[james_h]

I've got to write the first part to my essay and it's got to be no shorter than 3 pages!! lol I've written my introduction and I'm not sure whether it's any good. We're doing Othello. Please read it and tell me what you think.

Othello is a play written by William Shakespeare in approximately 1603. First performed in November 1604, the play is tragedy about the downfall of a black valiant soldier named Othello. Throughout the play we see the main central character, Othello, going from a brave soldier who is madly in love to a ruined man cursed by paranoia. The character who is at fault for this is his trusted advisor Iago. He is plotting Othello’s downfall from the moment we meet him. Iago’s hate for Othello stems from the fact that Othello had promoted Cassio (a young, intelligent and strong soldier) over him. He is annoyed by the fact that he chose brains over experience and loyalty. Although, Iago has other reasons for wanting revenge, he believes that Othello had slept with his wife Emilia and throughout the play this pops up as another reason for his hate. Iago makes it very clear from the Act 1 that his intentions are not what they seem as he says “I am not what I am”. The definition of a villain is a wicked or evil person. Iago knows how to manipulate people and play everyone off against each other. This is how he achieves Othello’s eventual downfall.

[SiaSiaSia]

Hmm you don't really need to describe when it was written, unless it's relevant to the title.
What's the title of your essay, anyway?

Also, NEVER recap it as a summary... it's just wasted breath. the person who marks your essay knows what the story is about

[Fom]

Originally posted by james_h
I've got to write the first part to my essay and it's got to be no shorter than 3 pages!! lol I've written my introduction and I'm not sure whether it's any good. We're doing Othello. Please read it and tell me what you think.

Othello is a play written by William Shakespeare in approximately 1603. First performed in November 1604, the play is a tragedy about the downfall of a black valiant soldier named Othello. Throughout the play we see the main central character, Othello, going from a brave soldier who is madly in love to a ruined man cursed by paranoia. The character who is at fault for this is his trusted advisor Iago. He is plotting Othello’s downfall from the moment we meet him. Iago’s hate for Othello stems from the fact that Othello had promoted Cassio (a young, intelligent and strong soldier) over him. He is annoyed by the fact that he chose brains over experience and loyalty. Although, Iago has other reasons for wanting revenge, he believes that Othello had slept with his wife Emilia and throughout the play this appears as another reason for his hate. Iago makes it very clear in Act 1 that his intentions are not what they seem as he says “I am not what I am”. The definition of a villain is a wicked or evil person. Iago knows how to manipulate people and play everyone off against each other. This is how he achieves Othello’s eventual downfall.

Hope you dont mind, me being a geek and knowing its an essay just wanted to replace a few words. Hope it helps
(Im such a geek, teaching mode is kicking in)

Sounds good though, I haven't personally read "Othello" so I am looking at it from an unbiased perception. The story seems quite confusing though... then again most Shakespeare plays are.

[SiaSiaSia]

Reworded (with better grammar and apostrophes, etc.):

Shakespeare's "Othello" is a tragedy about the downfall of a black, valiant soldier named Othello. Throughout the play we see the main central character, Othello, going from a brave soldier who is madly in love, to a ruined man cursed by paranoia. [EXPAND]

[NEW PARAGRAPH] The reason for this is his trusted adviser Iago, who plots Othello’s downfall from the moment we meet him. Iago’s hate for Othello stems from when Othello had promoted Cassio (a young, intelligent soldier) over him, because Othello chose the brains of Cassio over experience and loyalty of Iago. Other reasons for Iago wanting revenge against Othello is that he believes Othello slept with his wife, Emilia. Immediately in Act One, we can see that his intentions are not what they seem, from:
(SPACE)
(CENTER QUOTE) "I am not what I am" (/CENTER)
(SPACE)

(ANALYZE QUOTE THEN ADD THIS Iago knows how to manipulate people and play everyone off against each other. This is how he achieves Othello’s eventual downfall.

[james_h]

Originally posted by SiaSiaSia
Hmm you don't really need to describe when it was written, unless it's relevant to the title.
What's the title of your essay, anyway?

Also, NEVER recap it as a summary... it's just wasted breath. the person who marks your essay knows what the story is about

The title of the essay is How does Shakespeare portray Iago as a villain in Act 1 of Othello and how far does this prepare us for his actions in the rest of the play?

My teacher gave us a guideline of what to put and it includes for the introduction

brief background to the play

brief over-view of play
brief outline of what happens in act 1 (and iago's role in it)

definition of villain

and i'm a waffler so you know i probs put too much.

Hope you dont mind, me being a geek and knowing its an essay just wanted to replace a few words. Hope it helps

Thank you I've changed them now

[SiaSiaSia]

Originally posted by james_h

The title of the essay is How does Shakespeare portray Iago as a villain in Act 1 of Othello and how far does this prepare us for his actions in the rest of the play?

My teacher gave us a guideline of what to put and it includes for the introduction

brief background to the play

brief over-view of play
brief outline of what happens in act 1 (and iago's role in it)

definition of villain

and i'm a waffler so you know i probs put too much.

Oh Okay that makes sense.
Right, well [i'm an english tutor btw :P]

Introduction: BE GENERAL
THEN describe the play. Your introduction atm, is too long.
tbh, if I was doing this essay with that title i'd do it a bit differently:

1. INTRO - inc. VERY brief summary. [like 3 lines] and main points. Atm yours is okay but needs to be tightened a lot more.. rambler :P
2. Iago's hatred, why?. etc. - ONE point, say how it prepares for actions
3. Repeat with different points
4. Again, if need be.
5. Conclusion

That's what my teacher taught us, anyway. We all got A/A*s at GCSE. apart from like 3 people who got Bs cos they didn't read the book - [and me, and i got it remarked, and it went up 19 marks :| to an almost-A* and 93%, bloody incompetent first examiner.]

[dupin]

When the play was written is definately important - you should look more into it if anything, to try and make links between the contents of the play and the context in which it was written.

Although I haven't read Othello, I did write a Shakespeare essay just last week - here's how I covered the context in my introduction (there is more to the introduction than this, I then highlighted the essay question, which is all unrelated to your essay)

"1603. After the death of Queen Elizabeth, who never gave away into matrimony and who never bore her own children, James VI, the King Of Scotland now becomes James I, King Of England. In an action that many suppose was to celebrate such a coronation, William Shakespeare writes his latest play, entitled ‘Macbeth’, which not only covers the story of how a new king comes into power, but also is a play that also releases the ambiguous characters of three witches. At the time, thousands of women were being killed after being deemed as witches, and it was a subject that James I especially considered himself an expert in it was well-known that he had taken a special interest in several cases related to suspected witches in Scotland in the later sixteenth century. "

Also remember to use loads of quotations and explore alternate meanings. I think your introduction is good, but the problem with it is that you've taken the guide your teacher has given you and stuck to it too much, so it literally is just one point after another. Like Sia advised, break it up much more and expand on each point - you could spend a whole short paragraph discussing what a villain really is - you can cover the actual definition, as you did, and then look at other ways people can identify the meaning of the world 'villain'. You can even take this points and use them elsewhere in the essay so that the introduction doesn't drag on. If you expand each point and look into detail at everything, especially with alternate interpertations of things, then you'll be surprised how easy it can be to reach your 3 page target.

[SiaSiaSia]

Originally posted by dupin
Also remember to use loads of quotations and explore alternate meanings. I think your introduction is good, but the problem with it is that you've taken the guide your teacher has given you and stuck to it too much, so it literally is just one point after another. Like Sia advised, break it up much more and expand on each point - you could spend a whole short paragraph discussing what a villain really is - you can cover the actual definition, as you did, and then look at other ways people can identify the meaning of the world 'villain'. You can even take this points and use them elsewhere in the essay so that the introduction doesn't drag on. If you expand each point and look into detail at everything, especially with alternate interpertations of things, then you'll be surprised how easy it can be to reach your 3 page target.

