oooh best believe I am eliminating John James and saving Justine
--
whatever number. John James "Crab Eyes" Parton (BB11)
I think this pic (those Sharpie abs...) is worth a hundred words because it's sooooooooooo bad. But I won't stop there.
So BB11 was my first BBUK ever and I definitely think it doesn't get enough appreciation in this parts but holy **** did John James ruin this series or what. I'm guessing that some combination of a ****ed up childhood involving bullying, the death of his father, and the presumably incestual relationship with his mother has led him to having SERIOUS issues with women and it was beyond creepy as ****. He was relentless to better HMs and better human beings like Rachael and Corin and would always harp on about how they're fame*****s only on the show for magazine deals (Exhibit A has already been posted above, ftr), he got REAL FACKIN' ANGRY and dragged Sunshine across the fake grass in the garden and gave her nasty rugburn that got HER evicted, and he created the most ****ed up, oxygen-sucking showmance in show history.
I don't think anything sums up John Josie better than the fact that "The John James & Josie Appreciation Thread (Part 231)" and "Could you prove JJJ are fake in a court of law? (Part 14)" are thread titles at DigitalSpy. Showmances on BBUK are pretty predictable because it's almost always two young hot people (or whatever you consider Ashleigh Hughes to be.) HOWEVER, what made John Josie worse than them all was how ~unlikely~ they were. We were supposed to see them as this adorable mix match couple and we were supposed to find it endearing that John James would go for someone with weight and self-image issues like Josie, and BBUK viewers across the world furiously munched on their Cheetos and were hopeful that they too could conquer all odds and find true love. It was nauseating beyond belief
So after weeks and weeks of John James being an unmitigated asshole to women and turfing them out of the house, trying to copy Lisa Appleton's fire exit escape, and fighting with Josie and then making up with her and looking at the camera and pulling her in closer, John James did get his comeuppance thankfully! Corin ****ing read him for filth and told him about himself, Rachael came back to the house and implied that Nathan wanted to beat the **** out of him, and John James ended it all crying in the fetal position in the DR because he was scared for his life
unfortunately BB pandered to him and
gave him a phone call to Nathan in what really was the lowest moment of C4 BBUK, and then the quad eviction was rigged so that John James would technically be 6th place even though he's without a doubt 9th place. And then Josie went on to win BB11 and it was pretty much a proxy John James win
I'm saving
Justine (BB4) because she sucks but, like, she's without a doubt better than Helen Wood and Becky and Caroline and Shanessa and other awful females.