[LeatherTrumpet]

TS does any of this ring alarm bells:


1. You are sharing frustrations about your marriage or relationship.

If you are telling your work friend all about your problems at home, you are asking for trouble. You’re creating a unique intimacy with this person and cutting out your partner at home, essentially creating a bond with your new friend to the exclusion of your partner. Once you have established that you can talk negatively about your partner with this person, you are setting up an close and emotional relationship, as well as an opening where this person can move in to fill the needs that your partner isn’t. This is a difficult question, but one you should ask yourself: are you sharing your unmet needs to subconsciously see if this person will meet them?


2. You begin testing the waters.

You are watching to see how far you can take the sexy banter. Sure, it’s fun to tell dirty jokes occasionally. And yes, it might be okay to send them that sexy YouTube music video — depending on context. But think about why you are doing it. And be honest with yourself: are you testing them to gauge their reaction? Perhaps they are telling you the things you want to hear, and as such, you are now pushing the envelope to see how far things will really go. Riding the edge can be exciting, but it can also be dangerous and disrespectful to your partner.

3. You contact them outside of “friendship hours.”

If they start calling you in the evening, you are crossing the line. If you are texting on the weekends, you are no longer just work friends. If you find yourself waiting for those texts and those phone calls, anxiously checking your phone and responding immediately, you should refocus your attention and look honestly at the situation. You may be more emotionally involved with them at this point than with your spouse. Ask yourself: is there more to this friendship than I want to admit to my partner? Am I being honest with them and with myself?

If these three warning signs — contacting them outside of work hours, pushing the friendship edge and inappropriate sharing — are true for you, you may be having an emotional affair. To prevent an emotional affair, you shouldn’t expect to give up all of your friends and refuse to meet new people. That’s not realistic, nor is it healthy. Cutting out friends of the opposite sex doesn’t work, nor does restricting time on the internet.

Preventing emotional infidelity may be as simple as (and this is actually harder than it sounds) telling the truth. In order to avoid an affair, you and your partner have to accept that it is natural and normal to be emotionally and physically attracted to other people. And if you find yourself fantasizing about this other person, tell on yourself before it goes any further.

It is easier to talk about now than it will be later, after the emotional affair has developed into something more complicated. A word of advice: telling your partner means being honest about your feelings. It doesn’t mean using specific details. Be open and honest about your concerns and let your partner know that you want to be clear about your feelings before they turn into something more.

It is normal to be attracted to someone with whom you have developed an emotional connection. But moving that relationship into something sexual is the next step, and it is potentially dangerous for your relationship. If you are in a relationship and afraid you might cheat, talk to your partner today and be honest about your feelings.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...tional-affair/

[Toy Soldier]

All of that is so possessive! There are "friendship hours"?? Eh?? And a limit to sexy banter? Where's the fun in that?? If I want to PM Livia and Kizzy and suggest a weird, aggressive sexual trist where they beat me and each other then I bloody well will!

The one point that I guess is important there, is the sharing MORE with someone else than with your partner. That's a problem I think. I've shared plenty with other people of both genders but nothing that me and the missus wouldn't or haven't brought up with each other. We talk about everything, whether it's negative or not, there's no point holding back really. That's not what I consider a proper relationship.

[Kizzy]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Did you get burned LT? Or is it a mummy thing?

It's a maudlin thing..... step off now

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

That's me, but it's not Mrs TS. We didn't cheat together but we did simulate breastfeeding each other for a while... No skin to skin contact just curling in the fetal position and snuggling in. Is that emotional cheating though?? I guess I used her as a bit of an emotional crutch. Good old Mrs Johnson. God rest her soul.

[Kizzy]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

All of that is so possessive! There are "friendship hours"?? Eh?? And a limit to sexy banter? Where's the fun in that?? If I want to PM Livia and Kizzy and suggest a weird, aggressive sexual trist where they beat me and each other then I bloody well will!

The one point that I guess is important there, is the sharing MORE with someone else than with your partner. That's a problem I think. I've shared plenty with other people of both genders but nothing that me and the missus wouldn't or haven't brought up with each other. We talk about everything, whether it's negative or not, there's no point holding back really. That's not what I consider a proper relationship.

Can I bring my straighteners? oh, and you'll need to contact someone to collect the remains afterwards

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by Kizzy

Can I bring my straighteners? oh, and you'll need to contact someone to collect the remains afterwards

We're going to snort Mrs Johnson's ashes by the way. Dunno if you're cool with that but to be honest it's the only thing that really gets me going these days. Her spirit is powdered viagra.

This is all normal relationship stuff, right?

[Tom4784]

I've never cheated, it's far too much effort. I'll just dump whoever it is I'm seeing if I'm bored enough of the relationship to think of straying.

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by Dezzy

I've never cheated, it's far too much effort. I'll just dump whoever it is I'm seeing if I'm bored enough of the relationship to think of straying.

Exactly, if I found myself wanting to be with someone else I'd just be honest about it. Realistically, I can't see that happening, but I would and so would she... Again, life's too short for games.

[smudgie]

Nope, not officially, which means no not once I have committed to someone.
Quite surprising really as I could have a couple on the go at the same time when I was young and finding my feet.
Been around the block a few times but was always honest and told the lads in question it was purely for the sex and fun of it, so therefore it wasn't cheating.
Not forgetting that was way before AIDS and much safer.

[AnnieK]

I agree you can have any number of friends of the opposite sex if you're open and honest about it. if you start hiding those friendships that's when lines start getting crossed imo.

[joeysteele]

I don't like the idea of if someone commits to another that they then cheat.

Far better to remain single, do what you like then.

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by AnnieK

I agree you can have any number of friends of the opposite sex if you're open and honest about it. if you start hiding those friendships that's when lines start getting crossed imo.

I guess the sad thing is if one partner HAS to hide their friendships because of a jealous / possessive other half...

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Kyle

A lad at my last workplace regularly cheated on his lass but told me he wouldn't tolerate it if she did it to him. When I asked him about the double standards he said he was aware of it but he just couldn't describe why he saw it that way. Always sticks in my mind that, never broached the topic further with him though he probably would have knifed me the mentalist.

Yeah I've known someone with that attitude do, It's actually disgusting that they're so aware that they would hate it but still carry on doing it the person they supposedly love

PS welcome back and love your avatar

[Benjamin]

I cannot ****ing stand people who are unfaithful. There is no excuse for it.

[Kizzy]

It's fun for a bit, the flirting and feeling all desired... but then when you've done something wrong the guilt is awful and the fallout just isn't worth it.

[Niall]

It's terrible and disgusting thing to do. I think that if monogamy is something that you have difficulty, then perhaps it's something that you shouldn't pursue. And that's not for the cheater's sake why I say that, but for the person they're bound to hurt.

I do however think it's something that so often comes out of very complex situations, and if It happened to me I'd like to think I'm the kind of person who;d work through it and not throw the whole relationship down the toilet.

I've not been there though so I can't really say I suppose.

[LukeB]

I rather get in a relationship with someone who is single because if you're seeing someone who is already in an relationship then they most likely cheat on you with another person because they cheated once so what makes you sure they won't do it again?

[Raph]

Had an affair for a year that I got into whilst cheating on my ex lol

But it ended a year ago and I wouldn't cheat or have an affair again

[Rob!]

I have never cheated on anyone and wouldn't.


I have knowingly been the other person though..it's not something I'm especially proud of but at the time I was (and still am in a lot of ways) dealing with self esteem issues. The thought of someone wanting to want to sleep with me despite the fact that they were in a relationship felt...good tbh. There was also that feeling of excitement to it because of course it shouldn't have been happening. It's a deplorable couple of reasons but it's what happened. I felt really bad afterwards and actually scared that I was going to have someone punching me in the street in case they'd developed a guilty conscious all of a sudden
I wouldn't and couldn't sleep with someone else if I was in a relationship though.

[Raph]

To add, I broke up with my ex the next day, the other person was also in a relationship and they stayed in it making it an affair.

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

PS welcome back and love your avatar

Why thank you

[Brother Leon]

I absolutely hate anyone that does it and never would myself. Been cheated on twice and it was a horrible feeling. It took me a long time to finally open up to someone when dating them.

[lostalex]

I've always been too scared to cheat in my relationships. i'm such a pussy!

Even when i knew i was gipping to break up with someone soon, i still always waited.

I understand why some people cheat, especially if they have a family and it would totally destroy other people's lives if they got a divorce, but still...

[DemolitionRed]

Very recently there was something like 37 million cheaters outed online from the Ashley Madison site which was set up to openly encourage cheating. Its motto is: 'Life is short. Have an affair'

The hackers had previously warned the site owners, "if this site is not removed we will disclose the details of every cheater you have on your site.

Ashley Madison, who offered their members complete 'anonymity' chose to ignore the blackmail attempt.

[Kizzy]

There was a thread on that on which many were disgusted that that was hacked and yet nobody likes a cheat....