Jokes

[Ella]

Came across this while i was browsing the net...made me laugh anyway!



A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

:laugh::hugesmile::laugh::hugesmile:

Anyone got anymore jokes they would like to share?

[Fangz]

Q) Why do seagulls fly across the sea?
A) Because if they flew across bays they'd be called bagels.:rolleyes:

I'm so goth I keep getting hit on by necrophiliacs.

goth #1: I'm so goth, when I'm sleeping people come and check my pulse.
goth #2: I'm so goth I don't have a pulse.

I'm so goth, whenever I knock on somebody's door they give me candy.

[InTheHood]

It must be the way you tell them, or the way my understanding of the English language reaches it's limit :hugesmile:

[Razmataz]

Originally posted by Fangz
Q) Why do seagulls fly across the sea?
A) Because if they flew across bays they'd be called bagels.:rolleyes:

I'm so goth I keep getting hit on by necrophiliacs.

goth #1: I'm so goth, when I'm sleeping people come and check my pulse.
goth #2: I'm so goth I don't have a pulse.

I'm so goth, whenever I knock on somebody's door they give me candy.

so if they were called bagels do you think we would eat seaguls. :conf: :joker:

[Ella]

ewww...id never eat seagulls lol they make to much noise and to much mess...mind you if we ate them they wouldn't be noisy really would they??

[Razmataz]

i think we might be more likely to live near the seaside though :thumbs:

[Crazycheerleader]

cracking me up, thanks guys x

[ThaGazBoi]

Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
A. Cover me im going in!

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"


What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud

If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?

How do you stop a fish from smelling?
Cut its nose off

What do you call a fish with no eye ?
FSH !

What is invisable and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts.

What is a dogs favourite school subject?
"Dog-Ruff-E "

Why are there no asprins in the jungle?
Because the Parots-ate-em-all

Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

Why do gerillas have big nostralls?
Coz they got big fingers!!!!!!!!!

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
Lipstick


Lol i got them sent to me through chain emails on MSN.

[Siouxsie]

hahaha very funny

[Screwmedoo]

Two Flies on a globe
and one says to the other
"i've been looking all over the world for you":sleep:

Two Flies on a loo wall
One got P***ed off:laugh:

[Siouxsie]

thats my joke you nicked it :nono:

[Screwmedoo]

WON ANOTHER BET WITH MYSELF THERE

[BB-Rocks]

Behave you 2!:bigsmile:

[Siouxsie]

:joker::joker: ive won more than one bet

[Navajo]

ok two then:tongue:

[Siouxsie]

haha

[Siouxsie]

What d you call a naked pig ?

[BB-Rocks]

What?

[Siouxsie]

Streaky bacon lol :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

[Siouxsie]

which fish is musical ?

[BB-Rocks]

Lol:hello:

[BB-Rocks]

Why?

[Siouxsie]

a piano tuna :hello::hello::hello:

[BB-Rocks]

Lol

[BB-Rocks]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

[Siouxsie]

to get to the other side

[BB-Rocks]

Yup!

How you know?

[Siouxsie]

seems pretty obvious to me lol :colour::thumbs:

[BB-Rocks]

Lol:joker:

[Navajo]

Whats the difference between-
a car tyre and sex 365 times

One's a Goodyear

and ones a REALLY good year

[Siouxsie]

hahahahahahaha

[Navajo]

Three scientists wanted to know how much an elephant would eat before having a c**p,"how are we going to do this?"says Bob,
"We could push a cork up its a**e "says Jim,"I'm not doing it "says Fred,Neither am I" says Bob,
"Lets train a monkey to do it"says Jim
So after a couple of days they train a monkey how to do it ,
"Right now what?says bob,
"Well Jim you get a notebook and stand 5 metres from the elephant and write down anything unusual that might happen",
"Bob you stand 50 metres away,with a microphone and record any sounds the elephant makes"
"I'll stand 100 metres away with a camcorder and film it all", saysFred ,
3 weeks go by,and Nelly(the elephant) is getting rather big and red,
Then.....Kaboom Nelly lets rip,
There is c**p everywhere,
Fred is up to his ankles in the stuff,he sees Bob up to his neck in it ,and waides over,
"Are you ok Bob"?
"Just"says bob "But what about Jim"?
Worried, both men start digging in the direction of Jim
As they got closer they could hear muffled laughter and after a few mins they found jim rolling around in the c**p laughing his head off,
"Jim Jim are you mad ,you're covered in filth,
its in your eyes your mouth and in your ears ,what on earth is so funny?"
Spluttering Jim says,
" You should have seen the monkey trying to put the cork back in"

[Siouxsie]

:bawling::bawling::bawling::bawling::bawling: