[Z]

Originally Posted by Dezzy

It's not wrong to be emotionally mature. The fact is you'd be ruining two people's chance at happiness because you are pissed off about the past and that ain't right. If I had a friend like that I'd be counting my blessings that they'd end the friendship. Obsessing over a past relationship to the point you'd fall out with the people closest to you is extremely unhealthy.

But then if your friend dates your ex and you don't agree with that in principle, then they're clearly not worthwhile having as a friend to you, so I don't think it's unhealthy at all. I'd never date a friend's ex, I think there's a cooling off period where that's definitely not okay, maybe like a year after they'd broken up then sure, because you're not still hung up over the relationship after that length of time (generally speaking.) I think it's wrong to be immature about it, but I certainly wouldn't pretend to be fine with my friend dating my ex if I wasn't over it, and personally speaking it takes me a couple of months to get over a romantic attachment at least, so yeah. An ex girlfriend of mine dumped me and then had a secret thing with a guy I used to be close friends with, I ended that friendship because he'd been chatting her up behind my back, she dumped me and they started up a thing together. There's no point in keeping friends who would back stab you in such a way, in my opinion, and if that makes me emotionally immature then so be it, I'm happy with my decision.

[Shaun]

Originally Posted by Zee

But then if your friend dates your ex and you don't agree with that in principle, then they're clearly not worthwhile having as a friend to you, so I don't think it's unhealthy at all. I'd never date a friend's ex, I think there's a cooling off period where that's definitely not okay, maybe like a year after they'd broken up then sure, because you're not still hung up over the relationship after that length of time (generally speaking.) I think it's wrong to be immature about it, but I certainly wouldn't pretend to be fine with my friend dating my ex if I wasn't over it, and personally speaking it takes me a couple of months to get over a romantic attachment at least, so yeah. An ex girlfriend of mine dumped me and then had a secret thing with a guy I used to be close friends with, I ended that friendship because he'd been chatting her up behind my back, she dumped me and they started up a thing together. There's no point in keeping friends who would back stab you in such a way, in my opinion, and if that makes me emotionally immature then so be it, I'm happy with my decision.

isn't that rather the point it all depends on whether the friend is over the split or not.

If they are, I don't really see a reason why not...I just personally probably wouldn't because I have extremely neurotic friends.

[Mr XcX]

Originally Posted by Zee

But then if your friend dates your ex and you don't agree with that in principle, then they're clearly not worthwhile having as a friend to you, so I don't think it's unhealthy at all. I'd never date a friend's ex, I think there's a cooling off period where that's definitely not okay, maybe like a year after they'd broken up then sure, because you're not still hung up over the relationship after that length of time (generally speaking.) I think it's wrong to be immature about it, but I certainly wouldn't pretend to be fine with my friend dating my ex if I wasn't over it, and personally speaking it takes me a couple of months to get over a romantic attachment at least, so yeah. An ex girlfriend of mine dumped me and then had a secret thing with a guy I used to be close friends with, I ended that friendship because he'd been chatting her up behind my back, she dumped me and they started up a thing together. There's no point in keeping friends who would back stab you in such a way, in my opinion, and if that makes me emotionally immature then so be it, I'm happy with my decision.

This was the point I was making. I do not consider myself emotionally immature for my beliefs.

[Z]

Originally Posted by Shaun

isn't that rather the point it all depends on whether the friend is over the split or not.

If they are, I don't really see a reason why not...I just personally probably wouldn't because I have extremely neurotic friends.

Even if I was over it though, as in, I no longer felt any emotional attachment to the ex, I still wouldn't be fine with it. I just couldn't hang out with that friend while the ex was there, for example, seeing them acting like a couple when that had been me with them previously; it'd be like watching Mean Girls in real life . If they ended up being together for life, then that's great for them, but I'd never get over that initial betrayal of friendship. I value my friends a lot.

[joeysteele]

Originally Posted by Zee

Even if I was over it though, as in, I no longer felt any emotional attachment to the ex, I still wouldn't be fine with it. I just couldn't hang out with that friend while the ex was there, for example, seeing them acting like a couple when that had been me with them previously; it'd be like watching Mean Girls in real life . If they ended up being together for life, then that's great for them, but I'd never get over that initial betrayal of friendship. I value my friends a lot.

Good point, also although a friend may say he/she is over it to you,inside they may not be,and it still could cost you that good friendship eventually as they likely pull away from you and see you less and less, for me it would not be worth that risk so as I said before I would steer clear of exes of friends.
Far too much to lose in the long run.

[Shaun]

the point of Mean Girls greg was that they were emotionally insecure teenage girls... this shouldn't be the case as adults. I just think it's a bit arbitrary to treat things as irrationally taboo. Of course if the split ended not-so-amicably, and you hated the ex, and didn't want to see them again, I can understand - but you can't end things, be emotionally detached, and still hold some kind of upper hand.

[Z]

Originally Posted by Shaun

the point of Mean Girls greg was that they were emotionally insecure teenage girls... this shouldn't be the case as adults. I just think it's a bit arbitrary to treat things as irrationally taboo. Of course if the split ended not-so-amicably, and you hated the ex, and didn't want to see them again, I can understand - but you can't end things, be emotionally detached, and still hold some kind of upper hand.

