[Romantic Old Bird]

As you all know, Lee has been conducting a series of excellent interviews with our BB2 housemates, but capturing our Paul for posterity has proved to be difficult.

I am happy to reveal that Flossy and Bunty, two ladies of not dissimilar stature and years to myself and Peachy, (wink, wink) have managed to pull off the scoop of the century.

They have been granted an audience with the great man himself. An in-depth, soul searching, warts and all exclusive interview is planned in the very near future.

Let me explain a little to you about this sensational journalistic coup.

Flossy and Bunty have worked tirelessly toward this end on behalf of all womankind.

They too know that his splendour, his sage-like wisdom, and his naked upper torso should not and will not be kept from an adoring public.

Accordingly, Floss and Bunty have infiltrated the Reading branch of the Women's Institute and befriended a certain Mrs Irene Clarke, Paul's Nan.

Let me tell you all about it:

Sadly for the Women's Institute, the 21st century has not brought in the hoped for influx of new members, despite the daring new logo, and the nude calendar shoots.

So, when the two intrepid ladies offered to take over the newsletter, they were welcomed with open arms.

When I, sorry Flossy, mentioned that a high profile relaunch would help the publication, members were asked if they knew of anyone we (oh, OK, I admit it, it's me and Peachy) could interview. Irene somewhat hesitatingly put up her arm and volunteered that she had a rather famous grandson.

'Do you really?' asked Bunty, innocently, and before Irene knew what was happening she found herself chatting to Helen on the phone on their behalf.

'Hello dear, yes it's Nan!

No, I know you haven't got a Nan anymore dear. Paul's Nan.

Yes, Nanny Irene, that's right.

What's that dear? Of course you can call me Nan, I'd be honoured. You are practically one of the Clarke family now.

What's that dear? Oh, I know he hasn't, but he will do I'm sure. The Clarke men like to take their time, like to pace themselves.

Yes, it can be annoying. It's what?

Yes, I do agree, it does have it's advantages as well!

Now, can I talk to my grandson please?

Alright dear, yes, I will, what colour does your friend want the skirt of hers knitting? Blue?

OK, I'll do it just as soon as I can. Bye dear.

Hello Paulie, is that you? Are you alright love?

You're brilliant? Yes, I know you are!

You're always brilliant! You'll always be Nannie's special little boy, won't you?'

Irene turned at this stage to her new friends,

'He's such a lovely boy for his Nan, always smiling, such a sunny little chap. Potty trained at 18 months you know!'

'Oh, sorry Paul. What's that? Who am I talking too? I'm talking to my friends Flossy and Bunty, at the WI.

They want to interview you for our little magazine. You don't mind do you love?

What? Top shelf of the newsagents? No, I don't think our newsagent will stock it dear, but it's a good idea!

Sorry? Ohh, I see!'

'He's making a little joke about our magazine being X rated' Irene mentioned in another aside to her friends. 'He's so funny and clever'

'He does sound a lovely young man!' said Bunty enthusiastically. 'I do hope he will talk to us!'

'I'm sure he will. Just hang on a minute, he's fetching his diary. he's such a busy lad' said Irene.

'Yes ladies, I think you'll find he is living his adult life like an international pop star' said Madge, a fellow member, who was somewhat put out by all the attention that Irene's new friends were getting.

Irene looked her disdainfully before explaining to Floss and Bunty that Madge was just a jealous old bag.

'Hello again Paul.

When? May 3rd? Oooh, that would be lovely, I'm sure the girls would be able to make a Saturday.

Can they what? Hang on, I'll ask!'

iren turned again to Floss and Bunty, who were trying not entirely successfully at this stage, to look nonchalont.

'Paul asks, have you got transport?'

'Yes, yes, we have my motor bicycle!' answered Floss, trying not to appear too excited.

'Yes Paul, they have. OK.'

She turned to Floss and Bunty again

'He wants to know if can you make your own way over to Barnet?' asked Irene

'Gggggthlllllll' answered Floss, trying not to drool over her twinset.

'Is she alright Bunty?' asked Irene

'She said of course Irene' said Bunty, always the organised half of the duo. her
serene exterior belying the palpitations she could feel as her heart bounded excitedly in her ample bosom.

'That's settled then, 2pm, Paul's gymnasium next Saturday. He says he'll be well chuffed to be interviewed for our magazine, but he might be running a bit late. Apparently there's somewhere you can sit and watch them excercising while you wait, so you'll be alright. Anything for my Nan, he said! Isn't he lovely?'

'I can hardly wait to meet him', smiled Bunty, innocently, as she supported her by now quivering friend discreetly under the arms. 'And the address is?'.............................................. .................................................. ................................



So there you have it!

Flossy and Bunty have access to Mr Clarke, at his gym, next Saturday. They will be setting off early, straddling Floss's trusty Norton, to navigate their intrepid way through the North London traffic on our behalf.

We cannot be there with them, except in spirit. Join with me now to wish them well.
Such endeavor, such fortitude, Cockfosters Road on a Saturday!

They have asked me to approach you for ideas, and I have promised to forward your questions to them.


Please let me know what you would like to ask the one, the only, the incomparable, the breath-taking Paul Clarke!!!