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Old 30-06-2019, 07:16 PM #1
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Default Tibb Does The Bachelor 2019 Task 7:The Semi Final. Dear Diary.

So Trixanna and Bambi have lost the fight for the Bachelors heart and just 4 ladies remain in the running.

Eve Sabrina Debby and Fanny....

You are the semi finalists and now face another double elimination.

The Task: Dear Diary.

You must write your diaries for your time in the competition and the Bachelor will get to read them for a further insight into your characters.

Enjoy. As the Bachelor now knows who you all are you may post your own entries in here before 5pm tomorrow afternoon.
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Old 30-06-2019, 07:20 PM #2
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If I can help Eve or Sabrina win hit the champaign princess up x
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Old 30-06-2019, 07:23 PM #3
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If I can help Eve or Sabrina win hit the campaign princess up x
Eve is surprised she even made it this far considering she doesn’t really care for men x
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Old 30-06-2019, 07:28 PM #4
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Debby doesn’t keep a diary in fear if it being leaked to TMZ but she’s hand crafted a love note to the bachelor x
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Old 30-06-2019, 07:35 PM #5
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Screaming at the emojis at the end
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Old 30-06-2019, 07:35 PM #6
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If I can help Eve or Sabrina win hit the campaign princess up x
iconic!
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Old 30-06-2019, 07:35 PM #7
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our sabs floorboardha slayed!

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Old 30-06-2019, 07:35 PM #8
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oop a writing task sab is ON it x
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Old 30-06-2019, 07:39 PM #9
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Good luck ladies
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Old 30-06-2019, 11:12 PM #10
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Sabrina Floorboarder
Dear Diary...


Day 1
Spoiler:

My outfit for this day:


The day everyone remembers the best, the first one. The day where no one knows what to expect, butterflies in everyone's stomach. We have no idea who else is joining us, or even who the bachelor is. But we're excited. I've just arrived in the UK and I'm told I'm being put in lockdown for a few hours until the show is ready to go and I'm ushered away by 2 ugly men who I'm praying don't end up being the bachelor. I'm shoved into some crammy hotel room with a mug of this musty looking water which I was told was tea(?) but seeing as it's only for a few hours I make do and put my feet up. A few hours later I'm placed in a taxi (a taxi? the BUDGET is real!) and told I'm heading for the house. I get there and anxiously step out onto a red carpet. I strut down to the bachelor, who is called Mitchell. He looks a lot better than I expected the bachelor to look, and so I'm taken aback. He tells me I have to do a poem, in a monotone voice because I think he's sick of us bitches already. I don't want to get him any more cranky so I try and think of something without looking panicked. I see that he's wearing a Vamps shirt, so I just think 'HEY! I did a song with them!' and so recite my verse from the song Hands. Mitchell drops to his knees in amazement and I begin to go red. He calls me 'beautiful' as I enter the house and I blow him a kiss.

I step into the house and immediately I'm greeted by someone called Georgina. She seems nice, but a bit simple, and I can tell she isn't going to last very long. I also see Jessie Prescott's career took a major detour as I see her in the corner chatting to some old slag called Nancy. There's also this kung-fu bitch called Evil who is literally jumping off the walls. I think she thinks she's an assassin or some ****. I go to the producers to make sure I'm not rooming with her, as I don't want to be smothered in my sleep and she looks like the type. I do my best to look as interested as possible to what the girls are saying to me when they try and converse, but all I can focus on is Mitchell, who I think I love already. More slags come through the door, including Linda(?) who I think I saw once before she climbed out the bathroom window, and a stunning girlie called Bambi like the deer. There's also this weird girl called Fanny who disgusts me a little to be honest. We all mingle a tad before Mitchell, looking as STUNNING as the 5 minutes prior when I met him for the first time, enters the house along with the gorgeous host Kate. She tells us that there will be a public vote to decide the winner of the first task, which was who made the best first impression. The other girls look at each other in horror but I'm not sweating as I'm famous and my fans will snatch me this win and get me closer to Mitchell. Kate and Mitchell wish us the best of luck and tell us they'll be back with the results in like an hour and half, but am just like 'luck? hew is she? i do nawt need her' and go to find a bed.

Kate enters the house later on like Caroline Flack in Love Island to reveal the results. She gathers us on the sofa and I'm squashed between Trixanna and Eve. I can feel Eve's sinister stare, it's weird but I like it. Maybe she's a lesbian and fancies me more than Mitchell? And who could blame her? I'm stunning. And clearly the public agree because I win the task. And I'm not surprised. I'm expecting a round of applause but everyone just glares at me. 'What's going on guys, where's the cheers man?' I ask but everyone just looks around awkwardly. Bambi suddenly clutches her glass of wine and heads to bed. Fanny stands up and says goodnight to everyone and hugging them before turning to me and saying 'not you! you can choke!'. The other girls rush off too as if Fanny passed on her diseases with her words. I'm confused until I take a seat on the couch and find a note left by an anonymous person reading 'RIGGING SLUT'. Tears fill up in my eyes, before heading to bed myself. I make it my mission to prove to everyone that I have more to offer, before crying myself to sleep.


