100 things to do with a cucumber

[Siouxsie]

1. Hit someone over the head with it. (Dont mention Kinga)

next please ?

[Siouxsie]

looks like im playing on my own

2. how about slicing it up and put it on your salad ?

[chick]

Put it on your eyes .

[Fangz]

Haha, this is just begging to turn into a dirty thread!

[Siouxsie]

What makes you think that.
There is 101 things to do with a cucumber.
Like Playing rounders with it

[Amy]

Use it as a erm............ Microphone :bored:

[Amy]

I have another one cucumber races! Okay... back to the drawing board! :rolleyes:

[Teacup]

Roll out pastry with it :rolleyes:

[ThaGazBoi]

Stick it up your fanny.

Oh..

[BB-Rocks]

Pretend your giving a blow job

[~Kizwiz~]

Scratch your back with it!

[EugeneSully]

stick pins in it?

[Navajo]

Allow it to go rancid in the back of the veg box:blush:

[Siouxsie]

conduct an orchestra with it

[lily.]

Originally posted by CrazyGazza
Stick it up your fanny.

Oh..

GAZZZZZZZZA!!!!! :nono: My virgin eyes!!! :nono: :tongue:

[Siouxsie]

That was the one i didnt want to be mentioned its rude

[lily.]

Stick it up yer ar$e if you dont have a fanny... :tongue:

[Siouxsie]

OMG stropz you dont hold back do you lol :spin2:

I would make cucumber sandwiches for the queen

[SMC]

EDITED!

[lily.]

chop it up into slices ... lie naked on the table and fashion a cucumber slice bikini out of it.. which your partner could eat off of you...

Just a thought... :wink:

[sol]

I dont know, a walking stick for a dwarf :spin:

[lily.]

U might wanna edit that Sol and remove that quote.. :thumbs:

[Siouxsie]

Omg why did I start this thread :rolleyes::blush::blush:

[lily.]

U should have seen that coming Scoobs.. too many dirty minded folk here..

Course, I'm not one of em.. :spin2: :laugh:

[Legend]

Originally posted by SMC
EDITED!

I wanna know what you posted! :laugh:

When it says EDITED then it's bound to be good.

Spill....

[Amy]

A thread about a cucumber... you just know it's asking for trouble lol :laugh: Erm cut it up and throw it at people why...? well why not!?!

[Siouxsie]

suppose your right amy:blush2:

[BB-Rocks]

Slice them and pu them on top of your nipples

[Navajo]

Originally posted by EugeneSully
stick pins in it?
i like that
a handy pin cushion,and
a cheap and safe cactus

[Siouxsie]

use it as a baton in a race(by the way is that 100 yet?)

[BB-Rocks]

I think its only like 19

[BB-Rocks]

This is gonna take a long time to finish!

[Siouxsie]

come on then bb rocks something you would do with a cucumber lol ??

[BB-Rocks]

Eat it:joker:

[Siouxsie]

think weve had that one but never mind

[BB-Rocks]

Owell!

Erm...

You could knock someone out with it

[Siouxsie]

Put glasses on it so it will be as cool as a cucumber

[BB-Rocks]

Lol:hugesmile:

[Siouxsie]

C is for Cucumber

[BB-Rocks]

Lol .. what did you type in google to get that?

[Siouxsie]

Melon !!!!!!!!what d ya think lol :bigsmile::bigsmile::eureka:




got another one cold cucumber soup

[BB-Rocks]

Lol

can't think really!

[Siouxsie]

carve your x boy/girlfriends name on it and put it through the mincer :joker:

[EugeneSully]

use in as a bat?? ie a rounders bat or something ...

[Siouxsie]

I already said that

[Navajo]

Just in case you didn't want to know,George Stephenson (inventor of the locomotive 'The Rocket) is also credited with the idea to use a open ended glass tube,to make cucumbers grow straight.

So...Grow One

[EugeneSully]

you could dress it up in pretty clothes and pretend it's your child

[Navajo]

Stuff it

Very popular in Poland apparently.

