[MB.]

Episode 1 – "If Only He Were Twenty Years Older..."
Part 1

Day 1
The camera zooms in on a small island in the middle of the Pacific. Or maybe the Atlantic. I mean, it could be the Arctic Ocean for all I care. Anyway, from here we focus in on two parallel speedboats, each heading for shore. It is here that we are introduced to sixteen brand new castaways – among them, a cattle rancher, a fashion editor, a drug enforcement officer and a Broadway star – ready to play the toughest but greatest game on the planet, where they must outwit, outplay and baloney outlast their fellow competitors for thirty nine days in order to be crowned the Sole Survivor. They arrive on the shores of Judge Island where they are greeted by the island’s president, vice-president, treasurer, mayor, UN delegate and sole citizen, Judge Judy. She welcomes them to her island and immediately divides them into two tribes:

Honifor (the yellow tribe): Alicia, Aubin, Callum, Kyle, Josie, Noel, Takondwa and Theresa
Berajilo (the blue tribe): Edwina, Hallie, Jordan, Justin, Kenton, Kristin, Rachelle and Steadman

Spoiler:

Judy gives each tribe a map to their new home and sets them on their way, but not without a warning: nightfall is approaching, and if they'd rather not starve and/or freeze to death, the castaways had all better work together to ensure that they make it to their destinations on time. At this point, Jordan squeals in a confessional that he can’t believe he just met Judge Judy, and mentally puts the experience in sixth place on his list of favourite celebrity encounters, just above that time he starred alongside Barbra Streisand and Shelly Duvall in the off-Broadway production of Avenue Q for three years.

The route to Honifor’s beach is relatively straightforward, consisting mostly of a slow walk uphill. However, at one point grandmother-of-ten Takondwa trips on a stray rock and injures her ankle. She turns down the offer of assistance from her fellow tribemates, insisting that she’ll be able to cope by herself for the rest of the trek, but younger and fitter members Alicia and Josie share a knowing look that suggests that they might have a big liability on their hands.

Berajilo’s route, however, is much more complicated, and involves a three-mile trek through thick jungle. After the tribe walks two of these miles, designated leader Edwina confesses that she has been reading the map upside down, and that she has in fact been leading Berajilo away from their beach by accident. Upon hearing this news, vlogger Hallie begins to cry loudly and starts beating her fists into the chest of emotionless man mountain Kenton. Elementary school principal Steadman confesses that he’s used to dealing with immature people like Hallie, but unlike Hallie, they usually don’t come up past his knees. When they eventually begin walking in the right direction, Kenton and country boy Justin lead the pack, while Rachelle gradually falls behind, trying instead to flick non-existent bugs off her body.

Eventually, both tribes reach their destinations and make themselves at home. The majority of Honifor decide to bed down for the night, deciding that it is now too late and too dark to attempt to build a shelter. Kyle, however, stays up to start a fire. Unable to sleep, attorney Chris soon joins him, and eventually they get fire going. Over at Berajilo, the men decide that building a shelter immediately is their top priority, and Justin instructs Jordan and Steadman to go and collect driftwood and bamboo. The women, meanwhile, mainly hover around what they hope will soon be the fire. Younger members Hallie and Kristin bond, although Hallie begins to cry again when Kristin tells her that she has sand in her hair. Rachelle continues to try and flick invisible bugs off her body, whilst Edwina dances around camp singing “Eye of the Tiger” in order to increase the tribe’s fighting spirit. It turns out that after such a long, arduous trek, eighties hair metal is not exactly what Berajilo were after. Kenton is especially annoyed by her general presence, and sighs in a confessional that this will be the longest night of his life.