[MB.]

Okay, so in short I'm deluding myself if I think I'll finish this in full (basically, I started this at the worst possible time, tech issues included), and I doubt I will, but I'll certainly complete it in note form at some point in the future because I had most of the season planned out and I hate to leave things unfinished. And thanks to Ammi for the continued love, and for motivating me to finish this silly lil' thing at all

The other reason I bumped this thread is because two of these queens are heavily rumoured to be on Drag Race season 11 (at least, according to Reddit, who are pretty darn good at these things), which is a bit exciting isn't it! Spoilered for obvious reasons:

Spoiler:

You may just be seeing Honey and Yvie on a TV screen near you very soon...

[Shaun]

I knew I'd formed opinions on them already from somewhere but couldn't remember where.

Spoiler:

I suppose it's probably a good thing Dru's not been cast. He'd make Kameron look like a pitbull.

[MB.]

Spoiler:

Personally I'd have liked for Rafaella to have been cast, just to see how a season of Drag Race in which a queen doesn't say a word of English the entire time would work

(also Yvie strikes me as how I imagined The Vixen would be pre-season, so... lord knows what she'll turn out to be like, basically)

So I'll post what I wrote a while back for episode five, and then complete it in note form, then open the poll that I said I would a few weeks ago to help determine the rest of the boot order, then I'll post shortened versions of the remaining episodes whenever I can!

[MB.]

Episode #5 - Snatch Game
Part One

Scene: the werkroom, after Valentine’s elimination.

“Aww, Val,” Drü frowns as the remaining queens mourn the departure of their good Judy. “Things are about to get a lot quieter around these parts.” Eva, visibly still a little shaken by her close shave with elimination, wipes the mirror clean.

“Today may not have been Valentine’s day, but you gon see a lot more of me. Stay hot my hunnies <3”

“We were finally becoming such a cute little family,” says Eva with cloth in hand, “and now we’re not going to be one for much longer. It’s kind of a shame.” Lady Boi jokes that “this ain’t RuPaul’s Best Family Race!” as she removes her wig and mimes throwing it at Yvie. Honey calls for a round of applause for Drü, as the latest maxi challenge winner, after which Drü throws her bridal bouquet into the air. Rafaella catches it and runs off before Nicole can grab it off her.

“Ladies, week five!” Jessica exclaims, chilling in her wheelchair from the previous runway, after realising how far the queens have come. “Can you be-weave it?” With this playing on her mind, VinChelle talks in a confessional about what she wants from the coming weeks: “I haven’t won a challenge yet, and the clock is ticking. It’s time to stand out.” In another confessional, Big Dee says that the further they get through the competition, the tougher things are going to get. “We can’t just sit back and coast now that we’re reaching the halfway mark. Each and every one of us knows we have to step our pussies up, me included, and we also know that things are about to get nastier as the claws come out. Well, meow, bitches.”

[MB.]

Episode #5 - Snatch Game
Part Two

The next morning, the queens file into the werkroom and gather in the usual spot. “I’ve never seen you look so rested,” Big Dee jokes to Nicole. “I’m guessing you didn’t have any nightmares about balloons.” At this, Nicole looks sheepish. “Well, I did have an… interesting dream,” she says as her eyes glance across the table to Drü and Eva, and as the other queens react with about as much maturity as the situation would warrant. "We’ve been locked away here for weeks, you can’t blame me for dreaming about kai kai-ing now and again!” she continues in an attempt to defend herself and her wet dreams. “This is a family show, girl,” VinChelle replies. “I don’t need to be hearing about your threesomes at breakfast time.”

