[Kate!]

Front Cover Designed by Jarroddaniel1

[Kate!]

The Cast

Star - Niamh



God - Shaun



Holy Spirit - Scott



Innkeeper - Ammi
Innkeepers daughter - Exotic Rosebud



Joseph - Black Dagger
Mary - ukturtle



Jesus - Smithy



Mary's sister Petula - Chuckpass



Wisemen:
Alvin - Eoin
Simon - Marc
Theodore - Nathan



Kings:
King Aaronius - Novo
King Antonius - Locke
King Victorious - Roy Mars III



Shepherds:
Doogle
Conor
Mtvn
Jarroddaniel



Sheep:
Boyd - Michael21
Floyd - Callum
Lloyd - Jords
Sebastian - Patrick



Angels:
Vicky
Josy
Mollie
GypsyGoth
Ninastar
Kerry
Kazanne



Donkey - Lee



Narrator - Kate

[Smithy]

My programme tbh >>>>

But I'm excited to read it

[Locke.]

Think you have got the angels mixed up, they are all supposed to be under donkeys

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Locke.

Think you have got the angels mixed up, they are all supposed to be under donkeys

be quiet King Antonius!

[Black Dagger]

-Joseph is backstage, being calm and quiet (for once in his life)-

Looking forward, post soon <3.

[Benjamin]

I'm a virgin again!

[Smithy]

pfft, so what? you got knocked up by a toilet seat? idts

[Niamh.]

I have the Starring role

[Shaun]

-smites Ben for using my name in vain-

[Benjamin]

You are acting as me in this.

[Benjamin]

Originally Posted by Smithy

pfft, so what? you got knocked up by a toilet seat? idts

Maybe I did, is that not how you get pregnant?

[Kate!]

In Olden Times a Decree was passed, from Caesar Augustus, that all citizens should be taxed. All men and their families must journey to the place of their birth to pay these taxes. Joseph, a humble carpenter from Galilee, had to prepare for a long journey into Judaea, unto the City of David, also known as Bethlehem. His wife, Mary, had some news for him...........

...

ACT 1 SCENE 1

THE NIGHT BEFORE THE JOURNEY

NARRATOR: Joseph is not yet home from work. Mary is folding laundry in the kitchen.

MARY: Golly Gumdrops, this housework is never ending. I wish something exciting would happen, for a change.

NARRATOR: There is a sudden flash, and a loud bang!

MARY: Flippin' Heck, I wish my sister Petula and her fella had never moved in next door, I am fed up with hearing them jumping off the wardrobe, no respect whatsoever.

GO Mary, do not be afraid! It is I, your Lord and God. I have some very important news for you.

HOLY SPIRIT: YOU SAID I COULD TELL HER!!! I never get to do any of the important stuff, I just hover around looking Holy, I think people are scared of me. I need to build up some kind of rapport with these humans.

GOD (Sighs): Go on then, anything for a quiet life, you tell her.

HOLY SPIRIT: Awesome! Well Mary, you have been chosen for a very special honour, you are to bear and give birth to God's son. You will name him Jesus. Make sure you take all your vitamins regularly, we want him to arrive in tiptop condition, he's going to have a hard life. Any questions?

MARY: Goodness, what a lot to take in. I am very honoured indeed God. Whatever shall I tell Joseph though?

GO I'll write him a note, here.....

HOLY SPIRIT: Would you like a song before we go, we are super at Karaoke, it's our new hobby, I got a machine for my birthday.

MARY: Sure, ok then.

NARRATOR: God and the Holy Spirit proceed to deliver a very energetic version of "Spirit in the Sky".

Youtube video

MARY: Aah, that's was bloody marvellous. Will you have a cup of tea before you go?

GO No, no. We have to get back. I've got a cake in the oven.

HOLY SPIRIT: And I have some knitting to finish. Bye.

NARRATOR: God and the Holy Spirit disappear in a cloud of smoke. Mary sits down at the table to await Joseph's return.....Joseph enters the kitchen, he looks tired.

JOSEPH: Ay up lass, I hope tea's nearly ready. What are we having?

MARY: Beans on toast. It's almost ready yes, sit down first though Joseph, I have some important news for you.

NARRATOR: Joseph sits down at the kitchen table looking a little anxious. Mary passes him the note from God, and Joseph reads it aloud.

"Dear Joseph. Mary is now with child, my son in fact. You need to look after her and raise the boy as your own. I know you will appreciate the honour that been bestowed on you both. Yours sincerely, God. PS. Holy Spirit here. Don't even think of getting in touch with Jeremy Kyle show, last time they had us on was a disaster, God was very angry with Jeremy. Laters."

**********************************************

[Shaun]

oh I'm acting as you? -takes off all my clothes and films myself pretending to be drunk and whispering-

[Niamh.]

[Kate!]

ACT 1 SCENE 2

NARRATOR: Mary goes to her sister Petula's house to break the news. Petula answers the door, wearing a scarlet and pink stripy shirt over black underwear and bright red socks. She has purple hair.

MARY: Hi Petula, I see you have been experimenting with designs again.

PETULA: Come in Mary, what's new with you then?

NARRATOR: Petula steps back and looks Mary up and down.

PETULA: Hells horses, how did you get so fat, I only saw you yesterday. ARE YOU PREGNANT?!!

MARY: Yes I am, it's Gods baby, he and the Holy Spirit came to visit earlier and said I was the Chosen One.

PETULA: Thought that was Aaron Allard Morgan.

MARY: What? Who? Eh?

PETULA: Never mind. Well, I am pleased for you, and Joseph, you must look after yourself, sit down and have a brandy.

NARRATOR: The two sisters spend a pleasant evening getting trollied and discussing current affairs (Doris Davis down the road has been seen with the new vicar) It is almost midnight when Mary returns home, drunk as a skunk. Petula accompanies her to the door, to make sure she doesn't fall over.

PETULA: Hey Mary, what's papa going to say about the baby do you think?

NARRATOR: Mary looks at Petula and they begins to sing. Petula soon joins in.

MARY/PETULA: "Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep. Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep. But I made up my mind, I'm keeping my babieeeeeeee. I'm gonna keep my baby, yeah!"

Youtube video

*************************************************

ACT 2 TOMORROW

[Niamh.]

PETULA: Thought that was Aaron Allard Morgan.

[Jarrod]

Love It! xD

[Black Dagger]

"Thought it was that Aaron Allard Morgan"

BAHAHAHA, I love it, can't wait for more.

[King Gizzard]

It's ok guys you can call me Theo

['Conor]

oh hurrah i'm a shepherd

[King Gizzard]

Isn't it just the 3 wisemen, there aren't 3 kings in the nativity

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Jingle Bellend

It's ok guys you can call me Theo

...must have read Wide Man

[Black Dagger]

Originally Posted by Jingle Bellend

Isn't it just the 3 wisemen, there aren't 3 kings in the nativity

Yes, but this is Kate's nativity so she can do what she likes with it. xD

(Isn't just making Kate feel better because I'm a lead role)

[Kate!]

There are usually kings, they are the ones who bring the gifts.