[Redway]

Death is an unfortunate and often devastating reality for us all at some point and undoubtedly many strong emotions will be in the mix for a while. Have you had any experiences with this in your life and what things helped you cope...?

There isn't anything that can ever help anyone cope with grief and loss, apart from staying busy and time.

[joeysteele]

For me it was when my Grandmother,my Mum's Mother passed away.

That was a really hard time for me, she had formed in me so much of the way I wanted to be and wanted to do,my dream was that she would see me get to University and complete my time there but that sadly wasn't to be.

It was a very low and 'empty' time for me and all that got me through was music, that both Grandma and I liked particularly.
Also her great inspiration as to what I should aim to achieve and so really for me, it was to go on as if she were still seeing all that was going on in my life.

She is still a massive loss in my life,so much I would love to be able to tell her.
she was a strong individual who had many great expressions and one liners,the fact I can bring them to mind now and smile at them again is what has helped me through too.

Grief as you say is strange thing, it affects people all different ways and there is in my view no set way to cope with and deal with it, for some it can be a short thing for others it never ends.

[Kate!]

Time is the ultimate healer, and whatever else gets you through really. It's been massively prolonged for me as family disputes have raged for months since my mum passed, with the end result that I (and my mums brothers and sisters) have cut my brother and his wife out of our lives.

I'd say just get on with life as much as you can, cry as much as you need to and don't hold back on that, it's a great release. Talk about the person and share good memories. You'll always have those.

[Cherie]

People do grieve in different ways, but there is a sort of pattern I suppose. The first year is the worst imo as you go through the first birthday/Christmas etc after that it does get better.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by *Kate*

Time is the ultimate healer, and whatever else gets you through really. It's been massively prolonged for me as family disputes have raged for months since my mum passed, with the end result that I (and my mums brothers and sisters) have cut my brother and his wife out of our lives.

I'd say just get on with life as much as you can, cry as much as you need to and don't hold back on that, it's a great release. Talk about the person and share good memories. You'll always have those.

That is quite sad Kate, as not only have you lost your Mum, but your brother and your sister in law as well.

[LeatherTrumpet]

Originally Posted by Jesus.

There isn't anything that can ever help anyone cope with grief and loss, apart from staying busy and time.

true dat ^^

With good times in life come bad times. This is why appreciating good times is important.

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Cherie

That is quite sad Kate, as not only have you lost your Mum, but your brother and your sister in law as well.

They only care about money anyway Cherie. Not cut from the same cloth as me at all.

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Cherie

People do grieve in different ways, but there is a sort of pattern I suppose. The first year is the worst imo as you go through the first birthday/Christmas etc after that it does get better.

This is so spot on Cherie, we've passed the first birthday and Christmas milestones already, just Mother's Day now, that's hard for everyone once their mum has gone pretty much. We'll do something to mark it anyhow.

[Kazanne]

I think it depends on how people have died too,you can accept an old person who has lived a full life,but when it's a child or young person it's devastating and that kind of hurt stays forever in some cases,when a child is murdered has to be the untimate grief,I kind of have experience of this and the rawness is still there years later, families are never the same again,ever.while I'm here,James Bulger would have been 24 today,Happy Heavenly Birthday James.

[AnnieK]

I lost my grandfather yesterday. Although he was very old (96) and had been poorly for a while, he had recently been well and like his old self, it still came as a shock yesterday but I take comfort in that he lived a long and happy life and the end for him was peaceful. It's so sad but time is a good healer. I think this time, between the death and the funeral is the hardest as you have that looming and everything is focused towards that, after is when you really mourn.

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by Kazanne

I think it depends on how people have died too,you can accept an old person who has lived a full life,but when it's a child or young person it's devastating and that kind of hurt stays forever in some cases,when a child is murdered has to be the untimate grief,I kind of have experience of this and the rawness is still there years later, families are never the same again,ever.while I'm here,James Bulger would have been 24 today,Happy Heavenly Birthday James.

I agree with you Kaz, nothing could ever take away the hurt of losing a young one.
More so in the case of violent deaths. I cannot even imagine the hell the familes go through.

It is my dad's birthday today as well. 5 years since we lost him, still have the odd tear, but he left so many happy memories and things for us to smile about.

A big hug Kaz.

[Kizzy]

Originally Posted by Kazanne

I think it depends on how people have died too,you can accept an old person who has lived a full life,but when it's a child or young person it's devastating and that kind of hurt stays forever in some cases,when a child is murdered has to be the untimate grief,I kind of have experience of this and the rawness is still there years later, families are never the same again,ever.while I'm here,James Bulger would have been 24 today,Happy Heavenly Birthday James.

I was just about to post this, when people are taken rather than pass on I would expect it's a very different process

[Livia]

It's completely different for everyone and my experience is that you have to muddle through it as best you can. People tell you time's a healer and all that, and deep down you know it... but when your grief is so raw you think it's going to cut you, when you hurt so much you toy with the idea of giving up and following the person who's gone, it's very difficult to believe. The thing that I learned to do, which was alien to me completely, was to let go and let other people help you and carry some of the burden. They want to, and it also helps them to cope and feel like they are doing something because everyone who knows the person who's lost is in some way grieving. And eventually you start to believe that time heals... but it never takes away the scar.

TiBB helped me. The few people who knew what had happened comforted me when I needed it, but also allowed me to come on here, away from the madness, and be normal. It seems odd that this place could be such a sanctuary, but it was.

[mizzy25]

I lost my mam in 2012 and to be honest the 1st year after was a complete blur I do remember mine and my sisters emotions being all over the place, one minute we would be crying, next hysterically laughing about something. One fantasic memory that I do have is that the last time I saw my mam we had a really good laugh about something ridiculous and I wasn't even supposed to see her that day. I just called in on the fri as I was bored ended up staying for tea and having a great time, she died on the mon. I also take comfort in the fact that she didn't really suffer and I know she would have hated ending up in a nursing home, that would have killed her. its been a year and a half now and im sort of getting on with things now. Then last bloody Mon I lost my oldest dog, I know some people wont think its the same but god I was very upset he was just over 13 years old and as we bred him ourselves he was with us from day 1, he had a stroke and his kidneys were failing. I can say that he led a very happy life his tail was constantly wagging. I swear I saw him on the sofa on Tues the day after so @ the mo I feel like hes still with me.

[Marsh.]

That's nice. Your last memory of her being a happy one with her laughing. That must have been a great comfort.

[Kazanne]

Originally Posted by mizzy25

I lost my mam in 2012 and to be honest the 1st year after was a complete blur I do remember mine and my sisters emotions being all over the place, one minute we would be crying, next hysterically laughing about something. One fantasic memory that I do have is that the last time I saw my mam we had a really good laugh about something ridiculous and I wasn't even supposed to see her that day. I just called in on the fri as I was bored ended up staying for tea and having a great time, she died on the mon. I also take comfort in the fact that she didn't really suffer and I know she would have hated ending up in a nursing home, that would have killed her. its been a year and a half now and im sort of getting on with things now. Then last bloody Mon I lost my oldest dog, I know some people wont think its the same but god I was very upset he was just over 13 years old and as we bred him ourselves he was with us from day 1, he had a stroke and his kidneys were failing. I can say that he led a very happy life his tail was constantly wagging. I swear I saw him on the sofa on Tues the day after so @ the mo I feel like hes still with me.

Aw Mizzy ,it is so the same when you lose a beloved pet,I have broke my heart on a few occasions like that,I grieved for one dog for nearly a year and still think about her now,whoever or whatever we love is a massive loss when we lose them,thinking of you 'hugs'

[mizzy25]

Originally Posted by 08marsh

That's nice. Your last memory of her being a happy one with her laughing. That must have been a great comfort.

it was

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by mizzy25

I lost my mam in 2012 and to be honest the 1st year after was a complete blur I do remember mine and my sisters emotions being all over the place, one minute we would be crying, next hysterically laughing about something. One fantasic memory that I do have is that the last time I saw my mam we had a really good laugh about something ridiculous and I wasn't even supposed to see her that day. I just called in on the fri as I was bored ended up staying for tea and having a great time, she died on the mon. I also take comfort in the fact that she didn't really suffer and I know she would have hated ending up in a nursing home, that would have killed her. its been a year and a half now and im sort of getting on with things now. Then last bloody Mon I lost my oldest dog, I know some people wont think its the same but god I was very upset he was just over 13 years old and as we bred him ourselves he was with us from day 1, he had a stroke and his kidneys were failing. I can say that he led a very happy life his tail was constantly wagging. I swear I saw him on the sofa on Tues the day after so @ the mo I feel like hes still with me.

..Mizzy, I'm so, so sorry....that's really tough for you, I know how much your dogs mean to you and I think most people do understand how much they become a part of your life...he lived to a good age though and it sounds as though you gave him a very happy life indeed...

[mizzy25]

Originally Posted by Kazanne

Aw Mizzy ,it is so the same when you lose a beloved pet,I have broke my heart on a few occasions like that,I grieved for one dog for nearly a year and still think about her now,whoever or whatever we love is a massive loss when we lose them,thinking of you 'hugs'

god im starting again now, seeing that poor bloody pitbull starved to nearly death isn't helping as I cant believe anyone cud b so cruel, lovely dog now though so @ least a happy ending.