On that bombshell, boy Ru strides into the werkroom and announces this week’s mini challenge: the queens each have twenty minutes to drag up a troll doll, with the most creative queen winning. Big Dee complains that Eva and Lady Boi have an unfair advantage in the challenge (“don’t tell me these queens don’t still play with dolls. They’re, like, twelve”) as the others get to work making over their trolls. Once Ru announces that time’s up, the queens put on a mini fashion show to display their creations. The winner is Honey, whose doll Trollnacia consists of a dragged-up troll doll with another troll doll’s decapitated head stuck on top, covered entirely in sequins. After Ru announces that Trollnacia will from now on be permanently displayed in the Museum of Modern Art by way of Honey’s prize, the topic of conversation moves from mini challenge to maxi challenge. “Namely,” Ru teases, “a little something that we like to call the Gatch Sname. No, wait, that’s not right. Snatch Game. Yep, that’s the one.”

The queens cheer with varying degrees of enthusiasm, with VinChelle especially clapping like a hyperactive seal. Big Dee confesses that she’s been waiting for the Snatch Game, and the chance to humorously impersonate a celebrity, since she got on the show in the first place. “And considering my track record, I need all the success that Ru might throw my way.” Eva acknowledges in a confessional that Snatch Game can make or break a queen, and with a troubled few weeks behind her, she’s crossing her fingers and other such extremities that she’ll manage to get back on top with this challenge. Several queens go around the room and ask one another which celebrities they plan to impersonate: Yvie flings her arms wide and screams “Opraaah Winfreeeey!” in an eerily accurate tone of voice, Rafaella announces she’ll be playing Taylor Swift and that she has the range of wigs to prove it, Eva tells Lady Boi that tonight, Matthew, she’s going to be Yoko Ono, VinChelle produces a pair of large white fake breasts to indicate her choice of Stormy Daniels, and Big Dee gives her personal approval to Jessica’s choice of iconic drag queen Miss Coco Peru (“but if you screw it up, I’m cutting your wigs”).

[MB.]

Episode #5 - Snatch Game
Part Three

Having popped out for a fag and a Wispa, Ru returns to quiz the queens on their Snatch Game selections. First up, Nicole, who has decided to impersonate reality star and former White House staffer Omarosa. “She’s just such a ridiculous personality,” she explains to Ru. “It should hopefully be quite easy to make fun of her and generate some comedy from that, especially if I can try and play off of VinChelle as Stormy.” While she admits that improvisational character comedy isn’t her forte, she says is up for the challenge, which Ru clarifies just in case there was any doubt (“you have to make Omarosa funny”). Also having contemplated weaving politics into Snatch Game glory, Lady Boi taks Ru through her options. “Well, I was going to do Tomi Lahren, but I had a hard time finding the white hood and burning cross. So I’m doing the next worst thing: Derrick Barry.” In a confessional, she elaborates that one deciding factor in not choosing Tomi was seeing Jessica’s reaction to a joke made by Big Dee in relation to the Trump administration. “I think it’s best to avoid touchy subjects around certain queens here, although at times it feels as though we’re having to walk on eggshells. Which, in six inch heels, isn’t easy.”

Heading clockwise around the werkroom, Ru asks Yvie about her Snatch Game choice, noting that a lot of people do Oprah impressions and that she’ll have to do something extra special to stand out. “Especially considering you don’t look a whole deal alike,” Ru adds, to which Yvie feigns mock offence before Ru wishes her luck. She then turns to Drü, who it transpires is in something of a quandary, having acknowledged that she has a standard to maintain as last week’s challenge winner. “I have several ideas for who to impersonate,” Drü tells Ru, before reeling off a list consisting of fashion designer Vivienne Westwood, feminist activist Gloria Steinem, Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour and Sunset Boulevard actress Gloria Swanson, each of which she has brought a separate outfit for. “I guess I wanted to show that I have fairly old school, eccentric tastes, I’m not just some young, arty queen living in a vacuum,” she explains. “The job now, I guess, is to decide which one I’m doing. At this moment in time, I’m most confident with Vivienne Westwood.” As Drü shows off a snippet of her old northern English lady accent, Ru reminds her that whoever she ends up impersonating, the goal is to “make me laugh”, and doesn’t want to see her get so bogged down in her own ideas that she forgets about the comedy part of the challenge. “I promise I won’t let you down, ma’am,” is Drü’s response.

[MB.]