Yeah, definitely.
If you stick too much to an essay plan it will never flow right, like yours.
The word is "tighten"
Look at EVERY sentence and go - is this really neccesary?
Also: ALWAYS LINK BACK TO THE QUESTION & ALWAYS QUOTE / CROSS REFERENCE
My old English teacher said that you can't get above a C if you don't.
Also, analyze your quotes.

How to TIGHTEN:
Like, take your first sentence:
"Othello is a play written by William Shakespeare in approximately 1603. First performed in November 1604, the play is tragedy about the downfall of a black valiant soldier named Othello "

Is it necessary to say "a play written by William Shakespeare"? It says so in the title. "Shakespeare's "Othello"" is better. Why does it have the date? You haven't mentioned anything about what happens in "approximately" 1603 - is it relevant to the question? - if it is, expand on it. if not, delete it.
"First performed in November 1604" - is THAT necessary? does that have anything to do with the question?

[james_h]

Originally posted by dupin
When the play was written is definately important - you should look more into it if anything, to try and make links between the contents of the play and the context in which it was written.

Although I haven't read Othello, I did write a Shakespeare essay just last week - here's how I covered the context in my introduction (there is more to the introduction than this, I then highlighted the essay question, which is all unrelated to your essay)

"1603. After the death of Queen Elizabeth, who never gave away into matrimony and who never bore her own children, James VI, the King Of Scotland now becomes James I, King Of England. In an action that many suppose was to celebrate such a coronation, William Shakespeare writes his latest play, entitled ‘Macbeth’, which not only covers the story of how a new king comes into power, but also is a play that also releases the ambiguous characters of three witches. At the time, thousands of women were being killed after being deemed as witches, and it was a subject that James I especially considered himself an expert in it was well-known that he had taken a special interest in several cases related to suspected witches in Scotland in the later sixteenth century. "

Also remember to use loads of quotations and explore alternate meanings. I think your introduction is good, but the problem with it is that you've taken the guide your teacher has given you and stuck to it too much, so it literally is just one point after another. Like Sia advised, break it up much more and expand on each point - you could spend a whole short paragraph discussing what a villain really is - you can cover the actual definition, as you did, and then look at other ways people can identify the meaning of the world 'villain'. You can even take this points and use them elsewhere in the essay so that the introduction doesn't drag on. If you expand each point and look into detail at everything, especially with alternate interpertations of things, then you'll be surprised how easy it can be to reach your 3 page target.

lol thanks for the help everyone!

and btw i'm only writing part 1 to the essay.

if i need any more help i know where to come

[SiaSiaSia]

Originally posted by james_h

lol thanks for the help everyone!

and btw i'm only writing part 1 to the essay.

if i need any more help i know where to come

Didn't know if you saw this as I just edited my reply, but here it is again:


How to TIGHTEN:
Like, take your first sentence:
"Othello is a play written by William Shakespeare in approximately 1603. First performed in November 1604, the play is tragedy about the downfall of a black valiant soldier named Othello "

Is it necessary to say "a play written by William Shakespeare"? It says so in the title. "Shakespeare's "Othello"" is better. Why does it have the date? You haven't mentioned anything about what happens in "approximately" 1603 - is it relevant to the question? - if it is, expand on it. if not, delete it.
"First performed in November 1604" - is THAT necessary? does that have anything to do with the question?

[Emzy-!!]

I think it's good, but when you give the definition of a villian it sounds a bit out of place. So I think you should either expand it by giving examples from the play or just take it out.

[Jen]

I'm doing Othello too.
I would help you If I knew the topic/title/question..?

My essay was about Jealousy..

"Othello is a truly terrifing portrayal of the destructive power of jealousy, discuss."

If its about that... I'm all set.

[james_h]

I've re-edited my intro again. Please correct me on anymore mistakes and if you have any more ideas.

How does Shakespeare portray Iago as a villain in Act 1 of Othello and how far does this prepare us for his actions in the rest of the play?

