BB11: BB's 'Elevenpence' Olde Coffee Shoppe

[Pyramid*]

Wee light hearted idea for thread with a twist of fun thrown in.

Little Coffee Shoppe, a place for all housemates (BB11 of course) and others, to make 'an appearance', pop in for a bit of refreshment. Only one proviso. A BB11 or it's spin off UBB - housemate should ideally be mentioned in each post. :blush::blush:

*Opens door of BBEOCS - flicks on lightswitch, turns on Sunday morning easy listending radio, fills up coffe machines, sets tables, sit down and awaits delivery of pastries*

Spies a 4x4 parking up outside. ...... Ulrika, bringing with her freshly handmade Danish pastries (learned from her younger days in not too far away Swedish homeland).

Great..... coffee hot and pastries here, ready for business.:thumbs2:

*Flips door sign to OPEN* :xyxwave:

[Ultra Violet]

Wee light hearted idea for thread with a twist of fun thrown in.

Little Coffee Shoppe, a place for all housemates (BB11 of course) and others, to make 'an appearance', pop in for a bit of refreshment. Only one proviso. A BB11 or it's spin off UBB - housemate should ideally be mentioned in each post. :blush::blush:

*Opens door of BBEOCS - flicks on lightswitch, turns on Sunday morning easy listending radio, fills up coffe machines, sets tables, sit down and awaits delivery of pastries*

Spies a 4x4 parking up outside. ...... Ulrika, bringing with her freshly handmade Danish pastries (learned from her younger days in not too far away Swedish homeland).

Great..... coffee hot and pastries here, ready for business.:thumbs2:

*Flips door sign to OPEN* :xyxwave:

Here comes lovely Corin ... bearing barm cakes (balm cakes? - I'm with Ben on this ... what the hell are they ...?) to make a nice contrast with the Scandinavian pastries ... she's always down to earth and fair as fair ...

This is going to be fun ... a bit of a gathering ... and a chat ... lovely ... ! :cat:

[babycakes]

:cat::cat::cat:
Calling in to drop off a home made Lemon drizzle cake for the customers. Pop it down on the counter, catch sight of UV and Pyramid :xyxwave: hunched over the Sunday supplements and a pot of steaming coffee - and whilst my back is turned, Josie scoffs all the cake and then goes for a lie down on the comfy sofa in the corner ! What a cheek :hugesmile:

[babycakes]

Rasputin approaches the girl serving at the counter and asks if he can put flyers on the table and a poster on the noticeboard, advertising free blessings. He is turned away with a flea in his ear. "Better get a wheelchair ramp installed for me and my army of devoted disciples" he retorts "we'll be back".

[TheDarkSide]

Andrew pops in... just to ask directions to nearest McDonalds. He appears to have what looks like a watermelon in his rucksack. Darkside chokes on coffee.

[Suze]

John James pops in, asks for some crab cakes, gets told sorry there aren't any. He's getting angry now and storms over to Josie for a motherly hug and a wee grizzle.

[katkim]

JohnMc loudly shouts that Josie is too good for John James before a waitress arrives with his diet coke and he buries his nose back in the Racing Post. He's dismayed that all normal races have been cancelled for the panto-horse race this afternoon.

[wildwestwales]

Ben calls in for his homemade lemon drizzle cake only to find it has all been eaten. Babycakes assures him that a freshly made cake will be ready for him before the start of Celebrity Coach Trip. Vodka Drinka will be ready to serve him wearing her fetching waitress outfit *whilst quietly locking the door behind him and turning the sign to close* :blush::laugh::bigsmile:

[Suze]

There appears to be a Mole at the shop door, banging loudly, and shouting, 'Hey it's not early closing day, let me in or I will rip my fur coat off and streak. It's not fair, I made such an effort to be here, I deserve to be let in more than anyone else'.

[Ultra Violet]

There appears to be a Mole at the shop door, banging loudly, and shouting, 'Hey it's not early closing day, let me in or I will rip my fur coat off and streak. It's not fair, I made such an effort to be here, I deserve to be let in more than anyone else'.

And all the customers in the cafe turned round and shouted out as one 'Oh do tell us! What is that strange distended spherical object which you are hiding beneath your coat ... have you brought us a trifle to trifle with ... or is it a yummy tiramisu, that renowned speciality from Treviso in the Veneto region ... we believe that you have family connections there ... ?'


Oh ... dear readers ... little did they dream what it actually was ... nothing edible, that's for sure (don't even go there!)

Eek! :devil:

[babycakes]

And all the customers in the cafe turned round and shouted out as one 'Oh do tell us! What is that strange distended spherical object which you are hiding beneath your coat ... have you brought us a trifle to trifle with ... or is it a yummy tiramisu, that renowned speciality from Treviso in the Veneto region ... we believe that you have family connections there ... ?'


Oh ... dear readers ... little did they dream what it actually was ... nothing edible, that's for sure (don't even go there!)

Eek! :devil:

The assembled customers try to avert their eyes, although one or two cannot help but gag a little.

Pyramid tries to keep her hot Celtic temper in check; how dare the Mole put her happy clientele off her delicious food :yuk:

Ben diffuses the situation by telling everyone his amusing Simon Cowell story, much to the annoyance of Samuel Dean who keeps trying to interupt. Luckily, a handy moderator who called in for a rosewater meringue and a pot of Earl Grey, had a gag on hand which was quickly slapped over his gaint gob.

The phone rings. It's Sunshine with a message for Ben. "Please pick me up a packet of Walkers crisps and drop them in to me on your way home."

[Suze]

When the shop opened again the next day, Nathan who had been practising his culinary skills since leaving the BB house, decided to drop off some samples of his own take on the old favourites Pigs in Blankets and toad in the hole. His versions were called Pigs in Duvets, and Mole in the hole.

[babycakes]

When the shop opened again the next day, Nathan who had been practising his culinary skills since leaving the BB house, decided to drop off some samples of his own take on the old favourites Pigs in Blankets and toad in the hole. His versions were called Pigs in Duvets, and Mole in the hole.

Mole in the Hole was taken off the menu the very next day. It had an unpleasant, bitter taste and the yorkshire batter had risen to inexplicably resemble an abnormaly large deformed testicle.

[patsylimerick]

Shortly after midday the rather fetching Irish barista Caoimhe leaned over slightly to gather up some fresh Arabica, unwittingly giving Crabeyes a squint at the breathtaking swell of her bosom.....all hell broke loose as Josie set aside her fourth piece of chocolate fudge cake to fish a baseball bat from her Burberry holdall while Dave climbed onto a table to deliver a completely incomprehensible lecture on (maybe) the wickedness of female sexuality......or it may have been a recitation of the bar menu at Sloshfest 2010.......

[LemonJam]

Ife comes in and takes a **** on the table.

[Patrick]

What the f.uck is this?

[Ultra Violet]

What the f.uck is this?

A wee bit of harmless light hearted fun ... :spin:

So ... what's with the swearing ... ? :blush:

[Vodka Drinka]

A wee bit of harmless light hearted fun ... :spin:

So ... what's with the swearing ... ? :blush:

I think the concept went over their head a little U.V ;)

[Pyramid*]

What the f.uck is this?

Coincedentally enough: Nathan booted the coffee shoppe door open with his tacky boots earlier on and uttered the same words !!!:hugesmile:

When Nathan realised it was an establishment well outwith his league, he uttered something similar as he turned on his heels and headed for the little, run down and filthy, rusty, health hazard of a burger van at the other end of town.

*Flips through the early edition of tomorrow's newspapers which have just arrived. Replaces OPEN sign with OPEN 24 hours. Wipes tables down with Dettox..... kills 99% of all well known germs *

Disclaimer: only joking Nathan! It's only a bit of fun.

[Suze]

Laura entered the Coffee shop, said hi to all, got a group hug, then 30 seconds later said the shop was not to her taste and promptly left.

[Pyramid*]

Corin pops her head in en-route to the tanning salon. Has a quick look around, declares loudly with a huge grin, "Ah'm lovin' it" and says she'll be back after a bit of tanning.

*Adds 'cans of Tango' to list of supplies to order up* :joker:

[Pyramid*]

*Puts up very large sign in window, "Due to Health & Safety, all animals (excluding guide dogs) are strictly prohibited from entering premises"*

Lights scented candles on tables, nicer ambience until dawn breaks.

[Shaun]

Ife comes in and takes a **** on the table.

icon

[patsylimerick]

.....Josie picks Crabeyes' nose precariously close to the stack of pain au chocolat...... *waits for someone to call me a legend* :xyxwave:

[babycakes]

.....Josie picks Crabeyes' nose precariously close to the stack of pain au chocolat...... *waits for someone to call me a legend* :xyxwave:

Total legend :xyxwave:

Mario Marconi calls in wearing hi viz health & safety gear and carrying a clipboard. Pyramid shudders - is he here to close the cafe down ?

Weightlifter Mario lifts John James up by the baseball cap which is hooked into the belt loops of his cropped jeans and throws him out on the pavement without ceremony. John James debates whether to cry or throw one of his infamous temper tantrums, but as no-one is taking any notice of him - he does neither.

"No no no to nosepicking near the pastries" he announces firmly. He turns and fixes a mean Italian (by way of Warrington) stare at Josie and tells her to sling her hook too, for not wearing shoes and having dirty feet near a food preparation area. She manages to grab a croissant before she is ejected and stuffs it in her mouth quickly.

A coach pulls up outside - it's Brendan and the CCT crew, turning up for their daily task. "Today we will be learning how to make cherry flapjacks" he cries.

[Suze]

Glyn happens by and asks for the very first time, ahh-umm, ahh-umm, for a boiled egg sarnie and a coffee.

[Pyramid*]

Panics at seeing the CCT bus pulling up. Goes into meltdown when she hears Bredan mention Cherry Flapjacks. Has no cherries. Has no clue how to make flapjacks.

Realises Nathan wasn't so bad after all and makes a telephone call to the run down burger van down the road, sending out S.O.S.:spin::spin:

[Ultra Violet]

Panics at seeing the CCT bus pulling up. Goes into meltdown when she hears Bredan mention Cherry Flapjacks. Has no cherries. Has no clue how to make flapjacks.

Realises Nathan wasn't so bad after all and makes a telephone call to the run down burger van down the road, sending out S.O.S.:spin::spin:

Was this Ulrika who was in a panic ... ? Those Swedes ... I don't know ...

She'd better stick to the bottled fish and meatballs ... pastry just isn't their thing ... is it ... ?

Anyone for a soused herring ... ?

[Pyramid*]

Was this Ulrika who was in a panic ... ? Those Swedes ... I don't know ...

She'd better stick to the bottled fish and meatballs ... pastry just isn't their thing ... is it ... ?

Anyone for a soused herring ... ?

Josie did ask for this to be placed on the lunchtime menu, however, due to several BB11 housemates commenting on Eau De Poisson, Josie's request was denied.

Coolio, known his own culinary skills has offered to make Flapjacks, should they be requested. Good old Coolio. Always reliable in a crisis. :dance:

[babycakes]

A gruff, unkempt woman in glasses and a baggy shapeless T shirt arrives, waving a rather smelly and grubby j-cloth. "Panic over, I'm here now and this is MY kitchen. I have a great recipe for Cherry Flapjacks. I make them with blood, sweat and tears." She does too.

The assembled customers mutter "Oh ****, it's Carole" under their breath, whilst smiling winningly at her and announcing as a group that she deserves her place behind the counter more than anyone else and all the other staff should donate their wages to Class War immediately.

[Pyramid*]

A gruff, unkempt woman in glasses and a baggy shapeless T shirt arrives, waving a rather smelly and grubby j-cloth. "Panic over, I'm here now and this is MY kitchen. I have a great recipe for Cherry Flapjacks. I make them with blood, sweat and tears." She does too.

The assembled customers mutter "Oh ****, it's Carole" under their breath, whilst smiling winningly at her and announcing as a group that she deserves her place behind the counter more than anyone else and all the other staff should donate their wages to Class War immediately.

Environmental Officers entered Coffee Shoppe, noting in paticular, this hazard known as Carole and prompty remove her from premises, allowing normal business to resume, with the safety of the more discerning, eating pulic now assured.

They also permanently deleted Cherry Flapjacks from menu, and disposed of all items that came within touching distance of Carole.

As a thank you, they are offered Honorary Lifetime Free Coffee and Batteburg cake Awards. :spin::spin:

[Suze]

The twins skip hand in hand into the shop with something that looks like a pink colander on their heads, and Amanda asks for some pink coconut ice and a cup of pink tea. 'Squeeeeee, I was going to ask for the same says Sam, you read my mind' :o Pyramid obliges their request, making them a raspberry flavoured pink tea each with a slice on pink coconut ice on the side.

The twins skippy over to John James, and immediately set up a rapport about Barbie Dolls, which to Josie's annoyance :mad:

[Pyramid*]

John James pulls out chairs for the twins, all their pinkness and girly Barbieness, then turns around to Josie, telling her he doesn't give a rip about her annoyance, says his fondness for all things fake goes back a long way and points out to Josie that fakery and the squeeee factor are her bread and butter right now,and suggests she ram a horse sided pastry in her gob to shut her up.

*JJ then turns to the the twins to discuss all things Barbie*

Sam, ever the instigator, sips his raspberry flavoured tea and asks Josie if she still appreciates Barbie as much as JJ does.

[pices]

Meanwhile there appears to be a jam at the entrance door, well to be more precise its a cup cake, giant sized and well and truly stuck!!
Its the Lovely Rachel Rice, who has been asked to appear as judge for the local cake making contest.
She is pushed through the entrance by a drunken Rex, who it seems has never quite gotten over the dissapointment of losing the cake competition in BB9.
Rachel smiles, she did not want to be paid for her appearance but requested that they pay her with a years supply of grapes, actually a modest fee would have been cheaper.Rachel takes a look at the cakes on display and kindly requests which one belongs to Rex, he states that it is the one he made as a likeness to himself........Rachel immediately pins a rosette on a rater wobbly large pink jelly like penis, she scarpers quickly as she now feels that she can sleep once more having eased her mind that Rex would now be happy and **** about his cake fiasco.
Poor Rex, he was was fuming, Rachel had only pinned the rosette on Josie's new sex toy.

[Suze]

Some of the customers were impatiently waiting for their coffees, Babycakes had to tell them that the milkman was late today and apologised, when a milk float pulled up and Victor grabbed a crate of milk and hurried into the shop saying he got held up with his other job of laying pipes, but that Babycakes and Pyramid knew he always delivered. Babycakes forgave him, she knew how much time his pipe laying took, although she was still waiting on Spiral's bread delivery for the sarnies. What a start, she was behind with so much today, and Alex had promised to help her today, where was he? :conf: Babycakes asked Pyramid to go check in the staff room for Alex.

As Pyramid got to the staffroom she noticed Spiral at the backdoor with the Bread delivery *rapping a little song for Babycakes.

:dance: O'il do anyfink for you
Yes, O'il do anyfink for you'
Your bum is like a loaf of bread
................. :dance:

Pyramid ignored Spiral for now, calling 'ALex ALEX!' whilst opening the staff room door. No answer, so she went into the room for a crafty fag, turned round and nearly jumped out her skin :o 'Alex! What are you doing behind that door doing your shirt up, Babycakes is looking for you, she needs your help in the shop' :mad:

Alex apologised, saying his shirt had come undone, and he was just doing it up, as that's the way he likes it, and was on the way to the shop counter, when Pyramid had come in.

Pyramid went to check the bread delivery and saw they were a few loaves short. Quick Alex! follow that van! Get those loaves of bread.

[babycakes]

Babycakes gives Alex a bottle of premium brand bleach and a substantial pay rise in appreciation of the shirtless moment.

She then calls the Police to have Spiral arrested for perpetual stalking.

Pyramid finds Josie sulking in a corner due to the removal of the Cherry Flapjacks from the menu, but can't resist mentioning what fun John James is having with Samanda and the plastic toys. "He better not be using my prize winning new dildo or I'll show it up his Aussie arse and make his crabby eyes water. I need that, it's the only chance I get to smooth anything over these days"

Roberto rushes in with a basket full of freshly made ciabatta and some delcious looking biscotti. The Italion Stallion saves the day (and we are not talking Mario). Ben immediately engages him in conversation, keen to discuss Puccini, Verdi and Catalani. Josies eyes light up at the sight of the biscotti, and all is well in her world.

[babycakes]

The Elevenpence Cafe was having an open day to launch their new "Phycotics Sunday" tea time menu. Bebegateaux was having such a problem with the recipe for the new Almond Cake. Everyone she tried it out on hated it.

[Suze]

Nadia walked into the shop in her new high heels, and had just got caught in a shower, so was soaked head to toe. Pyramid said she could dry off in the staff room and would bring her a hot mug of coffee and some Almond cake free of charge. Nadia tried the Almond cake and nearly gagged, 'Eww, darhlins, this is truely vile, sorry but I have to be honest, it is sooo bitter". Seems they couldn't even give the bitter Almond cake away, where did the recipe come from?

[Pyramid*]

Having spent the weekend on a Ghosthunt, the owner of the Coffee Shoppee had the splendid idea of finding a way to fill up that empty corner near the stock room was introduced. Psychic Corner after Psychic Sunday had been so well received.

A few of the more sensitive customers had complained that this one corner in particular had the most dismal aura. Changing the atmosphere was deemed by the landlord to be a good idea and Psychics Corner was borne. Complete with cystal ball, smoke machine, little hanging mirrors and almond oils to create a more welcoming serene corner, that currently was a dark, unwelcoming little nook. While customers had their fortunes told, those with the Power, would be able to see this special aura completely - even though the regulars couldn't. Hopefully it would be spirited away with those with the 'gift'

Spooky goings on which added to they mystery of the Coffee Shoppe.

What lies ahead for the Coffee Shoppe. Does it have spectres, does it have hidden secrets. Only time would tell. Incense was added to the heated almond oil, wafting enticing scents all around,hopefully it would help others to relax in this little santuary.

[honeydew]

The Elevenpence Cafe was having an open day to launch their new "Phycotics Sunday" tea time menu. Bebegateaux was having such a problem with the recipe for the new Almond Cake. Everyone she tried it out on hated it.

Sam Pepper found out about babycakes Almond bitter cake recipe, he insisted what was in the ingredients 'at last I can give some for christmas presents' he phoned babycakes for some more bitter recipes .....he he:joker::joker::joker::joker:

[Suze]

Lisa ordered a cappuccino and two almond fingers and took herself over to John James and Josie's table, which was getting a bit full now much to Josie's annoyance as she did not like sharing John James with anyone. She placed her baseball bat close by, as she and John James had decided on a game later or sooner if he carried on the way he was with the BB women and men, and she needed to cart him off out the fire escape exit.

Lisa was practising her I can kill someone with two finger technique on John James Barbie dolls, which had him in tears :bawling: and asking where his mummy was and could he make a phone call to his Mummy in Australia :shocked: Josie picked snot from his nose, pecked him on the cheek and gave him a cuddle. She must remember to go shopping for more short trousers for him next week.

Just then there was an almighty bang as a table was upturned, and an almond cake on it's plate was kicked across the floor. Shabby then jumped on a table shouting and screaming who had nicked her hat :shocked: .............

[pices]

Lisa ordered a cappuccino and two almond fingers and took herself over to John James and Josie's table, which was getting a bit full now much to Josie's annoyance as she did not like sharing John James with anyone. She placed her baseball bat close by, as she and John James had decided on a game later or sooner if he carried on the way he was with the BB women and men, and she needed to cart him off out the fire escape exit.

Lisa was practising her I can kill someone with two finger technique on John James Barbie dolls, which had him in tears :bawling: and asking where his mummy was and could he make a phone call to his Mummy in Australia :shocked: Josie picked snot from his nose, pecked him on the cheek and gave him a cuddle. She must remember to go shopping for more short trousers for him next week.

Just then there was an almighty bang as a table was upturned, and an almond cake on it's plate was kicked across the floor. Shabby then jumped on a table shouting and screaming who had nicked her hat :shocked: .............

ha ha, I love the two almond fingers:elephant::elephant::elephant:

[pices]

It was at this point that commotion turned to utter chaos as Mikey from BB9 arrived being dragged in by a scruffy looking Golden retriever...........no wait thats the long haired one, no it was a yellow lab, looks like this motley hound had not had the proper training and was most likely a litter reject.Poor mikey seemed to have gotten a blind stupid dog rather than a guide dog.

Well in a second the yellow lab was on the almond cake like a fly round a turd, actually the almond cake did by now resemble something you would wipe off your shoe, no maners or ettiquette the mangy mutt devoured the remains of that particular almond cake, poor Mikey was distraught with embarrassment and wondered out loud if he should perhaps take the dog to the vets as it was becoming a bit of a handicap rather than an aid.......

[Vodka Drinka]

Then in wandered Alex from BB3, clutching a piece of half eaten almond cake that he'd purchased earlier in the day. He slammed it down on the counter and yelled, "Get me the manager now", the cafe fell silent as everyone looked in his direction.

"I bought this almond cake earlier today, and about an hour or so after having a slice I was struck down with a severe case of diarrhea and vomiting. I think it's disgusting! You shouldn't be allowed to serve rubbish like this"

[Suze]

It seemed Pyramid and BabyCakes couldn't even give away the bitter almond cake, so there was no choice but to bin them for good and scrub them from the coffee shop menu. BabyCakes would have to seek out an almond cake recipe which would be worth her talent and the effort to put in for her customers.

The coffee shop had just been expanded with the adjacent vacant shop, and a new area there of little seating booths with a thatched look over each was looking good, it had a big pink and blue bowed ribbon round the area, ready for their Celebrity guest to open it soon. The area would be known as 'The Nest', as it would be a nice enclosed, cosy area for those who might want the more intimate and friendly chats over their coffee.

BabyCakes had been running a competition all week for the ideal cake and also coffee recipe and names for both, of which the winning one of both would then become a permenant fixture on the menu, and freebies of both would be given out to customers the day of the grand opening of The Nest.

Josie was already getting excited at the thought of the free food.

[babycakes]

Babycakes purchased some rather tacky commemorative William & Kate china in the hope that it would take the customers mind of the travesty that was the bitter almond cake. "A cup of tea in a William & Catherine souvenir mug Ben" ? she asked as her favourite BB housemate sauntered in fresh from the ITV studios.

[Suze]

It was coming up to the Christmas season, and Pyramid and BabyCakes had been donated the use of the local hall for the week to host a Nativity play in aid of some Chairites, as long as they provided refreshments from their coffee shop for the audience and staff. They agreed to do so, but the hard part was finding some of the live props, like the baby and the Donkey. BabyCakes knew of someone who owned a Donkey they were willing to lend. It was old now, and a bit cranky, cantankerous/temperamental, it also had a bit of a limp so needed careful handling he told her. Oh dear, BabyCakes knew she would be able to handle the Donkey, but wasn't sure about the others in the play, they would have to be careful to play to its moods.

Many BB stars had agreed to be in the play free of charge, Josie had insisted that as she was of farm family stock and would have no trouble with the lame Donkey, that she would be a perfect Virgin Mary, and she would enjoy the rest from laying in bed to sitting on the Donkey. Babycakes wasn't so sure that was a good idea, especially as Josie's one condition on playing the Virgin Mary was that John James be her Joseph. Plus BabyCakes had already decided to offer the role of Joseph, to Ben, and he said he would like Corin or Laura for his Mary.

[pices]

After all the deliberation it was decided that due to Josie having put on too much weight.....(she had been constantly scoffing the bitter Almond cake like it was going out of fashion) Corin would be Mary alongside Ben.
John James had refused to be Joseph in any case because the promised Donkey turned out to be a rather large Ass......apparently the ass took a liking to him and kept trying to mount him.......and it was female....a bit of a randy mare really, to which he was a wee bit wary.

Anyways Ben was used to having dealt with a few asses in his lifetime and Corin was a far lighter prosect for the sad old Ass, though it did make some extraordinary noises, it sounded like what we may call verbal diarrhoea.

On the first day of rehearsals, the poor old Ass who was lame and a bit wonkey on its feet....sat down, peed a river and started hee hawing like a crazed banshee......what was to be done?.......................

[Truth Teller]

Fun thread;)

[pices]

It was a bit of a problem, the poor old Ass was not going to budge, its cries were beginning to sound like a roadmans drill, most of the housemates had left as the stupid Ass was braying without mercy and no rehearsels had yet taken place.
Babycakes called for pyramid to come to her assistance, they had tried everything they could to seduce the silly Ass to its feet, but Pyramid was a smart cookie and thought that maybe the Ass wanted its mother.
So the secret she thought lay with finding the Ass's Dam and a quick call to its owner verified that indeed the Ass often found comfort in having her Dam close by.
Trouble was that the Dam and another hinny were currently touring the lanes towing Josies family up to the village to see her in the nativity, thinking she was to be the lead role, Poor silly braying Ass would just have to be hoisted through the rafters, providing they could get a crane in.........

[babycakes]

Problem solved - the Champion shot-putter who was wolfing down a triple sized greasy fry up at the corner table was drafted in to deal with the now very distressed Ass. She simply tucked the braying donkey under one arm and wandered off in search of the local petting zoo. The Ass could live happily with the flock of sheep, and the other assorted beasts on Animal Farm.

