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29-01-2015, 04:32 PM | #1 | ||
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I had a really good laugh at all the jokes on there, but now I can't find it again. Can anyone enlighten me?
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29-01-2015, 04:46 PM | #2 | |||
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You know my methods
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"Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief."
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31-01-2015, 06:49 PM | #3 | |||
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Quote:
Actually very witty that.
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"Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but they are not entitled to their own facts". Daniel Patrick Moynihan (1927-2003) .................................................. .. Press The Spoiler Button to See All My Songs Spoiler: |
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31-01-2015, 07:19 PM | #4 | |||
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31-01-2015, 07:21 PM | #5 | |||
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Quote:
Q: How many archaeologists does does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Three: One to change it and two to argue about how ancient the old one is. Q: How many Country & Western Singers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Ten: One to change it and nine to sing about how good the old one was. Q: How many Luddites does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Two hundred: One to change it and the other one hundred and ninety nine to revolt against the change. Q. How many TIBB atheists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Duh.... What's a light bulb? I don't know why but the last one is my favourite.
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"Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but they are not entitled to their own facts". Daniel Patrick Moynihan (1927-2003) .................................................. .. Press The Spoiler Button to See All My Songs Spoiler: |
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02-02-2015, 03:15 PM | #6 | ||
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Quote:
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02-02-2015, 03:18 PM | #7 | ||
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An American tourist is hiking in the wilds of Yorkshire and comes across a farmer with a sheep, with it's back legs tucked into his wellies and he's having sex with it.
The American says 'Are you shearing farmer'? and the farmer replies 'No, bugger off and find your own'. |
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02-02-2015, 03:18 PM | #8 | |||
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I Love my brick
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My son made this one up and I thought it was hilarious :
What's at the back of a duck? Spoiler:
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02-02-2015, 03:38 PM | #9 | |||
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How old is he Niamh?
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"Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but they are not entitled to their own facts". Daniel Patrick Moynihan (1927-2003) .................................................. .. Press The Spoiler Button to See All My Songs Spoiler: |
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02-02-2015, 03:39 PM | #10 | |||
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I Love my brick
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02-02-2015, 03:58 PM | #11 | |||
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Quote:
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"Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but they are not entitled to their own facts". Daniel Patrick Moynihan (1927-2003) .................................................. .. Press The Spoiler Button to See All My Songs Spoiler: |
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02-02-2015, 04:00 PM | #12 | |||
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Mint. I remember all the fun I had with our kids when they were that age.
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"Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but they are not entitled to their own facts". Daniel Patrick Moynihan (1927-2003) .................................................. .. Press The Spoiler Button to See All My Songs Spoiler: |
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03-02-2015, 12:03 PM | #13 | ||
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03-02-2015, 12:31 PM | #14 | |||
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11 year old Rosy was worried because she had started to grow pubic hair and asked her mum about it.
Her mum explained it was nothing to worry about and told her:"That part where the hair has grown is called your 'Monkey', and it's natural for your monkey to grow hair.” Rosy smiled and nodded that she understood. Later while having dinner, Rosy proudly told her 15 year old sister Kim: "My monkey has grown hair.” Kim smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine's already eating bananas.”
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"Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but they are not entitled to their own facts". Daniel Patrick Moynihan (1927-2003) .................................................. .. Press The Spoiler Button to See All My Songs Spoiler: |
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03-02-2015, 02:55 PM | #15 | ||
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Wth
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03-02-2015, 03:53 PM | #16 | ||
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Quote:
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03-02-2015, 03:59 PM | #17 | ||
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What's the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a crossroads. |
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03-02-2015, 04:00 PM | #18 | ||
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What's artificial intelligence?
A blonde whose dyed her hair brown. |
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03-02-2015, 04:00 PM | #19 | |||
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03-02-2015, 04:13 PM | #20 | ||
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How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday morning?'
Tell her a joke on Friday night. The blonde pushes her car into a garage and tells the mechanic it died. After working on it for a few minutes it's working smoothly and she asks 'what's the story'? 'Just crap in the carburetor'. She gets a puzzled look on her face and asks 'How often do I have to do that'? |
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03-02-2015, 04:23 PM | #21 | |||
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Only jesting Jenny, keep 'em coming. Paddy and Mick secure two well paid builders labourers jobs in Saudi Arabia. As they're flying over the desert Mick looks out of the plane window and says: "I tink we've dropped a goolie Paddy and should fly straight back home before the cement arrives "
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"Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but they are not entitled to their own facts". Daniel Patrick Moynihan (1927-2003) .................................................. .. Press The Spoiler Button to See All My Songs Spoiler: |
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03-02-2015, 04:39 PM | #22 | ||
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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, so she rolled the dice and it landed on 'Science and Nature'. The question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it'? She thought for a time, then asked 'Is it running or not? A motorway policeman pulls alongside a speeding car and is astounded to see a blonde behind the wheel knitting. Realizing that she is oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, he rolls down his window and shouts through a loudspeaker 'Pull over' 'No, she shouts back. It's a scarf'. |
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03-02-2015, 08:20 PM | #23 | |||
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Quote:
Billy's strolling on a seemingly deserted beach and comes across a man carrying a gigantic pen. He says to him; "Hey, that's a big Biro, where'd you get it from?" The man points to a green bottle lying on the beach and says; ”See that bottle over there? It contains a Genie and if you take off the stopper he'll grant you just one wish". Billy goes over to the bottle, picks it up and pulls out the cork. A huge Genie comes out and says: "What is your wish O Master?". Billy says: "A million bucks" and immediately the Genie goes back inside the bottle and a million ducks appear and start waddling all over the beach. Billy catches up with the man with the pen and says; "That genie is a right deaf get". "I know." said the man, "Do you think I asked for an 18" Bic?".
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"Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but they are not entitled to their own facts". Daniel Patrick Moynihan (1927-2003) .................................................. .. Press The Spoiler Button to See All My Songs Spoiler: Last edited by kirklancaster; 03-02-2015 at 08:21 PM. |
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04-02-2015, 06:11 AM | #24 | ||
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Quote:
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04-02-2015, 08:25 AM | #25 | |||
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A Blond joke for Jenny:
A blonde went to an electronic store and asked, "How much is this TV?" The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes." She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?" Spoiler:
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"Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but they are not entitled to their own facts". Daniel Patrick Moynihan (1927-2003) .................................................. .. Press The Spoiler Button to See All My Songs Spoiler: |
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