Chuck Norris Facts

[lily.]

On behalf of my good friend SMC:


Chuck Norris Can generate enough energy running on a treadmill for 10 mins to power the United States for 12 hours.

[Fangz]

Chuck Norris can kill an elephant with a single glance.

(We can all join in, right?)

[lily.]

Yeah, as long as you respect the Chuck-meister, I'm sure it will be fine.

SMC is providing me with the facts on MSN. I am merely the go-between. :tongue:

[Fangz]

Oh, okay. Send him my regards.

[lily.]

I certainly shall.. :thumbs: ... Me, him & Dan are parked in MSN talking sh!te as usual.. :joker:

[Dan_]

# When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Ya dig motherhubbard.

[lily.]

I worry :rolleyes:

[lily.]

Chuck Norris really DOES know the meaning of "Just Say No," because he just says no all the time...to women.

[lily.]

Chuck Norris' milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

[Dan_]

Gay :wink:

[Dan_]

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.You dig motherhubbard?

[lily.]

Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too!

[lily.]

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile

[ThaGazBoi]

Chuck Norris..

Who The Fanjita is he?

[Lance]

Originally posted by Stropz
Chuck Norris' milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

Now that made me laugh.. here's a pic my mate drew on Bebo of him. It's really good, he has one of them mousey pen things.

http://file004.bebo.com/drawinglarge/2006/02/04/13/157681563a260102187b103847356l.gif

[Lance]

Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.

Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.

MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.

Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.

Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.

Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.

Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.

Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.

When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.

182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.

If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.

July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not.

Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"

Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.

In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris.

The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.

As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".

There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.

President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.

Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.

What many people dont know is chuck norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.

Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.

Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.

Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.

Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.

A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.

Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.

Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.

When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.

There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.

In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.

For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.

In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

[BB-Rocks]

What happened to SMC?I thought he was banned for 3 days

[SMC]

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

[SMC]

Chuck Norris steals pennies from Mall Fountains. Why? Cuz he’s ****ing Chuck Norris.

[SMC]

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

[Legend]

And Chuck Norris is whoo ? ?

[SMC]

Originally posted by Legend
And Chuck Norris is whoo ? ?

You didn't just say that

anyways, see - http://www.chucknorris.com/

[Legend]

Originally posted by SMC
Originally posted by Legend
And Chuck Norris is whoo ? ?

You didn't just say that

anyways, see - http://www.chucknorris.com/

I did. :spin:

Anddd, will have a look properly when i have the energy for reading! :laugh:

[Dan_]

You don't know who Chuck Norris is? Shame on you!

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

[SMC]

I can't beleive you dont know who the Chuckster is, you haven't lived if you aint seen Chuck Norris in action

[Legend]

Haven't u 2 got an appreciation society to make or something? :laugh:

[SMC]

Originally posted by BB fernzy
You don't know who Chuck Norris is? Shame on you!

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Very well said Daniel, oh how they lived to regret that day

[SMC]

Originally posted by Legend
Haven't u 2 got an appreciation society to make or something? :laugh:

the last one i made got closed down..and that was a gem of a thread

[Dan_]

See the Chuckster in action half way through this:

http://www.ultimateshowdown.org/

[lily.]

http://i190.photobucket.com/albums/z288/xjasonx303/chuck-norris.jpg

[letmein]

Chuck Norris is a Right Wing Fundamentalist Christian. End of story. :yuk:

[Locke.]

Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because he's a pussy.
:joker:

[Meatloaforever]

[Meatloaforever]

Only Joking

[lily.]

Who is/was meatloaforever? lol

[Z]

Chuck Norris can't shave because his hair is indestructible.

[lily.]

Chuck Norris' Sex is on fire!

[lily.]

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

[Scarlett.]

HENRY TOWNSHEND COULD STOMP NORRIS OUT OF EXISTANCE

end of :D

[lily.]

Oh No You Didn't!

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

[AngRemembered]

Chuck Norris is an anagram of

No rich *uck-rs

[lily.]

Chuck Norris is the reason why Wally is hiding.

[AngRemembered]

Chuck Norris is the only actor with an STD/SDI named after him

[lily.]

Chuck Norris can make an omelette without cracking the eggs.

[AngRemembered]

Chuck Norris is often used as a stand in when president Bush gives a press conferance in Iraq

[lily.]

Dammit.. I was trying to think of a shoe-related one! LoL