Episode #5 - Snatch Game
Part Four

Big Dee is next to be interrogated, and Ru’s eyebrows raise as much as the Botox will allow when he sees what looks like a man’s wig on Big Dee’s work bench. “Either you’re doing Dame Judi Dench,” Ru says, “or that’s a menses, Maury.” When Big Dee explains that she’ll be impersonating none other than Ross Mathews, Ru reacts as someone who just swallowed a particularly large fly might. Once she’s finished choking, Ru asks what led her to make such an awful decision (I’m paraphrasing). Big Dee seems surprised that Ru is so immediately sceptical. “I know it’s an unconventional pick, but I was thinking, or hoping, I could make it work. But now you’re making me doubt that!” Ru says that in her experience, highly risky Snatch Game choices go one of two ways, and she doesn’t want Big Dee to take a risk that could damage her chances unless she’s completely confident. “Well, I have a backup option,” Big Dee says, “in the form of Janice Dickinson, who’s somebody I adore and have done in the past. And maybe it’ll be best not to question RuPaul on this occasion.” Finally, Ru spots Honey dressing up in her Nina Simone outfit and is already on board, but asks to hear some of her impersonation anyway. Honey drawls something or other about jazz that has Ru in hysterics, and in a confessional hopes that Snatch Game proves she’s more than just a pageant queen.

Big Dee, who is in the process of swapping her original choice of Ross Mathews for the somewhat safer Janice Dickinson, notices that Drü is struggling to finalise her celebrity. Drü asks for “an old bitch’s advice” on the matter, and Big Dee takes her over to the sofas to talk. Drü puts on a mini talent show for Big Dee, giving her excerpts of each of her potential impersonations. “Personally, I’m leaning towards doing Vivienne, but I definitely need a second opinion on the matter,” Drü says, taking off her Anna Wintour wig. Big Dee pulls a pensive face. “I’m not sure, girl,” she says as Drü begins to look worried, but nods along anyway. “From one queen to another, I’m not sure that your Vivienne’s strong enough. I know it’s pretty late in the day, but I enjoyed your Gloria Swanson most, so if I were you I’d switch to her. But hey, it’s up to you, honey.” As Drü mulls over her options and Big Dee’s advice, Dee admits in a confessional that she did in fact think Drü’s Vivienne Westwood was the strongest of her potential choices. “But I’m not going to tell her that, am I? Truthfully, I didn’t think much of her Gloria Swanson, but the farther we get through this competition, the more ruthless I’m going to have to get to make sure that Ru sees my star shine. Any queen that isn’t me going home at this stage is a bonus, and if that just so happens to be last week’s winner, then it’d be even better. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, and sorry Drü, but you’re the bait.”

[MB.]

(that's it so far)

You can tell how long ago I wrote this because I thought that Derrick Barry's drunk roast would be a relevant Snatch Game character. Also, I changed a queen's choice as I was writing this, because somebody already impersonated them in season 10's Snatch Game (try and guess who it is)

[MB.]

Episode #5 - Snatch Game
Part Five (Note Form)

Ru welcomes us to the latest edition of the Snatch Game, and welcomes the contestants (actress Kelly Marie Tran and comedian Jaboukie Young-White) before introducing tonight’s stars. On the top row, from left to right:

Jessica as legendary drag queen Miss Coco Peru
Nicole as reality star and former political aide Omarosa
Eva as singer, artist and activist Yoko Ono
Lady Boi as Drag Race season eight contestant Derrick Barry
Drü as classic Hollywood actress Gloria Swanson

On the bottom row, from left to right:

Honey as singer Nina Simone
Rafaella as singer Taylor Swift
VinChelle as Trump's favourite porn star, Stormy Daniels
Big Dee as supermodel Janice Dickinson
Yvie as the queen of all media, Oprah Winfrey

The questions are, in order, “lazy Lisa is so lazy. Instead of covering her face with foundation, she just uses [blank]”, “Greedy Glenda is so greedy. Whenever she eats out in West Hollywood, she orders [blank]!” and “drag queens are so generous. Ahead of the royal wedding, they clubbed together and bought Harry and Meghan a brand new [blank]!”... yep, I wrote this thing so long ago that the royal wedding was still an upcoming event. Worse is that I'd initially wrote the question to be about the upcoming royal baby, and figured that I'd be safer off time-wise going for the wedding. Hey, just roll with it.

The Highs

• Eva's Yoko Ono consists of lots of nonsensical answers, incoherent screaming, strange noises, attempts to play parts of the set like musical instruments and blatant plugs for her art collections mid-answers.
• Honey, as Nina Simone, boldly begins by threatening to shoot RuPaul, but dials it back with bouts of random jazz singing, elaborate stories from her career and bitchy retorts to some of the whiter queens.
• Big Dee's well-prepared Janice Dickinson manages to come across as more of a loving tribute than a send-up, and consists of a mixture of delightfully crude comments ("I used to know a guy who owned a fudge store. One night we ****ed so hard I almost... wait, can you say 'fudge' on television?"), rambling showbiz stories about the times she did coke with Liberace and liberal c-bombs. At one point she dons an eye-patch on one eye and, after looking across to Stormy Daniels, asks Ru to give her the other patch.

The Ones in the Middle

• Jessica's Coco Peru is full of quotes ("okay that was homophobic", "oh sweetheart, your poor mother", "I'm slitting your throat in your sleep", "which gay man thought this up?", "that's it, I'm writing a letter", calling Ru a little cocoa puff) that don't make much sense in or out of context, but Jessica manages to make Ru giggle and that's all that matters in this game.
• Lady Boi slurs her way through Derrick Barry, avoiding many of the obvious jokes one could make based on Derrick's season eight perormance and instead squarely focusing on her now-iconic drunk roast which, similar to Jessica, she seems to know verbatim. All the hits are there - "Thorgy Shlor", "season hate" and even a "I don't know if the answer is Chuck, but tonight your answer is truck" - but never quite pops.

• Rafaella's Taylor Swift is fairly one note, revolving around the joke that the old, innocent country star Taylor (who she begins Snatch Game as) is dead and gets violently replaced by Reputation-era Taylor, even if she characterises this mostly through a wig change. She also keeps applying black lipstick throughout. At one point, she eats the lipstick.

• Yvie's Oprah is perhaps not the best or most nuanced choice she could have gone with, but she gets a lot of mileage out of the voice, bellowing random celebrity names ("John Travoltaaaa! Juliaaaa Roberts! Madonnaaaa! Breeeeaaad!") at a willing RuPaul, cracking the usual lesbian-with-Gayle jokes, asking Stormy "what is the truth" about her affair with Trump (VinChelle does not play along for some reason) and concluding her Snatch Game by throwing her cards across the room, shouting "you get an answer! And you get an answer! And you get an answer!"

The Lows

• Nicole's Omarosa goes the way of Asia O'Hara's Beyoncé; she's catty without being funny, and even though she tries some fun back-and-forth with Stormy over Trump, she goes quiet for the rest of the game when VinChelle decides not to engage.

• VinChelle's Stormy seems too preoccupied on her appearance (big fake breasts, a blonde wig and talc all over her skin, which is... a choice) that the jokes take a back seat, and the ones that she tries to throw out land somewhere in Alaska. She doesn't even have any storm puns prepared, which is the real travesty.

• Drü falls victim to the same fate as Robbie Turner and, to a lesser extent, Miz Cracker: assuming that playing someone who's been dead for fifty years who much of the show's key demographic won't be familiar with will be an automatic Snatch Game win. It isn't the worst of the night, but Drü relies too much on her Norma Desmond shtick and pulling faces than on telling good jokes or interacting with the other queens.

[MB.]

Episode #5 - Snatch Game
Part Six (Note Form)

The runway theme is How's Your Head...piece?, which it turns it is pretty much like the Hat's Incredible runway from episode six. I chose each queen's runway lerk individually, but I won't post all of them to save time (I may do at a later date, but until then, just image a load of ornate couture headpieces). As the divisions in the previous post suggest, Jessica, Lady Boi, Rafaella and Yvie are called safe, Eva, Honey and Big Dee are the tops of the week and Nicole, VinChelle and Drü are in the bottom. A grateful Big Dee is announced as the winner of the challenge, while the bottom two are VinChelle and Drü. Nicole is nearly as scared at the thought of being in the bottom two as she is by balloons. The judges are especially disappointed that Drü ended up doing Gloria Swanson instead of Vivienne Westwood, as she demonstrates her Vivienne on the runway and makes the judges laugh. For context, these are Drü and VinChelle's runway looks respectively (they're pretty much the least intricate of the lot... I'm talking headpieces made out of bouquets of flowers, massive plastic doves and even a model miniature fairground).

The Lip Sync



Drü Holiday vs. VinChelle
Because the Night (Patti Smith)

Youtube video

So, another reason as to why this episode had me so ridiculously stuck is that I couldn't decide on the lip sync song. Originally, my plan was to post this episode on the release day of Kylie's new album, so Better the Devil You Know seemed appropriate (I mean, it's Kylie's birthday today, so it probably would have been even more appropriate now, but hey). Then, episode three of Drag Race aired (that's right, seven weeks ago), and I was in the mood for a rockier lip sync. I ended up going through literally every rock song ever recorded by a woman until I settled on Because the Night, because it's a cool song and why not.

Both VinChelle and Drü turn it, with Drü's performance being more internalised than VinChelle's, which is similar in ferocity to Mayhem's Celebrity Skin. Ultimately, this is Drag Race and VinChelle manages to steal the spotlight, and Ru announces her as the victor of the lip sync, meaning Drü is this season's fifth queen to sashay away, surprising some of the queens in the back. Drü... I don't know, quotes Lady Gaga as she walks out or something, before being addressed, as we all are after death, by the mysterious embodied voice of Ru, telling her the usual spiel that it's not yet over and the race is long. You get the idea by now, even if there was a two month hiatus between this episode and the last.

[MB.]

Here's the survey that I'll use for the next few rounds at least... I'll probably make a more specific one closer to the end to determine the winner, etc. Ta

[MB.]

Chart, chart chart chart, chart, chart sha cack cack boom, oh sha cack sha cack sha cack chart, did somebody mention chart? (I hope that's not their song. If that's their song, that sucks)

[MB.]

And since it's been veritable aeons since I last posted an episode, a lot has happened in these queens' respective worlds, so here's what our most recently eliminated queen has been up to:

• Being both a man and a woman at the same time, like some sort of witch or summat!

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• Appearing at DragCon!

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• Appearing at DragCon next to Miss Fame!

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• Appearing at DragCon next to Sasha Velour!

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Is there anything she can't do?!

[MB.]

I'll post episode six, the first of the shortened episodes, in a sec, and hopefully get some momentum going Just a word of warning: looking at what I've written, I may have been stoned when I came up with the concept of this episode, who can say?

[MB.]

Episode #6 - Michelle Visage's Drag Race
Part One

Following Drü's elimination, Big Dee says she feels no regret that her manipulative ways helped to send her home, and now that she has a challenge win under her belt, “sending the rest of these tired queens packing should be as easy as pie.” Meanwhile, Jessica says that she can’t understand why Eva was in the top for Snatch Game instead of her (“all Eva did was shout random words in a funny voice. I could do that in my sleep”), and both Nicole and VinChelle say that surviving their brush with elimination has made them determined to win the next challenge. Elsewhere, determined to become the next viral sensation, Rafaella practices her yodelling.

The next day, the queens are confused when they are greeted not by RuPaul in the werkroom, but by Michelle Visage. Michelle explains that Ru had “other commitments” to attend to, and that as his best friend in the world, she’ll be stepping into his heels from now on. Jessica smells something fishy, and for once it isn’t Lady Boi. Rafaella has no idea what’s going on, but admits that she rarely does anyway.