[Benjamin]

Ife comes in and takes a **** on the table.



:laugh2:


Everytime I come to this thread this always makes me chuckle when I scroll down to it. I always forget it's here until I read it.

[Ultra Violet]

Problem solved - the Champion shot-putter who was wolfing down a triple sized greasy fry up at the corner table was drafted in to deal with the now very distressed Ass. She simply tucked the braying donkey under one arm and wandered off in search of the local petting zoo. The Ass could live happily with the flock of sheep, and the other assorted beasts on Animal Farm.

Would I be correct in believing that the steroid-bound female shot putter was drinking some special malt in order to keep her weight up ... ?

Then she would have to devour some schnitzel and strudel ... lovely hearty Germanic fare ... this cafe really does serve a varied menu ...

:joker: :joker: :joker: :joker: :joker: :xyxwave:

[Vodka Drinka]

Would I be correct in believing that the steroid-bound female shot putter was drinking some special malt in order to keep her weight up ... ?

Then she would have to devour some schnitzel and strudel ... lovely hearty Germanic fare ... this cafe really does serve a varied menu ...

:joker: :joker: :joker: :joker: :joker: :xyxwave:

:joker::joker::joker::joker::joker::joker: ;)

[babycakes]

No, I think the shot putter might be a Slav.

Pyramid came out of the kitchen, having been brainstorming with Jon Tickle. "We are to have a hog roast in the garden tomorrow night, in order to launch our new Christmas lights. Now who shall we ask to turn them on ?"

[Ultra Violet]

No, I think the shot putter might be a Slav.

Pyramid came out of the kitchen, having been brainstorming with Jon Tickle. "We are to have a hog roast in the garden tomorrow night, in order to launch our new Christmas lights. Now who shall we ask to turn them on ?"

Would that be a Slav(e) to Lov(e) by any chance ... ? :devil:

There is nothing like a good old hog to chow down on ... how delicious it will be ... especially the south end of the pig rather than the north ... definitely the most tender and mouthwatering ...

Those Christmas lights are going to be all ablaze around the cafe ... pulling in even more punters than usual ... he he he

:dance: :dance: :dance: :joker: :wavey:

[Ultra Violet]

Would that be a Slav(e) to Lov(e) by any chance ... ? :devil:

There is nothing like a good old hog to chow down on ... how delicious it will be ... especially the south end of the pig rather than the north ... definitely the most tender and mouthwatering ...

Those Christmas lights are going to be all ablaze around the cafe ... pulling in even more punters than usual ... he he he

:dance: :dance: :dance: :joker: :wavey:

PS Where has that Pyramid got to ... ? Has she been locked in the kitchen devising some yummy new recipes ... I have rather missed her company ... she shouldn't work too hard, should she ... ? :nono:

[Malza]

So hidden sarcasm is the latest "menue" in the nasty Coffee Shoppe :rolleyes:

Walks off as I despise what is served here

[patsylimerick]

The customers felt the chill of a draft of cold air and looked up to see the door swinging hard and, without, the back of a shadowy departing figure. Not knowing who it was, or particularly caring, they returned to their delectation and fun. 'Twasn't everyone's cup of tea, but Elevenpence was developing a discerning reputation for greatness. :wavey:

[Suze]

So hidden sarcasm is the latest "menue" in the nasty Coffee Shoppe :rolleyes:

Walks off as I despise what is served here

Hi Malza :xyxwave: No idea what you are refering to :conf: But no matter, just come and have a coffee in the Coffee shop, the more the merrier :) There is a grand opening of the Nest soon, and the nativity play to look forward to :) Ben and Corin being the Stars of that, it should draw a good crowd :cool:

[gemmiej]

I need coffee, chocolate and anything else containing caffene today. I am in that kind of mood so no funny business otherwise my sharp tounge might be put into place and I am a nice person normally! :devil:

[Ultra Violet]

I need coffee, chocolate and anything else containing caffene today. I am in that kind of mood so no funny business otherwise my sharp tounge might be put into place and I am a nice person normally! :devil:

Oh you be careful ... control your nasty ways ... we only want really nice people in this cafe ... we have no time for bitterness ... we soon send it on its way ...

:devil:

We are still waiting for Ben and Corin to show up with a few of their friends ... they are all absolutely divine ... so sweet and so funny and such good company ... Ben has promised to bring along some lovely Swiss chocolate shaped like the alps to remind him of his mother ... he is always so generous in sharing with all his entourage ... come on over and join us as soon as you can get away from work ... let's all pile on in to the Coffee Shoppe for a chocolate fest ... and lots of hugs for Gem to keep her sweet ...

:dance: :dance: :dance: :wavey:

[gemmiej]

Oh you be careful ... control your nasty ways ... we only want really nice people in this cafe ... we have no time for bitterness ... we soon send it on its way ...

:devil:

We are still waiting for Ben and Corin to show up with a few of their friends ... they are all absolutely divine ... so sweet and so funny and such good company ... Ben has promised to bring along some lovely Swiss chocolate shaped like the alps to remind him of his mother ... he is always so generous in sharing with all his entourage ... come on over and join us as soon as you can get away from work ... let's all pile on in to the Coffee Shoppe for a chocolate fest ... and lots of hugs for Gem to keep her sweet ...

:dance: :dance: :dance: :wavey:

I think I am ok now UV. I have had three Diary Milk's this morning, so slowly calming down :cat:

[pices]

So hidden sarcasm is the latest "menue" in the nasty Coffee Shoppe :rolleyes:

Walks off as I despise what is served here

Are you serious? Really!!!

Its a fun thread, where all are welcome to come in and join in the humour and fun, Are you sure there are not a few housemates you would like to vent your humour on......so many to choose from after 11 series.

[babycakes]

I recommend my new Sachertorte, which is made with Lindt seasoned with sea salt, and a hint of hazlenut praline.

Why is that ruddy door open ? It's more than a little draughty and my bloomers have icicles hanging off them:cloud:

[Ultra Violet]

I recommend my new Sachertorte, which is made with Lindt seasoned with sea salt, and a hint of hazlenut praline.

Why is that ruddy door open ? It's more than a little draughty and my bloomers have icicles hanging off them:cloud:

OMG was it Voldemort lurking around outside the cafe again ... he despises everything we serve and stand for ... but he just can't help himself, can he?

Was he surrounded by his little gang of Death Eaters ... ? They are a really nasty crew, you know ...

We'll have to try to keep them out ... and just let Ben and Corin and their chocolate loving admirers in for a nice tea time session of fun and frolics ...

Strange creatures of the night have been flouncing around ... in and out of the cafe and upsetting some of the best customers ... what can we do about it ... ?

:devil::devil::devil::devil::devil::devil::devil:

[Pyramid*]

Makes brief entrance, brrrrr, shiver me timbers, it's a bit cold in here right enough.

Plugs in hairdryer and directs warmth up BC's skirt (oh err!!!). Realises I should have requested Mario's services for this job - he always seemed full of hot air.

Thinks back to those lovely Danish Pastries Ulrika brought, in her 4x4, quickly scoffed and sold out, she never did return with any more. :bawling:

Considers German strudels that were on the menu briefly.

Thinks to Swiss chocs, Lindt lovlieness and of hiding places for them lest Josie and her Ass spies them.

Time for some good old hearty Scottish fayre to add to the Contintal mixture. Add Haggis to the menu. Draws picture to show customers. Add's little feet to confuse them. :devil:

Old spooky wife, still trying to get a handle on what that surreal aura culminating in the Psychic Corner is all about, opaque smokey shapes almost looking like human form surround her. Best leave her to it, she's in her own trancelike world trying to connect with the other side.

Considers putting up room dividers around her, or some nice very large plants with lots of foliage.... might be scaring the customers away with her bizarre mumblings. Must have staff meeting to consider whether to eject Spooky Wife.

Glimpses over to Josie's Ass. My goodness....it's a big one isn't it !!!Hopes she will be able to control it in public.

[babycakes]

That Ass is back again ? I thought the shot putter had sent it to Animal Farm. That's what happens when disgruntled customers leave the door open. Some people were born in a barn, I tell you. And I have just noticed, someone scoffed the almond fingers :yuk:(creative display by the way Mids) and neglected to pay.

Babycakes gives gratitude to the wonderful Pyramid and thanks her for the suprisingly pleasant warmth in the nether regions - an unconventional solution, but saved her from looking like she was a bejazzled extra on the Only Way is Essex.

I am becoming increasingly concerned by the Spectre in the corner. Please, no, please say it is not......the one who must not be named !!!!!

Please note: Babycakes is not the greatest lover of Haggis, but finds the cute little feet very appealing. Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom.

[babycakes]

The daily specials chalkboard now reads "Huge piles of toast - free to all who eat it up with a voracious appetite smear with your favourite topping. Marmite, marmalade or gentlemans relish"

[gemmiej]

The daily specials chalkboard now reads "Huge piles of toast - free to all who eat it up with a voracious appetite smear with your favourite topping. Marmite, marmalade or gentlemans relish"

Three rounds with marmalade please. :elephant:

[Suze]

The winner of the new addition to the Coffee shops menu went to Sunshine, she produced a delicious new coffee flavour which she called BenOffee Coffee, which had a lovely but not too overwhelming Caramel taste to it, and it seemed a worthy winner with the customers, and her pie was called BenOffee surprise and was scrumptious. The surprise which worked surprisingly well, were plain crisps as an addition of an extra topping.

[Pyramid*]

Grabs mug of Benoffe Coffee and slice of Benoffee Pie and takes to table to devour.

Realises there might be trouble ahead..... Sunshine is sitting at the next table, has taken the very last packet of crips. Scabby and Keeva wanted that last packet, they don't look too chuffed at all.

[Suze]

Ife who had walked into the shop behind Shabby and Caoimhe, had seen Sunshine eating the last bag of crisps and said she wanted them, Sunshine said that's ok she would share them soon, but Ife could not wait and ordered a coffee with soya milk. No way said Pyramid and BabyCakes, that was specially for Sunshine and a few others who only liked Soya milk, so unless she wanted it ordered in special she would have to stick with regular semi skimmed. Ife was fuming at this, and struted over to have a bi*ch with Mario who was showing off his footie kit he was now wearing, whilst drinking his coffee and dunking his Garibaldi biscuits.

[Pyramid*]

Ife who had walked into the shop behind Shabby and Caoimhe, seen Sunshine eating the last bag of crisps, and said she wanted them, Sunshine said that's ok she would share them soon, but Ife could not wait and ordered a coffee with soya milk. No way said Pyramid and BabyCakes, that was specially for Sunshine and a few others who only liked Soya milk, so unless she wanted it ordered in special she would have to stick with regular semi skimmed. Ife was fuming at this, and struted over to have a bi*ch with Mario who was showing off his footie kit he was now wearing, whilst drinking his coffee and dunking his Garibaldi biscuits.

*Escorts Mario off the premises for wearing football colours on the premises and also points him to the sign on the door, which states NO ANIMALS except guide dogs* :nono::nono:

Unceremoniously boots his ass out of the Coffee Shoppe. Chucks his half eaten Garibaldi biscuits in the outside bin, lest there be any animal contamination, given his association to moles. this is a public eatery, can't afford to take chances.

Ife pouts and sits alone.

[Truth Teller]

Shabby starts jumping up and down, gurning and screaming - "I want some crisps" over and over like a spoilt child:bawling:

[Pyramid*]

Opens up door and finds Scabby has left the building - turfed out by the nightshift staff with the words, "No squatting here luv".

Babycakes has prepped everything for the arrival of a new day, even down to filling the table vases with rosemary and lavender cuttings from the garden, leaving me only to refill the coffee pots, she's a wee smasher. :blush:

Grabs a Benoffee Coffee, takes a seat by the window and sits back to await the rest of the world awaking on this lovely fresh Autumn Sunday morning.

:blush:

[Suze]

Pyramid's Benoffee Coffee bliss is shattered when she hears a loud crunch and crash, and sees that Alison has stood on one of the tables, and leaping up and down in ecstacy at being chosen for 'I'm a Celeb', but has broken the table and is now in a heap on the coffee shop floor, legs akimbo and smashed crockey, a vase, Flowers, Coffee, and Almond fingers all around :o 'That, young lady, is going to need paying for said Pyramid', not in the slightest bit amused. Pyramid gets a dustpan and brush, and mop and bucket, and hands them to Alison to clean the mess up.

[babycakes]

Alison departs the cafe, having told the owners that there was no way that she could clean up her mess, as she had to interview Javier Bardem & Penelope Cruz on This Morning and was far too important to indulge in domestic duties; she was not your common or garden ex BB housemate you know, she was TV talent.

As her departing car pulled away from the Cafe, Suze lobbed the last of the Almond Cake at the vehicle. "Good riddance" she giggled, although the others were not sure if it was the bitter sponge or the former BB FM that she referred to. However Anthony Hutton, who was disco dancing in the corner, took this as a signal to start a food fight.

[gemmiej]

*swings door open*

Morning peeps, freezing out there, can I have a cappucino with a choccie muffin please.

[Vodka Drinka]

Mario enters the cafe, stark bollock naked and does a silly dance around the room. Sadly no one pays him an ounce of attention and he throws a massive strop about how hard he worked to get into the cafe... diddums!

[Pyramid*]

Mario enters the cafe, stark bollock naked and does a silly dance around the room. Sadly no one pays him an ounce of attention and he throws a massive strop about how hard he worked to get into the cafe... diddums!

*Screams at top of voice... NOOOOOOO NAKED MARIO-NESS*:nono::nono:

Calms down and joins Gemm for a nice relaxing choccie treat and a coffee.

Between that Alison one, food fights and now this.... thinks to self that place is going to the dogs, must speak to Babycakes about restricting the clientele.

Just as that, a familiar figure swishes past the window.... OOHHHH.... I'm sure, absolutely sure I saw a quiff there, the door opens, and yeah, it's Ben!!:elephant::elephant:


Gets buckets and pails filled with water in readiness for Voddy!

[babycakes]

How about this for a Christmas cake???????????


A Christmas Cake

Ingredients:

* 2 cups flour
* 1 stick butter
* 1 cup of water
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup of sugar
* 1 tsp salt
* 1 cup of brown sugar
* Lemon juice
* 4 large eggs
* Nuts
* 1 bottle Brandy
* 2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the brandy to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the brandy again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the brandy is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the brandy to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the brandy. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the brandy and wipe counter with the cat.

Bingle Jells!

[babycakes]

a familiar figure swishes past the window.... OOHHHH.... I'm sure, absolutely sure I saw a quiff there, the door opens, and yeah, it's Ben!!:elephant::elephant:




"Hello ladies, I just popped in for a morsel of bebegateaux" Ben purred in his velvety tones. :hugesmile::hugesmile::hugesmile:

[Suze]

Voddy races towards Ben whilst accidently :whistle: pushing other customers out the way and does a Gillian McKeith faint into Ben's arms, whilst accidently on purpose flicking her right hand through his quiff. But Ben misses her whilst sorting his quiff, and Voddy falls to the floor. Pyramid quickly chucks a cup of cold water over Voddy.

[Vodka Drinka]

Voddy races towards Ben whilst accidently :whistle: pushing other customers out the way and does a Gillian McKeith faint into Ben's arms, whilst accidently on purpose flicking her right hand through his quiff. But Ben misses her whilst sorting his quiff, and Voddy falls to the floor. Pyramid quickly chucks a cup of cold water over Voddy.

:joker::joker::joker::joker:

I quickly jump to my feet, take a hold of Ben, kiss him passionately before yelling, "WILL YOU MARRY ME BEN???" ;)

[Crazy_moo]

:joker::joker::joker::joker:

I quickly jump to my feet, take a hold of Ben, kiss him passionately before yelling, "WILL YOU MARRY ME BEN???" ;)

ben looks at vodka for a few seconds and asks 'are you vodka drinker?' to which she replies yes i am.Ben then says 'well then of course i will marry you' :hugesmile:

[Pyramid*]

ben looks at vodka for a few seconds and asks 'are you vodka drinker?' to which she replies yes i am.Ben then says 'well then of course i will marry you' :hugesmile:

Takes note that Ben has been making mention that he and Vodka Drinker can get married in Indonesia, and puts plans together for the same ceremony that Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall chose to marry ..... you know, that same one that was annulled as it wasn't quite 'legal'.

*Does pirouettes around the Coffee Shoppe and applies for British Marriage License for Pyramid* and Benjamin* :devil:

[Suze]

BabyCakes was making a few changes to the menu, as some stuff sold better than others. The Almond Cake was a disaster, and had been discontinued, as were the Garibaldis, whilst the BenOffee Pie especially, was a raging success. Babycakes and Pyramid had also decided to stick to the well loved biscuits and cakes, but with added touches as many were baked on the premises and so with a new twist on the names of some, trying to incorporate a BB touch to the food and drinks :)

Sunshine had brought out her own range of crisps and allowed a discount to BabyCakes for promoting them in the Coffee shop. They went down a treat :)There were a little sachet of rice paper letters in each, so a shortened version of names could be added to the outside of the packet which was also edible if the buyer wanted to enjoy the packaging as well, so no waste, enviromentally friendly thus :)

[babycakes]

Having been closed for a week to have an intruder alarm installed, the coffee shop is back open for business.

We have speed dating planned for tonight; hmm, I wonder who will turn up ?

[pices]

Having been closed for a week to have an intruder alarm installed, the coffee shop is back open for business.

We have speed dating planned for tonight; hmm, I wonder who will turn up ?

Thank goodness, in all this cold weather its been a bit of a nightmare having no familiar cosy little cafe to pop in for a warming hot chocolate. I see the bitter Almond cake is now off the Menu, but the Benoffe cake looks scrummy, yum.
Think I will get myself a good seat for the speed dating tonight, should be a laugh, though I am hoping for a strict dress code, no flashers or nakedness allowed I hope, just plain turns my stomach seeing all that horrid flesh.
Of course, those that one would not mind seeing a little bit more of are the ones who have a little pride and dignity..........why oh why is it always the pale pasty ugly ones have the need to display their wares.

Anyhow, here hoping Ben pops in for a winter warmup.:elephant::elephant::elephant:

[babycakes]

Thank goodness, in all this cold weather its been a bit of a nightmare having no familiar cosy little cafe to pop in for a warming hot chocolate. I see the bitter Almond cake is now off the Menu, but the Benoffe cake looks scrummy, yum.
Think I will get myself a good seat for the speed dating tonight, should be a laugh, though I am hoping for a strict dress code, no flashers or nakedness allowed I hope, just plain turns my stomach seeing all that horrid flesh.
Of course, those that one would not mind seeing a little bit more of are the ones who have a little pride and dignity..........why oh why is it always the pale pasty ugly ones have the need to display their wares.

Anyhow, here hoping Ben pops in for a winter warmup.:elephant::elephant::elephant:

No naked testiticularness :joker::joker::joker:

Sorry it was closed so long. The alarm kept sounding for no reason. We finally concluded that it didn't like the cool aura congregated in the corner. Set the alarm off time and time again.

I've made gluwein and stollen cake for tonight, and fondue for the daters to share. I thought it had a wintery Swiss theme, and Ben might find that appealing.

[Truth Teller]

No naked testiticularness :joker::joker::joker:

Sorry it was closed so long. The alarm kept sounding for no reason. We finally concluded that it didn't like the cool aura congregated in the corner. Set the alarm off time and time again.

I've made gluwein and stollen cake for tonight, and fondue for the daters to share. I thought it had a wintery Swiss theme, and Ben might find that appealing.

With his James Bond heritage, Ben was exceedingly happy at the menu for tonights speed dating. The only thing missing he felt was a christmas pudding martini - shaken not stirred.

[Shaun]

Jade Goody waltzes in and calls Ben a 'posh wanka' before collapsing in the corner with a bottle of Ouzo.

[babycakes]

With his James Bond heritage, Ben was exceedingly happy at the menu for tonights speed dating. The only thing missing he felt was a christmas pudding martini - shaken not stirred.

Ben returned from Waitrose with a bag of all the necessary ingredients to male Christmas Pudding Martini's, so Truth Teller and Pyramis huddled over the list of participants and tried to sort out a suitable schedule for the dates.

Chantelle and Preston ? Ziggy and Chanelle ? Jen and Dale ? Paul and Helen ? Oh dear, the possibilities for friction looked worryingly high.

At that moment, Sree burst into the room, demanding to know if Noirin had put her name down for a date. Following hot on his heels was Marcus, the Irrepressible Dark Horse who elbowed Sree out of the way and demanded that his name was matched to Noirin's first.

Ben watched it all with amused nonchalance.

[LemonJam]

Jade Goody waltzes in and calls Ben a 'posh wanka' before collapsing in the corner with a bottle of Ouzo.

BB4's Gos comes in, looks at Jade in the corner and begins teabagging her like an oompa-loompa.

[Shaun]

BB4's Gos comes in, looks at Jade in the corner and begins teabagging her like an oompa-loompa.

"Oi! You fat slag!" she chokes inbetween mouthfuls, before slipping on a puddle of her own urine. She reaches for her mobile phone and calls up her mum Jackiey, screeching "save me you money-grabbing cow!" down the phone.

[Tom4784]

"Oi! You fat slag!" she chokes inbetween mouthfuls, before slipping on a puddle of her own urine. She reaches for her mobile phone and calls up her mum Jackiey, screeching "save me you money-grabbing cow!" down the phone.

Jackiey runs in 'Sorry I'm late I was to busy selling your life support machine down the pawnshop. GET OFF MY BANK YOU SLAG' She swings for Gos.

[pices]

Oh dear, seems that we are going to have to hire some security, word has got around about tonights speed dating and seems to have attracted a few undesirables.
Now then who shall we hire to get rid of the Riff Raff.......................

[LemonJam]

"Oi! You fat slag!" she chokes inbetween mouthfuls, before slipping on a puddle of her own urine. She reaches for her mobile phone and calls up her mum Jackiey, screeching "save me you money-grabbing cow!" down the phone.

Suddenley, the door bursts open. It's Jackiey looking angrier than ever, with her sidekicks Billi Bhatti and Hira Whateverthe****hernameis. She stares down at the urine soaked mess still getting teabagged.

"I'm so disapointed in you, Jade"

"YOU'RE DISAPOINTED, I'M NOT THE ONE HANGING OUT WITH A PAIR OF POPPADO-"

Billi interrupted before she could finish.
"At least I CAN WHIP MY HAIR BACK N FORTH I WHIP MA HAIR BACK N FORTH"

A bald Jade, begins crying.

[babycakes]

The owners of the cafe are delighted that such colourful new patrons have arrived, but are a little concerned that the till is at risk, and the general unattractiveness of the new customers might put off the speed daters due to arrive any minute :joker:

Such drama had not been seen at the cafe since the day that Ife did a dump on one of the tables :spin::spin::spin:

[Pyramid*]

Jade Goody waltzes in and calls Ben a 'posh wanka' before collapsing in the corner with a bottle of Ouzo.


I know they say Christams is a very special time...but jeezo..... even that's a big surprise.

Nice to see Babycakes managed to get in, I unfortunately was snowed in up in Scotland but it's great to see the 'old place' still looking so good and pulling in the right clientele....... !!! LOL :)

*Pours a B.Coffee, sits down and purrs with content*

[babycakes]

I know they say Christams is a very special time...but jeezo..... even that's a big surprise.

Nice to see Babycakes managed to get in, I unfortunately was snowed in up in Scotland but it's great to see the 'old place' still looking so good and pulling in the right clientele....... !!! LOL :)

*Pours a B.Coffee, sits down and purrs with content*

Christmas always brings out high spirits and drunken enthusiasm. I do hope that Gos was drunk, otherwise his judgement is highly questionable.

[babycakes]

Hurrah - the entertainment for tonight has arrived. It's BC's family :elephant::elephant::elephant: a Jackson Five tribute act.

http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/IjihvsULN5nWfdh3

[Suze]

The tribute act is going down a treat, as is the Benoffe Coffee, and pie :) The customers love them, and they are certainly drawing in the crowds. A few drunken footie fans happen in swearing and singing, but are soon ejected from the premises.

It looks like it will be a good evening :)

[babycakes]

The first speed dating couple, chosen for their common interest in hairdressing, sit down in the newly constructed Love Shack and start flirting. Unfortunately, the attraction seems a little one sided.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00078/TTF010601_78961a.jpg

[babycakes]

Oh dear, that first date ended in tears and tantrums when Craig was accused of touching Anthony inappropriately under the table.

They leave the Love Shack (well disco dancing Anthony nips out saying he wants to join babycakes Jackson 5 tribute act, followed at quite a pace by Bitchtits Scissorhands who is screaming " I refuse to diminish my character")

The next couple appear mismatched too - this could be a disaster. Rex has to be dragged to the date kicking and screaming, demanding that he would rather play Scrabble.

http://www.closeronline.co.uk/Assets/Image/080623_rachel_rex_lead.jpg

[babycakes]

The third set of daters arrived together wearing matching evening gowns. Kemal and Kinga made their way into the Love Shack straight away, and Kemal called over his shoulder "can you send some wine in please?". Kinga cackled "yeah, make it a BOTTLE".

http://estb.msn.com/i/2C/E6E8A3E0EAEF4520C7F4AC86AD28EB.jpg

[babycakes]

The final date of the evening was a bit of a surprise. When George Galloway and Peter Burns arrived, both in skin fitting lycra, a least two of the customers ran to the loo in order to vomit. The queue for the Ladies was three times longer by the time they heard George purring inside the Love Shack, and mewling "would you like me to be the cat ?". This wouldn't be good for the Coffee Shop; it now had a faint aroma of sick (and they had only just got rid of the stench of bitter Almonds).
http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Media/Pix/pictures/2010/7/27/1280237136672/George-Galloway-005.jpg

[Truth Teller]

:joker::joker: Loving the pictures and captions:joker::joker:

[Suze]

I'm not too sure about that last pic :eek: :yuk: :nono:

[Pyramid*]

The final date of the evening was a bit of a surprise. When George Galloway and Peter Burns arrived, both in skin fitting lycra, a least two of the customers ran to the loo in order to vomit. The queue for the Ladies was three times longer by the time they heard George purring inside the Love Shack, and mewling "would you like me to be the cat ?". This wouldn't be good for the Coffee Shop; it now had a faint aroma of sick (and they had only just got rid of the stench of bitter Almonds).
http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Media/Pix/pictures/2010/7/27/1280237136672/George-Galloway-005.jpg

*Goes and looks out the mop, pail and bottles of dettol to start clearing up the sick&* :bawling:

How come I get all the lousy jobs around here !!!

[gemmiej]

*Goes and looks out the mop, pail and bottles of dettol to start clearing up the sick&* :bawling:

How come I get all the lousy jobs around here !!!

While your on your feet could I have a latte with a side order of Ben.... I mean biccies please... :blush2::wink:

[Pyramid*]

While your on your feet could I have a latte with a side order of Ben.... I mean biccies please... :blush2::wink:

*Looks up to gemmiej, wipes sweat from brow, puts mop & bucket aside and replies " Yes, certainly, let me just shove this brush up my ar$e while am here, and I'll get right on it" :joker:

:blush2:



LOL .

How many biscuits did you say..... :joker:
:hugesmile:

[babycakes]

Feeling slightly guilty that everyone else was working, bc decides to shovel the snow and clear the ice away from the frontage. Muses "the Coffee Shoppe actually looks quite nice. Shame about the pong."

Round two of speed dating due at the end of the week, although round one was not successful. The only five minute relationship that resulted in a booty call was Galloway & Burns, although Kinga did leave clutching her half drunk bottle of wine. We decided not to follow that one up however.

[Pyramid*]

Heats up milk in large mug, to prepare hot chocolate for BC, she's going to need defrosting after shovelling all that snow and ice.... it's bliddy cold out there.

Reports have come in that en-route home, Kinga, having polished off the wine on her stroll home, slipped on ice, and fell on top of the empty wine bottle. Rumour has it that rather than be horrified, she exacted pleasure from this incident. :shocked::shocked::shocked:

Looks out of window and spies some long haired harridan, shouting "Chicken where are you... Chicken". Am a bit concerned at what she is holding in her hand, something limp and furry. It looks awfully like a dead rabbit....... :shocked::shocked:

[Jessica.]

What on earth! :laugh3:

[Pyramid*]

What on earth! :laugh3:

It's called cabin fever !!!! :joker:

[gemmiej]

*Looks up to gemmiej, wipes sweat from brow, puts mop & bucket aside and replies " Yes, certainly, let me just shove this brush up my ar$e while am here, and I'll get right on it" :joker:

:blush2:



LOL .

How many biscuits did you say..... :joker:
:hugesmile:

Two Jammie Dodgers please. The real thing not the fake lemon ones my boyfriend tried to palm me off with yesterday1 :xyxwave:

[Pyramid*]

Two Jammie Dodgers please. The real thing not the fake lemon ones my boyfriend tried to palm me off with yesterday1 :xyxwave:

:wavey:

No problem ! I think you will need a fresh mug of Benoffee Coffee though, that last one must be freezing cold by now. Let me attend to that for you...

*Rushes off and flips the 'super heat' switch on the Coffee*

Be with you in two shakes of a lamb's tail.....

*....passes todays newspapers to gemmiej whilst she waits, points to M8 photographs and nods to gemmiej, in acknowlegement that thanks should be noted for my presence here today due to weather, takes home-made jammy dodgers from display unit and places on plate in readiness....*

:blush:

[gemmiej]

Why thank you. Its warmer in here than it is out there. :blush:

[babycakes]

New on the menu today - cappucino flavoured "Duncan' Donuts":hugesmile: which are delish with the Benofee Coffee.

[Pyramid*]

New on the menu today - cappucino flavoured "Duncan' Donuts":hugesmile: which are delish with the Benofee Coffee.

Raises smile for new addition to menu. Superb idea! Can you hold mine till later please.

Ta.

[Suze]

New on the menu today - cappucino flavoured "Duncan' Donuts":hugesmile: which are delish with the Benofee Coffee.

I'll have a couple of those with a Benofee coffee please http://img593.imageshack.us/img593/3349/benoffeecoffee.jpg

[babycakes]

So a horse walks into the Cafe.
The owner asks "Why the long face?"
The horse, being a horse and thus unable to speak or comprehend the complexities of conversation, does not reply and sh*ts on the floor :)

[gemmiej]

New on the menu today - cappucino flavoured "Duncan' Donuts":hugesmile: which are delish with the Benofee Coffee.

I will take one of those please. :xyxwave:

[Suze]

Suze comes in with a mixture of Christmas fayre to be added to the menu, including:

Apply it with Science tweedlecakes
Kemal Skip cakes in the shape of skips with all sorts of extras thrown inside it, like coconut strands and sweet stuff.
and Jonty's Teddybear delights

[babycakes]

Tonight, the Coffee Shoppe hosts it's Sexy Celebrity Santa competition. We had no idea who would turn up, but at a guess, the first entrant won't make the cut to the final.
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4037/4192367298_a1c75da659.jpg

[babycakes]

This one looks a bit more promising, although the guyliner may not be the only (ahem) cosmetic adjustment that Stuart has made ! However it was still not the most impressive package we have seen this Christmas.
http://www.nowmagazine.co.uk/imageBank/cache/s/stuart-christmas.jpg_e_23abe66501078f41ad6851658d1e8d06.j pg

[babycakes]

Mario and Lisa thankfully kept their clothes on...
http://www.warringtonguardian.co.uk/resources/images/1076460/?type=display

[babycakes]

and suprisingly so did Chanelle, although she left quickly as no professional footballers had turned up.
http://www.osoblog.tv/chanelle%20santa.jpg

[babycakes]

Mario's Grandad didn't understand the brief, but was so sweet we gave him a free Benoffee Coffee and a Duncan Donut for turning up and being a good sport.
http://static.unrealitytv.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/mario-grandad.jpg

[babycakes]

The twins squealed with delight, for 45 minutes. It was excrutiating but luckily most of us were wearing ear muffs to keep warm, so it wasn't as painful and irritating as it could have been.
http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/06_01/TwinsSantaBARC_468x334.jpg

[babycakes]

And the winner is.......
http://i.ytimg.com/vi/pDgScG_bvDQ/0.jpg
on the basis that we wanted a Celebrity, not a Zelebrity, Santa. Davina also threw in a few gurns for good measure - a sure fire crowd pleaser.

[Suze]

A customer had made some buttery tasting gingerbread men and women for the holiday season, adding little extras to them, the pink strawberry showlaces looked like strings, making the gingerbreads look like little puppets. So in keeping with ther BB theme of the coffee shop, they were called Marionettes

[babycakes]

A customer had made some buttery tasting gingerbread men and women for the holiday season, adding little extras to them, the pink strawberry showlaces looked like strings, making the gingerbreads look like little puppets. So in keeping with ther BB theme of the coffee shop, they were called Marionettes

I bet Lisa likes to dip them in her hot juicy tea :joker::joker:

Ugh, I still cringe when I think of that, second only to George Galloway when he was feline fine :cat::cat::cat:

[Suze]

I bet Lisa likes to dip them in her hot juicy tea :joker::joker:

Ugh, I still cringe when I think of that, second only to George Galloway when he was feline fine :cat::cat::cat:

:joker:

I think Mario is due to do one of his regular health and saftey checks of the coffee shop soon :joker:

[Suze]

Nathan and Racheal walked into the shop with a special request for Babycakes, asking if she would make their engagement cake for their engagement party. Babycakes was happy to oblige. They then got a Benofee coffee on the house, and they sat in the nest drinking their coffees whilst making googoo eyes at each other.

[Shaun]

It's acid rave/S&M night! 2 for 1 on all lattés!

[Shaun]

Jorje. A palavra segurança é "guarda-chuva".

http://www.xesyork.com/images/N0872-ball_gag_1235.jpg

[Shaun]

OjRatwXfnyU

go mad!

[LemonJam]

Big Brother 8's Jonathan has obviously had one too many VK blues and has begun grinding a passed out Nikki Graeme

[LemonJam]

In the corner, Jayne and Belinda are re-inacting the jacuzzi scene in BB6 with a bottle of Dawsons Creek. Kinga spits at them and calls them "****ing amatuers"

[Shaun]

Shahbaz Chaudhry is serving up cocktails in nothing but leather trousers.

"Oooh, I'll have a sex on the beach!" squeals BB8's Carole, as she trades memories with Jonathan.
"Remember when my mum died?" he chortles.
"Oh yes! You cried and whispered to me in German!" Carole beams, as Jonathan leaves her in confusion.

[LemonJam]

Lesley Brain bursts in in a policewoman outfit.

"Where's the ****ing party at?"

She steals a spliff off of Kathreya who starts crying.

Please don't take any more of my spliiiiifs :'(.

"Shut the **** up Kim Jong-Il" Lesley wrestles her to ground and sits on her face.

[Shaun]

"Oioi, any room for a cumslut!?" screams Rodrigo Lopez, squashing inbetween Victor Ebuwa and John McCririck. He takes a sip from a mojito and then takes a couple of tabs of LSD, before vomiting down Kinga's boobtube.

[LemonJam]

A bearded Charlie Drummond is looking over to Rodrigo, depressed and with a good dose of Famous Grouse. Nadia comes up to him

"Charlie, are you okay?"

"**** off, I don't do blokes."

He leaves Nadia, who overdoses on Ket later that night.

Hmm, that's a bit dark...

Beinazir Bhutto is doing bodyshots with Maysoon. But no1curr.

[Stu]

This is one of those threads that I have always seen but never clicked. I'm glad I did.

[Shaun]

http://cdnstatic.visualizeus.com/thumbs/08/08/01/coffee,monkey,art,cup,of,coffee,delicious,photogra phy-b555610055a0ab9be209f315f8b672bd_h.jpg

MONKEY IS IN THE
COFFEE OR IS THE COFFEE
IN THE MONKEY? WELL

[Judas]

love this so much.

Charley Uchea begins shouting in the toilets at the girl using the one clean cubicle, the door opens and knife is blunched into Charleys stomach. Hira wipes her hands and leaves the toilets, after taking another line of Cocaine from Jonty's foreskin.

[Pyramid*]

The Coffee Shoppe has turned into a Den of Iniquity and debauchery......................... I love the new spin! http://www.thisisbigbrother.com/forums/images/icons/icon10.gif

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhmj21ZG0w1qdcel5o1_400.gif

[Judas]

Vanessa BB8, Sophie and Channelle Hayes are in deep discussion over their view on the space-time continium whilst Johnty, Monkety-Tunkety and Eugene physically attack Lesley for the last of her 'magic' pills.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/images/episode/b00s769m_303_170.jpg
Andrew Neil walks in and begins to suck at the bottle of Dawsons Creek just used by Carole, Kinga and Victor.

[LemonJam]

It's bondage night down at the elevenpence coffeeshop and Hira is in full swing, pegging anyone who gets in her sight.

[Shaun]

Five months after the death of his best friend Gerry Raferty, Sam Brodie steps into the derelict Coffee Shoppe and takes a look at his new business venture. Over the past few weeks he has spent countless hours installing light features and floral patterns, and is now ready for his first customer.

In walks Yusef Islam.

[LemonJam]

The owners of the cafe are delighted that such colourful new patrons have arrived, but are a little concerned that the till is at risk, and the general unattractiveness of the new customers might put off the speed daters due to arrive any minute :joker:

Such drama had not been seen at the cafe since the day that Ife did a dump on one of the tables :spin::spin::spin:

this is genuinely my favourite post ever on tibb lmfao <3

[Pyramid*]

Five months after the death of his best friend Gerry Raferty, Sam Brodie steps into the derelict Coffee Shoppe and takes a look at his new business venture. Over the past few weeks he has spent countless hours installing light features and floral patterns, and is now ready for his first customer.

In walks Yusef Islam.


Stuts into BB's Elevenpence Olde Coffee Shoppe..... slams title deeds down on table *recovers from coughing fit from the dust cloud*, grabs interloper by the scruff of the neck, gives them a good old Glesga kiss and then fooks them right out the door.

Rips out floral patterned crap. Justin and Colin start unloading mirrors, cameras, and lots of chocolate, mocca, turquoise and cream colours with a few water features ........ ready to get the place back to it's former glory for the start of the Big 12 event.

*The secret code rule of the Coffee Shoppe must be maintained now and again ;)*

[pices]

Stuts into BB's Elevenpence Olde Coffee Shoppe..... slams title deeds down on table *recovers from coughing fit from the dust cloud*, grabs interloper by the scruff of the neck, gives them a good old Glesga kiss and then fooks them right out the door.

Rips out floral patterned crap. Justin and Colin start unloading mirrors, cameras, and lots of chocolate, mocca, turquoise and cream colours with a few water features ........ ready to get the place back to it's former glory for the start of the Big 12 event.

*The secret code rule of the Coffee Shoppe must be maintained now and again ;)*

Yeah, that'll teach him to go squatting, it only looked derelict because Shabby and her Husseys had got in from an open window and made themselves at home.Right bloody mess they had made of it too!!
Just wait till she gets the bill from Justin and Colin::bigsmile:

[tmi]

Stuts into BB's Elevenpence Olde Coffee Shoppe..... slams title deeds down on table *recovers from coughing fit from the dust cloud*, grabs interloper by the scruff of the neck, gives them a good old Glesga kiss and then fooks them right out the door.

Rips out floral patterned crap. Justin and Colin start unloading mirrors, cameras, and lots of chocolate, mocca, turquoise and cream colours with a few water features ........ ready to get the place back to it's former glory for the start of the Big 12 event.

*The secret code rule of the Coffee Shoppe must be maintained now and again ;)*

Arrives in the coffee shop and offers Mid a frigging welscake and a coffee, white and two sugars:cat:

[Pyramid*]

Arrives in the coffee shop and offers Mid a frigging welscake and a coffee, white and two sugars:cat:


Muppet !!!! :cat:indeed!!:blush:

*hopes you wiped yer feet on the mat, don't want any that valley mud messing up my newly laid down floor !! ;) *

What a surprise ..... *runs to the off licence for some Pimms, Efty's probably drunk it all !!*

[tmi]

Muppet !!!! :cat:indeed!!:blush:

*hopes you wiped yer feet on the mat, don't want any that valley mud messing up my newly laid down floor !! ;) *

What a surprise ..... *runs to the off licence for some Pimms, Efty's probably drunk it all !!*

Efty finally given me a pimms:hugesmile:Andy Murray won.

[tmi]

Did you get my pm:wavey:

[InOne]

0_0

[Shaun]

Shahbaz Chaudhry is serving up cocktails in nothing but leather trousers.

"Oooh, I'll have a sex on the beach!" squeals BB8's Carole, as she trades memories with Jonathan.
"Remember when my mum died?" he chortles.
"Oh yes! You cried and whispered to me in German!" Carole beams, as Jonathan leaves her in confusion.

Lesley Brain bursts in in a policewoman outfit.

"Where's the ****ing party at?"

She steals a spliff off of Kathreya who starts crying.

Please don't take any more of my spliiiiifs :'(.

"Shut the **** up Kim Jong-Il" Lesley wrestles her to ground and sits on her face.

james why are we so amazing

[iRyan]

Bonnie Holt opens the door to the coffee shop and struts in wearing 8-inch stilettos.

She takes a seat at the corner table next to Vanetha from Big Brother 6, then proceeds to open up her purse and pull out a 10-inch purple dildo.

She proceeds to spread her legs, positioning each foot on a different coffee table, exposing her pink fleshy labia.

The room immediately fills with the aroma of butterscotch and matured cream.

She then takes her purple dildo, and promptly sticks it up her labia, ooh-ing in a glistening moment of immediate pleasure.

The room glares at her.

"What the fook are you lot looking at!?" she says, confused and evidently defensive.

"Carry on, dear" replies Sam Brodie.