Don't Cry For Me, T.I.B.B
By Dezzy Peron
Several years have passed since Josy Tizon was exiled from Tibb due to the fact that James now preferred the much younger, prettier and popular Dezzy Peron and had made him Admin in her place. Years of prosperity flew by in what felt like an instant but behind the scenes in the dark desolate wasteland that was Serious Debates, an anti-Dezzy movement was gaining momentum....The Dexit movement
CHERIE, JAXIE, BRILLOPAD, ALF all armed with Anti-Dezzy protest placards
De-mod ha! De-mod ha! De-mod ha! De-mod ha! De-mod ha! De-mod ha! De-mod ha!
DEZZY standing gloriously above his haters on a balcony is addressing the crowd as the rebellion against him is trying to break down the doors..
(Unlike Lucas) I'm not easy, and I'll never change
I don't care if you think I'm a face or a heel
It doesn't change that I'm still number one
You may not like me, All you believe is that the stories are true
Although I've never crossed the line (Dezzy breaks character to screech at his haters that only Ben has ever used his Mod privileges to ban someone he dislikes)
I'm just trying to bring order to this zoo
But that task's too much, the members are too strange *Side eyes the Rileys*
Couldn't handle all of that spiel
Couldn't deal with Marsh, that sloppy bottom (A stern Bosnian & Herzegovinan representative crosses off 'Make a gay reference about Marsh' from a list for in those countries it is a criminal act punishable by ten years in a work camp to not have at least one reference to Marsh's sexuality in their Eurovision songs)
Marc's not my type and Scott's on Red Stripe!, ew!
Luke and Adam never impressed me at all
But no one expected them to
Don't cry for me, T.I.B.B
The truth is, I never loved you
All through my messy days, this mod's existence
You faces scare me *Screams like Gail Weathers from Scream when he takes a look in Meet the Members*
So please keep your distance
And as for Josy, and as for James
Who even made them Admin?
And potatoes are all Niamh ever talk about
Matt is Irrel, and Nathan looks like a trout
When it comes to Vicky, oh my it's all become hazy (she's carted on stage tied down to a horizontal bed, she's wearing a Hannibal Lector styled face mask)
I won't say a word, that bitch is crazyyyyyyyyyyy
Being a true queen of the people, Dezzy leaps down from the Balcony to mingle with his beloved public. He is seen hugging and shaking hands with the downtrodden and unwashed likes of Scott, Lucas, Caitlin, Shaun, Niamh, Jason, Ross and other no hopers, after which Dezzy returns to the balcony in time for the chorus, subtly washing his hands with hand wash as he goes.
Don't cry for me, T.I.B.B
The truth is, I never loved you
All through my messy days, this mod's existence
You faces scare me
Don't cry for me, T.I.B.B
The truth is, I'm glad to leave you
Although it'll be hard for you without me
I'm still the best
and always will be
A Christmas tree is revealed at the far right of the stage where Brillopad is waving her 'Dexit' sign, it is adorned by Marsh wearing a fairy outfit (the B&H official nods in approval). Behind them is a tapestry explaining the B&H Christmas tradition and origin. Christmas came to B&H in the form of Saint Gemma Collins whom the people believed fell to earth through a hole in the sky and taught the people the true meaning of Christmas (but not before demanding a spot on 'Striktno Dori Plesanja'). Now every Christmas it's customary for people to introduce themselves to new people as 'Gemma, you silly ****' as well as listening to the entirety of '50 words for Snow' in place of traditional Christmas Carols (it is not known how this relates to Saint Gemma Collins).
De-mod ha! De-mod ha! De-mod ha! De-mod ha! De-mod ha! De-mod ha! De-mod ha!
Serious Debates, there's so much to say but I can't even
Modding it could make me an alcoholic *asks Scott to share his Red Stripe, Scott responds like a cat threatened with the prospect of water*
I am SO done, I am so through
Don't cry for me, T.I.B.B
The truth is, I never loved you
All through my messy days, this mod's existence
You faces scare me
Don't cry for me, T.I.B.B
The truth is, I'm glad to leave you
Although it'll be hard for you without me
I'm still the best
and always will be
Have I said too much?
There's no other ways in which I can drag you
But all you have to do is look in the mirror and know
That every word is true
The protesters manage to get their voices heard and Dezzy is escorted out of Tibb Towers and placed into a fancy car, to be exiled to Digital Spy where he must atone for his alleged sins by creating several top ten lists a day consisting of moments from the TV show 'Friends' regardless the fact it ended over ten years ago. Despite this, he waves regally at his fans, both the true and the confused ones. As he exits stage right and drives off into the sunset, the weather turns stormy and the stage darkens as Josy returns from exile. Realising the horrors they've brought upon them, Brillopad looks to the dimming sunset and, like Rose in Titanic calling out to the lifeboats, Brillo quietly calls out 'come back!' to the recently departed Dezzy but it's too late. Josy has returned and has already outlawed discussion of any soaps that aren't River City, the linking and discussion of any music not made by the Proclaimers as well as enforcing a rule in which everyone must like the pictures of her meals on Instagram. Dark times.