Just made my mate b@@e night. ....he's single and oh my God does he mingle....his 2nd name is seamen.56
and punching..


:dance:.

The word nun is just the letter n doing a forward roll.

) Beer Can

If you say 'beer can' in an English accent, it sounds like 'bacon' in a Jamaican accent.



2) Jam Ear Can Beer Can

Taking it one step further, if you say 'jam ear can beer can' in an English accent, it sounds like 'Jamaican bacon' in a Jamaican accent.



3) Space Ghetto

If you say 'space ghetto' in an American accent, it sounds like 'Spice Girl' in a Scottish accent.




'Boots Cat' sounds like beat-boxing.
4) Boots Cat

If you say 'boots cat' quickly over and over again it sounds like you're beat-boxing.



5) In Detroit

If you say 'in Detroit' in an American accent, it will sound like you're saying, 'Isn't that right?' in an Irish accent.




An Australian coffee for later.
6) Lighter

If you're in a cafe in Australia and you'd like more milk or cream in your coffee, don't say, "I'd like my coffee lighter," because they might take it away and bring it back 'later'.



7) Later

Conversely, if you're Australian, and you're not quite ready for your coffee yet, don't tell an American waiter or waitress, "I'll have my coffee later." If you do, don't be surprised if they add cream or milk to your coffee.



8) Emma Chizit

This next one is admittedly quite an unlikely scenario, but if anyone called 'Emma Chizit' happens to be reading this, be careful when speaking to a South African. If you tell them your name they may think you're asking the price. Specifically, it may sound like you're asking, "How much is it?"




"Good eye!"
9) Good Eye

If you're a pirate who wears an eye patch, take care when discussing your bad eye and your 'good eye' with an Australian, as it may sound like you are using the Australian greeting for hello, "G'day!"



10) Soviet Union

Finally, my Geordie mate has just got a job in Russia campaigning for the rights of napkin makers. It's in the serviette union.

Can't believe the underdogs had a good result in the EFL third round last night.

Well done Manchester United on beating Rochdale, just.

Why are melons so lonely?

Because they cantaloupe.

Once upon a time there were three bears. Now there's ****ing thousands of 'em.

My girlfriend was shouting “Give it to me now! I’m so ****ing wet!”

I simply told her “This umbrella is mine. Go get your own.”

What is a foot long and slippery?

A slipper.

I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone appetit.

Rib anyone?

A lorry loaded with Brussels sprouts has overturned in Fife.

The driver said he had trouble controlling the vehicle due to bad wind.

I was sat on the end of my bed last night pulling of me Boxers

and the TL said

HA HA WIFE BAD

https://puu.sh/F1wsj/507bc952f5.jpg

one of our dutch iconic jokes/gags, explaining the joke ''fok'' is dutch word for breed, and it sounds similar to ****

Hi my name is Henny Huisman i **** horses

pardon

Henny: Ja Paarden


paarden is horses in dutch, and pardon/paarden sound similar either
:laugh3: :laugh3:


Henny Huisman one of our comedy/talent show host national treasures i say, he is iconic for the first talent show here ''Soundmixshow''



one of his own ''party songs''

He's up there with Prior and Hicks.

:joker:

I used to work with a lad called Anthony. He was only 4ft 8.

We used to call him "Shetland Tony"

I've come up with a few offensive alternative titles to TV Shows (Anime included) so here it goes.

Sailor Moan (Sailor Moon)
Is It Wrong To Pick Up Drugs In A Dungeon? (Is It Wrong To Pick Up Girls In A Dungeon?)
Darker Than Lostprophets (Darker Than Black)
Sweet Home Alabama (Sweet Home)
Cum Dine With Me (Come Dine With Me)
Game Of Moans (Game Of Thrones)
Fear The Walking Nazi (Fear The Walking Dead)
NAMBLA Park (South Park)
KKK Detective (True Detective)
The *****ville (The Orville)
Law & Order: Special Rapist Unit (SVU)
Angel: Rooting For The Slave (Angel) - he says that dialogue in Season 4, so I'm adding it.:smug:
Farting In Another World (Farming In Another World)

I can't think of anymore, so I'll leave you all with these wonderful hypothetical Shows for now.:joker:

ALFs jokes thread
 

Last of the Summer Whine

The XXX files

Breaking Wind ( Breaking Bad)

The Orifice ( The office )

Twin Pricks ( Peaks)

Band of Brothels ( Band of Brothers )

Fiends ( Friends )

Off-White is the New Black
(Orange is the New Black)


The Whingeing Detective
( The Singing Detective)






Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

Fabulous !!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

Very good.:laugh:

For my next joke, see if you can actually tell what the joke is.

Ian
Tina
'
Sally

Connor
Owen
Michael
India
Nathan
Gethin

Howard
Orlaith
Michelle
Edwin

Imogen
Nagasaki

Erwin
Usher
Roland
Orga

2024

Here's my alternative offensive Movie titles.

12 Years A Sex Slave (12 Years A Slave)
Gnaw (Saw)
Final Fantasy: The *****s Within (Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within)
Once Upon A Time On Epstein Island (Once Upon A Time In Hollywood)
My Neighbor Vorhees (My Neighbor Totoro)
Kruger's Delivery Service (Kiki's Delivery Service)

I honestly would want to see Twitter's reaction to half of these, if these Movies were to be made.:joker: