[Ninastar]

We were talking about this at work today...

There's a child who I've always thought, 'Omg, X is definitely going to be gay when they are older...' and then someone else said the exact same thing today. I was shocked someone else thought it (this was someone who was 20 years older than me) and I felt kind of relieved because I thought I was being 'totes judgemental' or whatever

but then I realised, one of my best friends came out when we were at school... He was the first boy in the whole school (at the time) to come out as gay. He came out in an English lesson, where they were talking about what toys they played with as children and whether it affected them growing up. He came out in class and more or less said 'well Im gay, and I always played with girls toys... and I do think that there is a link between them...'

Then I looked back on my childhood (lord help me) and I realised that I never really liked any girly toys either. The only girly toys I ever played with were Polly Pockets, lol. I was so much more into P.E and sports and playing 'pretend' games.

Anyway, where was I...?

yeah, my question is, have you ever thought that someone you've known at a young age would grow up to be gay? I actually think it's really interesting. Especially how there is so little boundaries for children these days. They can play with anything and no one judges them, and its so cute.

What is your sexuality and what did you play with as a child?

[Mystic Mock]

I'm straight and I played with very gender neutral toys tbh.

And with some of my early years of School I never really looked at who might be gay or not when they was older as I wasn't really very interested in that sort of stuff then.

Although actually there was this one kid who was a year younger than me who I swore had a crush on a kid in my class named Stefan looking back on it now that I'm older, he kept doing things for him despite Stefan laughing about him behind his back.

[Shaun]

Only really in a familial sense, I've wondered whether anyone else in my family wasn't straight, since there're all sorts of theories about it skipping generations or being hereditary or whatever.

But I find teenagers that make tons and tons of 'gay' jokes very odd. I do wonder if that's a defence mechanism.

Personally I felt no sexual attraction or showed any attention to either sex until I was about 15, so I wouldn't say so in my own case, but it's one of those things. (FYI I played with both 'male' (power rangers, hot wheels, action man, robot wars) and with my sister's LOL, but that was more out of trying to get variety than anything, I find kids try to recreate stories and families and movies through their toys so they're going to need females at some point

[Ninastar]

^ i dont think any children find themselves attracted to any gender tbh... its not something they really think about until they are 12/13/14+

[Shaun]

well that answers your title question then because i don't really see sexuality as anything other than that tbh

[Ninastar]

i think my thread is more about gay people having certain characteristics that would have been noticeable as a child

im tired so im rambling

i just find it all so interesting

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

i have three sisters and they have all said that they always knew i was gay

[Ninastar]

Originally Posted by Shaun

well that answers your title question then because i don't really see sexuality as anything other than that tbh

im on about the things they do/say/play with linking with their sexuality when their older lol

i dont believe kids have a sexuality... i think its kinda weird. they dont know what sex is, they dont know what being in love is, blah blah blah... but i do think there is a link between gay people and their childhood

this is just a theory though. im just seeing what other people think,

[Daniel.]

My mum had no idea I was :umm:

[Ninastar]

Originally Posted by Scott

i have three sisters and they have all said that they always knew i was gay

are they all older than you? did you copy them a lot when you were little?

[Ithinkiloveyoutoo]

Yes. Like Romeo Beckham.

[Ammi]

..no, I really don't, I could type out a huge post but there really is nothing else to say....I don't believe you can at all with a young child...maybe you could 'make guesses' and sometimes you would be accurate and sometimes you wouldn't....because they really would just be guesses without any real foundation....

[kirklancaster]

I have a wide circle of 'gay' friends , both male and female so I'm not writing as a complete outsider.

I've personally know quite a few male gays who you could absolutely tell were gay, even when they were children, and I've also known a couple of outwardly 'straight' adult men who 'came out of the closet' in later life - one in his mid 20's, a couple in their 30's, and one in his 40's! who was long term married with two grown children.

I can't recall though, even one example of girls I know, who turned out to be gay, giving any indication of that when we were growing up.

I lived in a generally poor area as a little kid - rows of 3 up 2 down terraces owned by the local colliery - so life was rough and tough, and us kids played in the streets mainly.

One kid - Alfred - never played with the rest of us boys - though we were still friends with him - but he would always play in the street dressed from head to toe in girl's clothing. He used to wear his mothers (oversize) white stiletto heeled shoes, his sister's dresses, and even used to hand sew and customise women's clothes. He had a selection of handbags and sometimes rigged himself up as a 'bride' with the use of net curtains.

The weird thing is, that there was an acceptance of Alfred by nearly all the adults and most of us kids. I cannot remember anyone taunting or teasing, or avoiding Alfred. He was just Alfred.

Lesbians? I have to be honest. Nearly all the 'fem' lesbians I know personally or have come to know personally, had very unhappy or even violent relationships with a succession of men. This includes an absolutely stunningly beautiful girl who has been a close friend of mine since we were about 15 when we 'courted' for about 6 months - teeny stuff - who 'became' a lesbian in her late 20's.

I know a lot of 'butch' lesbians and from talking to them over the years as our friendship 'solidified', it seems that they were always 'butch' and disinterested in males from an early age, but not having known any personally as I was growing up, I can't say further than this.

I am not really sure that external 'conditioning' and influences have any true bearing on a person's ultimate sexuality, and I believe that it's a genetic inheritance - 'meant to be'.

I would be brave, and say that I don't believe anyone is truly 'straight' and like the potential for good and evil, the potential to be 'gay' is present in all of us - it's probably just that it never manifests itself in some and does in others.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter two hoots to me what sexuality someone is, I care more about what type of human being they are.

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..no, I really don't, I could type out a huge post but there really is nothing else to say....I don't believe you can at all with a young child...maybe you could 'make guesses' and sometimes you would be accurate and sometimes you wouldn't....because they really would just be guesses without any real foundation....

Make that 'huge post' - you know we all love reading them Ammi.

[Kizzy]

This 'what's your sexuality'? it's so normal now. When my daughter got a job in a bar the first conversation she had with a colleague she was asked about her sexuality. I was shocked when she told me as I feel that is a very personal and private subject.
In her group of school friends though having known them for almost 20yrs I would say yes it was obvious since infants that a couple were gay.

[T*]

I used to play with boys toys, look how I turned out My sister used to play with girly toys but she also used be a tomboy and love things like batman,etc. She's a lesbian (well she told me she's bi, after she came out) so yeah

[joeysteele]

I really don't know,then again I am hopeless at guessing who may be gay or not.
It is something that doesn't bother me in the slightest as I feel anyones sexuality is only their business anyway.

However, I think once someone is near their teens or in them then they will know more as to how they feel and who they are attracted to.
Not sure toys or activities are any real guide,I knew a lad who had just turned 13 who happily played with girl orientated toys,that was however to get girls around him.
He is now already married with one child and another on the way.

[swinearefine]

I'm gay and played with both "boys" and "girls" toys - I loved Jurassic Park dinosaurs and easy bake ovens. But my parents are homophobic cishets so they wouldn't let me play with my sister's easy bake oven because it was too girly and I had to have like... the boy's version which was bug-shaped food that literally made me vomit purely because the cookies I made were shaped like maggots. But looking back I was definitely always gay, I remember having a huge crush on a guy when I was like 7, of course that's not what I thought it was at the time.

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by swinearefine

I'm gay and played with both "boys" and "girls" toys - I loved Jurassic Park dinosaurs and easy bake ovens. But my parents are homophobic cishets so they wouldn't let me play with my sister's easy bake oven because it was too girly and I had to have like... the boy's version which was bug-shaped food that literally made me vomit purely because the cookies I made were shaped like maggots. But looking back I was definitely always gay, I remember having a huge crush on a guy when I was like 7, of course that's not what I thought it was at the time.

What's a 'cishet'?

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by kirklancaster

What's a 'cishet'?

A petulant way of saying heterosexuals who identify as he sex they were born with.

[Braden]

In primary school/the start of secondary school quite a few kids would ask me if I were gay before I'd come to terms with it.

People still unfortunately enforce stereotypes, especially at a young age. I suppose there is some truth to the 'toys theory'. A lot of young boys who play with "girl" toys do turn out to be gay. But I don't think that determines sexuality entirely, it's just a convenient situation with most kids.

It's like how people instantly know the flamboyant/camp guy is gay, but are shocked when the macho type of guy turns out to be gay. The wall between sexuality & personality/characteristic traits has not been broken yet imo.

The whole toy thing is something that is a big deal, that really shouldn't be a big deal. Actually, I saw this amazing picture the other day (I'll have to go find it)...

Spoiler:

[Ninastar]

I do agree that the toys children play with shouldn't be such a big deal. But I get a little annoyed when I see people get angry over the phrases 'girls toys' and 'boys toys'...

there will always be toys that are naturally prefered by boys and girls... to take away the 'girl' or 'boy' part, would be a little stupid

that chart did make me laugh though

[Ninastar]

oh and i dont think toys make children gay at all, LOL

I just think there is a correlation between the interests we (gays) have as a child and then as we are older

I was sooo in love with like all my female teachers... but i never felt anything like that for any of my male teachers

[Daniel.]

I had Princess Magazine on monthly subscription when I was a kid and I used to dance to Spice Girls and my mum was shocked when I came out like seriously

[Toy Soldier]

One of my best friends is gay, came out when he was 19, but it had been pretty obvious since he was about... 9 or 10 I'd say. We had all been telling him that we knew he was gay from about the age of 15, and when he did come out it was probably the least shocking revelation in history.

On the other hand - there was a guy from the US in my University halls in first year on an exchange year, recently seen posts from him about hot guys / boyfriends / how being gay means you avoid the hassles of straight relationships (haha). None of us from Uni had any idea at all. I don't know if he was already out "at home" that year and for whatever reason decided not to tell us, or if he only came out later. But yeah, there was nothing "stereotypically gay" about him at all, other than the fact that he made a lot of female friends and yet always insisted that nothing was going on with any of them when asked... now we know why that was true .


So yeah. I think it depends on the person. Some gay men have obvious effeminate qualities and I think when that's the case, those tend to be quite obvious from a young age. Others are "manly" but just like men, and then it's not going to be obvious at all.