[daniel-lewis-1985]

Originally Posted by Kyle

Agreed.

I have no idea why the OP can't seem to let go trying to convince people it will make relationships better if we 'pretend' not to care about our partners having sex with other people.

I don't agree that having lots of sex with different people is ok and I couldn't do it but I see her point that being open and honest from the start and not expect everything to be perfect is spot on.

I think going into a relationship its probably more healthy to take the approach of seeing where it goes and not pressurise it by commiting to each other straight away.

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by daniel-lewis-1985

Im not im just discussing something I had never considered before and a lot of points do actually make sense.

And that's fair enough mate if you think they make sense to you then I don't see why you can't apply it to your life. If your straightforward with your partner and they agree why not.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Jack_

Surprisingly interesting read

Doesn't matter what she'd have said though, it's Luisa, some people will refuse to take her seriously. She could find the cure for cancer and some people would still go 'dirty ****ing ***** she sleeps with multiple men I ain't trusting her the ****ing slag'

Excuse me, Luisa was my second favourite in there and favourite after Liz was evicted, I just don't agree with what she's saying

[Lee.]

Originally Posted by daniel-lewis-1985

I don't believe that at all, you are saying every single one of your friends are in perfect relationships where theres 100% trust with no slight paranoia or issues?

How can every single one of your friends be in a relationship? Plus we don't know what goes on behind closed doors, all couples are on their best behaviour in public and feel the need to look happy imo but ofcourse that's not true.

Why on earth would I make that up? I have one friend who has been single longer than the rest of us but she's getting married in May.. So yes, every single one of my friends is in a happy monogamous relationship. There is one of us who isn't 100% happy.. They've had their ups and downs, but they've decided to work on it, not just give up.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Originally Posted by Lee.

Why on earth would I make that up? I have one friend who has been single longer than the rest of us but she's getting married in May.. So yes, every single one of my friends is in a happy monogamous relationship. There is one of us who isn't 100% happy.. They've had their ups and downs, but they've decided to work on it, not just give up.

So not all of your friends are in a happy monogamous relationship then. That post is a total contradiction.

So I didn't believe what you said and I was correct.

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by daniel-lewis-1985

I guess I just have the ability to look at both sides of an opinion.

Haw I didn't see this bit when I made my reply. If that's supposed to insult me you'll have to do better than that chief.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Originally Posted by Kyle

Haw I didn't see this bit when I made my reply. If that's supposed to insult me you'll have to do better than that chief.

Yeah sorry lol that was a bit of a dig.

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by daniel-lewis-1985

Yeah sorry lol that was a bit of a dig.

[Lee.]

Originally Posted by daniel-lewis-1985

So not all of your friends are in a happy monogamous relationship then. That post is a total contradiction.

So I didn't believe what you said and I was correct.

Because a relationship has ups and downs doesn't mean one if them has cheated. And they do appear to be happy again. My point was that a happy relationship sometimes does need a bit of effort.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Originally Posted by Lee.

Because a relationship has ups and downs doesn't mean one if them has cheated. And they do appear to be happy again. My point was that a happy relationship sometimes does need a bit of effort.

Ok but that's not what you said that's why I responded like that.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by daniel-lewis-1985

Ok but that's not what you said that's why I responded like that.

I would say most if not all couples have ups and downs, I don't think sleeping with other people is going to stop that from happening in fact, sleeping with other people while you're on a "down" in your relationship could be the end of the relationship imo

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I would say most if not all couples have ups and downs, I don't think sleeping with other people is going to stop that from happening in fact, sleeping with other people while you're on a "down" in your relationship could be the end of the relationship imo

The point Luisa made in the column was to be upfront from the start of the relationship and see where it takes them. I don't think she once said sleeping with someone else if both parties are not on the same wave length is right.

She is suggesting that people who jump into a monogamous relationship straight away with high expectations are more at risk of getting hurt when someone cheats on them as would most people.

But if the foundation of the relationship is the *Lets not be serious straight away and takes things slow, see where it goes approach imo could end up a much stronger relationship when those two people finally decide they want to be together as its been 100% honest from the start.

The paranoia, suspicion, checking texts, being extremely jealous if your partner dare look at another attractive person business that comes with 100% commitment from day 1 is destructive.

I am sure we have al faced situations like that and its not fun so I think she has a point. I haven't had a relationship for 3 years and that's due to the hassle it brings with the whole "why didn't you call me" "who were you out with" "why hasn't he text me" business, im defo going to try a more relaxed approach next time and just see where it goes.

Its basically just dating various people before committing to that 1 person.

