TiBB Divorce: Niamh vs. ukturtle

[Benjamin]

Now as you know, me and Niamh have hit a rough patch. We tried to work it out but her constant barrage of abuse, the black eyes she has given me and the constant jibes about my Cheeky Girls discography has left me no choice but to file for divorce and flee to New Zealand.

We need a settlement sorted out, she can have the house and Scott, I want the potato salad, the car and the leather sofas. Any helpers?

[Niamh.]

You said you were taking Scott :nono:

[Benjamin]

I know you wanted him, so you can have him. The potato salad is mine though. Deal with it. :hmph:

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

http://i.imgur.com/pzp1c.jpg

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

nobody wants me

[Niamh.]

I'll keep you Scott as long as Ben pays your maintenance :pipe:

[Kate!]

I'll be taking Scott, the pair of you clearly don't deserve him :nono: You can argue over the rest yourselves :p

Come on Scott, I have some nice cake for you!

[Z]

-peeks through net curtains and gossips to next door neighbours Firewire and Smithy about it-

[Benjamin]

I'll keep you Scott as long as Ben pays your maintenance :pipe:

Now Scott is pregnant, with what I suspect to be Niall's baby, you can defo have him, and I will pay no maintenance. You should have taught him the rules of sex better. :nono:

[Black Dagger]

I don't like being in the middle of this :sad:

I'm going to live in a children's home instead.

[Niamh.]

Now Scott is pregnant, with what I suspect to be Niall's baby, you can defo have him, and I will pay no maintenance. You should have taught him the rules of sex better. :nono:

You're the man, that was your job :hmph:

I don't like being in the middle of this :sad:

I'm going to live in a children's home instead.

Aww you can stay Lucas, you know you were always my favourite

[Vicky.]

Oh dear :S

[Black Dagger]

You're the man, that was your job :hmph:



Aww you can stay Lucas, you know you were always my favourite

Oh yay.

Will this be meaning I get more presents at Christmas?

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

I'll be taking Scott, the pair of you clearly don't deserve him :nono: You can argue over the rest yourselves :p

Come on Scott, I have some nice cake for you!

sounds very sinister :suspect:

[Kate!]

Lucas and Scott, you are welcome in my home. In return you must do all the ironing, and I will give each of you £2.50 pocket money per month.

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS0NT9ebjSXfOKPbG7NEZPmwP4DXXs6-N1M6EadvrQ0PvBEe86AWA

Niamh and Bens' Lawyers discuss the settlement over a drink.....

[Shaun]

Piddles will get to the bottom of this problem.

http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/287/337/59d.jpg

[Ammi]

..You two are meant to be the adults..I cannot believe you are doing this in front of poor Scott...neither of you deserve him...
..and I ate the potato salad anyway

[Benjamin]

Aww you can stay Lucas, you know you were always my favourite

Poor Scott, he'll be broken by that. And now that he is pregnant you are turning your back on him. I hope the neighbours know about this. Also now is the time to tell you I had an affair with our next door neighbour, Greg.

[Niamh.]

Oh yay.

Will this be meaning I get more presents at Christmas?

You can have all the presents

[Black Dagger]

You can have all the presents

Oh good :amazed:

You were always the better parent.

[Niamh.]

Poor Scott, he'll be broken by that. And now that he is pregnant you are turning your back on him. I hope the neighbours know about this. Also now is the time to tell you I had an affair with our next door neighbour, Greg.

So did I :idc:

[Kate!]

Poor Scott, he'll be broken by that. And now that he is pregnant you are turning your back on him. I hope the neighbours know about this. Also now is the time to tell you I had an affair with our next door neighbour, Greg.

Disgraceful!

Niamh, I have taken the Bar exam online, have printed out my diploma, and am at your service to take this despicable man to the cleaners.

Here I am.....

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRI9TRKzV1pTc1j0-zfSClSlHF1Ux67sHQ6hWFwgQPNrXMODnO3

[Benjamin]

Greg, the dirty slut bucket. :bored:

[Niamh.]

Oh good :amazed:

You were always the better parent.

That's my boy http://gallery.nekito.net/albums/album05/Anya_pat_head.gif

[Niamh.]

