Do You Think We Control Who We Love?

[Ammi]

..we may not be able to easily contol our feelings but can we control our actions...or do you think we are helpless to resist if we meet our 'soulmate'.

(Inspired by the 41 year old teacher/student thread)

[Jords]

I think its down to personality. Some people can resist their emotions and others easily give-in.

[Me. I Am Salman]

Just get laid and the problems will go away

[Ninastar]

I think when you have a 'soulmate', you like them straight away no matter what and they feel the same. but it's a different feeling to just liking them, if that makes sense.

I actually think it's quite rare and that love now is overrated. A lot of people have no idea what they are talking about when it comes to love. It's a new age thing

[Ammi]

Just get laid and the problems will go away

...very insightful Salman

[CharlieO]

Just get laid and the problems will go away

Says the 14 year old virgin. :conf:

[Jesus.]

Soulmate is a pretty meaningless phrase. It's just a phrase that people use to quantify how much they belong to each other.

yStxUTHHUrg

I don't think you can help who you are attracted to, but that's it. People have to choose to take it any further than that.

[joeysteele]

I originally thought we weren't, however it's the definition of 'love' likely that is the problem, Niamh made a strong point as to love developing over time citing attraction as the real thing initially.
You Ammi. made similar points. I can see all sides to it.

I guess I have never been 'in love' yet,as opposed to just family/friend love so cannot speak with knowledge.
I have seen people though who have instantly been attracted to someone, they have ended up getting married and staying happy, I have seen people who likely love the person they are with but have problems all the time with them but stay because,they (or they say they are 'in love'), with them.

My own Mum and Dad met at a function when my Mum was 17 and Dad was 20, they say,they instantly fell for each other,my Mum saying to her friends with her, that's the man I will marry.they were married a year later and now have 4 sons and grandchildren.
So I don't know really, I would guess likely you and Niamh are more likely right with the attraction element but like everything else there are likely exceptions and people can fall in love quickly and not totally control that.

I think I will stay single,I think I will definately control what I do as to this being 'in love' thing.

[Ammi]

Soulmate is a pretty meaningless phrase. It's just a phrase that people use to quantify how much they belong to each other.

yStxUTHHUrg

I don't think you can help who you are attracted to, but that's it. People have to choose to take it any further than that.

Yes, I agree with this..I think I'm with my 'soulmate' because that is what he has become over time..in the first instance, it was no different from any other attraction. It was a choice to develop a relationship, which led to love. I believe we are attracted to many people, in that we find them attractive or they have attractive qualities..that is merely 'appreciating' them...but we choose whether to act on them

[Jesus.]

Yes, I agree with this..I think I'm with my 'soulmate' because that is what he has become over time..in the first instance, it was no different from any other attraction. It was a choice to develop a relationship, which led to love. I believe we are attracted to many people, in that we find them attractive or they have attractive qualities..that is merely 'appreciating' them...but we choose whether to act on them

Did you watch the YT song? It lays out how improbable it is that the person we end up with, were actually put on earth specifically for us. It's really clever, but then Tim Minchin is the second coming of me.

[Ammi]

I originally thought we weren't, however it's the definition of 'love' likely that is the problem, Niamh made a strong point as to love developing over time citing attraction as the real thing initially.
You Ammi. made similar points. I can see all sides to it.

I guess I have never been 'in love' yet,as opposed to just family/friend love so cannot speak with knowledge.
I have seen people though who have instantly been attracted to someone, they have ended up getting married and staying happy, I have seen people who likely love the person they are with but have problems all the time with them but stay because,they (or they say they are 'in love'), with them.

My own Mum and Dad met at a function when my Mum was 17 and Dad was 20, they say,they instantly fell for each other,my Mum saying to her friends with her, that's the man I will marry.they were married a year later and now have 4 sons and grandchildren.
So I don't know really, I would guess likely you and Niamh are more likely right with the attraction element but like everything else there are likely exceptions and people can fall in love quickly and not totally control that.

I think I will stay single,I think I will definately control what I do as to this being 'in love' thing.

It's lovely that your parents met like tha Joey and that they obviously both felt the same...sometimes it can be onesided and unrequited love seem be agonising. I've heard similar stories before, of people who believe in 'love at first sight'...maybe I don't believe it because I haven't experienced it...I believe in attraction at first sight..but I believe love...the lasting kind, is built over time. It particularly feels like a an 'excuse' when people who decieve the person they have professed to love and cheat on them.

I like your mum and dad's story though...and I'm glad they met...and made Joey

[Ammi]

Did you watch the YT song? It lays out how improbable it is that the person we end up with, were actually put on earth specifically for us. It's really clever, but then Tim Minchin is the second coming of me.

No..I will watch it, I like Tim Minchin. I think there are many people who we could fall in love with, but we may not necessarily meet them all..or the timing/circumstances may not be correct. I call my OH my 'soulmate' because we have been together so long it feels like we are two halves of a whole...LOL..corny.

[Niall]

I think it's something out of our control to be honest. Sure you can push the feelings down but they won't go away. And of course you can move on too but that affection for the person will still be there.

Thats what I think anyway. Anyone who I've seen who's been in love and lost the person they did love, always still seem to harbour affection for that person even if their relationship wasn't the best. My Mum's an example of this: she was with a guy who shouted and swore at her constantly and still to this day won't say a bad word against him.

[Jessica.]

I don't think it is possible to control love, though you can control your actions.

[arista]

I don't think it is possible to control love, though you can control your actions.


Wise Words

[thesheriff443]

love needs to be devided up!,
it covers a wide spectrum of emotions and feelings
and depends on the person the time of life past experiences and much more.

[Livia]

I think you have no control when you fall in love with someone. If you're lucky you fall in love with a totally suitable person who returns your love. Lots of people are unlucky enough to fall for a total arse but they still love them completely. Although I think it's possible to "control yourself" and deny yourself, most people wouldn't. However, we're all ready to say that other people should control themselves... as in the teacher/pupil story. We're all judge and jury when it comes to other people's business, especially when we only have a snippet of a story.

[Niamh.]

I think you can stop yourself falling in love with a person yeah. I believe people mistake strong attraction for love, I don't believe you can love someone without knowing them very well first, that's a very shallow idea of love imo. Love is earned and worked at.

[Ammi]

I think you can stop yourself falling in love with a person yeah. I believe people mistake strong attraction for love, I don't believe you can love someone without knowing them very well first, that's a very shallow idea of love imo. Love is earned and worked at.

Yes I agree, in a lot of ways I think infatuations can feel stronger and more intense than love and therefore mistaken for love but that kind of intensity is hard to sustain..it's possible that they can 'settle' into a deeper love but often they don't

[King Gizzard]

Love is formed over time

I can't help but have these feelings for Niamh I'm sorry :bawling:

[Niamh.]

Yes I agree, in a lot of ways I think infatuations can feel stronger and more intense than love and therefore mistaken for love but that kind of intensity is hard to sustain..it's possible that they can 'settle' into a deeper love but often they don't

Yes, I agree. But I suppose "Love" is just a word and it depends what each person considers to be love. For me, it's all about actions speaking louder than words. Someone could tell me they loved me but I wouldn't believe they really did unless I already knew they loved me by the way they are with me and things they've done for me etc.

[Niamh.]

Love is formed over time

I can't help but have these feelings for Niamh I'm sorry :bawling:

It's ok Nathan, you're not the first :idc:

[Ammi]

Yes, I agree. But I suppose "Love" is just a word and it depends what each person considers to be love. For me, it's all about actions speaking louder than words. Someone could tell me they loved me but I wouldn't believe they really did unless I already knew they loved me by the way they are with me and things they've done for me etc.

Yes..people know when they feel loved and it changes how they feel about themselves, I think. If you are loved you feel..I don't know...'empowered'..like someone believes in you and that gives you confidence..does that sound stupid...saying you love someone means nothing if your actions contradict it.

It's ok Nathan, you're not the first :idc:

...or the last, I would say

[thesheriff443]

its all about knowing the difference between love and lust,
over time you can fall in love with someone but you can also fall out of love

[Shaun]

anyone who's been in a situation of unrequited love will quite vehemently deny it :tongue:

[Me. I Am Salman]

Some beautiful stuff I'm reading :')

[Ammi]

I think you have no control when you fall in love with someone. If you're lucky you fall in love with a totally suitable person who returns your love. Lots of people are unlucky enough to fall for a total arse but they still love them completely. Although I think it's possible to "control yourself" and deny yourself, most people wouldn't. However, we're all ready to say that other people should control themselves... as in the teacher/pupil story. We're all judge and jury when it comes to other people's business, especially when we only have a snippet of a story.