[GiRTh]

Originally Posted by Jack_

Surprisingly interesting read

Doesn't matter what she'd have said though, it's Luisa, some people will refuse to take her seriously. She could find the cure for cancer and some people would still go 'dirty ****ing ***** she sleeps with multiple men I ain't trusting her the ****ing slag'

Luisa wouldn't cure cancer she'd be far too busy telling anyone who'd listen about the golden shower she performed the previous night.

Another reason, there are many, why I dont like her is cuz I frankly dont really believe her and I think she's far too open about her sordid sex life. Some one will undoubtedly say she has no reason to not be open but if she's done the things she's claimed to have for as long as she claims then I would bet my mortgage that at some point she's come across someone who expected a bit more than she was prepared to give, if you know what I mean. So Luisa you're so keen to tell us about the cream pies you've been involved in why dont you tell us about the times when you didnt enjoy it so much cuz the guy wanted to get a bit too rough with her or the guy had his dick so far down her throat that she couldn't breath and threw up. Sorry if you think my description is a bit graphic but I have no doubt is she is who she claims to be then she has stories like this to tell. Im, curious about those times seeing as she so keen to tell us all about it.

Sorry but for me this girl is full of sh*t. What I see is someone who will say what she thinks you want to hear in order to win your approval or maintain her image. I'd like a more in depth look at her sex life cuz I',m sure if we really got into it she wont be all that proud of some of the things she's done.

[Josy]

Hmm if she doesn't believe in monogamy why did she get married

Her marriage broke up after her husband had an affair, the way she goes on in that article you would think she would be more 'lenient' with any partners she has?

Anyway I call bull**** on her article, millions and millions of couples have been happily married to one person throughout their entire lives.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by daniel-lewis-1985

The point Luisa made in the column was to be upfront from the start of the relationship and see where it takes them. I don't think she once said sleeping with someone else if both parties are not on the same wave length is right.

She is suggesting that people who jump into a monogamous relationship straight away with high expectations are more at risk of getting hurt when someone cheats on them as would most people.

But if the foundation of the relationship is the *Lets not be serious straight away and takes things slow, see where it goes approach imo could end up a much stronger relationship when those two people finally decide they want to be together as its been 100% honest from the start.

The paranoia, suspicion, checking texts, being extremely jealous if your partner dare look at another attractive person business that comes with 100% commitment from day 1 is destructive.

I am sure we have al faced situations like that and its not fun so I think she has a point. I haven't had a relationship for 3 years and that's due to the hassle it brings with the whole "why didn't you call me" "who were you out with" "why hasn't he text me" business, im defo going to try a more relaxed approach next time and just see where it goes.

Its basically just dating various people before committing to that 1 person.

Isn't that just "dating" though? It's not exactly a new concept

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Originally Posted by Josy

Hmm if she doesn't believe in monogamy why did she get married

Her marriage broke up after her husband had an affair, the way she goes on in that article you would think she would be more 'lenient' with any partners she has?

Anyway I call bull**** on her article, millions and millions of couples have been happily married to one person throughout their entire lives.

Hence her now taking a different approach on entering a relationship as her monogamous ones all ended.

And millions also haven't had happy marriages, like I said I know more divorced couples than married ones, not everything is as simple as the majority like to think. People wont even dare to think about what she's saying all shes saying is asking people to think of it logically.

I totally agree if something's not working then why not try a different approach there's nothing wrong with what she is saying and covers the both sides of relationships.

I dont know why some people have to resort to talking about her cum guzzling, calling her a ***** and insinuating shes at risk of rape or worse.

FGS just have an intellectual debate for once.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Isn't that just "dating" though? It's not exactly a new concept

Kind of but most people dating get attached to quickly and expect after date 3 to commit (im guilty of that on more than one occasion).

Multiple dating different people for longer than a few weeks is something most people wont do.

I think taking an approach where you become friends with various people and open up all possibilities with them aka sex for a few months or more then see if you are ready to settle with them or if you are actually compatible in the long run is sensible.

People jump into monogamy way to quick as they want the perfect person so much, I don't think it works like that anymore.

Think it's just about terminology. There just isn't anything as exciting in a relationship as having sex with a new person. The build up, the flirting etc, relationships don't have that. I'm not saying it's better or more meaningful in any way, but I can definitely understand the desire to constantly seek out new sex buddies.

I also understand the difference in those feelings and real love and desire for the person that you're with. I'm not saying one is better than the other, just that people need to choose their own paths in life and what seems odd to some of us, seems natural to others.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by daniel-lewis-1985

Kind of but most people dating get attached to quickly and expect after date 3 to commit (im guilty of that on more than one occasion).

Multiple dating different people for longer than a few weeks is something most people wont do.

I think taking an approach where you become friends with various people and open up all possibilities with them aka sex for a few months or more then see if you are ready to settle with them or if you are actually compatible in the long run is sensible.

People jump into monogamy way to quick as they want the perfect person so much, I don't think it works like that anymore.

In my experience, the very beginning of a relationship is the most intense (honeymoon period etc) where you have no desire to be with other people because everything is new and exciting with this new person. I would imagine it's only after a year or so (if people are inclined to cheat) that they'll start thinking about it

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

In my experience, the very beginning of a relationship is the most intense (honeymoon period etc) where you have no desire to be with other people because everything is new and exciting with this new person. I would imagine it's only after a year or so (if people are inclined to cheat) that they'll start thinking about it

The honeymoon period is exactly that though something that wont last. I think having that honemoon period with a few potential partners and see who it stays with and whos fizzles out can be a far better way to choose a long term partner.

Plus being upfront and telling the people you're dating that it may not lead anywhere is a sensible thing to do.

This article is a lot more sensible than others are making out, its not just I will have a boyfriend and all ways cheat on him its saying she wouldn't get into a serious relationship straight away and invest her emotions as the thought of someone who has deep feelings for her sharing that with someone else turn her stomach.

Not the sex but the emotional connection.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Originally Posted by Jesus.

Think it's just about terminology. There just isn't anything as exciting in a relationship as having sex with a new person. The build up, the flirting etc, relationships don't have that. I'm not saying it's better or more meaningful in any way, but I can definitely understand the desire to constantly seek out new sex buddies.

I also understand the difference in those feelings and real love and desire for the person that you're with. I'm not saying one is better than the other, just that people need to choose their own paths in life and what seems odd to some of us, seems natural to others.

Brilliant post

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by daniel-lewis-1985

The honeymoon period is exactly that though something that wont last. I think having that honemoon period with a few potential partners and see who it stays with and whos fizzles out can be a far better way to choose a long term partner.

Plus being upfront and telling the people you're dating that it may not lead anywhere is a sensible thing to do.

This article is a lot more sensible than others are making out, its not just I will have a boyfriend and all ways cheat on him its saying she wouldn't get into a serious relationship straight away and invest her emotions as the thought of someone who has deep feelings for her sharing that with someone else turn her stomach.

Not the sex but the emotional connection.

I'm just speaking from personal experience here but the honeymoon period imo wouldn't be viable with multiple people at the same time. The reason it's so good and intense is because of the emotional part of liking this person so much it's almost all consuming, having sex with lots of other people would dilute and tarnish everything that's so great about the honeymoon period imo

[Ammi]

"consider the one person that may shatter your idealistic world to pieces when lack of trust leads to snooping through texts and emails"


'Instead, consider the one person that may shatter your idealistic world to pieces when lack of trust leads to snooping through texts and emails… and you discover you're definitely not the only ONE.'


So now for the twist, if we could learn to be open and honest with each other, then there would be no such thing as cheating. Hear me out...

There would be less broken hearts, less paranoid people, more trust in a relationship. And maybe K-Stew and R-Patz would still be together.


Weirdly, once having a licence to thrill becomes acceptable, it essentially becomes less exciting.

If anyone has cheated – yeah, you with the inbox you keep deleting – you'll know the excitement of sneaking around lies at the heart of the fun.


Once that's stripped away, the whole thing falls a bit flat and seems less appealing… and you realise you're just banging your ugly boss in a suit.

On the flip side, two loving relationships co-existing does not appeal to me.

The idea of my partner 'dating' someone else simultaneously gives me that raw throat lump we get when we try not to cry Not because of the sex, but because the idea of someone I cherish having an emotional attachment to another bed-buddy sends my stomach into rollercoaster flips.


..I think if you do look through your partner's texts etc, you probably need to think about the 'sub-conscious' of that because it isn't something that everyone in a monogamous relationship does..for Luisa, it may be that she knows her own boundaries, so she assumes or is fearful of those boundaries in her partner..?..(if she doesn't commit to monogamy, then why would he, type thing..)..or it could be her own insecurities, which although I do like Luisa and believe it's up to her, how many people she sleeps with in one night...I do think to do that, there is possibly some deep insecurities there....and I think that even more so now because in the article, she appears to be less fearful/bothered by multiple sex partners but more about a partner transferring emotions to someone else...

[lostalex]

All relationships are unique, and anyone making general statements about relationships is an idiot.

[Ammi]

..so many wise words in such a short sentence, Alex...I also think that everyone takes their own character/experiences/associations/'baggage' etc into a relationship and they often base their judgements and beliefs on that....