Disgraceful!

Niamh, I have taken the Bar exam online, have printed out my diploma, and am at your service to take this despicable man to the cleaners.

Here I am.....

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRI9TRKzV1pTc1j0-zfSClSlHF1Ux67sHQ6hWFwgQPNrXMODnO3

I want that couch :pipe:

[Black Dagger]

That's my boy http://gallery.nekito.net/albums/album05/Anya_pat_head.gif

So, are we going to St Lucia in the Summer when Ben's divorce money comes through? <3.

[Josiah.]

Ben and Niamh, I know it has been a bumpy ride for the two of you (my sister and her boyfriend were having an issue kind of like this) and I hope you get things straightened out.

[Benjamin]

The couch is mine! Fine I shall take Scott, he'll be better suited in Auckland than with you anyway. I also want the luxurious Tibetan rug and the tea set from central Peru.

[Niamh.]

So, are we going to St Lucia in the Summer when Ben's divorce money comes through? <3.

Once Kate is finished with him, we can go wherever you want Pumpkin

[Niamh.]

The couch is mine! Fine I shall take Scott, he'll be better suited in Auckland than with you anyway. I also want the luxurious Tibetan rug and the tea set from central Peru.

You can have the rug Marc took a dump on it last night anyway :pipe: I've already sold the tea set

[Benjamin]

Ben and Niamh, I know it has been a bumpy ride for the two of you (my sister and her boyfriend were having an issue kind of like this) and I hope you get things straightened out.

Thank you. It's been so tough living with her abuse.


http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2qzm7YEtz1r0pxwa.gif

[Black Dagger]

Ben and Niamh, I know it has been a bumpy ride for the two of you (my sister and her boyfriend were having an issue kind of like this) and I hope you get things straightened out.

Don't try and get them to sort things out.

I'm going to get lots of holidays from them splitting :idc: :tongue:

[Black Dagger]

Once Kate is finished with him, we can go wherever you want Pumpkin

:amazed:

Florida for Christmas then.

[Benjamin]

Once Kate is finished with him, we can go wherever you want Pumpkin

You won't be getting most of my money. I had Lord Nathanial wire it over to an offshore account on my behalf. :pipe:

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

The couch is mine! Fine I shall take Scott, he'll be better suited in Auckland than with you anyway. I also want the luxurious Tibetan rug and the tea set from central Peru.

:amazed:

[Niamh.]

:amazed:

Florida for Christmas then.

Absolutely :love:

You won't be getting most of my money. I had Lord Nathanial wire it over to an offshore account on my behalf. :pipe:

Well I have employed Detective Josy Josterton, she'll trace that money don't you worry :nono:

[Benjamin]

Absolutely :love:



Well I have employed Detective Josy Josterton, she'll trace that money don't you worry :nono:

I'll have my hitman Shaunus McGuire take her down. :pipe:

[Benjamin]

Oh, I believe this is yours too Niamh, you'll need it.

http://www.treatyourskin.com/product_images/y/798/vagisil_creme___66483_zoom.jpg

[Niamh.]

Oh, I believe this is yours too Niamh, you'll need it.

http://www.treatyourskin.com/product_images/y/798/vagisil_creme___66483_zoom.jpg

thanks, Greg said to give you this and to tell you sorry

http://i.imgur.com/z6L6B.jpg

[Kate!]

Josy Josterton will not be taken down by this ruffian, she is highly trained in martial arts, and has catlike pyschic abilities. She works a lot with my law firm (Pugh, Hugh and Barney-McGrugh) and we will ensure that Niamh and the children get everything.

mwahaha.

[Niamh.]

Josy Josterton will not be taken down by this ruffian, she is highly trained in martial arts, and has catlike pyschic abilities. She works a lot with my law firm (Pugh, Hugh and Barney-McGrugh) and we will ensure that Niamh and the children get everything.

mwahaha.

Superb :pipe:

[Benjamin]

thanks, Greg said to give you this and to tell you sorry

http://i.imgur.com/z6L6B.jpg

I believe you also slept with Greg. I think you'll need that more than me sweetheart.

