A Couple Of Things ( A little advice needed )

[SMC]

I..like many other guys like to play the field a little with women and i have come into a couple of sticky encounters...

Case One..

I have been ' seeing ' this girl for a while now, and allthough i feel nothing for her she apparently now has ' fallen ' for me and this has scared me off a little, she's a nice enough girl but i just dont feel the way she does..i only wanted a bit of fun, but anyways, i was ' seeing ' her mate around a year ago before i started goin out with her and now i would really like to start getting into her again but i dont want to hurt the girl who i'm currently seeing, how do i tell her its her friend i really like? ( i also know she likes me .......if your confused.......... you must have learning difficulties )

Secondly..

Theres another girl who i went out with about a week ago, we went out and stuff and really hit it off..the only problem is she's my mates ex and i know that he still really likes her and wants to get back with her, i feel really tight but i like her also..she doesn't want to get back with him but he still loves her...i would really like to see her again..what advice would you give me?


END

[SMC]

bump

[Ruth]

In the first situation, would you really want to go out with a girl who wouldn't have any regard for her friend's feelings? If the girl you're seeing really likes you, and this other girl is supposedly her friend, I would have thought that the second girl would respect the first girl's feelings.

Why are you going out with the first girl anyway, if you feel nothing for her?

Second situation - it seems to come down to which matters more - your mate's friendship or getting it on with this girl. Why don't you talk to your mate about it and see what he says, then take it from there?

[Romantic Old Bird]

Personally, my opinion is you need to think about how yiur actions will hurt others.

Good advice from Ruth.

The only thing I would add is that when you look back on this time in your life, make sure you don't find that you're ashamed of your behaviour. I know hormones are crashing around, and it's great to feel you are attractive, but your behaviour can really hurt someone and affect their self-esteem in the long term.

If it feels wrong and uncomfortable, then it probably is wrong.

My suggestion is honesty. It takes bravery and maturity ro be honest in relationships, but it really does pay off in the long term.

Situation one: tell the girl, as kindly and gently as possible that you really don't feel the same for her, and that you would like to break off the relationship. Tell her that she is a great girl, and there is nothing that she has said or done, it's just how it is.
The other girl in this set-up - well, using your sensitivity I would suggest there is no hurry in committing to a new relationship. It could be a 'grass is greener' situation. Whatever didn't work out a year ago probably won't again. Anyway, leave it for a while.


If you really like the girl in situation two, I think you should tell your friend that you would like to see her. If you can't face that, imagine how he would feel if he found out. If you don't want either to tell him or for him to find out, then don't do it - because he WILL find out.

I know I sound like an old biddy, but I remember this stage very well, even though it is a long time ago. I remember the hurts and the anguish. Even though we were all pretty young, I took it seriously and it took me a very long time to trust anyone or like myself again.

Have a great time, but be honest from the start. When you meet someone really significant in your life, you will have no doubts at all about how you feel.

[Ruth]

ROB is absolutely right. Also, as you want to see both of these girls, I'm guessing that you can't have really strong feelings for either of them. If that is the case, is it worth hurting people's feelings just to have a bit of fun? I bet there's plenty of single people who you could take out.

Sorry if this is not the advice you were hoping for...but you did ask!

[SMC]

All advice much appreciated, i still haven't decided what to do yet but i'll decide soon enough..

ROB and Ruth for Agony Aunts anyone?

[lily.]

U probably have heard enough advice, but I missed this thread first time round, and I am going to put in my twopence worth anyway...

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with you "playing the field". In fact, I reckon that is healthy. The problem I see with ur situations is the "friendships" which are in the middle of both of them.

The first situation calls for you coming between two female friends. I agree with what was already said that if the girl had any regard for her friend's feelings, she wouldn't even entertain the thought of seeing you when you just broke up with her friend. When I was your age, me and my best friend had an unwritten rule about such things. However, I wonder how close they truly are, when you used to see this other one in the first place, and then went on to see her friend... I would never have gone out with anyone who used to go out with my friend and vice-versa. It's just somehow wrong...

But, also covered was the point that if it didn't work out this time last year, then what's the point of going over old ground?

As for situation number two. This is one which will cause long-term irreversable damage to the friendship between you and your mate. I only have one thing to say about it, and you might think it's daft, but believe me it isn't! .........Girlfriends come and go, but Friends are for life.......

If you go out with this girl, and your mate gets p!ssed off at you because of it, then you and the girl end up breaking up, what are you going to do about your mate? Do you really think he is going to want anything to do with you after you did that to him? So, again, it has been said by ROB and Ruth, but it depends on how much of a "friend" you really are to this guy and what you see as more important.

You need to put a stop to your existing relationship though. There is no point in going on with a relationship in which one party is more serious than the other. She will be hurt if you break up with her, but she will be more hurt if you continue to see her and lead her thinking that you love her back. You have to nip it in the bud just now. She will get over you.

There are loads of single girls out there... ones who haven't gone out with your mates, and if you are just out for a bit of fun, then go and have some "fun" with them ... But don't forget to put a sock on it :nono: or you will have bigger problems than you have just now!!!! :thumbs: