[parmnion]

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some homework."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.

[Nicky91]

[parmnion]

Facebook needs to create an AS IF button for friendship requests...DENY and IGNORE just aren't cutting it for me.

[parmnion]

Hamish macalpine would have been one of the last names id have guessed to feature so prominantly in my dream last night..its no even movember.

[parmnion]

i just lost my job as a lifeguard at my local swimming pool. apparently tapping the no bombing sign when a family of muslims walk past. isnt acceptable.

[Nicky91]

Originally Posted by santasingsadingaling

i just lost my job as a lifeguard at my local swimming pool. apparently tapping the no bombing sign when a family of muslims walk past. isnt acceptable.

could you've been seen as racist and that the reason for losing your job

[parmnion]

Andy Goram in today's sun claiming he does infact LIKE Craig Gordon! Well the last time I spoke to him in the white swan he spent twenty minutes slaggng him of before storming out in the cream puff cause I didn't buy his Man Utd argument..what a lying fat twat.

[parmnion]

2018, year of the ****...am in.

[parmnion]

the girlfriend wants to become a rastafarian ...and i have to do her hair ....im dreading it ..

[Livia]

LOL... and the standard is maintained for 2018.

[parmnion]

Can only go one way now.

[Livia]

Originally Posted by parmnion

Can only go one way now.

True.

Spoiler:

[parmnion]

What's the difference between Tommy Sheridan and a throbbingly torn blood red arsehole?

Time. Just time.

[parmnion]

I'm just like hugh Heffner.....except I havn't got his house, his birds or his money. I do however have a rather fetching robe.

[parmnion]

I knew it was a bad idea agreeing to go onto Family Fortunes...

Vernon said, "We asked one hundred people to name something you mix into an alcoholic beverage?

You said, Rohypnol, our survey says, The police want a word."

[Livia]

Originally Posted by parmnion

I dont like the term anal bleaching, i much prefer changing your ringtone

Originally Posted by parmnion

I knew it was a bad idea agreeing to go onto Family Fortunes...

Vernon said, "We asked one hundred people to name something you mix into an alcoholic beverage?

You said, Rohypnol, our survey says, The police want a word."

Two new favourites.... I like to start my day on this thread.

[parmnion]

Well..guess my relationship is over....."you are treating me like a slave" she said.




So i sold her.

[parmnion]

Scotty Mitchell, what a jaunty stance at the oche

[parmnion]

if life ever gets you down just remember you were the strongest and the most fastest sperm out of millions

[parmnion]

Skinny Jeans aren't designed to "make" you look skinny... you have to be skinny to wear them.

[parmnion]

My wife texted me......I've found out you've been ****ing another woman, you cheating bastard! I've taken my things and I'm going back to my sisters house......

I texted back.....Okay, see you when you get here.

[parmnion]

just bought a pan off the local chinese guy ...think ave been ripped off it doesn"t fly at all

[parmnion]

I wonder how many blokes were shuffling into the toilet yesterday penis in hand flicking to page 3 going "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS"

[parmnion]

The early bird catches the worm...........or in this case, the ****ing bus!

[parmnion]

Trump makes my day yet again..holding hands with May because he has bathmaphobia(a fear of slopes)..hope she washed them first or the germaphobe in him won't be happy..
Good old donald.