Actually there's a lot more to write about Mo and I'll bestow that honour upon someone else.
229th. Nathan Dunn (BB11)
(of course I had to Google his surname. Which, unlike that of Steven Goode, is appropriate because he Dunn **** all in the house)
Nathan… ah, there is literally nothing to write about Nathan. Nothing at all. One of the housemates picked by Big Brother live in front of the house as part of the final (yeah thanks BB12) series, this half-joiner, half-Neanderthal came lumbering out of the crowd with a monobrow and a really grating accent and in spite of all of that I’m fairly sure he was among the favourites to win? We were living in a post-Ulrika world, people, anything can happen.
And it turns out absolutely nothing did happen – for the first two weeks or so at least. Nathan was rather if not completely invisible, blending into the actually quite lovely painted background of the BB11 house that was far too nice for a caveman such as him to be living in. I suppose he did have emerge as the cook (sic) of the season, and a bit of a controlling one at that, which I guess explains why the rest of the house allowed this primitive ape man thing to be in charge of each and every one of their meals. That bunch of wusses.
And yeah then he was evicted. Obviously, the reason that he went was little to do with him and much more to do with the fact that his opponent was John James (not-very-fun fact: this was the only head-to-head eviction of the series) (also not-very-fun fact: it would have resulted in Caoimhe’s eviction otherwise so yay Save and Replace?) And then he left. And that was it for our unibrowed #lad. The house mourned him for the best part of three minutes and then Rachel Ifon descended from the sky in a giant tin foil spaceship so everything was right again in the universe.
But no, it wasn’t! Because in a task(?) that has no doubt inspired many (read: every) Channel 5 series after it, a bunch of housemates returned for the final week to do something or other, and as a part of this Nathan had a date-of-sorts with Corin. Which wasn’t actually a date because Nathan then revealed that he was in fact doing Rachael (in the words of Corin, “that Rachael”), who John James had insulted at one time or another, resulting in Nathan wanting him dead and John James having a teary, crabby meltdown and we’ll just ignore that the show just pandered to him at this point because we all know how Weeks 3-ish to 10 of BB11 went and it isn’t pretty, and we also all know how John James was and it isn’t pretty (summed up very eloquently by Macie a few entries back). Tl;dr: you made John James cry, have a brownie point.
And thankfully this time, that
was it. After BB, I imagine he stuck with Rachael (cough-out-of-your-league-mate-cough) and became the Jay Z to her Beyoncé (...yeah, apt comparison), grew
a beard that I will most definitely make no comment about (…lol) and, in other important news, I was vaguely Facebook friends with him for some reason (remember Facebook? It’s that thing you used once in 2008 and your aunt now uses to share Britain First posts and pictures of the Minions). So much like us all in life, Nathan won’t be remembered for what he did as a person, but what John James and his Twitterati threatened to do to him.
PS: Yes yes I just used the term ‘Twitterati’ it’s 2am leave me be.
PPS: Somebody should compare John James’ Twitter army and Ashleigh’s iPhone army. Because she would win, yes? Trust me, I need this.
I'm saving
Luke S and will continue to do so until Macie plucks up the courage to cut him because that's all what we secretly want isn't it.