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20-11-2018, 08:07 AM | #1 | |||
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You know my methods
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I just dont get it?
if someone tells you they are upset or nervous or some such thing its natural to analyse the situation to identify just what they mean and try and find solutions but it seems they just want you to say aaaw and hug them or some such thing?? How does that work? is it a girl thing? |
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20-11-2018, 08:35 AM | #2 | ||
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It is "a boy / girl thing", yes, but that's not to say that one is inherently better than the other. It's also thought to be partly biological / instinctual. Obviously it's more complicated than this but here are the basics;
Primitive human social groups would only have a couple of very basic major threats. Actual physical threats like predators / rival groups, and subsistence threats like lacking food, water or shelter. Thanks to us being mammals, infant humans were always the primary responsibility of the females (because milk). So, in these situations, the females would care for the young and stop them from panicking, while the males would attempt to deal with the threat or solve the subsistence problem. Obviously these are BOTH essential roles in the survival of the group. But the emotional state required for each is very different. Thus, in times of high stress, males are biologically "programmed" to enter a fight-or-flight state of high activity and can be near-obsessively inclined to want to "solve the problem" (or else Cave-family dies)... whereas women are more likely to seek comfort in an attempt to maintain emotional stability in order to protect the offspring (or else Cave-family dies). Of course neither extreme works in a modern context because our problems are very rarely immediate physical threat or starvation. They're complex, many-layered problems that require both patience and stability AND a drive to solve the problem. Being driven to attempt to solve the problem "immediately" is a huge contributor to anxiety and stress in a lot of men, because most of these problems (say financial issues, or legal issues etc.) CAN'T be immediately solved and require a lot of waiting around "waiting to hear" and not taking any decisive action... which in our primitive monkey brains sits there as an "unresolved threat", keeping the adrenaline and fight-or-flight response primed, which it just isn't supposed to be over extended periods of time, and can cause high blood pressure, adrenal fatigue and anxiety disorders. |
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20-11-2018, 08:54 AM | #3 | |||
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You know my methods
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and this why we die earlier?
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20-11-2018, 09:00 AM | #4 | |||
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I Love my brick
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I would say I'm a solution finder which annoys my daughter because she never seems to want a solution, she just wants to complain about stuff
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20-11-2018, 09:10 AM | #5 | |||
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You know my methods
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I have learned with my daughters to try and say "and how did that make you feel?" and then let them go off on one
But I have not yet mastered this with the TL |
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20-11-2018, 09:14 AM | #6 | |||
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I Love my brick
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mmm I mean I do notice differences with my son and daughter, he's definitely more looking for solutions rather than comfort but then he's very like me personality wise and I'm female so I wonder is it actually an in built thing in girls/women or is it a result of social conditioning?
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20-11-2018, 09:14 AM | #7 | |||
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This Witch doesn't burn
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Lets hope she and my eldest son never get together, talk about glass half empty
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'put a bit of lippy on and run a brush through your hair, we are alcoholics, not savages' |
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20-11-2018, 09:15 AM | #8 | |||
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I Love my brick
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20-11-2018, 09:41 AM | #9 | ||
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I'm also inclined to think that what people are seeking and what will actually help is not always the same thing, and that goes both ways. People seeking comfort when they would actually feel better if they actively did something (e.g. avoiding an official phonecall when getting it out of the way in 5 minutes would have you feeling better in 10), but also people obsessing and overthinking when what they really need to do is just vent to someone and feel like someone is listening and gives a ****, even if there's nothing to be done immediately. I manage to be guilty of both |
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20-11-2018, 09:47 AM | #10 | |||
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Senior Member
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If it's to do with a cute dog I will say aww. **** it if it's about kids.
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20-11-2018, 10:19 AM | #11 | |||
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שטח זה להשכרה
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20-11-2018, 10:21 AM | #12 | |||
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I Love my brick
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Quote:
Yes I agree with your second paragraph aswell, It is pretty frustrating when you're trying to give a solution to a problem and the other person just won't do it and carries on complaining when you know if they just did that thing they would feel so much better
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20-11-2018, 10:22 AM | #13 | |||
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I Love my brick
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20-11-2018, 11:39 AM | #14 | |||
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self-oscillating
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awwwwww
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20-11-2018, 12:14 PM | #15 | |||
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You know my methods
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Its like a text that says "i need a hug"
i mean wtaf is that? How do you respond? disclaimer: I am talking generally here and not about my lovely texts what I get |
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20-11-2018, 12:15 PM | #16 | |||
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I Love my brick
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Actually my son says that alot but just cos he likes hugs really
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20-11-2018, 06:09 PM | #17 | |||
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My initial reply to absolutely everything tends to be '**** sake'
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20-11-2018, 07:06 PM | #18 | |||
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haunted
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ugh i try not to do this but sometimes in the moment you just want to complain and be miserable it’s so weird
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20-11-2018, 07:59 PM | #19 | ||
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20-11-2018, 08:01 PM | #20 | |||
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A great thief
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I want a hug
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20-11-2018, 08:02 PM | #21 | ||
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Senior Member
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20-11-2018, 08:20 PM | #22 | |||
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haunted
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20-11-2018, 10:16 PM | #23 | ||
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Senior Member
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21-11-2018, 07:36 AM | #24 | ||
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Well hugs release oxytocin so they are really saying that they want to use you to GET HIGH. You should say "I am worried about you, hug junkie! No hugs for you! Cold turkey!"
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21-11-2018, 08:25 AM | #25 | |||
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You know my methods
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