Mini challenge: the queens must get down on their knees and tell Michelle how much they love her, King Lear-style, with the most convincing queen winning. After tearing up a photo of Merle Ginsberg and setting fire to all of the green clothing in her possession, Honey is crowned the winner for the second mini challenge in a row.

Maxi challenge: Michelle then announces that in tribute to a legendary international icon (i.e. herself) (she’s been to the UK and Ireland, don’t you know), this week’s maxi challenge will be titled Michelle Visage’s Miss International Universe of the World 2018. Each queen will be assigned a different country, and must then use that country’s flag to create an evening gown fit for a pageant. In addition, they must give a Miss Universe-style speech promoting their country. As the winner of the mini challenge, Honey will be in charge of choosing the countries, with the selections being as follows:

Big Dee - Ireland
Eva - China
Honey - Jamaica
Jessica - the Philippines
Lady Boi - Germany
Nicole - South Africa
Rafaella - Brazil
VinChelle - South Korea
Yvie - Canada

[MB.]

Episode #6 - Michelle Visage's Drag Race
Part Two

Jessica doesn’t seem best pleased with her country, saying that she’d have rather Honey gave her a more recognisable flag, “but I’m still going to turn it out”. She also half-jokes that she’s still bitter about losing the last sewing challenge to Eva and is aiming to rectify that result this week. Otherwise, the queens seem happy to get to work on their dresses, mainly because it means they don’t have to work in groups. “I bet you all wish this was a team challenge and I was your leader,” Rafaella smiles as she tries to work out how to use a sewing machine and why her thumb is bleeding so much. A resounding chorus of “no!” echoes around the room, which, given how Rafaella’s last attempt at leading a team went, is probably the wise choice. Whereas most of the queens are going for a classic, elegant look, Eva, Yvie and Lady Boi all have high concept ideas for their gowns, with Yvie discussing her plan to cut tiny individual maple leaf shapes into her Canadian flag. Big Dee, somewhat sarcastically, wishes her luck.

The queens also get to work on writing their speeches. Rafaella decides she’s going to give a serious speech about the impact of child poverty in Brazilian favelas, but as she reads out her notes, her dramatic delivery and facial expressions just make the other queens laugh. Nicole decides to sit by herself in order to focus on the task at hand, saying she’s “hungry for the win” and that she needs to block out all distractions in order to finish her speech. Big Dee and VinChelle both decide to go for over-the-top comedy in their speeches, and Big Dee tries out her Irish accent on Jessica. “Sounds… good to me,” Jessica nods, later saying in a confessional that she lied in order to avoid humiliating her good Judy. “I love me some Big Dee, but girl, she sounded like she was from Ireland, West Virginia.” As the queens finishing their gowns, the topic of conversation moves to the absence of RuPaul. “I think she realised there were millennials in the building and ran as far as she could,” laughs Lady Boi, miming Ru trying to run across West Hollywood in heels.

[MB.]

Episode #6 - Michelle Visage's Drag Race
Part Three

On the main stage, with no RuPaul to compère, Michelle introduces Ross and this week's guest judges, The Good Place star D’Arcy Carden, singer Hayley Kiyoko and activist and author Janet Mock, to the show. The queens then take to the runway in their Flags of the World Eleganza Extravaganza. Of all the dresses, Eva’s regal red Chinese-inspired couture, Nicole’s traditional South African gown, Lady Boi’s punk rock German look and Jessica’s Imelda Marcos-esque Filipino look, complete with shoulder pads, a long flowing train and flowers in her hair, impress the judges the most. On the other hand, the judges find Yvie’s “arts and crafts-y” Canadian-themed look to be unfinished, and Big Dee’s Irish flag dress to be plain and ill-fitting, while Honey, Rafaella and VinChelle all “fit the brief” but lack wow-factor.