Shakespeare's "Othello" is a tragedy about the downfall of a black, valiant soldier named Othello. Throughout the play we see the main central character, Othello, going from a brave soldier who is madly in love, to a ruined man cursed by paranoia.
The reason for this is his trusted adviser Iago, who plots Othello’s downfall from the moment we meet him. Iago’s hate for Othello stems from when Othello had promoted Cassio (a young, intelligent soldier) over him, because Othello chose the brains of Cassio over experience and loyalty of Iago. Another reason for Iago wanting revenge against Othello is that he believes Othello slept with his wife, Emilia. Immediately in Act One, we can see that his intentions are not what they seem, from:
"I am not what I am" which tells us that he is two-faced and that everything he does or says is for another reason mainly to seed thoughts of paranoia. Iago knows how to manipulate people and play everyone off against each other. This is how he achieves Othello’s eventual downfall.
The definition of “villain” is a wicked or evil person. Iago is the perfect villain because he is on everybody’s side, therefore everyone trusts him and he can get away with anything. No-one would expect him to lie as is shown throughout the play because he is called by “good” or “honest” Iago, especially by Othello.

[Shaun]

I'd agree with Dupin - the context of the play might be important, it depends on which "AO"s [Assessment Objectives] are double-weighted... I'm not entirely sure if this applies to all modules and texts, but IIRC:

AO5 - The Historical context of the play; you should discuss how it is/was relevant to society at the time, and how it might apply to politics of today.

AO1 - Knowledge and understanding of the play/text; you'll need to use quotes from the piece and stuff...lol.
AO2 - Explanation/Arguing; you'll need to give a good argument and use clear and concise points to back it up.
AO3 - Your interpretation; give your own thoughts on the piece.
AO4 - Conclusion/evaluation; self-explanatory.

So if none of these are double-weighted, it's best to make sure you checklist all of them.

[james_h]

Originally posted by Shaun
I'd agree with Dupin - the context of the play might be important, it depends on which "AO"s [Assessment Objectives] are double-weighted... I'm not entirely sure if this applies to all modules and texts, but IIRC:

AO5 - The Historical context of the play; you should discuss how it is/was relevant to society at the time, and how it might apply to politics of today.

AO1 - Knowledge and understanding of the play/text; you'll need to use quotes from the piece and stuff...lol.
AO2 - Explanation/Arguing; you'll need to give a good argument and use clear and concise points to back it up.
AO3 - Your interpretation; give your own thoughts on the piece.
AO4 - Conclusion/evaluation; self-explanatory.

So if none of these are double-weighted, it's best to make sure you checklist all of them.

i don't even know what double weighted is lol n wts iirc?

[Shaun]

iirc = if I recall correctly.

And double-weighted means it's more important that you cover that aspect of writing your essay.

[james_h]

Originally posted by Shaun
iirc = if I recall correctly.

And double-weighted means it's more important that you cover that aspect of writing your essay.

ok. this is soooo hard lol i'm in set1 and dumb.

[james_h]

Originally posted by james_h

ok. this is soooo hard lol i'm in set1 and dumb.

Right ok. I've only just managed to think of what to put next. Does this sound ok?

When Iago says “to serve my turn upon him” about Othello in Act 1, this portrays Iago as villainous because villains usually have grudges against the “hero”, which in this case is Othello. Iago wants his revenge against Othello and he will manipulate anyone to do it.

[dupin]

Some of the content of your introduction doesn't really seem as though it belong in an introduction - I never feel the need to start analyzing quotes in the introduction of the essay - it should be more about outlining what the essay is saying and explaining the context of the play.

[Jake!]

Don'tworry I've done Otthelo in English & Drama so just take my msn and e-mail me with any problems, I'm pretty decent at Shakespere. When I done it I played Iago in the schoolplay and we all got to meet people who played the characters in theatre, I have a good understanding of story and everything. so like I said e-mailme I'll let you know...

[WoopieGeorge]

Im doing Shakesphere for my GCSE Corseworj too! loool