[Sticks]

If you think back to your little excursion to North London, does anyone know what has happened to Bert. He was kind enough to step in for me when I was stuck in the north due to unexpected severe adverse weather conditions

It was Bert who ended up dealing with the communications reps for the mobile phone jammers, instead of me, so the tabloid rat pack was spiked.

We are a bit worried about Bert. He has not been the same since his life long friend Ernie was pursuaded by some new associates to kick Bert out of the house they were sharing in the US. (Somebody in the press said they were gay, and Bert says that was where the trouble began) According to Bert his friend Ernie seems to have got mixed up with a religious group. He does not know who they are, but told us they were clean shaven and rode around on bikes a lot.

Also Bert had been keeping a low profile since some so and so put his photo on a poster of an Osama bin liner, which was one of the reasons why he was over here.

I understand he was quite helpful with you lot on the trip, but it slipped his mind to let you know he was not me. I also remember one of you indicating. thinking Bert was me, that Bert was quite in to the wine. I am afraid Bert is not used to alcohol, as he never really indulged when he lived with his friend Ernie. Bert never said why

If you still have the Pop Idol Bus can you check it. He has disappeared from the YMCA hostel he has been staying in. Some of the guys there said he was a bit dispondent

It has been several days, and some want to file a missing person's report. Before we did that we thought we had better check with those of you who were down there.

Has anyone seen Bert ?

[Kaz]

Sorry, no.

We have hidden him well.

You will never find him ........



Don't mess with the TiBB Virtual Babes!

[peachy]

As Kaz has said Sticks, Bert is safe and sound! He asked us to hide him, he said that he was fed up with doing your dirty work! Sorry Sticks but Bert felt used! The only trouble is we now would rather like him to return home to you and Ernie. He's eating us out of house and home, but he just won't leave. He says if it's a choice between living on the PI bus with us TIBB babes or returning home to Newcastle to live in the shed at the bottom of your garden, he's staying with us. So, Sticks please come and get him. As for the drink, since he left your teetotal establishment, he's taken to it in a BIG way. Help, Sticks, from now on Bert is yours, all yours.

[Romantic Old Bird]

Sticks, just one thing when you do get him home.

You MUST keep up the treatment we have established. He needs a lot of encouragement, but your patience will ultimately be rewarded.

Only this afternoon, he managed to turn past page 3 unaided, and almost made it to the sports page. The nightmares have almost stopped now, but peachy is right about the drinking. It is bad.

He's not violent, but he's maudlin', and we had to move the bus again because the neighbours have complained to envirinmental health about the noise nuisance.

Fetch him back now. Please.

[Sticks]

I am seriously worried about Bert's state of mind now

I do not have a garden, or a shed. Infact as you will see from my website picture


I live in a tower block.

I believe the garden and shed are back where he used to live, with Ernie in New York State.

You say he has taken to the drink in a big way, well that confirms what they were saying at the YMCA in London, Bert was trying to drown his sorrows. When Bert lived with Ernie, I do not believe they drank much, so Bert may not have been used to it.

As for doing my dirty work I am afraid that could not be helped that weekend. The severe weather blocked off the routes south of York. It caused a severe crash and the 2 Sea King Helecopters sent in had to put down twice

We have tried to get in touch with Ernie but what ever religious group Ernie has got mixed up in, seems to be intercepting his calls. It seems there are a lot of "Brothers" living there at his house. It seems to sound familiar to a cult I got caught up with in the 1980's. Luckily I managed to extracate myself, but I would not like to talk about that here.

Anyway see if you can sober Bert up and let him know that he has left some property behind at the YMCA he was staying in prior to your excursion.

A Mr B Bird and a rather gruff sounding chap by the name of Oscar has been on the horn from the US to ask about Bert. It seems they are quite worried about him. Bert should have their number or e-mail address. Can you get Bert to contact them. They said something about trying to raise the airfare for Bert to fly back home to the US.

[Janette]

Mr B Bird needn't fly over, a certain Count could do that (under cover of darkness of course). I'm sure he will be able to rescue Bert

[Sticks]

Originally posted by janette246
Mr B Bird needn't fly over, a certain Count could do that (under cover of darkness of course). I'm sure he will be able to rescue Bert

It is not exactly Bert his friends in the US feel need rescuing per say. They believe it is Ernie who is under the spell of some cult. According to a Mr Hooper, they have even tried to draw in someone called Elmo, , but Oscar, the one who I mentioned in my last posting managed to put a stop to that. I did not get any further details

I managed to get hold of this picture of Bert and Ernie in happier times.




Bert must have got it scanned and e-mailed from the Pop-Idol bus while you were helping a certain couple move in. It came from Bert's hotmail account. In my last communication with Bert he was quite upset in fact he was , probably why he seemed so negative about Ernie.

As for the Count flying over, apparently he is unable to make it, but someone called Grover is making plans to fly to London to take Bert Home back to America. Mr Hooper apparently is going to fund the trip, he seems to own his own retail buisiness in New York State.

Mr Hooper may be e-mailing you with Grover's flight detail's. Apparently Mr B Bird could not come as they are having to fly economy, and they said Mr B Bird was too big.

To quote Brian

"How Rude..."

Would you be able to take Bert to meet him at Gatwick Airport ?

[Janette]

Bert has decided that he doesn't want to go home. He has applied for Big Brother 3 and is in with a good chance as he has been invited back for a second audition!

So I'm afraid if you want to see Bert again you may be only able to watch him on BB3

Once it is over, he will then decide what he wants to do with his life, he's not that bothered about his old life with Ernie and the gang, he wants to be a star!!!!!!

Go Bert! Go Bert! Go Bert! Go Bert! Go Bert! Go Bert! Go Bert! Go Bert! Go Bert!



: dance:

[Sticks]

Originally posted by janette246
Bert has decided that he doesn't want to go home. He has applied for Big Brother 3 and is in with a good chance as he has been invited back for a second audition!

Something odd there, according to the rules of BB3, you have to be a British Subject. Bert is an American citizen and not eligible to apply. Are you sure that it is BB3 he is auditioning for.

I understand that Bert was not too happy with how he felt others in his street let him down when Ernie kicked him out of the house. According to Bert that was one reason he came to London, he did not feel wanted.

You guys have definitely made him feel wanted, which is why he is inclined to stay, which shows what a wonderful supportive lot you are.

However, Bert is here on a tourist visa and that is not going to last forever. The guys in his street back home are really sorry that they were not as supportive as they might have been, as they were unaware of what was going on and were just as much in shock as Bert when they heard that Ernie had kicked him out and that Bert had gone to London.

Apparantly and some members the religious cult had told Bert that everyone in the rest of the Street wanted him to leave, a bald face lie. I suspect it was because he was trying to get through to Ernie, and they wanted to make sure they kept their claws in him.

It was Mr B Bird that found out about all the lies told about them, which is why they want to send Grover across to reassure Bert that even if Ernie does not want anything to do with him, they still want and value Bert (So far no luck with Ernie )

Mr B Bird wants Bert to know that the pigeons are being looked after by Oscar, and they all miss him very much. (At this point Mr B Bird became somewhat emotional - it is all such a distressing mess )

[Feefs]

You are of course right to an extent Stick about the old citizenship problem, however this was overcome when I married him. He is now fully eligible to stay here as long as he wants, and to go on to greater things here in the UK.

It's one of those modern Open Marriages, which seems to have interested the selection panel, particularly when he told them I don't mind if he gets up to stuff on tv. Me and my boyfriend can't wait to meet Davina on eviction nights.

[Sticks]

My understanding is that UK immigration law is such that a marriage of convienience will not grant the right to remain. I think it was called the primary purpose rule.

Has Bert been reading his e-mail ? He should know by now that the religious cult that has brainwashed Ernie, lied to him about everyone else in his street.

Mr B Bird has been trying to get in touch with Bert. The lie they told about Mr B Bird was so horrid, I can not bring myself to repeat it. Mr B Bird was livid when he heard, but the American 1st Ammendment means he is snookered.

Some of the other people in Bert's street have clubbed together, and want to invite you guys who have been looking after Bert in the Pop Idol bus to come across to the States along with Bert. Elmo, who almost got snared in by the cult suggested that you guys might be able to rescue and deprogramme Ernie...

Are you guys up for it

As for BB3, they should only be doing the regional auditions by now. Are you certain it is the genuine Endermol production team, and not one of those phony set ups, where they ask you to do all sorts of things, like stripping off

There are a lot of charlatons out there as Bert found out to his cost.