182nd. Louise Cliffe (BB12)
(that Hamlet remake was doomed from the start, wasn't it? And half the results on the Google Image search I did for this were pictures of much more interesting people which kind of says everything that needs to be said. I think she must do a Beyoncé and delete any embarrassing photos of her from the Internet. Or just any photos whatsoever)
So I haven’t seen much of BB12, and I'm well overdue for a re-watch, but I’ll try to do the best that I can. From what I’ve seen/what I gather, Louise was an okay housemate but nothing particularly special (see: every single other person in the BB12 cast bar the awful ones), and she had a strange infatuation with Jay and his faecal matter to the extent that she married him (poor cow), until she realised that she’d just married Jay McKray and quickly rectified that fact. Anyway, from what I remember, Louise entered on launch night and soon got on her fellow housemates’ good sides, impressing them with her special talent of balancing dinner plates on her tits. This, as we all know, became a common trend throughout the series and she would whip out both her boobs and the fine china at any given opportunity. Sadly, this shared good mood didn’t last and a famous feud began between Louise and fellow housemate Tom, which led to her stabbing him in the throat with a rusty kitchen utensil and the brief cancellation of the series. This well-documented hiatus ended three days later after the head of Endemol UK persuaded the protestors to get down from the roof. The series then got back off to a flying start – after all, it’s hard to forget Day 37’s green tea and bukkake party – and things were on the up. Louise’s popularity both in and out of the house grew once more, with British Prime Minister David Cameron signing up to her TiBB fan club after getting his wall spammed with requests for him to join. She also managed to keep the peace much of the time despite her earlier spatula-related outburst, and as a result earned her catchy nickname “Louise Who Manages to Keep the Peace Much of the Time” that adoring fans still refer to her as to this day. Aside from the aforementioned fling with Jay, she also had romances with Harry, Heaven and Big Brother itself, which led to Maisy’s expulsion by BB for being a jealous bitch. Ah, the memories – it seems like just yesterday that we were all stanning LouiBig Brother! From this point onwards, it was more or less plain sailing for our loveable Liverpool lass who comes from Manchester, as she was so beloved now that the producers decided she was too popular for the show and gave Louise her own spin-off. Unfortunately, “Fiscal Cliffe”, her late-night programme discussing the current economic climate, tanked in the ratings and resulted in her having to return to the Big Brother house with her head in her hands and a cooking appliance in Tom O’Connell’s larynx. Even more unfortunately, this occurred three and a half weeks after the series had ended, leaving her stuck in the compound until the beginning of the next celebrity edition. During this time, she came up with a deviously clever and cunning plan which involved creating a fake celebrity persona which she could use to win the series and gain her freedom. And thus, Natalie Cassidy was born.
But like I said, I do need to re-watch BB12.
(I'm saving
Kara-Louise because she's by far the superior Louise and also hasn't killed nearly as many people)