It's certainly true many fall for the complete wrong person..yet continue to love them and find no fault..as in wife abuse cases, where they excuse the behaviour, no matter what.
In the tutor/student case, I think I was concentrating on the 'married' part than any other and how the wife and family would feel..it's hard sometimes to stay detatched on a subject...personal experiences come into it.
....I agree on the age thing...it's not up to us to judge and as for the 'abusing his position'.....we don't know all of the facts

[Kizzy]

When you are young you can be carried away by romance, when you are a hardened biatch like me it takes a lot more than a bunch of daffs and a soppy grin to win my heart. If i knew then what i know now...Believe me i had a div magnet, if there was a div in a 50 mile radius i would get him. And they are harder to get rid of than the clap! lol

[Ammi]

When you are young you can be carried away by romance, when you are a hardened biatch like me it takes a lot more than a bunch of daffs and a soppy grin to win my heart. If i knew then what i know now...Believe me i had a div magnet, if there was a div in a 50 mile radius i would get him. And they are harder to get rid of than the clap! lol

..ebay it Kizzy...I think you'll get a decent bid

[Novo]

anyone else ever think that the worst situation is moving in a house with your wife and kids 10 years into the future and you find out that your childhood love is your next door neighbour.. i had a nightmare about this once it was so real as well :joker:

[Jesus.]

anyone else ever think that the worst situation is moving in a house with your wife and kids 10 years into the future and you find out that your childhood love is your next door neighbour.. i had a nightmare about this once it was so real as well :joker:

Wasn't your childhood love, the local priest, though?

[Novo]

Wasn't your childhood love, the local priest, though?

You have me mixed up for a Catholic

Just a joke before anyone ( Kizzy) reports

[Niamh.]

anyone else ever think that the worst situation is moving in a house with your wife and kids 10 years into the future and you find out that your childhood love is your next door neighbour.. i had a nightmare about this once it was so real as well :joker:

:laugh2: I think I'd have to move if that happened to me

[Ammi]

..I married my childhood sweetheart..I've covered all bases

[Novo]

Okay then you'll find out that he has a twin soon

[Jesus.]

..I married my childhood sweetheart..I've covered all bases

Have you been together since you were childhood sweat hearts, or did you have a break where you both explored different people?

[Josy]

I'm still with my childhood sweetheart too, never been seperated or even had a huge argument where one of us leaves for a few days.

There was one before him though and I suppose it would be really weird if he was a neighbour.

[Josy]

I just realised how daft childhood sweetheart actually sounds lol

[Novo]

That is why i said Childhood love

[Niamh.]

I just realised how daft childhood sweetheart actually sounds lol

:laugh:

[Ammi]

Have you been together since you were childhood sweat hearts, or did you have a break where you both explored different people?

No, we've never been apart..well, apart from when he leaves me..on business....Oh sh*t, don't tell me it's not really business.....

[Jesus.]

No, we've never been apart..well, apart from when he leaves me..on business....Oh sh*t, don't tell me it's not really business.....

I find that really odd (not in a bad way), as I know I'm just not built that way. I can't imagine anyone keeping my interest for that long, as I've changed so much as a person since I was "childhood love" age. How old were you when you got together?

[fruit_cake]

I think maybe we can control ourselves from falling in love with someone, but who we fall in love with initially is a bit random and based a lot on circumstance imo

[Ammi]

I find that really odd (not in a bad way), as I know I'm just not built that way. I can't imagine anyone keeping my interest for that long, as I've changed so much as a person since I was "childhood love" age. How old were you when you got together?

18..I guess I can't imagine it any other way..but it's what works for the individual..

[King Gizzard]

Never been in love

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz5n0yyY2Z1qbdbxf.gif

[Jesus.]

18..I guess I can't imagine it any other way..but it's what works for the individual..

Absolutely - different strokes for different folks. I, personally, wouldn't class 18 as "childhood love" age. I picture it more as a 14/15yr old age. You are an adult at 18 (however immature we may be at that time).

[Jesus.]

Never been in love

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz5n0yyY2Z1qbdbxf.gif

Have you got one of these?

http://www.handresearch.com/news/us-presidents/president-ronald-reagan-right-hand.jpg

Then you have been in love.

[Niamh.]

Never been in love

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz5n0yyY2Z1qbdbxf.gif

But..........but..........but........:bawling:

[Ammi]

Absolutely - different strokes for different folks. I, personally, wouldn't class 18 as "childhood love" age. I picture it more as a 14/15yr old age. You are an adult at 18 (however immature we may be at that time).
..yes, I wasn't a child...I probably should have said 'first boyfriend'...it took me 18 years to have the courage to have a bf

[King Gizzard]

Me and Mrs Hand have been acquainted for a very long time

[Vicky.]

I dont think you can help who you fall in love with. You can help your actions though, no matter how attracted to the person you are. Head rules heart tbh, I've never been one to believe the hopeless romantic stuff.

[Niamh.]

I dont think you can help who you fall in love with. You can help your actions though, no matter how attracted to the person you are. Head rules heart tbh, I've never been one to believe the hopeless romantic stuff.

Yeah and it should as well, I hate people who ruin lives and then use the "oh, I can't help who I fell in love with" excuse. It's pure selfishness imo

[Ithinkiloveyoutoo]

No we don't control it. Sometimes we meet that person we have instant connection with, but circumstances don't allow things to work out :bawling: