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30-10-2014, 09:20 PM | #1 | ||
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Senior Member
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missing person appeal - have you seen my wife (spoof) 30.10.14
i have walked the clubs been in nearly every bar had way to many intimate rubs must have been in every brothel, sauna spa. still no sign it is a clear and blatant theft even when sunny i have no shine sometimes i accept she has left. but it is all about hope not just about my winkle she no's with out her i won't cope its already started to shrivel and wrinkle. our bed time chats were romantic not one bit corny you made me gigantic always went to sleep horny. our future hopes of life together we could snuggle with a scotch i so miss my wife my decision is to go on "crime watch". one more dance my love for you it will seal if any lady wants my life to enhance then don't be "desperate" but ASAP reply to my wife appeal. ( i will go through every reply with a tooth pick because my decision has to be the right one. if you want a tip - do a poem reply and i am yours. i have booked the church for next Saturday which gives me 2 days to select. if i have no reply's i will re-book the church but as i am not desperate i am sure i will full in love with the first reply. ps no gold diggers need apply. ) |
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30-10-2014, 09:25 PM | #2 | ||
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why is this in SD&N
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30-10-2014, 09:59 PM | #3 | |||
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I've been married once already
Not sure I want it twice Not even to a poet (although that *might* be nice) Don't care about your winkle, your brothel visits either The only man that's good for me (apart from Wesley Snijder) Is one that piques my intellect, Who loves the great outdoors Who shares my love for football And shares the household chores Who isn't always down the pub Can use a kitchen pan Who gets my need to travel...now that's my kind of man. My lover in the bedroom, My best friend throughout life My heart, my soul, my everything... Now THEN I'd be a wife. Good luck Waterhog, but I don't think it's me xx Btw, I do honestly have the biggest crush on Snijder, it's massively weird and my boyfriend thinks I am quite wrong in the head because of it - but I am also crazy about Eric Cantona and Zlatan Ibrahimovic...are you a footballer? :P
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Supporting the Divine Omarosa. Last edited by Anaesthesia; 30-10-2014 at 10:23 PM. |
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30-10-2014, 10:07 PM | #4 | ||
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anaesthesia - what a lovely peace - and before i got to the bottom i accepted.
thank you thank you thank you thank you = see to at the church on sat lol. |
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30-10-2014, 10:13 PM | #5 | |||
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Where's my massive diamond engagement ring then? :P
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Supporting the Divine Omarosa. |
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30-10-2014, 10:21 PM | #6 | |||
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Gatorade me, Bitch!
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Anae, you inspired me to make a thread about good looking footballers..
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30-10-2014, 10:25 PM | #7 | |||
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OMG, now I need to find it
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Supporting the Divine Omarosa. |
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31-10-2014, 10:44 AM | #8 | ||
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i am over here - not
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31-10-2014, 10:55 AM | #9 | |||
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31-10-2014, 11:04 AM | #10 | |||
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Mr Rocket League
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To find a girl's my beck and call
Cos someone burst my blow up doll My dear Monica rest in tatters I loved our midnight chitter chatter I say we talked, only I had words You weren't like all the other birds That nag and nag the night away And make me wish I was born gay Enough of that cos now your gone I'll probably have to watch some porn Until I find a girl I like I'll get her drink of which I'll....... ....Only joking I'll just be cool Maybe have a laugh and play some pool And at the end I'll try to cop off And then she'll tell me to **** off So another night, I'm all alone No blow up doll to soothe my bone Fin Last edited by Kyle; 31-10-2014 at 11:05 AM. |
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31-10-2014, 12:17 PM | #11 | |||
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Senior Member
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Paradise Lost (definitely not Milton’s version)
You seek me here, you seek me there Oh Waterhog you seek me everywhere Give up this hunt – you must be bent You stupid Cnt – you’re the reason I went I lay there each night my charms exposed Where were you? Composing prose. In bed I lay naked ten thousand times Where were you? - Scribbling rhymes. I’d shout downstairs “I need you” You’d shout back “I’ll come up later” But as your fingers switched on the typewriter Mine switched on my vibrator They say “There’s only so much a girl can take” But with me that truth’s untested ‘Cos even though I begged you for some You were never interested. I'd lay butt naked, legs akimbo, oil upon my belly But all you ever dabbled in was Byron, Keats and Shelley When we wed and I said “I do”, I should have said “I don’t” Because you said “I do” too, but since then you simply won’t. So now I’ve gone my darling, at last now I am free To find a poetry-hating stud to make sweet love to me. Though I’m not alone on my quest- I just thought you ought to know I have twin sex slaves at my service – one Dil the other Doe. So continue with your poetry Waterhog – scribble at your leisure For your ex is finally now, discovering ways of gaining pleasure. For example, I make love now on a mirror (I just thought you should be knowing) And my orgasms are so incredible I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. Anyway my love, ‘tis in vain you’ll search this land I’ve gone to ground, I won’t be found So take yourself in hand. Last edited by kirklancaster; 31-10-2014 at 12:20 PM. |
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31-10-2014, 10:29 PM | #12 | ||
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thank you anaesthesia - thank you kyle and thank you kirklancaster - what can i say. i am in hysterics. that has made my day - my week - made my year - no made my life. thank you very much all 3. i so enjoyed all of them and i can not express how grateful i am.
when i am feeling sad and down i will look at this this thread to cheer me up. when i stop laughing i am going to bed - might be a few hours yet. thank you very much all 3. thank you. |
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31-10-2014, 10:36 PM | #13 | |||
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Quote:
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31-10-2014, 10:40 PM | #14 | |||
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Quote:
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Supporting the Divine Omarosa. |
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31-10-2014, 10:46 PM | #15 | |||
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31-10-2014, 10:55 PM | #16 | |||
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Quote:
There are some truly wonderful people on here.
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31-10-2014, 10:59 PM | #17 | ||
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what a lovely home we have here.
when i retire i am booking in here 24 -7. night night all and i am still laughing. |
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31-10-2014, 11:03 PM | #18 | |||
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Always keep laughing This community is great and so are you! Goodnight, shortly be off myself, I only finished closing ,y books half an hour ago, I'll re-read the poems before I go,
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Supporting the Divine Omarosa. |
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