My point was I wouldn't want to see someone I used to have feelings for being romantic with a friend; it's just not right IMO and it's essentially dangling your emotions for all to see. It just depends on the three people involved and the circumstances of the break up, but in principle I don't agree with it and I don't think it's emotionally immature to say you wouldn't be okay with it or that you wouldn't do it, that's all.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Mr XcX

Anyway I would never date my friends ex because I would respect my friend enough not to go there. I would not want to risk losing my friendship. I certainly would not be comfortable with it. Yet some people on here seem to be.

I agree

[CharlieO]

i thinks its fine i they are like in love but if its just like a easy shag then its disrespectful.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Zee

My point was I wouldn't want to see someone I used to have feelings for being romantic with a friend; it's just not right IMO and it's essentially dangling your emotions for all to see. It just depends on the three people involved and the circumstances of the break up, but in principle I don't agree with it and I don't think it's emotionally immature to say you wouldn't be okay with it or that you wouldn't do it, that's all.

I absolutely agree with that Greg

[Iceman]

I did in the past, they hadnt been going out long so it wasn't too difficult.

[Sam:)]

Depends how hard they (the friend) took the break-up and how long they've been broken up

[Zippy]

well obviously it depends on the people involved and whether or not theyre bothered by it. Some will be more bothered than others. Obviously a lot depends on how the relationship ended and whether theres still resentment or jealousy issues etc.

But some people can move on and not really care who there ex is with even if its their BF. Indeed, some will even be happy for them and think theyre maybe a better match. So there's no definite answer. In principal it should be fine because theyre free agents and you can find love anywhere. Just because they were not right for you doesnt mean theyre not right for your friend.

[Benjamin]

Originally Posted by jedward fever

I think you would be betraying your friend if you slept with there ex partner.

There is a difference between having sex with their ex partner and being in love with them though.

[Princess]

Well it all the depends on the friend and the ex, and whether your friend is ok with it. I'd feel weird personally but you can't say no for every single relationship.

[Mr XcX]

Any more thoughts TIBB?

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by ukturtle

There is a difference between having sex with their ex partner and being in love with them though.

I still dont think its right.

[Benjamin]

Originally Posted by jedward fever

I still dont think its right.

You can't help who you fall in love with.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by ukturtle

You can't help who you fall in love with.

I believe you can. If you don't start something with someone then you won't fall in love.

[Benjamin]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I believe you can. If you don't start something with someone then you won't fall in love.

But if it was your best friends ex, you would have got to know them at some point. I don't think it's a nice thing to happen, but if you are not together with that person then it's called life, things obviously didn't work for a reason between them.

[CharlieO]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I believe you can. If you don't start something with someone then you won't fall in love.

But then you may regret which in the long run can be very painful.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by ukturtle

But if it was your best friends ex, you would have got to know them at some point. I don't think it's a nice thing to happen, but if you are not together with that person then it's called life, things obviously didn't work for a reason between them.

I really don't believe that people can be romantically "in love" until they are actually in a relationship and have gone through stuff together etc.

Originally Posted by CharlieOsborne

But then you may regret which in the long run can be very painful.

I would never regret not ruining a friendship

[Captain.Remy]

When my friends and I met, we became a strong group of alpha males and we all agreed that no hoe will ever compromise our friendship between the 7 of us.

That happened once. We kicked the bitch and that mother****er out once in for all. Fine if they're happy, but ain't nobody going to come and fuck with the peace.
Both of them regret it badly as their relationship didn't last long afterwards but it's too late. Our male friend screwed with us and he learnt the hard way that no one should mess with us.

We are not 14 y-o bitches to argue over somebody. We all have girlfriends but once a relationship is finished, we listen to what our friend had to say because "bros before hoes". Always. No matter what.

[Mr XcX]

Originally Posted by Captain.Remy

When my friends and I met, we became a strong group of alpha males and we all agreed that no hoe will ever compromise our friendship between the 7 of us.

That happened once. We kicked the bitch and that mother****er out once in for all. Fine if they're happy, but ain't nobody going to come and fuck with the peace.
Both of them regret it badly as their relationship didn't last long afterwards but it's too late. Our male friend screwed with us and he learnt the hard way that no one should mess with us.

We are not 14 y-o bitches to argue over somebody. We all have girlfriends but once a relationship is finished, we listen to what our friend had to say because "bros before hoes". Always. No matter what.

Amen!!!

[Z]

Originally Posted by ukturtle

But if it was your best friends ex, you would have got to know them at some point. I don't think it's a nice thing to happen, but if you are not together with that person then it's called life, things obviously didn't work for a reason between them.

It's always sad when your friend's relationship ends, but I think for me, on the basis that you got to know them through your friend, you should therefore steer clear of them post break-up. If anything, there's the worry that they just want to use you to get back with the friend. If they break up and the ex disappears out of everyone's conscience and you suddenly bump into them a couple of years later and you really hit it off - I don't think it would be held against you, but entering into a relationship with your friend's ex before your friend has had time to move on to someone new, I think that's what I take issue with. It really does depend on each individual case, there are so many hypothetical situations to consider.