The queens then give their speeches, and Jessica appears most confident following her feedback from the judges, giving a factual but humorous and entertaining and humorous address on the Philippines that she chooses to end with a roast of Manila Luzon (who, like RuPaul, is not in the room). On the other end of the scale, Big Dee’s speech, in which she adopts a high-pitched faux Irish accent and, pretending to be a strict Catholic church lady, produces a sign that reads “God hates flags” before throwing Bibles at the judges, goes down like a lead balloon, and VinChelle freezes in her attempts to find humour in South Korea, ending up with little else other than a series of flat Kim Jong-un jokes. Eva and Lady Boi both use their characters (Chinese queen and punk rock Berliner) to their advantage in their speeches, and while the judges are amused by Honey and Rafaella’s over-the-top presentations, Yvie’s seems a little all over the place and lacks cohesion, and Nicole’s sees her stumbling over her words, suggesting that she perhaps didn't quite move far enough away from the other queens in the werkroom.

Just to twist the knife that little bit more, Michelle asks all of the the queens to say which of their fellow pageant competitors they believe should go home next. Jessica names Eva, claiming her to be her biggest competition. Eva, Honey, Nicole, Yvie and Lady Boi all say Big Dee, suggesting that they believe she did the worst in this week's challenge. Big Dee names Yvie, but gives no reason. VinChelle says Rafaella, as she hasn't won a challenge yet. Rafaella says Bombalicious, before she is reminded that Bombalicious left the competition four weeks ago. Rafaella then says Big Dee, who is only just about managing to hold her tongue.

[MB.]

Episode #6 - Michelle Visage's Drag Race
Part Four

As a result of both the runway presentation and the speech, Michelle announces that Jessica is the winner of the maxi challenge, and therefore Miss International Universe of the World 2018, with Eva and Lady Boi joining her in the top three for their efforts. Honey, Nicole and Rafaella are deemed safe, leaving Big Dee, VinChelle and Yvie as the bottom three. Yvie is then announced safe, and celebrates this news with a mini panic attack before being comforted by her fellow queens. Big Dee and VinChelle both seem devastated that they’re in the bottom two, with Big Dee saying she feels as if she’s gone from weeks of steadily uphill climbing to “suddenly crashing to the ground”, and VinChelle saying she feels as though she ruined her one chance to redeem herself.

The Lip Sync



Big Dee vs. VinChelle
One Mistake (Seduction)

Youtube video

As this is, of course, Michelle Visage’s Drag Race, the lip sync is to a Seduction song, albeit one of the many, many lesser known ones. Both queens go into the lip sync outright refusing for it to be their last, and this attitude carries through into their performances: both Big Dee and VinChelle pull out tight, emotive performances that show the judges their passion to stay, and both not only turn it out, but inside out and upside down. Whatever that means. It’s an unbelievably close lip sync and there are a few moments of agonising silence as Michelle chooses the victor.

As she begins to reveal her decision, RuPaul bursts in through the side door, his mouth gagged with tape. As the other queens gasp in shock, Ru removes the tape and reveals that he was kidnapped, and has just escaped from where he was being held captive. Declaring the lip sync null and void and announcing that no queens will be going home this week, to the relief of both Big Dee and VinChelle, he turns to the judges’ table. “The person who kidnapped me, was…” he says slowly, pointing his finger in the direction of one of the judges, “...Michelle Visage!”

The queens gasp again. Janet Mock faints. Michelle stands up, screams that RuPaul is a liar, and storms off the set. Rafaella, naturally, is still confused.

To be continued…

[MB.]

Join me next time for RuMerican Crime Story: The People vs. Michelle Visage, as our Elle Woods-wannabes are summoned for the drag trial of the century....

(as I was saying, totally stoned)

[MB.]

Originally Posted by MB.

Here's the survey that I'll use for the next few rounds at least... I'll probably make a more specific one closer to the end to determine the winner, etc. Ta

I'll write the rest of this thing in the next few days, so if anyone else fancies voting then you've got an extremely vague period of time in which to do so!

[Ammi]

...I have updated and have done the survey, MB...and your latest episodes are as spectacular as ever...this has been one of my favourite forum things .....