Day 2
Spoiler:

An uneventful day really. I'm still mad at these hoes for doubting me so I'm not really interacting much. And I didn't have to do anything for the task I created as I was immune so I just sat back and got my nails did. A cute day!


Day 3
Spoiler:

This was my time to shine. If I was going to stand out it was going to be today. It was date night in the bachelor house and I wanted nothing more than to show that I had something to offer in this competition after the whole rigging debacle. The house was still being off with me, apart from Eve who keeps glaring at me and then disappearing. Fookin weird child. Anyway I'm sure you heard all about mine & Mitchell's date. It was GORGEOUS, just like him. When he stepped up and saved my life as I was dying, I will never forget it. I'm still forever in debt to you my love. Remember that x



Day 4
Spoiler:

Ahh, music time. As a singer / songwriter I was certain I was going to smash this, and sent Mitchell a list of 9 songs I'd written and sung myself. Unfortunately this wasn't the case, and Mitchell scolded me for being lazy. LAZY. Me, lazy? I wrote those songs myself! I felt like I'd let myself down, my fans down and most importantly, him down. My heart broke that night, but as soon as he saved me I knew it was time to up my game 2.0.

Me performing for Mitchell before he shattered my dreams


Day 5
Spoiler:

After my disastrous playlist I knew I had to pull my finger out me arse with this film. I needed to go ALL out, and honey I did. I think we've all seen the film, everything you need to know is there so I'm not going to reiterate everything. Mitchell saying one of the top 3 was someone he'd told to up their game, I got fanny flutters. I knew he was talking about me. I felt like all was right again, even though that evil bitch snatched my win from me. I knew there was something to be wary of about her. Even still, nothing was going to get me down from Cloud 9.

Me waving to Mitchell at the premiere of Confessions of a Carpetmuncher


Day 6
Spoiler:

The perfume. This was a challenging task, but I like to think I did okay. My unique ingredients of tears and money really worked wonders, along with remembering Mitchell's favourite colour is yellow. The results of this task really shook me up I'm not gonna lie. Trixanna, a mysterious legend, queen of keeping us all on our toes wondering who the **** she was and where she came from, GONE just like that. And Bambi. I was starting to warm to her, so it was sad to see her go too. Especially as Fanny's literally smelled of Fanny. But that's a discussion for another day.

Me at my interview for sabrina's secret



And now here we are. The semi final. Day 7. It feels weird that's there's only 4 of us left. I know I've been cold towards everyone throughout my stay but I would love to wish Debby, Fanny & Eve the best of luck, no matter how weird and inferior to me they are. In all seriousness I never planned to get so caught up in this game. I never expected to get this far or put half as much time and effort as I have into it lmao. I think we'd all make fab winners and that all that matters girls! Here's to the fallen angels: Lucinda, Georgina, Denise, Josephine, Nancy, Trixanna & Bambi! We getting wasted tonight! AWOOO x
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Old 30-06-2019, 11:17 PM #11
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our sabs floorboardha slayed!

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Old 01-07-2019, 12:23 AM #12
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Day 0
Spoiler:

Dear Diary,

June 23rd 2019.

Today is my first day going into the mansion! I hope it’s better than michael21’s… if it’s not, I’ll kill a bitch.

Love,

Fanny


Day 1
Spoiler:

Dear Diary,

June 24th 2019.

So it's my first day. First impressions are important! I dunno if the girls are ever gonna read this so I'll just say I like them all. Except Eve. Bitch is probably gonna kill me in my sleep, the PSYCHO!

Love,

Fanny


Day 2
Spoiler:

Dear Diary,

June 25th 2019.

Today I need to draw my big sexy bachelor man of my dreams as the man he is – I wish I could submit Mitchell himself as he is art himself, but I realise I am to submit to him; that masc top. I’m gonna sketch him out and colour him in on Photoshop! He’ll be carrying me while my sexy stubs flail in the air!

Love,

Fanny

Day 3
Spoiler:

Dear Diary,

June 26th 2019.

I SPENT ALL NIGHT DRAWING THAT PICTURE OF THE BACHELOR! AND I DIDN’T EVEN GET THE GOLD ROSE? I AM FUMING!!!!!!! I swear to god I’m gonna smear my period blood on all the girls’ pillows. Suck on my blood you *****s.
I’m getting kinda scared of Eve… she wanted to chop off the bachelor’s cock? Her art’s kinda good… but her weave is faker than her personality so no worries.

Anyway today we’ve been asked to design the perfect birthday for the Bachelor. It’s simple – I’ll give him my flower, and he’ll give me his flower (a rose).

Love,

Fanny


Day 4
Spoiler:


Dear Diary,

June 27th 2019.

I can’t be too pressed I didn’t get the golden flower – besides, my pussy is still popping! Anyway today we gotta do a playlist for the bachelor. I’d like, love to include the Vamps, but I don’t need to kiss arse to win! My good lucks and fresh fanny will guarantee me victory. So I submit Amy Winehouse songs to show my vulnerability. Also some Kylie Minogue to show that I’m definitely not a gay man pretending to be a woman, a Mika song because I’m vintage, and “Sweet Escape” because I like it. Also Horny as a Dandy because I’m horny but in a way that’s unconventional! Suck my toes Mitchell.
I’ll be writing to you with a golden rose in hand tomorrow, Diary!

Love,

Fanny

Day 5
Spoiler:

Dear Diary,

June 28th 2019.

I didn’t win the golden rose. Debby did but that’s not really surprising – she included a VAMPS song in her playlist? COULD YOU KISS ANYMORE ARSE? Well, I’m sure we’re gonna find out in this next round…

We have to make a movie. While I’d love to write a porno starring me and the bachelor, I think I might be ejected for being so racy (and then the news outlets would report I’m racist even though I’m Indian and Eve is Jade Goody… and will certainly look like her when I snatch her wig and win Mitchell over), I decided to appeal to Mitchell’s inner geek. I made myself the queen because NEWS FLASH! I am. I also dragged Trixie subtly because I truly am That Bitch. I also got to write cute digs like “wow sabs that idea is almost as cheap as you!” (sabrina is a cheap *****) and I don’t DOUBT they’ll go unappreciated! Nevertheless, what matters is that the bachelor will love me.

Love,

Fanny

Day 6
Spoiler:

Dear Diary,

June 29th 2019.

NO GOLD ROSE AGAIN?!?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM FUMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s it I’m ****ing sick of my efforts not being reciprocated with a golden rose. I’m shoving Kim K’s perfumes into my vagina and I’m going to queef my pungent period phumes into the eau de toilette. Then I’m gonna stick my clit into that little thing where the perfume sprays out of and them I’m gonna fornicate the perfume bottle out of rage and I’m not even gonna clean it. I hope people get my STDs by just LOOKING at it! I AM NOT HAPPY. Smell my fanny.

Love,

Fanny

Day 7
Spoiler:

Dear Diary,

June 30th 2019.

Okay maybe I overreacted… but I survived a double elimination! Too bad about Bambi though! She’s the only person I wouldn’t have minded losing to. Irregardless, there’s three more bitches I’ve got to take down. Debby’s a poser, Sabrina is a total caricature, and Eve is PSYCHO!!!! Luckily I’ve got the brains, brawn, and libido to go all the way to the top (well… bottom. Mitchell is A TOP!) I don’t need to worry about Eve – sure she might kill the competition literally, but I’ll kill it figuratively – so I don’t need to worry about having an ASBO around my ankle… not like I had one, anyway. But on that note, I do have the ableism AND race card (I’m an Indian amputee so….) so if Mitchell decides he doesn’t want me I can always destroy his career and image with false accusations. Note how I said destroy – not kill. Unlike Eve I’m not a psychotic BIATCH!!!

Love,

Fanny

Day 8

Spoiler:

Dear Diary,



July 1st 2019.

I believe I’m a good person – y’know, I think that there’s good in everyone – but here we are, semi-finals! And uh… I look around the women I’ve spent the past few days with and I ask myself – what happened?
Oh wait **** for this to work I can’t really include the girls singing out of place since this is MY diary… this task really is limiting my parody potential with Heathers the musical….
The other girls sang at me, “FREAK! SLUT! HANDICAPPED! BITCHFACE!”
We were so horny, sexy and naughty;
Kinky **** like getting tazed
The other girls sing, “FREAK! SLUT! HANDICAPPED!”
Butt cheeks clapping, napping and fapping,
Smoking doobies, getting baked!
The other girls called me a dyke and handicapped again… did I mention I have no legs….
I said sorry!
Then we got bigger;
Big Brother was a figure;
Grace is coming home! (???)
Welcome to my pad! This is no pad!
This is the Bachelor
Hold your breath and count the days the winner’s being announced soon,
Summer will be paradise if I’m Mitchell’s spoon!
But I know I know I know, life can be beautiful
I pray, I pray, I pray, for a better way
If we changed back then, we could change again,
We can be beautiful….
Well actually all you bitches are ugly. I’m gorgeous.

Right so basically I dunno how to continue this reference. I could say the Heathers are Riley’s (I mean Eve and Sabrina!) but we’d need a third Riley, and this is all insinuating I’m Veronica Sawyer, an outcast turned popular (which is true but it’s not nice to be reminded of my dark past). Debby Ryan is a TOTAL MARTHA! Not a Heather Riley. Also I'm not Martha because it'd be offensive to put an amputee in a wheelchair. On the bright side, Mitchell is a total JD?

Right so basically me and Mitchell murder Sabrina and we kill two straight boys and call them gay (one of them would be Marsh) and Mitchell blows up… and I just sort of accept it, I guess.

Oh yeah so uh basically, diary, I’m going to murder people with the Bachelor for the next few weeks! And if the Bachelor doesn’t pick me, he’s certainly next out…

Love,

Fanny Precious Cooch

P.S.

RILEY, RILEY, RILEY, FANNY!

FANNY! FANNY! FANNY! FANNY!!!!!!


pls appreciate her non-existent legs it took so long

Last edited by Ant.; 01-07-2019 at 12:28 AM.
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Old 01-07-2019, 01:53 AM #13
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Genius!!
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Old 01-07-2019, 07:11 AM #14
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Omg
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Old 01-07-2019, 09:54 AM #15
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Old 01-07-2019, 10:34 AM #16
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Some of these are amazing
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Old 01-07-2019, 10:44 AM #17
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Some of these are amazing
Yes.
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Old 01-07-2019, 12:43 PM #18
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Just Eve to post before 5pm.
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Old 01-07-2019, 03:33 PM #19
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I know I am late but I was busy killing bitches. Sorry baby xoxo




Day 1: I remember walking into the villa and immediately wanting to kill every single one of these bitches. But as much as I disliked all of them, I wanted Mitchell to have a fair chance at finding love (even though I knew he would love my wicked ways. He can just tell by looking at me how kinky I am in the bedroom. A dominatrix if I must say). Also I am a bit lesbian so some of the girlies did turn me on, especially Debby and Sabrina.




So our first task was to write a bio about ourselves and I called my self Eve Elle but am actually Villanelle wearing a wig. I couldn't expose myself so quickly otherwise I might have been arrested by the PoPo. So it turned out to be a popularity contest with the public choosing Sabrina as the winner and whilst I could have used my Russian Hacking skills to win, she did give me the fanny flutters so I let her win.

But when I saw Mitchell for the first time and he had those roses JESUS Christ my nipples went erect in a whole new never done before sensation. At that moment I was completely obsessed with him and I knew I had to have him. And I will get him, whether i have to kill every girl here or not. We will make love.

Day 2: So the second task was to draw a picture of Mitchell and I opted for a risky but natural theme. The threat of chopping of dick is of course unconventional but it always works as guys never want to know what it's like without their courgette and ofc I would never go through with it otherwise what will there be to suck? (Unless he doesn't let me win).




Day 3: Today was Mitchell's birthday and I specifically remember cause this was the day I wanted to slit Debby's throat due to her putting in so much effort and I was getting really jealous. Luckily I survived with minimal effort but who can argue with a whole day at Disney World by yourselves I had to kill everyone who was there to get that exclusivity.




Day 4: This day was the playlist task and again I had to control my urges not to twat Debby and Sabrina in the face and let them be deformed but honestly even though I didn't use my graphic design skills I put thought into each and every one of those songs, put them on a 90's tape and sent them to Mitchell's house so he could listen to it in the comfort of his own house.




Day 5: What else says movies other than the re-telling of a Disney's classic? I know Mitchell LOVES disney and he must love porn having a diq and all so I thought what better than to merge the two? He obviously loved the idea of gangbanging 7 ***** dwarves because he gave me his golden rose and it was the first time someone ever showed me love in my entire life! I even though of giving up killing for fun.


Day 6: I was immune this task so I didn't have to enter a perfume which is kind of gutting seeing as I am a perfume extraordinaire and my perfume would have killed all those bitches automatically making me the winner but here we are and they're not dead yet.




Day 7: Here we are in the semi final and honestly I am very confident that Mitchell will take me because I don't think he likes the idea of burning alive in a tank of acid
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Old 01-07-2019, 03:35 PM #20
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Well I had a good run
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Old 01-07-2019, 03:47 PM #21
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So that’s why Riley requested to follow me on my second Instagram
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Old 01-07-2019, 03:48 PM #22
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I thought I already was following you then it said I wasn't so I thought you made me unfollow I got those off twitter
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Old 01-07-2019, 03:53 PM #23
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Debby is a fat virgin
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I thought I already was following you then it said I wasn't so I thought you made me unfollow I got those off twitter
Aww we love an extra follower to add to the pro list
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Old 01-07-2019, 03:56 PM #25
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Producers have caught Debby and Mitchell red handed in the kitchen
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