Please help me! :(

[BBfan46]

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20111017104253AA6xLAh&r=w

Okay this is a long story and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it.
Basically, I have this hang up that I've only ever really had one person I could ever call my best friend we'll call him Jason.

I hung around with Jason and his other best friend, Tom. I myself am great friends with Tom too (It's worth noting Tom and Jason have been best friends since they were 4.) We were a really close unit.

Then when we changed schools, we drifted apart. I still had Tom in my form group but I didn't ever see Jason and we stopped hanging out.

Then it occured to me that I don't have much time left before I move off to University so I set out to get them back, which was easy enough. We had a brilliant Summer and it was as if nothing had ever changed. But by the time September hit, it had dramatically.

He never does anything to help our friendship. I'm always the one to make the effort. He's been to my house so many times I couldn't even count and I've been to his house and Tom's for that matter a total of never.

I feel so unwanted by them. He's rude to me when we're in a group and he never sides with me. I literally do all I can for him. I keep his secrets, I make sure he's alright when he's upset and if he needs me for anything, I'm there. I paid for alcohol for a party we went to, He didn't refund me and he didn't thank me. At another party, I spent all night looking after him. He doesn't do any of that for me and he wouldn't if he got the chance. I feel as if, I got my best friend back and somebody said "Haha, just kidding." and snatched him back again.

He has lessons with Tom and none with me, yet he still makes no effort. Tom talks to me all the time so it's not like it can't be done. They always flaunt how great friends they are in front of me as if they're bragging at the fact that I'm the 'third wheel.' I always have to be the butt of every joke and I'm sick of it.

Everyone tells me to just get rid of him. But having a best friend is important to me and there is no one I get along with better most of the time and I love him to bits.

I've tried to speak to him about it but apparently, it's my fault and I need to get over it and he won't be my friend if I keep getting upset. So I can't bring it up again. He tries to change and it works for a while but it fizzles out again.

I know he sounds like a dick from this but that's just one side of him that albeit is becoming more and more prominent lately.

I just want my best friend back.

Any help is really appreciated. Thank you so much.

[Joe.]

http://www.friendsreunited.com/

No seriously though. Tell him to **** off.

[Ninastar]

something really similar to this happened to me and I finally sorted it out last night.

Honestly, you shouldn't have to put up with that. If they dont make the effort, they clearly don't care enough. you deserve better

friends come and go, you'll always meet new people

[Jordan.]

Don't bother with him anymore. If he cares he'll get into contact with you first.

[Doogle]

I had a similar thing with my friend. We drifted last year and now I just talk to him like anyone else but I've realised he's a total rude dick sometimes anyway. I keep wanting to fall into the trap of being best friends again but I know it'll go how it always does with me doing everything in the friendship and getting no thanks in any way, similar to your situation. Cos with my friend, when we were really close and I started the convo we would have a great time and he seemed to care, but then never bothered after.

Seriously just stop bothering, if he can't ever be bothered to make an effort and expect you to do it. It works both ways, you both invite each other out or round or start conversations etc. One day you will find someone that really is a best friend, who always makes an effort and is always there. You might already know them and not realise (cos that's pretty much what happened to me, I realised my best friend had been my friend who I never really saw as a close friend before)

[BBfan46]

Don't bother with him anymore. If he cares he'll get into contact with you first.

I know I shouldn't but it's hard to let go of your best friend.

[BBfan46]

I had a similar thing with my friend. We drifted last year and now I just talk to him like anyone else but I've realised he's a total rude dick sometimes anyway. I keep wanting to fall into the trap of being best friends again but I know it'll go how it always does with me doing everything in the friendship and getting no thanks in any way, similar to your situation. Cos with my friend, when we were really close and I started the convo we would have a great time and he seemed to care, but then never bothered after.

Seriously just stop bothering, if he can't ever be bothered to make an effort and expect you to do it. It works both ways, you both invite each other out or round or start conversations etc. One day you will find someone that really is a best friend, who always makes an effort and is always there. You might already know them and not realise (cos that's pretty much what happened to me, I realised my best friend had been my friend who I never really saw as a close friend before)

Is there no other alternative? :conf:

[Omah]

Tell him to **** off.

If they dont make the effort, they clearly don't care enough. you deserve better

Don't bother with him anymore.

Seriously just stop bothering

Yeah, pick a way between "telling him to **** off" and "stop bothering", but then get on with your own life - pastures new, etc ..... ;)

[Jords]

I was in a similar situation but it ended with them completely cutting me loose and were no longer friends, in fact they both 'hate' me apparently and there is no reason for it.

All I can say from my experience is by not being bonded to the hip with them, you meet new people or get closer to the other friends you had. Sure youll feel gutted and angry and sad, but it goes and sometimes you find yourself in a better position. Im not sure where Im at with that... I have a wider bunch of friends but right now Im not as close as I was to them with any yet. Bridges take a while to be built but work on it.

Friends come and go, youre off to uni soon I wouldnt worry too much about it :)

[BBfan46]

I was in a similar situation but it ended with them completely cutting me loose and were no longer friends, in fact they both 'hate' me apparently and there is no reason for it.

All I can say from my experience is by not being bonded to the hip with them, you meet new people or get closer to the other friends you had. Sure youll feel gutted and angry and sad, but it goes and sometimes you find yourself in a better position. Im not sure where Im at with that... I have a wider bunch of friends but right now Im not as close as I was to them with any yet. Bridges take a while to be built but work on it.

Friends come and go, youre off to uni soon I wouldnt worry too much about it :)

It's still two years to wait though

It's just when it's good, it's brilliant and when it's bad, it's awful. :conf:

[LaLaLand]

It naturally happens as time goes by, happened with me.

Like out of my group of about 15 high school 'close friends' I now only see 3 of them, the others have just gone their own ways.. some went off to uni, some got jobs locally but all still 'lost touch', which at first you just feel like "why can't it be like before?!" but you soon realise it's just the way it is.

[BBfan46]

It's probably worth saying this changed occured in the space of weeks. Do I risk talking to him again?

[Niamh.]

If you've already told him how you feel and he basically dismissed you then I'd leave the friendship behind you, there comes a time in everyones life when they have to decide that relationships are pointless if they're all one sided. You'd be better off giving your energy and friendship to people who'll appreciate it.

[BBfan46]

I spoke to him about it again and he said he's sorry and things would change. I'm skeptical but it's something :)

[Doogle]

I hope it doesn't happen again. It sucks losing a friend.

[Ammi]

I know I shouldn't but it's hard to let go of your best friend.

As hard as it is, he may have already let go of you....if it doesn't work out this time and he starts acting like a d*ck again...you really need to just say...enough..and give yourself an opportunity to form new friendships

[MeMyselfAndI]

Happened to me, I haven't spoken to my ex best friend for 2 years & its awkard even though his dad is my hairdresser which i hate.