[Matthew.]

Survivor: All Stars

Edgic:

Spoiler:

1. Sue (-) - Maybe a different choice for favourite of All Stars but although she only lasted 6 episodes, Sue entertained me the most throughout 15. She started this experience by drinking dirty water and justifying it by saying she’s drunk enough in her life time to kill off anything that grows inside of her. She then shouted at Big Tom for being an interfering asshole and ranted about how much she hated her STUPID tribe. She heard about Richard’s fishing skills over on Mogo Mogo and then the following conversation happened:

Sue: “That must be better eel than what you caught when you were out with me because that was all bone.”
Richard: “That’s because I was feeding you, honey. ”
Sue: “It was ALL BONE!”
Richard: “That’s why I gave it to you!”

She then said the following about Big Tom: “If I could vote anybody out right now it would be Tom. He’s a stupid drunk. Stupid, clutzy… DRUNK. I don’t care for the man whatsoever, I don’t think his sexual innuendoes are funny. Tom came down with the whiskey to christen the vessel, and I’m like, oh guys don’t move, I gotta pee. So I peed right on the raft So we decided that christened it right there. ” She then got rubbed against by the penis of a naked Richard Hatch and had to leave the game because she was traumatised. Overall, a fantastic contestant and one of my all time favourites.

2. Shii Ann (+1) - “I wouldn’t count me out just yet because Shii Devil has a few tricks up her sleeve” - Shii Ann Huang, a few hours before getting voted out I enjoyed Shii Ann as the fun, sarcastic CPM narrator until the pre-merge of Survivor Thailand and this time she was still a fun CPM narrator (“Mother Nature can be one forceful bitch ” is an underrated Shii Ann confessional) but she would bring these qualities out of the confessional box and bring them to the tribe more often. She would do **** like ask for the shelter to contain a rope ladder, a hammock, to chisel their names, or the Mogo Mogo icon, into the shelter, two levels, a door, a rock garden, a coconut phone that connects from the top floor to the bottom floor and palm beds........ all before the shelter was even built. She, like Jerri, also ****ing HATED Colby, and when he would try and convince her why he is a better gameplayer than anyone else, she would pretend to listen and say Blah blah blah blah BLAH, lecture, lecture, LECTURE, Captain America with his good teeth and his nice smile, handsome guy, zzzzz, oh sorry are you done?” in the confessionals STUPID PEOPLE, STUPID PEOPLE, OH SORRY I’LL SAY THAT AGAIN STUPID... PLAYERS.

3. Jerri (-1) - Very glad she returned for another shot at her reign of jerrir and she did a great job of it too! She came across better to the audience too, at least until she got booed at the reunion for stating that THIS IS A SHOW ABOUT ENTER..... **TAIN** MENT. She sadly never made it to the jury, but 2 of my favourite Jerri moments are:

Jeff: “Shii Ann - who can the tribe most afford to lose from a physical point of view?”
Shii Ann: “Well, from a physical point of view, probably me or Jerri, sorry Jerri to speak for you.”
Jerri: “YEAH PLEASE DON’T ”

and Jerri on Colby going home: “HAHAHAHA! Yes I feel evil but it feels good. Colby’s gone! What else can I say? I’ve now officially lived out one of my goals in this game and that is to make it longer than Colby. Knock knock, you hear that sound Colby? That is the sound of of the bell boy and he just took all my baggage away. My closet is clean, my SURVIVOR closet is now clean! ”

4. Jenna L. (+12 ) - I’m shocked too because when I first saw that Jenna was an All Star I was sceptical because I don’t remember her being that good in Borneo at all but she was fantastic in All Stars, even if she was a slow burner. For me, The Jenna Lewis Journey is about how insufferable everyone finds her, and how she then has the nerve to discuss how insufferable Shii Ann is The TC when Shii Ann was voted off, where Jenna and Shii Ann expressed their dislike for each other in front of everyone is up there with my favourites and it gave us this: “It’s time for you to go, and if you’re wondering if you can eat, and how much you can, because you think that I monitor that, eat a LOT, Shii Ann, EAT A LOT.”

5. Rupert (+3) - I’m surprised I have him this high because I don’t think he was *as* good in this season as he was in Pearl Islands, as he mostly benefitted from the pirate theme of that season, but Rupert was still a fun character in All Stars who would do stuff like make the world’s worst shelter and make his tribe work through the night to fix it () and say stuff like “This is telling me that I’m not, you know, I thought I was The Outdoors Man. And I am! With a lighter ” while still coming across as a very good person and I rate that.

6. Lex (+1) - Unpopular opinion but yeah I still like Lex for all the most ironic reasons! Yes he’s got a bit of an inflated ego and yes he can be entitled and all that but I do enjoy that. Unfortunately he did not bring his amazing meltdowns about inadvertently wanting cutting off Teresa Cooper’s head to the Pearl Islands with him I also like how he goes up to people and is like “Ummmm hi so we’re voting you off sorry ” (Oh yeah because THAT’S more ethical!) and although he didn’t like it when the tables were turned on him, I really felt for him as he had done Rob a favour as a personal friend as opposed to an ally and Rob threw it in his face, only to be misled by Kathy into thinking that she would give him immunity, so she could give him the final shove off of the metaphorical cliff. It was a real shame, and I would say I hope he comes back for another season (he was asked to go on BVW with his son but his son didn’t want to) but given how SOME people acted on their second chance, maybe it’s for the best.

7. Rudy (-3) - Very good for his only 2 episodes and provided moments like this

Jeff: “The water is of no value?”
Sue: “Well....... I drank it!”
Jeff: “Navy seal, how wise is that? Is that alrigh-“
Rudy: “Yeah.”
Jeff: “Is it wise because it’s the other tri-“
Rudy: “Yeah.”

8. Jenna M. (+3) - “We’re such morons, we left everything we love to come and STARVE! And have no water, have no fire! Seriously we’ve got issues. ” It was a shame she had to leave because she was very good in Amazon, but she obviously made the right call by going home, especially as her mum died 8 days later

9. Ethan (+5) - I went in thinking that he would be way better than in Africa, and I definitely preferred him, he was wittier and his Jerri rant was fun, so he’s one of the people that came out of All Stars looking better than they came in, which are few and far between.

10. Tina (-5) - Really liked her in Australia but she was pretty irrelevant in her only episode so this is as high as she can go But she was UTR1 bordering on INV in her first episode of Australia and she turned out great so maybe that’s just Tina’s thing and Saboga never gave her a chance? </3

11. Rob C. (-1) - Was very good in Amazon and just bordered on that in All Stars but wasn’t in it for very long so he is forgiven for that, and was disliked by the correct people too!

12. Richard (-3) - To my surprise, for the first few episodes, Richard Hatch was my favourite He was a cartoonishly smug, arrogant dick and was pretty much great for all the wrong reasons. He had realised the public’s perception of him and played it up even more on his second appearance. Usually, this is not a good thing, in the cases of Nikki Grahame, Nicole Franzel and Neda Kalantar, but Richard brought a charm to it that was fun! THEN.... he rubbed his penis on Sue Hawk. I was enjoying Richard but that was totally unacceptable and should have never been allowed to happen, and it changes my opinion of him completely.

13. Tom (+5) - A shock? Big Tom was my least favourite of all time for a loooong time (specifically, until I watched Island Of The Idols) but in All Stars he was fine? Singing “Ding dong the witch is gone” when Sue was left wasn’t a good look but towards the end he became kind of fun and I sided with him. DON’T BE STUPID, STUPID I still don’t really like him though so this is as high as this can go.

14. Amber (+1) - Fine but she was kind of dull sorry! Congrats on your win though and if nothing else, at least I can add another winner that I’ve seen to my Winners At War list!

15. Colby (-3) - Never really paid much attention to him in Australia so didn’t get all the hate from recent watchers for that reason, but now that I’ve paid a bit more attention to him, I get what a bore he is to watch, and this time it was only 7 episodes.

16. Rob M. (+1) - I mean props to him for playing the game and all but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t a boring dick. Just like in Marquesas, he was just as dull but shoved down our throats just as much, except this time it was doubled as they never got rid of him. He’s incredibly dull and just happens to know how to strategise, so producers love him. WELL I DON’T. /noirinkelly (and side note, accusing Sue’s upset over getting sexually violated, as being either an act so that she cash in on a huge pay day or she was using it as a strategy is disgusting!)

17. Kathy (-11) - Kathy should never have returned. She was fantastic in Marquesas and she was just a nasty piece of work in All Stars. She told Jenna (who’s mother was dying from cancer at that very moment) that her sad mood was “a cancer to the tribe.” She was offended at Sue being upset at being sexually violated because how dare she drag everyone into “Sue’s Core Of Hatred.” She was upset at Rob, who was like a son to her, for blindsiding her, despite the fact that she played a huge role in Rob blindsiding Lex, who Lex considered to be like a brother to him. I really wish that she remained as one of those that we wish would come back but never will and we refer to as some variation of “robbed legend”, and I’ll keep this in mind next time I want someone to return.

18. Alicia (-5) - Alicia was a miserable, grating, self-righteous cow. She spent her 30 days moping around the Pearl Islands with a face with a slapped ass and talking down to people as if she was better than them due to gaining a reputation in Australia for being a mardy twat, which she carried into All Stars. I hated when she told Jenna (who was crying about her mother dying from cancer) that she shouldn’t have come out here in the first place in the most passive aggressive tone possible, and then judging the sensitivity of others in later situations. The extent to what a miserable person Alicia is can be summed up by her voting out Rob C because what the tribe needed was a little more seriousness