[EugeneSully]

sit on it?? it could be like an emergency camping stool

[Siouxsie]

might have aleady said this one make soup with it or even use it as a Javelin

[Navajo]

Cut it in half,
stick each half, (wait for it)
up your jumper
and prance around like Madonna.

Remember SMC this is things to do with a cucumber ,you don't HAVE to do them:thumbs:

[EugeneSully]

call it Vincent.. or Troy? cos those are cool names:spin2:

[SMC]

Originally posted by shaggy
Cut it in half,
stick each half, (wait for it)
up your jumper
and prance around like Madonna.

Remember SMC this is things to do with a cucumber ,you don't HAVE to do them:thumbs:

Bet you'd like to do some stuff with a cucumber though wouldn't you? i'm sure Daphne and Velma might help too.

[EugeneSully]

:blush2: had to laugh at that one

[Siouxsie]

cucumber prints (How many is that)

[EugeneSully]

Originally posted by scooby
cucumber prints (How many is that)

once we get to about 120, we should have covered the lot.

120 posts or something because some people are posting off topic comments too :hugesmile:

[Navajo]

Make it disappear, in a weird sexy magic trick(thanks for that one SMC)

[lily.]

We still doin stuff with this cucumber.... ?

I can't post here. I can't keep it clean, and the mods will object. :thumbs:

[BB-Rocks]

Lol .. i can only think of dirty tuff.

I'll think of some clean stuff though!

[Navajo]

Paperweight

(SMC's Boxing weight):thumbs:

Oh come on im only joking its the weekend:laugh:

[Siouxsie]

:elephant::elephant: Crush the cucumber add sone vodka and ice and make a cocktail

[Navajo]

Hollow it out correctly and its a canoe,
for your Action man or Barbie.

[Pipergun]

Keep your sister quiet by shoving it down the bell of her Cornet that she insists on blasting in your ears! :thumbs:

(No rude pun intended here - it's all correct terminology, honest! :hugesmile:)

T. :wink:

[SMC]

Originally posted by shaggy
Paperweight

(SMC's Boxing weight):thumbs:

Oh come on I'm only joking its the weekend:laugh:

Oh how funny, that is the best thing i have heard all week..seriously what a joke hahaha i can't get over how funny that was fo sho', keep up the good work Scrappy,

I cant stop laughing at that,

Well done,

[Siouxsie]

see shaggy has got a sense of humour

[Siouxsie]

Back to topic :eureka: A rollingpin

[Navajo]

A blow pipe...Well you could if you drilled a hole through it

[SMC]

Originally posted by scooby
see shaggy has got a sense of humour

Note sarcasm

[Siouxsie]

lol:joker:

[chick]

Stick cheese on sticks in it :wink:

[Siouxsie]

Put it on a salad

[chick]

Throw it in the river and see if it floats

[Siouxsie]

good one chick how about using it as a draught excluder

[SMC]

this thread is stupid..but amusing at the same time

[Navajo]

100 uses for a cucumber ....
Here's one for SMC

(Oooh he's posting an attatchment:mad:,Release the Hounds)

[Siouxsie]

Tut tut your not allowed attatchements shaggy

[lily.]

Shove the cucumber up yer ar5e along with the attachment, and fart and see which one comes back out first.. ..


just a thought.. :rolleyes:

[SMC]

Ram it down Shaggy's throat and see if he dies?

[lily.]

Push it into someone's mouth and test their gag reflex.

[SMC]

Poke it into Gladders bird's eye to see if it goes black as the other one?

[lily.]

Originally posted by SMC
Ram it down Shaggy's throat and see if he dies?

Cruelty to animals..

oh no, wait a minute... shaggy is the big stupid guy isn't he? (the one on the cartoon - obviously :tongue:)

[lily.]

Originally posted by SMC
Poke it into Gladders bird's eye to see if it goes black as the other one?

That is a stormer!! I love that one.. Did we actually get an explanation about what is up with her eye?

Maybe it was one of those 'joke telescope' things,... Gladders, did you bring her one of those from your day-trip to Blackpool??... shame on you!

[lily.]

things to do with a cucumber...

Put it down ur speedos before the swimming contest to impress the ladies.

[SMC]

Use it as a sex toy? ( it had to be said )

[lily.]

Things to do with a cucumber....

sellotape it to your forehead and write "DICKHEAD" above it with a marker pen.

[lily.]

Originally posted by SMC
Use it as a sex toy? ( it had to be said )

Yes, it did. I wouldn't use it though. Where would you put the batteries? :laugh:

[SMC]

Originally posted by Stropz
Things to do with a cucumber....

sellotape it to your forehead and write "DICKHEAD" above it with a marker pen.

Wouldn't work, cos it would obviously be a cucumber head wouldn't it

sort it out,

[lily.]

ok, then how bout cuttin yer dick off, sellotapin the cucumber in it's place, the sellotapin the dick to yer head, and then there would be no need for the marker pen. It would be self-explanatory.

[SMC]

Originally posted by Stropz
ok, then how bout cuttin yer dick off, sellotapin the cucumber in it's place, the sellotapin the dick to yer head, and then there would be no need for the marker pen. It would be self-explanatory.

Nice, but again wouldn't work..

Because if your some FM's you have both sexual organs..so then what smart ass? come on think of the inbreds

[lily.]

Are you implying that some of the FMs are Hermaphrodites? Maybe that's actually him in the picture with the eyeliner..

The mind boggles..

[SMC]

I don't know what your on about, or which ' FM ' you are specifically referring too..anyways,

use one as a butt plug?

[lily.]

rather big for a butt plug, but I suppose you could get your money's worth, by cutting it into 4 pieces, and having a butt plug for you and 3 of your close friends.

[SMC]

Speak for yourself,

How many are we on so far?

[lily.]

Dunno, were we supposed to count? Who's stupid idea was that?

[Siouxsie]

The thread is 100 things to do with a cucumber lol

[Fangz]

Glue an orange either side of it and hand it in to your art teacher, and tell them that it's a sculpture that represents masculinity?

(They'd probably believe you, anyone who can lob a bit of paint on a canvas can be an artist these days, as long as you make up a pretty story about what it's supposed to depict.)

[lily.]

Originally posted by Fangz
Glue an orange either side of it and hand it in to your art teacher, and tell them that it's a sculpture that represents masculinity?


Now, that is one of the best suggestions so far. :thumbs:

[Fangz]

Thanks, I like yours as well, they crack me up. I can't think of any more at the moment though.

[lily.]

I'm on a mission to get the thread closed down for indecency.. :laugh:

[Fangz]

I can tell, believe me.

Hold it up and say 'You go first, dear' when your partner suggests anal sex?

[lily.]

^^^^Lovin that!!!

Spank your partner with it all in the name of a little 'S & M'

[Fangz]

LMAO!

I can't believe Scoobs posted this without expecting it to turn dirty.

[lily.]

I think she knew it would. Now she will act all innocent and shocked etc. :laugh:


Things to do with a cucumber: Sit in a supermarket cafe and simulate oral sex with it, whilst eye-ing up the middle-aged car-park attendant...

[Fangz]

You sound very knowledgable in these matters, Stropz.

Is that how you met Mr Stropz, by any chance?

[lily.]

lol.. you don't even wanna know... :laugh: :tongue: :laugh:

and, on that note,, i'm off for somethin to eat.. and not a cucumber... lol:xyxwave:

[EugeneSully]

Originally posted by Stropz
lol.. you don't even want to know... :laugh: :tongue: :laugh:

and, on that note,, i'm off for somethin to eat.. and not a cucumber... lol:xyxwave:

... lies!!!

well enjoy whatever you decide to eat

[SMC]

exactly, you and I both know what she's upto..at her age too, YUK!

[EugeneSully]

Originally posted by SMC
exactly, you and I both know what she's upto..at her age too, YUK!

Youre so frigid....it's not like she's 70 odd! :laugh:

[SMC]

she's shown me a picture of her which i was disgusted with trust me, i can't show it here because i'll get banned..yes it's that bad

[EugeneSully]

you said she was pretty fit for a mother of two... you change your mind so quickly!

[SMC]

I changed my mind as soon as she showed me this particular picture..it was beyond disgusting, i had to put down my bacon butty

[EugeneSully]

Originally posted by SMC
I changed my mind as soon as she showed me this particular picture..it was beyond disgusting, i had to put down my bacon butty


ahh the food comes into the equation again!!

[SMC]

I'm still a growing lad what can i say

[lily.]

SMC.. u little fukka!!!! Don't be goin around sayin I sent ya rank pics..... christ sake boy, I have a reputation to uphold.. ! :nono: :laugh:

[EugeneSully]

Originally posted by Stropz
SMC.. u little fukka!!!! Don't be goin around sayin I sent you rank pics..... christ sake boy, I have a reputation to uphold.. ! :nono: :laugh:


so does SMC!:tongue:

[lily.]

he knows bettah than to fuk wi me tho.. :wink:

[SMC]

you know ya did though, that pic you sent me were it was all hanging out...uhh, just thinking about it makes me shudder

[EugeneSully]

don't worry stropz. I wont believe a single nasty thing he says about you! He loves you really:laugh:

[lily.]

there were feck all hanging out ... don't be goin there, unless you want me to bring up the pic you showed me today... showin a bit of skin.. eh.. eh .. eh.. :wink:

[lily.]

Originally posted by EugeneSully
don't worry stropz. I wont believe a single nasty thing he says about you! He loves you really:laugh:

He does actually. And who could blame him... :wink:

[Siouxsie]

Got to admit though this thread is a good one Kept everyone going

[lily.]

Things to do with cucumber:

Stick 10 of them up Chuck Norris' ar5e and yell: "you're not so feckin tough now are you?"

[EugeneSully]

lol stropz!!!

[SMC]

Chuck Norris would snap the cucumber with his cheeks

[Siouxsie]

Stropz that really tickled my fancy

[lily.]

That takes some practise ...

[SMC]

Not for Chuck Norris

[lily.]

Buns of steel eh?

Out of curiosity.. u ever tried it?

[SMC]

Not with a cucumber

[lily.]

with what did you try it?...

[SMC]

Nuthinn, as if i would..sure im comfortable with my sexuality but that's taking things a little to far, i wouldn't be able to sit down for weeks

[Siouxsie]

Try a courgette :laugh:

[lily.]

Originally posted by scooby
Try a courgette :laugh:

Are you implying he is a tight ar5e Scooby? :laugh:

[lily.]

looks around... it doesn't appear to be locked.... *shrugs*

[Siouxsie]

yep you could say that stropz:spin2:

[lily.]

Gladders must have dreamed it... :puzzled:

[Siouxsie]

dreamed what ?

[Razmataz]

I actually misread.

But 1 thing to do with a cucumber is chop it up. and try and throw each piece in the air and catch it in your mouth.
or if your daring. do it whole.

[lily.]

Gladders must have dreamed that this thread got locked.. cuz he mentioned it in the other thread.. which is now locked..

B&Q are having a sale on padlocks.. 25% off. :bigsmile:

[BB-Rocks]

Stropz .. stop it!! lolol Ya mad rebel:joker:

[Siouxsie]

:hello::hello::hello::hello: very funny that one stropz

[Fangz]

Bludgeon a certain FM to death with it. The cucumber I mean. This thread's gone off topic.

[lily.]

yeah, it has.. shocking really.. time it was locked..

*Get yer padlocks here.. 2 for a pound... 2 for a pound.. :laugh:

[lily.]

2 things to do with a cucumber:

1. Smack Gladders around with it
2. Refer to #1

[SMC]

niceee..

another thing to do with it

( refer to Stropz #1 )

[lily.]

Carve the cucumber into a key shape then unlock the SMC thread with it.

[Razmataz]

Originally posted by Stropz
2 things to do with a cucumber:

1. Smack Gladders around with it
2. Refer to #1

Well. I suppose there is always the quick reversal.

Peace \/

[SMC]

Originally posted by Stropz
Carve the cucumber into a key shape then unlock the SMC thread with it.

Now that is the best idea i've heard all day..good thinkin Lusardi

[Fangz]

Yes, let's make stupid remarks to see if James will lock it, so we can go on with our sad little lives, that much happier because we got a thread on an internet forum locked.

[Siouxsie]

why not lock them all untill bb7 is back :sleep::sleep::sleep:

[Dan_]

Only the one's u used to post as much as possible or threads that already exist just with a different title :bigsmile: then whinge when they get locked.

[chick]

If you mash it and mix it with astringent it will make a good face mask
(A tip from mother knows all.)

[lily.]

are we at 100 yet?

[lily.]

Ok, let’s recap and see what we have so far:


1. Hit someone over the head with it. (Dont mention Kinga)
2. how about slicing it up and put it on your salad ?
3. Put it on your eyes .
4. Playing rounders with it
5. Use it as a erm............ Microphone
6. I have another one cucumber races!
7. Roll out pastry with it
8. Stick it up your fanny.
9. Pretend your giving a blow job
10. Scratch your back with it!
11. stick pins in it?
12. Allow it to go rancid in the back of the veg box
13. conduct an orchestra with it
14. Stick it up yer ar$e if you dont have a fanny
15. I would make cucumber sandwiches for the queen
16. chop it up into slices ... lie naked on the table and fashion a cucumber slice bikini out of it.. which your partner could eat off of you...
17. I dont know, a walking stick for a dwarf
18. Erm cut it up and throw it at people why...? well why not!?!
19. Slice them and pu them on top of your nipples
20. use it as a baton in a race
21. Eat it
22. You could knock someone out with it
23. Put glasses on it so it will be as cool as a cucumber
24. cold cucumber soup
25. carve your x boy/girlfriends name on it and put it through the mincer
26. use in as a bat?? ie a rounders bat or something ...
27. Grow One
28. you could dress it up in pretty clothes and pretend it's your child
29. Stuff it
30. sit on it?? it could be like an emergency camping stool
31. make soup with it
32. use it as a Javelin
33. Cut it in half,
stick each half, (wait for it)
up your jumper
and prance around like Madonna
34. call it Vincent.. or Troy? cos those are cool names
35. cucumber prints
36. Make it disappear, in a weird sexy magic trick
37. Paperweight
38. Crush the cucumber add sone vodka and ice and make a cocktail
39. Hollow it out correctly and its a canoe, for your Action man or Barbie.
40. Keep your sister quiet by shoving it down the bell of her Cornet that she insists on blasting in your ears
41. A rollingpin
42. A blow pipe...Well you could if you drilled a hole through it
43. Stick cheese on sticks in it
44. Put it on a salad
45. Throw it in the river and see if it floats
46. using it as a draught excluder
47. sit on it
48. Shove the cucumber up yer ar5e along with the attachment, and fart and see which one comes back out first.. ..
49. Ram it down Shaggy's throat and see if he dies?
50. Push it into someone's mouth and test their gag reflex
51. Poke it into Gladders bird's eye to see if it goes black as the other one?
52. Put it down ur speedos before the swimming contest to impress the ladies
53. Use it as a sex toy? ( it had to be said )
54. sellotape it to your forehead and write "DICKHEAD" above it with a marker pen
55. cuttin yer dick off, sellotapin the cucumber in it's place, the sellotapin the dick to yer head, and then there would be no need for the marker pen. It would be self-explanatory.
56. use one as a butt plug?
57. rather big for a butt plug, but I suppose you could get your money's worth, by cutting it into 4 pieces, and having a butt plug for you and 3 of your close friends.
58. Glue an orange either side of it and hand it in to your art teacher, and tell them that it's a sculpture that represents masculinity?
59. Hold it up and say 'You go first, dear' when your partner suggests anal sex?
60. Spank your partner with it all in the name of a little 'S & M'
61. Sit in a supermarket cafe and simulate oral sex with it, whilst eye-ing up the middle-aged car-park attendant...
62. Stick 10 of them up Chuck Norris' ar5e and yell: "you're not so feckin tough now are you?"
63. Chuck Norris would snap the cucumber with his cheeks
64. chop it up. and try and throw each piece in the air and catch it in your mouth.
65. or if your daring. do it whole.
66. Bludgeon a certain FM to death with it.
67. Smack Gladders around with it
68. Carve the cucumber into a key shape then unlock the SMC thread with it
69. If you mash it and mix it with astringent it will make a good face mask

[lily.]

ironically enough, we seem to be at #69 for the thread with the most indecent replies ever!

[lily.]

#70 shrink to midget size .. carve it out and live in it..

[Dan_]

71-Use it as a pretend megaphone

[lily.]

#72 If you are skinny, you could hide behind it
#73 shred it finely and use it to wipe your ar5e if you run out of toilet paper
#74 put wheels on it and use it as a roller skate
#75 use it as a gobstopper to shut up whiny people
#76 use it to demonstrate safe sex

[Dan_]

77-Use it as a pretend airhorn
78-Cut your nose off and stick the cucumber in it's place
79-Stick it to the wall and use it as dart board
80-Shoot holes in it.
81-Use it as a subsitute for a spud gun

[lily.]

#82 put a pair of specs on it and a silly wig and call it Harry
#83 ask it for advice when buying shoes to see the look on the salespersons face
#84 carry it in ur pocket and raise your eyebrows at every female you see
#85 put it in a glory hole as a snack for the rent boys.. :rolleyes:
#86 threaten Chuck Norris with it and see how many seconds it takes for him to kick your ass

[Dan_]

87-Cut it in half and use it as alien anteners
88-Carve an emo poem into whilst listening to some suicide music thinking you're misunderstood.
89-Make it into a goatee beard
90-Make it into a curry
91-Have a dual with it.

[lily.]

#92 put 'Just say no' stickers on them and hand them out at high schools
#93 use it to push the buttons on your remote control
#94 clean your ears out with it
#95 paint it brown and pretend it's a cr4p
#96 Throw hoops at it
#97 put it on the floor with your handbag and dance around it
#98 use it to knock the sh!t out of all the chavs who scream up and down the street in their corsas

[Dan_]

99-Smash the ****ing attachement button with it.

[lily.]

#100 use it as a stick to hold up a huge banner which says "NO MORE POINTLESS THREADS PLEASE"

[lily.]

Finally this thread is over.. can it be locked now??

:hello::hello::hello::hello::hello::hello::hello:: hello::hello::hello::hello::hello::hello::hello::h ello::hello::hello::hello::hello::hello::hello::he llo::hello::hello:

[Dan_]

Yep that's 100 now, it's locking time.

[lily.]

nice work Dan. :thumbs:

[Siouxsie]

Dont think it was pointless Lots of members joined in actually. But thanks for counting them all the same:wink:

[Dan_]

That's all well and good but now we are done we can lock the bugger.

[Fangz]

I still can't believe we actually got to a hundred without any of the posts being edited by admin.:shocked:

[lily.]

me either,,, i was in stitches when i done the recap!!! Some of them are class!

[EugeneSully]

did anyone actually say that you could ram it up your fan.ny lol??

[Fangz]

Yeah, I think it was Gazza...

[lily.]

every one in the list has been said in the thread. I used Copy & Paste. I take no responsibility for any of them.. (cept my own! :thumbs:)

[Kaz]

Originally posted by Fangz
I still can't believe we actually got to a hundred without any of the posts being edited by admin.:shocked:

Neither can I! :shocked:

:tongue:

Now locked as requested. :thumbs: