[Redway]

Beyond the whole thing about the woman taking on her husband’s surname, how common do people think a woman actually becoming part of her husband’s family (but obviously never the other way round) is in this day and age?

[Niamh.]

I don't really understand what you mean (a part from taking the name)

[Cal.]

It's usually the man who marries into the woman's family really. That's what my dad did anyway. We don't really see my dad's family.

[LeatherTrumpet]

there are odd people who call their inlaws mum and dad

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ChristmasNeeve

I don't really understand what you mean (a part from taking the name)

I’m going back to that old-school concept of the woman leaving her old family and becoming part of her husband’s (beyond taking on the man’s surname). You know how it used to be said that a woman married into her husband’s family if you know what I mean.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Redway

I’m going back to that old-school concept of the woman leaving her old family and becoming part of her husband’s (beyond taking on the man’s surname). You know how it used to be said that a woman married into her husband’s family if you know what I mean.

Nah I don't really know what you mean It's not like you go live with his family? Surely they just become inlaws like the wifes family are to the husband?

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ChristmasNeeve

Nah I don't really know what you mean It's not like you go live with his family? Surely they just become inlaws like the wifes family are to the husband?

Like I say it’s old-skool but there’s still that expectation sometimes.

Maybe it’s partly a cultural thing. Obviously not here but in other parts of the world the man pays brideprice for the woman and she moves into his house.

It’s more low-key in these parts but it still happens to a certain extent (in my opinion). I remember someone saying re. EastEnders that Stacey’s the only Slater he likes “but then she’s a Fowler now.” You can see that that implies something beyond just taking on his surname. She’s meant to adapt to her husband’s family more than her ‘old’ family. It still happens low-key.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Redway

Like I say it’s old-skool but there’s still that expectation sometimes.

Maybe it’s partly a cultural thing. Obviously not here but in other parts of the world the man pays brideprice for the woman and moves into his house.

It’s more low-key in these parts but it still happens to a certain extent (in my opinion). I remember someone saying re. EastEnders that Stacey’s the only Slater he likes “but then she’s a Fowler now.” You can see that that implies something beyond just taking on his surname. She’s meant to adapt to her husband’s family more than her ‘old’ family. It still happens low-key.

That just sounds like a name thing tbf

I've certainly never encountered anything like you're describing in my lifetime

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ChristmasNeeve

That just sounds like a name thing tbf

I've certainly never encountered anything like you're describing in my lifetime

Like I say maybe it’s partly a cultural thing.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Redway

Like I say maybe it’s partly a cultural thing.

Yeah if you're going to countries where the women are actually sold off by their fathers or whatever, I like to think on this side of the world women are their own people these days

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ChristmasNeeve

Yeah if you're going to countries where the women are actually sold off by their fathers or whatever, I like to think on this side of the world women are their own people these days

There’s still this thing about the man being the head of the house though. That’s something you’ll find in every part of the world.

Not saying it’s right or wrong but it happens all the time.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Redway

There’s still this thing about the man being the head of the house though. That’s something you’ll find in every part of the world.

Not saying it’s right or wrong but it happens all the time.

Not in my house it doesn't. Being the "head of the house" what does that even mean, he can have the final say on household decisions or something? Do you think that happens in alot of marriages? I would say no. I find your thread extremely sexist tbh

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ChristmasNeeve

Not in my house it doesn't. Being the "head of the house" what does that even mean, he can have the final say on household decisions or something? Do you think that happens in alot of marriages? I would say no. I find your thread extremely sexist tbh

Like I keep saying I’m not siding with those opinions, I’m just pointing out what does happen all over the world. They’re not my opinions but there’s no point pretending things like that don’t happen even in this day and age.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Redway

Like I keep saying I’m not siding with those opinions, I’m just pointing out what does happen all over the world. They’re not my opinions but there’s no point pretending things like that don’t happen even in this day and age.

You still haven't explained what you mean by head of the house

[smudgie]

Depends entirely on the individuals.
I loved my mother in law, not fussed on father in law.
Loved and adored my father, not too fussed on mother.
Extended family know rest of family etc.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ChristmasNeeve

You still haven't explained what you mean by head of the house

It’s exactly like you say. The so-called head has the upper hand in family decisions and all that type of thing.

Again, again and again I’m not siding with these old-school gender concepts. I’m just talking about traditional marriage roles and how common (or not) they still are in this day and age, just like racism or homophobia. I’m not siding with them but we can’t pretend that they didn’t exist back in the day just because we’re in a more enlightened era (however wrong they were).

For the record I don’t agree with anyone being the head of the house but you know what I’m saying when I talk about it. We might know more now but it’s just one of those traditional concepts.

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by Redway

It’s exactly like you say. The so-called head has the upper hand in family decisions and all that type of thing.

Again, again and again I’m not siding with these old-school gender concepts. I’m just talking about traditional marriage roles and how common (or not) they still are in this day and age, just like racism or homophobia. I’m not siding with them but we can’t pretend that they didn’t exist back in the day just because we’re in a more enlightened era (however wrong they were).

For the record I don’t agree with anyone being the head of the house but you know what I’m saying when I talk about it. We might know more now but it’s just one of those traditional concepts.

I would like to meet the man that any of my female family members had to answer to as head of the family, this generation or the last two.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Redway

It’s exactly like you say. The so-called head has the upper hand in family decisions and all that type of thing.

Again, again and again I’m not siding with these old-school gender concepts. I’m just talking about traditional marriage roles and how common (or not) they still are in this day and age, just like racism or homophobia. I’m not siding with them but we can’t pretend that they didn’t exist back in the day just because we’re in a more enlightened era (however wrong they were).

For the record I don’t agree with anyone being the head of the house but you know what I’m saying when I talk about it. We might know more now but it’s just one of those traditional concepts.

Ok I don't know any couples in real life that let their husbands make decisions for the family, it's an outed concept that I like to think we're well passed

[Wizard.]

In Spain they have double barrell, I believe they have their Father's surname and their Mother's maiden name, and if they become married they add their husband's surname onto that e.g. Martina (first name) Rodriguez (fathers surname) Lopez (mothers maiden name) de Garcia (husbands surname)

Martina Rodriguez Lopez de Garcia. That's a mouthful!

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Mariah Christmas

In Spain they have double barrell, I believe they have their Father's surname and their Mother's maiden name, and if they become married they add their husband's surname onto that e.g. Martina (first name) Rodriguez (fathers surname) Lopez (mothers maiden name) de Garcia (husbands surname)

Martina Rodriguez Lopez de Garcia. That's a mouthful!

They don't take the husbands name when they marry (according to my Spanish, Spanish teacher ) they keep their double barrell mother + father name, then if they have kids the kids take the first surname name of both parents

[bitontheslide]

It did used to be much more than a name change it was the husbands family taking over looking after the welfare of the wife. Not sure about other cultures but its hardly mentioned now

[Redway]

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

It did used to be much more than a name change it was the husbands family taking over looking after the welfare of the wife. Not sure about other cultures but its hardly mentioned now

Exactly. I know we’re part of an enlightened era but we can’t pretend that certain things never happened even 30 years ago.

[Toy Soldier]

IMO it more often happens the other way around - females (in general, of course) maintain stronger links with their family after leaving home than a lot of men do, and so after marriage / kids, it tends to be the maternal extended family that's more involved. . That's the way I've seen it work in the majority of cases, anyway.

[bitontheslide]

Originally Posted by Toy Santa

IMO it more often happens the other way around - females (in general, of course) maintain stronger links with their family after leaving home than a lot of men do, and so after marriage / kids, it tends to be the maternal extended family that's more involved. . That's the way I've seen it work in the majority of cases, anyway.

its a throw back to when women were house wives. They didnt have an income and were therefore entirely reliant on the husband.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

It did used to be much more than a name change it was the husbands family taking over looking after the welfare of the wife. Not sure about other cultures but its hardly mentioned now

The husbands family looking after the wife in what way though? People got married to each Other and lived together, I'm really confused by what you mean by that.