The Crap Joke Thread

[Niall]

Share your crappy jokes here.

I'll start:

What did the sea say to the penguin?

Nothing it just waved! :laugh:

[Jordan.]

Why did the chicken cross the road.......to get to the other side. :love:

[Lee.]

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?


Doug!

[Niamh.]

What's brown and Sticky?

A Stick.

[Lee.]

What do you call a man without a spade in his head?


Douglas! :laugh3:

[Lee.]

oh.. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?


Cliff!

[Niall]

Lol! These are good, keep 'em coming! :D

Why did the 2 penguins jump when they first met?

Because they were trying to break the ice! :spin:

[Niamh.]

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

[Lee.]

How do you make a sausage roll?

Give it a push

[Niall]

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

:laugh3:

Two Aerials meet on a roof, fell in love, got married
The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant. :laugh:

[Stacey.]

I don't even get half these jokes in here :(

[Lee.]

How do you make anti-freeze?

hide her nightie

[Lee.]

I don't even get half these jokes in here :(

:laugh2:

:hug:

[Niall]

I don't even get half these jokes in here :(

:shocked:

Really lol? They are all just puns usually.

[Niamh.]

lmao, I love crap jokes

[Stacey.]

:laugh2:

:hug:

I feel so stupid. Aren't they supposed to be real easy to understand aswell?

:hug:

:shocked:

Really lol? They are all just puns usually.

Bitch please, asif you think I know what puns means.

[Lee.]

Horse walks into a bar.. Barman goes "what's with the long face?!

[Niall]

lmao, I love crap jokes

Me too :love:

[Lee.]

I feel so stupid. Aren't they supposed to be real easy to understand aswell?

:hug:



Bitch please, asif you think I know what puns means.

Erm..yeah, kind of :laugh:

[Niall]

I feel so stupid. Aren't they supposed to be real easy to understand aswell?

:hug:



Bitch please, asif you think I know what puns means.

They are supposed to be easy to understand lol :) and a pun is a play on words. We had to talk about it in english once - so boring :sleep:

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

whats hairy on the outside and wet on the inside? it begins with c and ends with t

coconut

[Stacey.]

They are supposed to be easy to understand lol :) and a pun is a play on words. We had to talk about it in english once - so boring :sleep:

They must be so **** they don't make sense or something. But I never get jokes anyway :( You always have to think hard about them and I fail at that.

Oh right. It still confuses me though. D:

[Jordan.]

What Do You Call A Woman With One Leg Shorter Than The Other?

Eileen.

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

what did one tampon say to the other?

nothing they are both stuck up twats

[Lee.]

What's the useless piece of skin at the end of a dick called?

a man

:laugh3:

[Jordan.]

Yo Mama's so fat when she went to the movies she sat next to everyone.

[Niall]

They must be so **** they don't make sense or something. But I never get jokes anyway :( You always have to think hard about them and I fail at that.

Oh right. It still confuses me though. D:

Lool thats cool, I don't understand jokes a lot too, people have to explain them to me like I'm a five year old :/

What's the useless piece of skin at the end of a dick called?

a man

:laugh3:

:eek:

:nono:

Mean but funny I guess..

[Niall]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his
teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"

:joker:

[Lee.]

Lool thats cool, I don't understand jokes a lot too, people have to explain them to me like I'm a five year old :/



:eek:

:nono:

Mean but funny I guess..

Haha.. no offence intended :)

[Jayson]

Penguin biscuit jokes are always the best crap jokes <3

[Lee.]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his
teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"

:joker:

I literally lol'd at that!

[Niall]

Haha.. no offence intended :)

Lol thats fine :p

[Niall]

Penguin biscuit jokes are always the best crap jokes <3

I know right! I laugh at them all the time, even though I like know every single one! :love:

[MTVN]

I went to the Zoo yesterday but there was only one dog in it. It was a shih-tzu.

[Niall]

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang
up,and he said 'You've been promoted.'
And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted
again.'
And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'
And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said
'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.

[Niall]

Two cannibals eating a clown.
One says to the other
"Does this taste funny to you?

:laugh3:

[Jordan.]

What do you call a penguin in the desert?

Lost. :laugh:

[Jessica.]

What do you call a penguin in the desert?

Lost. :laugh:



Antarctica is a desert..

[Niamh.]

Yo mama's so fat, she fell in love and broke it

[Jordan.]

Antarctica is a desert..

UMFG. Penguin biscuits lied to us. :bawling:

[Niamh.]

Yo mama's so old when she was in school there was no history

[Glenn.]

A snail knocks on a door and a man answers. The snail looks inside at a roaring fire.
The snail says to the man, 'Could I please come in from the cold'.
So the man picks up the snail and throws it out into the night and closes the door.
Six months later the man hears a knock at the door and answers it. He looks down and sees the snail who says,

'Whatcha do that for?!'

