[MB.]

aka I dumb thing I just thought of, in which you re-write various series of BB and CBB as famous stories and classic tales, because if this show's been axed then frankly who cares what we do with our time

CBB20 as… a fucked-up My Fair Lady
Pretty much the same plot as the original My Fair Lady, but set in a TV studio instead of Edwardian London, with Henry Higgins as a buff former contestant on The Bachelorette who has an inexplicable obsession with mince, and Eliza Doolittle as a fading noughties pop star with absolutely no self-awareness (and, presumably, a shedload of debt) who, instead of going from ladette to lady, goes from "that one from Girls Aloud who prefers hanging out with blokes and is the only one who’d lower herself to doing this show" to "alcoholic PR nightmare with a penchant for puking out Mariah covers without once using a single note that appeared on the original". Renowned for such classic songs as "I Could Have Danced and Given You a Handjob Under the Covers All Night", "I’ve Grown Accustomed to the Air Con" and "Wouldn’t It Be Loverly? (Sound of the Underground Broom Remix)", it’s somehow one of the greatest love stories ever told.

CBB15 as… a feminist retelling of Cinderella
Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away (in the days when Channel 5 could average three million for a series. As I said, far, far away), young orphan Katie, known as Infectedtiterella, lived with her cruel and slightly xenophobic stepmother, Lady Hopkins, stepsisters Michelle and Cami-Li and her best (/only) friend, Buttons, best known from shows such as Buttons Plays Pop and Buttons’ Naked Jungle, and for his catchphrase "wake up you beggars, it’s Buttons!". One day, Infectedtiterella, her stepmother and her average-looking stepsisters, one of whom would like you to know that she had a song on The Bodyguard soundtrack, were given invitations to a ball at Prince Calum Best’s shag pad. However, Lady Hopkins forbade Infectedtiterella from attending on account of her… I don’t know, having banged Dwight Yorke or something, and instead left her at home to wallow in her own misery in the company of her rodent friends: Jeremy, Ken and Perez, who spent their time trying to cop a feel of Infectedtiterella’s non-infected tit, grumbling vaguely anti-Semitic things about people in the film industry and smearing his own faeces all over the walls respectively.

However, once Lady Hopkins and the two stepsisters left for the ball, something rather strange began to happen, and out of nowhere a Fairy Godmother appeared. However, she then decided that she wasn’t a PERFORMING BLOODY BEAR and stepped down from the role. The Fairy Godmother was then recast as Patsy Kensit, who soon realised that she couldn’t ~vibe~ with this gig, man, and she too handed in her notice. Every man and woman in the land was eventually auditioned for the role (Alexander O’Neal rocked the blonde wig, but couldn’t kick his coke habit long enough to cast any spells) until the last person left, a lowly servant by the name of Alicia Douvall, was given the role by default. Enthusiastically, she turned several stolen bananas into a carriage, Perez into a horse and Infectedtiterella’s rags into something waaay more tasteful. Unfortunately, the casting process to find the next Fairy Godmother took so long that the party had ended and Lady Hopkins had returned before Infectedtiterella could board her carriage. No longer interested in Calum Best’s balls and sick of her treatment at the hands of Hopkins, Infectedtiterella swung her infected tit at her stepmother, temporarily blinding her/giving her an ugly blonde pixie cut like some white supremacist Witness-era Katy Perry/turning her into a literal Nazi oops. Infectedtiterella then ran off into the sunset with Cheg-I mean Buttons and her Fairy Godmother, free from the shackles of her evil captor and without a man to save the day, if you forget about the stripper who she fucked before you came here so as for you Jane, you slut, enjoy the taste of her pussy. And they all lived happily ever after.

Now that you obviously get the gist and that the possibilities are endless (BB1 as the story of Adam & Eve? BB5 as Romeo & Juliet? BB13 as Charlie & the Chocolate Factory?), it's theoretically your turn I'll delete this thread in the morning when I question why I made it in the first place

[RileyH]

These are brilliant

[MB.]

I've also just thought of CBB19 as The Godfather (Nicola as the mother bunny of a crime family, her enemies wake up to find Ray J's schlong in their bed instead of a horse's head, etc) so if anyone fancies writing the entire trilogy in exquisite detail

[Cal.]

The CBB15 one

[Jamie89]

Brilliant MB

There's got to be some mileage with CBB5... 'Kill Bill' perhaps (with Shilpa as The Bride)?

[Wizard.]

CBB17 as Austin Powers... The Spy Who Shagged Me?

Scotty T as Austin Powers

Tiffany Pollard as Felicity Shagwell

Gemma Collins as Felicity's Backing Dancer #1

Daniella Westbrook as Felicity's Backing Dancer #2

Darren Day as Basil Exposition

Jeremy McConall as Dr. Evil

Stephanie Davis as Frau Farbissina

Christopher Maloney as Scott Evil

Winston Mckenzie as Mini Me

Megan Mckenna as Vanessa Kensington

Kristina Rihanoff as Ivana Humpalot

David Gest as Mustafa "I'm still alive! But I'm very badly injured"

Nancy Dell'olio as Robin Spitz-Swallows

Angie Bowie as Jerry Springer