Why is it bad when a woman just wants to be a mother and have children?

[Liberty4eva]

So last night I had a conversation with my sister where she said she has a friend at work whose only aspiration is to be a mother and raise kids. My sister acted like there was something wrong with that being your primary goal in life: to raise a family. She plans on becoming a nurse as apparently it's far more fashionable for women to aspire to doctors, lawyers, and scientists than to aspire to be what biology and nature intended them to be all along: a mother.

Considering how the birthrate is dangerously low in the western world and especially Europe, I'm surprised that being a mother isn't looked upon with the respect it deserves. Having and raising is kids is not only a job, it is THE most important job anyone could possibly have. It's the most important thing you'll ever do in your life. I have immense respect for women who can without shame say plainly that all they want to do is raise a family and am surprised that more people don't feel the same way. Thoughts?

[fruit_cake]

it's not bad, but women should have the choice to work too.

[Niamh.]

I think it's far better for kids to be raised by either parent instead of being passed to child minders/creches.

[lostalex]

because there is not talent or skill or work required to make babies. Any idiot with a vagina can do it.

Aspiring to CARE for children however is a noble pursuit, someone who spends time actually educating themselves about child care, getting a degree in it, that is admirable.

However having children, well any bitch in heat can do that.

[Liberty4eva]

it's not bad, but women should have the choice to work too.

I'm not saying they shouldn't have the choice to work. I'm saying being a mother isn't held in high esteem which it should.

[Niamh.]

I'm not saying they shouldn't have the choice to work. I'm saying being a mother isn't held in high esteem which it should.

Yes it should, there is no job more important imo

[lostalex]

If you can do it by accident, then it's not exactly rocket science, is it?

[Vicky.]

I may be wrong, but I think a few people who look down on people who only want to be parents...do so because of the very high amount of teens who pop out sprogs just so the state will keep them all their lives, give them a house etc etc.

Its wrong to lump everyone into the same category, as Im sure those kinds of people are few and far between (only we hear about it more) but sadly thats what happens :S

There seems to be a kind of stigma that comes with having kids these days, and its not right :/

[Niamh.]

If you can do it by accident, then it's not exactly rocket science, is it?

Making a baby is one thing, being a good parent is another. No one said it's rocket science but it's still a very important job.

[Vicky.]

If you can do it by accident, then it's not exactly rocket science, is it?

You can get pregnant by accident, sure. But actually raising a child is very different.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Being a mother is the most important job in the world and most people realise this.

[Benjamin]

There is nothing wrong with women who just want to raise children and provide a warm and loving environment and family life. Women do have the option to work, but if they choose to raise a family as their job, then I don't see why people have an issue with that.

My main issue is with women who just get pregnant so they can get a house and money from the government, that I do not respect.

[lostalex]

Roseanne is my favourite show from the 90's. Now That's a real representation of parenthood!

31TUcBXjpPQ

[Ninastar]

There is nothing wrong with women who just want to raise children and provide a warm and loving environment and family life. Women do have the option to work, but if they choose to raise a family as their job, then I don't see why people have an issue with that.

My main issue is with women who just get pregnant so they can get a house and money from the government, that I do not respect.

I pretty much agree with this.

I think mothers should still work too, because if allows the child to learn that they can't be with mother (or father) all the time. It helps prepare them for school. Families can always do with the extra support and it doesn't hurt the child.

[Niall]

I can understand why some see it is a bad thing, given the potential things a woman could do with her life over being a stay at home mother, but at the same time I think that a woman has every right to become a stay at home Mum if she pleases.

I don't have a single problem with it. If it means more time for the child to spend with the mother and the mother is happy with and wants that, then it can only be good.

[Ammi]

It isn't bad to be at home in the early years, if that's what you choose but it's important to have a career too as part of parenting is financial support

[Benjamin]

It isn't bad to be at home in the early years, if that's what you choose but it's important to have a career too as part of parenting is financial support

But if the father is happy to be the one providing the financial support and the mother is happy for him to be the bread winner then I also see nothing wrong in that situation.

[Ammi]

But if the father is happy to be the one providing the financial support and the mother is happy for him to be the bread winner then I also see nothing wrong in that situation.

Personally, I would never be reliant on the father, with such a high divorce rate I would rather know I can be self supportive

[arista]

it's not bad, but women should have the choice to work too.


Yes for Yank Women

[lostalex]

Yes for Yank Women

right, because America has the worst human rights records when it comes to women's rights...*get real*


Interesting fact: Black men had the right to vote in America before white women had the right to vote.(i love you Hillary <3)

[Mystic Mock]

Well as Ukturtle said I dont have a problem with women wanting to be Mothers as long as they are not just using there child for a house off the Government.

[arista]

right, because America has the worst human rights records when it comes to women's rights...*get real*


Interesting fact: Black men had the right to vote in America before white women had the right to vote.(i love you Hillary <3)


No its the Yank Women Rights out there.

When I worked in LA
I was shocked at the amount of Over Cocky Women.


Life In The City.

[Benjamin]

FGS lets not turn this into yet another USA vs Britian thread please. :nono:

[Marsh.]

Am I the only one laughing when I read the "When I worked in LA" line? Lol.

But, yes let's not go there. We don't want lostalex going off on one again.

[lostalex]

No its the Yank Women Rights out there.

When I worked in LA
I was shocked at the amount of Over Cocky Women.


Life In The City.

over cocky women?? lol, as oppossed to the exact proper amount of cockyness women?? WTF are you on about???

[Roy Mars III]

Most of the women in L.A. are really arrogant that is true

[lostalex]

Am I the only one laughing when I read the "When I worked in LA" line? Lol.

But, yes let's not go there. We don't want lostalex going off on one again.


why am i treated as some kind of special time bomb that's just about to go off? srsly, have i really been that explosive in the past? i don't think so.


:devil:

[lostalex]

I find this racist against Californians. someone get the ACLU on the phone plzzz lol

[arista]

Most of the women in L.A. are really arrogant that is true



Yes Sad Fact.

[Mystic Mock]

Britain always has Muse.

[arista]

I find this racist against Californians. someone get the ACLU on the phone plzzz lol



thats OK Honey

When I was out there they called me the Limy
I got used to those Bitches

[Lee.]

No, I don't think there is anything wrong with women having motherhood as their main ambition. Both my kids are at school now, so I have gone back to work part time but I'm so glad that I managed to spend their early years with them as a full time mum... its not always easy, and there's been many tears and tantrums (from me) but its also been the best years of my life.

Work used to be a career for me, but now its just a way of making extra money and meeting people; I couldn't care less about promotion or furthering my education, my kids are now my priority.

[lostalex]

Britain always has Muse.

didn't the guy from Muse marry Kate Hudson?? he lives in LA now right? so Muse is now American.... :P

[lily.]

I gave up my career/work when I had my first child, and have been a stay-at-home mum since. Once my youngest is self-sufficient, I'm going back to work.

Some people treat me like I'm an idiot, unqualified, too lazy to get a job, etc. But, this was a choice for me and my family. My husband and I both worked full-time and we decided together that he'd continue to work, while I raised the kids.

I don't judge or criticise anyone for raising their children differently. If people want to work and use childminders, that's their choice. For a long time, women didn't have the luxury of choices. Women were all housewives and mothers. So now if a woman chooses that life for herself, some people view it as a step backwards.

But the fact that we get to make the choice is the difference.

And, to be honest, I don't think it's constructive for women to criticise each other for having different choices. There's enough criticism from society toward mothers, whether stay-at-home or working. Mothers should stick together, and support each other, because there is no right or wrong way to raise a child, as long as you're doing your best.

[Tom4784]

There's no right or wrong answer, It's up to the mother to decide what's best for her children and if that means going back to work or being a stay at home mom then that's her choice.

[Marsh.]

why am i treated as some kind of special time bomb that's just about to go off? srsly, have i really been that explosive in the past? i don't think so.


:devil:

Let's just say I've not got enough fingers to count the number of times you have entered a Britain vs USA debate with some forum members, often started from a completely separate subject. Not saying you are to blame but it's very often. lol

[Pyramid*]

because there is not talent or skill or work required to make babies. Any idiot with a vagina can do it.

Aspiring to CARE for children however is a noble pursuit, someone who spends time actually educating themselves about child care, getting a degree in it, that is admirable.

However having children, well any bitch in heat can do that.


Factually incorrect statement there lostalex. Many woman cannot 'make' babies, many women are unable to conceive.

Re the OP and thread - if it's possible, I think until the child goes to school, that it's good for a parent not to be working (full time anyway) - but it's a balance between being able to provide and give the best & sometimes both salaries are still needed for that. What suits some, doesn't suit others. As long as the wee one still gets love,care, and attention, there shouldn't be an issue.

[lostalex]

Factually incorrect statement there lostalex. Many woman cannot 'make' babies, many women are unable to conceive.



yes i know, i was adopted by one of those women who doesn't have a functioning uterus.

That's exactly WHY i'm pointing out how NOT special it is to be able to conceive, and how we should be placing praise on women and parents that actually prepare for caring for children.

Adoptive parents have to jump through hoops to receive a child.

[Pyramid*]

yes i know, i was adopted by one of those women who doesn't have a functioning uterus.

That's exactly WHY i'm pointing out how NOT special it is to be able to conceive, and how we should be placing praise on women and parents that actually prepare for caring for children.

Adoptive parents have to jump through hoops to receive a child.

Just pointing out the inaccuracy within your statement. Not only can not every woman conceive, a great many are not able to carry the baby to full term. I think you will find that any parent who has conceived and given birth, a very high number of parents do regard it as special.

It's a matter of personal choice whether mother is stay at home mum or can juggle worklife/career - bearing in mind, the child will ultimately benefit in different ways from either of the choice that the mother makes. I'm sure that it won't make the mother love the child any less and vice versa.

[Bollo]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman's priority in life being motherhood and it is an important job. That said there are women out there who are just not maternal (myself included) and do not wish to have children, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this either

[Pyramid*]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman's priority in life being motherhood and it is an important job. That said there are women out there who are just not maternal (myself included) and do not wish to have children, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this either


This as well, me being one of them. It's upto the mum (and dad) to determine what they feel is the best way for them. It's their life, their family, their choice.

[Mystic Mock]

didn't the guy from Muse marry Kate Hudson?? he lives in LA now right? so Muse is now American.... :P

The members in Muse are British so they stay as British.:hugesmile:

[Beastie]

So last night I had a conversation with my sister where she said she has a friend at work whose only aspiration is to be a mother and raise kids. My sister acted like there was something wrong with that being your primary goal in life: to raise a family. She plans on becoming a nurse as apparently it's far more fashionable for women to aspire to doctors, lawyers, and scientists than to aspire to be what biology and nature intended them to be all along: a mother.

Considering how the birthrate is dangerously low in the western world and especially Europe, I'm surprised that being a mother isn't looked upon with the respect it deserves. Having and raising is kids is not only a job, it is THE most important job anyone could possibly have. It's the most important thing you'll ever do in your life. I have immense respect for women who can without shame say plainly that all they want to do is raise a family and am surprised that more people don't feel the same way. Thoughts?


I think it's a lovely aspiration that all a woman wants to do is one day raise a family! As long as they are not on the dole and in the minority of having god knows how many kids then that's fine. There is nothing wrong being a staying at home mum/housewife looking after the children. If this is what a woman or even a man wants to do then that is fine. If done properly it is a massive job looking after children and cleaning your house.

However I am arguing that it possibly isn't the most important job anyone could do? This is kind of insulting people who never want kids. I think people like doctors and in the army have a tougher time and more stress to deal with. But this is a matter of choice. It's up to YOU what YOU do with your life. Do what makes you happy and **** everyone else!

But of course if you want to work as a doctor or in that field of work or be a parent, it's more than just a "job". You have to have people skills. Be sympathetic to that particular person.

Anyway I think I would like a child/children in the future. A few years ago I was all like.. yeah I want to meet the love of my life, get married and have children. But as I have got older I have realised I am too young to have that straight away. I want to live independently first and well see what happens.

I don't really have many aspirations in terms of jobs. I am currently in a job I enjoy. That is my aspiration in life. My aspiration is just to be happy. As long as I am earning at least some money then I am happy. I don't inspire to be like a manager at the place I work for at the moment because I feel it would be too stressful for me and I am happy with the position I am in!

I would like to travel a bit in the future too. See more places. I suppose this is my main goal in life.

[Beastie]

I may be wrong, but I think a few people who look down on people who only want to be parents...do so because of the very high amount of teens who pop out sprogs just so the state will keep them all their lives, give them a house etc etc.

Its wrong to lump everyone into the same category, as Im sure those kinds of people are few and far between (only we hear about it more) but sadly thats what happens :S

There seems to be a kind of stigma that comes with having kids these days, and its not right :/

I agree. A young mum back in the 50, 60's, 70's and 80's etc.. wasn't even judged that they had a child young unless they were not married. Now if a young person has a child people are like "woah you are a bit young arn't you". I do think being a mum/dad should have more credit. Plenty of people young and old who are parents work damn hard to bring their sprogs up and try and make them the best they can be. Of course some have this mind set but are still sponging off the government.

It's nice that in particular women who just want a family in life want one. But I think obviously after they have left school they should find any job to well get any money because it's just the wrong message sponging off the government.

Or if a woman wants the lifestyle of getting a husband, having children and the husband being the breadwinner and the woman being a housewife with the children there is no shame in that at all!!

[Beastie]

Personally, I would never be reliant on the father, with such a high divorce rate I would rather know I can be self supportive

Ahh yes. Okay. This is another thing. Back in the day there was less of a divorce rate. Most women found their husband, got married and had some children and lived old together.a divorce and the dad was the breadwinner and the mum stayed at home. Even if the mum had hardly no savings she would still get half of what the dad has earnt. In which.. I agree to. At the end of the day the mum and dad agreed to get married, agreed for the dad to be the breadwinner and the mum to stay at home so then they should have 50/50 of everything together!

Nowadays, no offence but people are more fickle. So if there is a divorce well.. even if there is

This is why nowadays we are getting older parents. People feel like they can't rely on people as much as they used to. So now we either get older parents or very young mums who are sponging off the goverment. There are less mothers in the middle ground really.

Also times have changed now. Everyone really needs a job to get by. So for someone inspiring to be a mother, they should get a job first when they leave school to at least earn a bit of money.

[Mystic Mock]

I agree Beastie,I am very lucky with the parents ive got.

[Ammi]

Ahh yes. Okay. This is another thing. Back in the day there was less of a divorce rate. Most women found their husband, got married and had some children and lived old together.a divorce and the dad was the breadwinner and the mum stayed at home. Even if the mum had hardly no savings she would still get half of what the dad has earnt. In which.. I agree to. At the end of the day the mum and dad agreed to get married, agreed for the dad to be the breadwinner and the mum to stay at home so then they should have 50/50 of everything together!

Nowadays, no offence but people are more fickle. So if there is a divorce well.. even if there is

This is why nowadays we are getting older parents. People feel like they can't rely on people as much as they used to. So now we either get older parents or very young mums who are sponging off the goverment. There are less mothers in the middle ground really.

Also times have changed now. Everyone really needs a job to get by. So for someone inspiring to be a mother, they should get a job first when they leave school to at least earn a bit of money.

I have nothing against women who are full time mothers but fathers are not always there forever, for whatever reason, so I would not be totally reliant on that for my income. I've known too many friends who's only income has been their husbands and then the marriage has broken and they've had to work but have lost their confidence. That's just my personal experience. Also people sometimes want to give their children so much and this can not always be done on one income

[Liberty4eva]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman's priority in life being motherhood and it is an important job. That said there are women out there who are just not maternal (myself included) and do not wish to have children, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this either

Not if we want to survive as a species. They're the main reason the average birthrate is way below 2.0 for every couple. If a sizable chunk of women do not wish to have children, then something is wrong with the culture.

[Bollo]

Not if we want to survive as a species. They're the main reason the average birthrate is way below 2.0 for every couple. If a sizable chunk of women do not wish to have children, then something is wrong with the culture.

With the general population the size it is currently, I don't think there is anything to worry about in this respect, there are still plenty of women who want to have children.

[Shasown]

Got to love this thread and the archaic attitudes of some posts.

All about women motherhood and babies, fact of life, stay at home dads are on the increase. Oh and it isnt always the man who buggers off and leaves the other parent holding the babies. It might not be as common but believe me it does happen.

[lily.]

Got to love this thread and the archaic attitudes of some posts.

All about women motherhood and babies, fact of life, stay at home dads are on the increase. Oh and it isnt always the man who buggers off and leaves the other parent holding the babies. It might not be as common but believe me it does happen.

Truth.

[Niamh.]

Got to love this thread and the archaic attitudes of some posts.

All about women motherhood and babies, fact of life, stay at home dads are on the increase. Oh and it isnt always the man who buggers off and leaves the other parent holding the babies. It might not be as common but believe me it does happen.

Very true Shasown. My husband looks after our kids mostly during the day as I have a full time job where as he's on call so has to stick around the village. I definitely think it's better for the kids to have a parent raising them (either of the two) I did only work part time up until my son started school as, at the time my husband worked on building sites and I didn't want my kids raised in creches or by child minders. At the end of the day parents have to work as a team to do what's best for their kids. I realise a parent staying at home isn't always an option for people but I do think it's the best option if at all possible.

And on the point of fathers and fathers rights, I think (definitely in Ireland anyway) the law needs to catch up with the changing times as it's completely biassed in favour of the mother atm