[Lee.]

A snail knocks on a door and a man answers. The snail looks inside at a roaring fire.
The snail says to the man, 'Could I please come in from the cold'.
So the man picks up the snail and throws it out into the night and closes the door.
Six months later the man hears a knock at the door and answers it. He looks down and sees the snail who says,

'Whatcha do that for?!'LOL! I don't know if that's really funny or if I've just got a giggling fit coming on but :laugh3:

[Glenn.]

LOL! I don't know if that's really funny or if I've just got a giggling fit coming on but :laugh3:

I couldn't stop laughing when my 5yr old cousin told me it.

[Josy]

oh.. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?


Cliff!

My Dad used to tell me all these ones :hugesmile:

What do you call a man with big feet who's lost his dog?




Big Shooey Dougless

[Glenn.]

I spent some time at the wife's grave today.
She doesn't know. She thinks I'm digging a pond

[Glenn.]

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalotofpuss

[Jessica.]

A man walks into a bar
His alcoholism is destroying his family.

[Niamh.]

What do you call a dog with no tongue?

smelly balls

[Niamh.]

A man walks into a bar
His alcoholism is destroying his family.

:laugh2:

[Niamh.]

what do you call a donkey with 3 legs?

a wonkey

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs and one eye?

a winkey wonkey

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs, one eye and a guitar?

a honkey tonkey winkey wonkey

[Jessica.]

What's worst than a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust

[MTVN]

What's worst than a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust

My friend told me that exact same joke last night :laugh:

Why does Noddy have a bell on his hat?

Because he's a *****

[Jessica.]

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.

[Josy]

What’s the difference between Man and E.T?

E.T phones home.

[Niamh.]

What’s the difference between Man and E.T?

E.T phones home.

:laugh:

[Lee.]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

fsh

[Niall]

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

[Niall]

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that
he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

:laugh:

[Niall]

Phone answering machine message -
"...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key..."

[Niall]

I had a ploughman's lunch the other day.
He wasn't very happy.

[Legend killer]

Why did the toilet roll go down the hill??

To get to the bottom

[Lee.]

What did one orange say to the other orange?

nothing, it just looked round

[Lee.]

Why did the toilet roll go down the hill??

To get to the bottom

:xyxwave:

I think you've maybe just won the crappest joke award! :tongue:

[Josy]

I agree, thats got to be the worst joke ever :hugesmile:

[Legend killer]

:xyxwave:

I think you've maybe just won the crappest joke award! :tongue:

:xyxwave:

Lol i thought it was quite funny first time i heard it lol:blush:

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

:xyxwave:

Lol i thought it was quite funny first time i heard it lol:blush:

:L

was you on crack? :/

[Legend killer]

:L

was you on crack? :/

PMSL , you guys are a tough audience i think it is a brill joke

[Lee.]

PMSL , you guys are a tough audience i think it is a brill joke

Lol.. ok, ok.. it was hilarious :laugh:

*mutters "Jesuuus" out of side of mouth*

[Legend killer]

What about this one:

What kind of phone do biologists use?

A cellphone

PMSL

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

What about this one:

What kind of phone do biologists use?

A cellphone

PMSL

*dies*

[Lee.]

What about this one:

What kind of phone do biologists use?

A cellphone

PMSL

:joker:

[Legend killer]

:joker:

lol thats more like it

[Lee.]

What do you call a man in a tiger's cage?

Claud

[Legend killer]

Simonsays i am sure this one will make you laugh

Alright ..so two blondes walk into a bar.. you'd think one of them would have seen it.

lol

[Jords]

:xyxwave:

I think you've maybe just won the crappest joke award! :tongue:

LOL, I dont think they got that. :laugh:

[Lee.]

LOL, I dont think they got that. :laugh:

Lol.. no they didn't! :)

[Lee.]

What do you call an intelligent blonde?

A Labrador

[Legend killer]

what do you call an intelligent blonde?

a labrador

pmsl

[Niamh.]

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk

[Legend killer]

Right i have to go footie training so i will leave you with this GEM

Why do graveyards have fences around them?
Everyones dying to get in

[Vicky.]

Right i have to go footie training so i will leave you with this GEM

Why do graveyards have fences around them?
Everyones dying to get in

:laugh2:

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

Right i have to go footie training

*drifts into a daydream* :lovedup:

[Lee.]

Right i have to go footie training so i will leave you with this GEM

Why do graveyards have fences around them?
Everyones dying to get in

Lol..shoo now, be gone with you :hugesmile:

Enjoy footie.

[Lee.]

*drifts into a daydream* :lovedup:

Uh oh

[Niall]

*drifts into a daydream* :lovedup:

Oh no, my innocent thread is about to be raped with sexual fantasies.

*Runs for cover*

[Niall]

A man walked into the doctors,
He said "I've hurt my arm in several places"
The doctor said "well don't go to those places"

:joker:

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

Oh no, my innocent thread is about to be raped with sexual fantasies.

*Runs for cover*

football changing room porn :love:

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

oh hey chad im just gonna jump in the shower wanna join me

yeah sure felix

hey can you scrub my back i cant reach

*chad starts to rub felixs back into a soapy lather*

oh yeah that it lower lower

*felix turns round*

oh yeah you like that dont ya

[Niall]

football changing room porn :love:

:joker:

So is that all for today Simon?

[Niall]

oh hey chad im just gonna jump in the shower wanna join me

yeah sure felix

hey can you scrub my back i cant reach

*chad starts to rub felixs back into a soapy lather*

oh yeah that it lower lower

*felix turns round*

oh yeah you like that dont ya

Here, have a lufa:
http://www.cuvo.com/skincare/sponge.jpg

[Lee.]

Here, have a lufa:
http://www.cuvo.com/skincare/sponge.jpg

Lol.. be careful. You'll be his next target!! :D

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

Here, have a lufa:
http://www.cuvo.com/skincare/sponge.jpg

omgz

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

Lol.. be careful. You'll be his next target!! :D

been there, done that, got the rash to prove it.

[Niall]

Lol.. be careful. You'll be his next target!! :D

I doubt it, Simon said he wouldn't start on me till my birthday, which is February 9th. :tongue:

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

I doubt it, Simon said he wouldn't start on me till my birthday, which is February 9th. :tongue:

i know a guy that does fake id's

[Lee.]

been there, done that, got the rash to prove it.

:laugh2:

[Niall]

i know a guy that does fake id's

Cool get me one please! :)

[Lee.]

I doubt it, Simon said he wouldn't start on me till my birthday, which is February 9th. :tongue:

lol... hmm, we'll see!

[Niall]

lol... hmm, we'll see!

We shall. I have to remember to come on here on my birthday and see if Simon is still hanging around.

[MTVN]

Cool get me one please! :)

:shocked:

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

Cool get me one please! :)

what do i get in return :nono: /pedoness

[Niall]

what do i get in return :nono: /pedoness

You get a T-Rex:
http://www.biblelife.org/evolution-t-rex.jpg
That cool? His name is Fred btw.

[Niall]

:shocked:

:joker:

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

You get a T-Rex:
http://www.biblelife.org/evolution-t-rex.jpg
That cool? His name is Fred btw.

:love:

[Niall]

:love:

Its a deal then. :love:

Oh and Fred needs to be fed 5 times every day - he only eats living things though.

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

D:

[Niall]

Ok soooo back on topic then:

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking
Fine.'
So that was nice."

[Legend killer]

M8 at training told me this and i think it is a right cracker

A jelly baby goes to the doctor and says "I need an AIDS test". The doctor says "Why? What've you been up to?"





Jelly Baby replies: "****ing allsorts (the sweets allsorts).

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

M8 at training told me this and i think it is a right cracker

A jelly baby goes to the doctor and says "I need an AIDS test". The doctor says "Why? What've you been up to?"





Jelly Baby replies: "****ing allsorts.

did you get all nice and sweaty at training :love:

[Legend killer]

did you get all nice and sweaty at training :love:

PMSL yep i had to take a good long shower afterwards

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

PMSL yep i had to take a good long shower afterwards

omfg

*dies*

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

with the other players :amazed:

[Niall]

omfg

*dies*

:joker:

[Legend killer]

with the other players :amazed:

Nah i was on my own lol

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

Nah i was on my own lol

pics? :love:

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

lol no sorry i didn't think of bringing a camera with me into the shower , i will remember to do so next time pmsl

i bet your exhausted after the game

let me give you a massage :lovedup:

[Legend killer]

i bet your exhausted after the game

let me give you a massage :lovedup:

I would love one , all that rough physical play on the pitch really makes my muscles tired, espcially on my lower body

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

I would love one , all that rough physical play on the pitch really makes my muscles tired, espcially on my lower body

omfg

http://www.gifanatics.com/files/faint.gif

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

the mods said my foot fetish was dirty :bawling:

[Ithinkiloveyoutoo]

what's bruce lee's favorite drink? wataaaaaaaaaah

[Niall]

omfg

http://www.gifanatics.com/files/faint.gif

:laugh3:

the mods said my foot fetish was dirty :bawling:

LOL :joker:

what's bruce lee's favorite drink? wataaaaaaaaaah

:laugh3: