald Trump and Mike Pence are on the roof of Trump Tower having a chat. Trump says to Pence, "I want to do something good to put a smile on American's faces" Pence says "You could Jump"
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Tesco to cut 4,500 jobs across 153 stores
I guess 'Every Lidl helps' |
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My dentist informed me today that I need a crown.
Finally, someone who understands me. |
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I went and got drunk.
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My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof
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My wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
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I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
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Eye jokes
The Cornea the better. |
As a child:
'You’re grounded’ As an adult: 'Your package will be delivered between 8 am and 6 pm’ |
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I was in the bank the other day when an old woman asked me if I could check her balance. So I pushed her over.
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I should post the ones I posted in private chat, incase people didn't get to see them.
What did the penis say to the condom? Spoiler: |
My mother is so fat that when she falls down the stairs, her neighbours think Eastenders is finishing
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I used to make jokes about German Sausages, but they were the wurst
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I'm sick and tired of WW2 jokes, Anne Frankly they need to stop
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So I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night
I should’ve put it on aloha setting. |
...why did the first elephant fall out of the tree...?...
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...why did the second elephant fall out of the tree..?..
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...why did the third elephant fall out of the tree...?...
Spoiler: |
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