[DemolitionRed]

Have you ever taken revenge on a lover or friend who betrayed you?
Is revenge a dish best served cold?
If you've done this, did you have any regrets? or did you decide revenge was pointless and it was better to either forgive or just walk away?

[Jamie89]

I think it's always best to forgive or walk away. Seeking revenge can turn into an obsession and you'll more likely end up more hurt than you were to begin with. Doing something bad to someone else is a stressful thing (regardless of if they've done something bad to you first), not something that will make you feel good in the long run, so it just isn't worth it. And I think if you are able to get over it and move on without seeking revenge you'll feel a better, and a stronger person for it.

I had an ex who cheated on me and it was the most hurtful experience of my whole life, and I had a couple of friends who told me I should go out and sleep with someone to 'even the score', as if that would undo the hurt he caused me, and I'm so glad I didn't because even though it ended up not working out between us in the end, I felt so much better at the time for forgiving him and trying to work through things instead of just going out and trying to hurt him. Revenge is sometimes the cowards way out I think

[Jamie89]

I think it's always best to forgive or walk away. Seeking revenge can turn into an obsession and you'll more likely end up more hurt than you were to begin with. Doing something bad to someone else is a stressful thing (regardless of if they've done something bad to you first), not something that will make you feel good in the long run, so it just isn't worth it. And I think if you are able to get over it and move on without seeking revenge you'll feel a better, and a stronger person for it.

I had an ex who cheated on me and it was the most hurtful experience of my whole life, and I had a couple of friends who told me I should go out and sleep with someone to 'even the score', as if that would undo the hurt he caused me, and I'm so glad I didn't because even though it ended up not working out between us in the end, I felt so much better at the time for forgiving him and trying to work through things instead of just going out and trying to hurt him. Revenge is sometimes the cowards way out I think

[AnnieK]

Nope....revenge and anger are wasted emotions. Better to just walk away with dignity intact. Always makes you the bigger person.

[Liam-]

I don't believe in revenge, I live by the words of Confucius 'Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.'

[DemolitionRed]

What inspired me to ask this question was an album I recently listened to called, "Still Caught Up" by Millie Jackson. The lyrics take you through this whole curb of emotions from someone who feels betrayed. She goes through sadness, anger, excitement and eventually madness. What she doesn't do is take revenge but it still reminds me of how I felt when I found out my ex had been secretly seeing another woman.

Sometimes you know its over before its over but when you really love someone and something happens that turns your world upside down, just walking away isn't easy. I know that I went through all those emotions Millie Jackson sings about in that album and some of them just weren't rational. I did go through a short period where I planned and plotted my revenge. I wanted to humiliate him and feed him the same emotional pain he'd fed me. I didn't go ahead with that revenge because by the time I'd set the plans in place, I'd moved into a much more rational curb and was able to recognise the stupidity of it.

My ex and me never got back together but we did move on and eventually we became good friends. If I had taken my revenge back then, that friendship wouldn't exist today.

[Jay.]

i get a lot of irrational hatred for people, so i just quietly hate them and try my hardest to annoy them and stuff idk

i hated my uncles girlfriend for like 5 years and constantly gave her little jabs whenever i saw her, like i'd say something like 'his ex-girlfriend was so much nicer than you, she had a kinder face too.'

i was right about her all along she cheated on him so

[Scarlett.]

Revenge is pointless, its a waste of your own time.

[smudgie]

Revenge, not sure really, I prefer to wait for Karma as I get older.
What goes around comes around.

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Jay.

i get a lot of irrational hatred for people, so i just quietly hate them and try my hardest to annoy them and stuff idk

i hated my uncles girlfriend for like 5 years and constantly gave her little jabs whenever i saw her, like i'd say something like 'his ex-girlfriend was so much nicer than you, she had a kinder face too.'

i was right about her all along she cheated on him so

You call it irrational but then in your last sentence you say you were right about her. Sounds like your good at picking up clues and listening to your intuition.

Either that or you drove her away

[Kizzy]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

What inspired me to ask this question was an album I recently listened to called, "Still Caught Up" by Millie Jackson. The lyrics take you through this whole curb of emotions from someone who feels betrayed. She goes through sadness, anger, excitement and eventually madness. What she doesn't do is take revenge but it still reminds me of how I felt when I found out my ex had been secretly seeing another woman.

Sometimes you know its over before its over but when you really love someone and something happens that turns your world upside down, just walking away isn't easy. I know that I went through all those emotions Millie Jackson sings about in that album and some of them just weren't rational. I did go through a short period where I planned and plotted my revenge. I wanted to humiliate him and feed him the same emotional pain he'd fed me. I didn't go ahead with that revenge because by the time I'd set the plans in place, I'd moved into a much more rational curb and was able to recognise the stupidity of it.

My ex and me never got back together but we did move on and eventually we became good friends. If I had taken my revenge back then, that friendship wouldn't exist today.

My ex was a big fat twonk that it took me an age to get rid of.... I fed him some crazy things before he eventually left, he had a cast iron stomach that guy I can tell you!

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by Kizzy

My ex was a big fat twonk that it took me an age to get rid of.... I fed him some crazy things before he eventually left, he had a cast iron stomach that guy I can tell you!

OMG Kizzy..my mother-in-law used to bake her hubby a nice steak pie...with Chappie.

[Ammi]

..no, to revenge I think is to allow that person who has hurt you, to carry on controlling your emotions ..which is the only control we have really...although being cheated on is obviously such a negative thing..in a way in terms of how hurtful it is, it's also positive or you can take positive from it because it's allowed you to see that person so much more clearly..and someone that you wouldn't want to be a part of your life, in the same way they had been...

..I recall reading a book once..and the main character of the book was grieving for his much loved wife..they had been married for many years and he was completely lost without her...anyways, in sorting through her stuff, he found love letters and things that told him that she had been having a long term affair through their marriage, right from when he very first met her...wow, I can't imagine how that would feel..to feel that your whole life had been a 'lie' with that person and that there would never be any questions answered ..and the conflict of your love and grief and feelings of betrayal...


..I can understand though in some extremes other than the OP examples, how 'revenge' or maybe 'closure' would be something that some would feel they needed..if someone had hurt them so deeply that, that person already controlled their emotions and life...things like, child abuse or any relationship abuse ..when finding 'their control' of themselves again was too difficult/impossible, because of what was done to them...and maybe seeing that person not brought to justice, which does obviously happen...and things like torture would also be one...

..on the whole though and in a general way, I think that revenge or feelings of revenge are the most destructive to the people who feel them...don't 'walk away' as such, but hold on to what you have learned...

[Niamh.]

When I was a teenager I did do something revenge-ish to a guy who cheated on me. But I wouldn't now. Now I think the best revenge you can get is to get over it, move on with your life and not let that person effect you in such a negative way.

[Ammi]

..I don't think teenage years count Niamh..there is a rule and law there somewhere, I'll go find it...

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..I don't think teenage years count Niamh..there is a rule and law there somewhere, I'll go find it...

Oh yeah? What did teenage Ammi do? Naughty girl.

[Tom4784]

I took revenge on a bully in school by outting him, pretty sure I've told that story before.

A few years back, I was accused of stealing Charity money and almost everyone turned against me aside from my immediate family and a few friends, it came to light that I didn't steal it a few weeks later and every time people would come up to me and say sorry to me I would respond by burning those bridges in spectacular fashion. I got an opportunity for a lil bit of vengeance earlier this year though, I had to take care of interviews for a warehouse worker position and one of the people I interviewed was one of my former friends that accused me of stealing. I had a lot of fun with that interview....He actually got the job mind, I wasn't petty enough to give him a bad set of notes but I did enjoy making him squirm.

I'm normally not emotional enough to take revenge though, I can be a bit too understanding and empathic to stay angry at most things, it's just that my friends not having faith in me when I would in them and being accused of things I didn't do are two things I find unforgivable.

[DemolitionRed]

I agree with everything you said Ammi.

Its very difficult to see positives when you're going through emotional turmoil, but those of us who can look back, often see the positives. For me that positive is, my ex is a great guy who's fun to be around but he doesn't make a good partner because he finds it difficult to miss out on an opportunity with other females. I learnt that once trust is gone it can never return, at least not for me and it taught me that regardless of my emotions, I do have the ability to walk away and stay away when I have to.

All too often we hear people speaking about their ex as though they were the devils spawn. When splits happen, hatred and bitterness often follow (I appreciate some people have good reason). Some friends of ours split up a couple of years ago. We see a lot more of her than we do of him because every time we see him, he tries to turn us against her. He's succeeded in turning a number of friends against her and that's because he hasn't been able to move on with his life.

[arista]

Originally Posted by Liam-

I don't believe in revenge, I live by the words of Confucius 'Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.'

Spunky

[DemolitionRed]

Bloody hell Dezzy, under those sort of circumstances I don't think anyone would blame you for getting revenge.

I had an anglo arab young horse which I kept at this livery yard. I couldn't understand why he was getting so nervous when I put him in the stable. Backing him was a real problem because he was very nervous around his hind quarters but I put it down to him being very flighty. I then found out from one of the staff that the manager, who had just left, hated my horse and every time he brought him in at the end of the day he would slam him over the hind quarters with a broom.

Firstly I went mad with this groom. She'd stood back and said nothing whilst watching her boss abuse a horse I then spent the next year trying to track him down. When I discovered he'd taken over as pub landlord in a place in Brighton, me and my ex (who was built like a brick **** house) paid him a visit.

Anyone who hurts my animals or my kids will pay a price.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

I agree with everything you said Ammi.

Its very difficult to see positives when you're going through emotional turmoil, but those of us who can look back, often see the positives. For me that positive is, my ex is a great guy who's fun to be around but he doesn't make a good partner because he finds it difficult to miss out on an opportunity with other females. I learnt that once trust is gone it can never return, at least not for me and it taught me that regardless of my emotions, I do have the ability to walk away and stay away when I have to.

All too often we hear people speaking about their ex as though they were the devils spawn. When splits happen, hatred and bitterness often follow (I appreciate some people have good reason). Some friends of ours split up a couple of years ago. We see a lot more of her than we do of him because every time we see him, he tries to turn us against her. He's succeeded in turning a number of friends against her and that's because he hasn't been able to move on with his life.

...parent separations and 'playground gossip'..?..yeah, it's kind of a part of my life/working life and one of the main reasons why I don't do Facebook and such social sites ...I know that the parents love their children dearly as we all do but if only they could always see the damage they do to their children when they're unable to see beyond the emotions they feel toward their exes....

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Dezzy

I took revenge on a bully in school by outting him, pretty sure I've told that story before.

A few years back, I was accused of stealing Charity money and almost everyone turned against me aside from my immediate family and a few friends, it came to light that I didn't steal it a few weeks later and every time people would come up to me and say sorry to me I would respond by burning those bridges in spectacular fashion. I got an opportunity for a lil bit of vengeance earlier this year though, I had to take care of interviews for a warehouse worker position and one of the people I interviewed was one of my former friends that accused me of stealing. I had a lot of fun with that interview....He actually got the job mind, I wasn't petty enough to give him a bad set of notes but I did enjoy making him squirm.

I'm normally not emotional enough to take revenge though, I can be a bit too understanding and empathic to stay angry at most things, it's just that my friends not having faith in me when I would in them and being accused of things I didn't do are two things I find unforgivable.

......they're not people who you would have wanted in your life, Dezzy or worthy of your friendship...but I don't think that the interview thing was revenge really but more a necessity..as that moment was given to you as a gift really and it would have been rude not to have taken that gift.../some things are just meant to be...

[Ammi]

..I see now why you enjoyed those interviews.....

[Kizzy]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

Bloody hell Dezzy, under those sort of circumstances I don't think anyone would blame you for getting revenge.

I had an anglo arab young horse which I kept at this livery yard. I couldn't understand why he was getting so nervous when I put him in the stable. Backing him was a real problem because he was very nervous around his hind quarters but I put it down to him being very flighty. I then found out from one of the staff that the manager, who had just left, hated my horse and every time he brought him in at the end of the day he would slam him over the hind quarters with a broom.

Firstly I went mad with this groom. She'd stood back and said nothing whilst watching her boss abuse a horse I then spent the next year trying to track him down. When I discovered he'd taken over as pub landlord in a place in Brighton, me and my ex (who was built like a brick **** house) paid him a visit.

Anyone who hurts my animals or my kids will pay a price.

[Kazanne]

No point in revenge on a lover.Why, cause such anguish and hurt over someone who doesn't want to be with you,doing something nasty isn't going to make them want you or even like you,but revenge over someone who has caused your family grief and unhappiness,I could live with that.