[Benjamin]

Josy Josterton will not be taken down by this ruffian, she is highly trained in martial arts, and has catlike pyschic abilities. She works a lot with my law firm (Pugh, Hugh and Barney-McGrugh) and we will ensure that Niamh and the children get everything.

mwahaha.

Well Shaunus McGuire has his trusty 'angels' who work alongside him, Ammi, Livia and Mollie.

I would think of clever/jazzier names for the angels, but this divorce is making me an emotional wreck.

[Niamh.]

I believe you also slept with Greg. I think you'll need that more than me sweetheart.

I'm clean :idc:

[Benjamin]

I'm clean :idc:

Now, after months of being scrubbed up at the GUM clinic. I know about your sordid night with Arista and Legend Killer. :idc:

[Niamh.]

Now, after months of being scrubbed up at the GUM clinic. I know about your sordid night with Arista and Legend Killer. :idc:

Yeah..........well I know about you and sticks :idc:

[Benjamin]

Yeah..........well I know about you and sticks :idc:

He was worth it. :pipe:

[Niamh.]

He was worth it. :pipe:

They don't call him sticks for nothing...........slut :hmph:

[Benjamin]

They don't call him sticks for nothing...........slut :hmph:

:evilgrin:

Just upset you never got a chance of passion with him. Jealous wench. :pipe:

[Niamh.]

:evilgrin:

Just upset you never got a chance of passion with him. Jealous wench. :pipe:

I'm not into that kind of thing Ben, I have morals, you make me sick :nono:

[Benjamin]

I'm not into that kind of thing Ben, I have morals, you make me sick :nono:

Not what I heard, I have a rumour that there is a you and Legend Killer sex tape kicking around. :idc:

[Niamh.]

Not what I heard, I have a rumour that there is a you and Legend Killer sex tape kicking around. :idc:

pfft rumour being the operative word :idc:

[michael21]

Niamh your so sexy let go on holiday together :amazed:

[Niamh.]

Niamh your so sexy let go on holiday together :amazed:

See what you're missing Ben :pipe:

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

Niamh your so sexy let go on holiday together :amazed:

:laugh2:

[MTVN]

Michael getting in there while Niamh's on the rebound, good work

[michael21]

where do you want to go Niamh we can go any where you like and i pay :love:

[Benjamin]

You can have her michael, just be careful of the crabs.

[Niamh.]

where do you want to go Niamh we can go any where you like and i pay :love:

Oh somewhere in the Caribbean I think :amazed:

[Niamh.]

You can have her michael, just be careful of the crabs.

Yeah, thanks for that little leaving present you left me...........bastard :bored:

[michael21]

You can have her michael, just be careful of the crabs.

:nono: you had your chance Ben Niamh said she going to that thing to me that you like :colour::colour::colour:

[Benjamin]

:nono: you had your chance Ben Niamh said she going to that thing to me that you like :colour::colour::colour:

What tickling my left testicle with her rough tongue? I never liked it, I just said I did. Her tongue leaves it sore.

[Black Dagger]

Niamh your so sexy let go on holiday together :amazed:

I'm sure you'll be a spiffing replacement.

Do you have lots of money so when you do take her away I know I'l be fed and watered?

[michael21]

I'm sure you'll be a spiffing replacement.

Do you have lots of money so when you do take her away I know I'l be fed and watered?

indeed :dance::dance::dance:

[Glenn.]

You finally broke it off with that slut :amazed:

Are we still going to New Zealand together Ben?

[Black Dagger]

You finally broke it off with that slut :amazed:

Are we still going to New Zealand together Ben?

Oh, Benji has been stringing you along in this as well I see :idc:

[Glenn.]

He said he loved me :hmph:

[Black Dagger]

Benji will go with anything that moves. :wink:

[Glenn.]

He said I was different. :sad:

[Benjamin]

I'm sorry, I have played you all. :pipe:

[Kate!]

I'm sorry, I have played you all. :pipe:

you sir, are a cad, a rogue, a blackhearted knave. I will see you in court with my client, take you to the cleaners, leave you a broken man with not a penny to your name. Then you shall be forced to work for Marc's Manks ( a low class escort agency) and live in a cardboard box.

[Marc]

I need my fix

[mrlecturer]

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!