NSFW: **** my life

[Z]

As TiBB's most beloved virgin, it came quite a shock to me this morning when I discovered that I have ****ing CRABS, ALL OVER MY LOWER HALF. I'm devastated, I've been upset all evening, I've literally no idea how this has happened but crabs I most certainly have. Going to the pharmacy tomorrow to get something for it, I don't even know what I'm supposed to ask for, I've had to tell my friend who stayed over here last night because you can catch it even just sharing a bed with someone who has it (which is how I'm assuming I caught crabs) which was just beyond embarrassing, and I don't know who else to talk to about this because it's so ****ing humiliating. I'm going to be known as the boy who caught an STD without doing the ST part. This is so unfair, some people shag and shag and shag and never catch anything; I share a bed and am now riddled with ****ing monsters. There are even some down on my ankles because I've got such hairy legs, it's repulsive, waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

[Vicky.]

Sorry but :joker:

[Doogle]

You're not joking?! :shocked:

Oh my dear lord

[Smithy]

omfg :laugh3:

but omg :sad:

[Smithy]

slag

[Mystic Mock]

That's what you get when you have sex with anything that moves Zee.:bored:

[Z]

I know I'm going to find this hilarious as soon as i've got rid of them but I am actually devastated right now, what the ****!!!

[Jessica.]

:bawling: Sad news, that is absolutely disgusting, you should probably boil wash all your clothes and blankets or something though. Also, do you know who you caught them from? D:

[GypsyGoth]

Aww :hug:

[King Gizzard]

We're here for you Zee!!!!!

[Mystic Mock]

We're here for you Zee!!!!!

Really?:shocked::hugesmile:

[Z]

Yeah like tomorrow once I get the lotion or w/e it is I have to shower, apply it all over me, leave it on for 10 minutes (more like 4 hours, I don't want to have to go back and buy more...), wash it off and then put literally anything my body's been in contact with in the wash. Gonna then hand wash everything in my bath tub and then bleach the bath afterwards. I'm so upset! This guy I don't really know stayed over at ours the other week and slept in my bed so I can only assume it's from him, how repulsive

[Vicky.]

OMFG I just googled imaged crabs to see if they are the same kinda thin as nits. I am now scarred for life :o

[Z]

Imagine seeing that **** all over your legs Vicky! It's like a ****ing horror film!!! I want to vomit!

[Vicky.]

You can also get them from sharing towels. Has anyone used your towel recently?

[Vicky.]

Imagine seeing that **** all over your legs Vicky! It's like a ****ing horror film!!! I want to vomit!

You made me itchy :(

[Doogle]

I really want to google it now, but if I do I'll be scared they're all over me.

[LemonJam]

omg Greg :hug: it'll be okay.

but stop having such slaggy friends srsly

[Z]

I don't think they have but then again my towel just hangs up in the bathroom, maybe someone has? I have absolutely no idea. I'll have to use a fresh towel tomorrow for drying myself after I've used the lotion, and then put both my towels in the wash. Eurgh

[Iceman]

-disinfects self after reading thread-

[Z]

The guy isn't even my friend, just an acquaintance, and I said he could stay over because he lives way out of town, this was on a night out. NEVER AGAIN.

[Vicky.]

Still find it hilarious that you caught an std without the sexual part though :D

[LemonJam]

tis' quite the achievement.

[Jessica.]

:bawling: Why did I google that?! They can live in eyebrows and all, I feel so itchy on my face now for no reason.

[Z]

I swear this **** only happens to me! I am the unluckiest person in the world sometimes!!

[Z]

Right well I'm never having sex ever, I'd probably end up being the first male to get pregnant

[Brother Leon]

Damn. Just think positive, it's fairly curable.

Good luck man.

EDIT: I take it a few of you didn't have the Sexual Education lesson where you are shown all the STDs....we had it before lunch too :(

[Mystic Mock]

Here's everyone's best friend.

http://www.avert.org/media/photos/MCV-wikipedia.jpg

I've spoilered it because it's above the age of 13 I think.

[Vicky.]

Right well I'm never having sex ever, I'd probably end up being the first male to get pregnant

:laugh2:

[Doogle]

Right well I'm never having sex ever, I'd probably end up being the first male to get pregnant

omg :joker:

[Mystic Mock]

Right well I'm never having sex ever, I'd probably end up being the first male to get pregnant

No that would be me sadly.

[Jessica.]

Damn. Just think positive, it's fairly curable.

Good luck man.

EDIT: I take it a few of you didn't have the Sexual Education lesson where you are shown all the STDs....we had it before lunch too :(

Oh god, we had those in school twice, it was horrible. D:

[Vicky.]

Damn. Just think positive, it's fairly curable.

Good luck man.

EDIT: I take it a few of you didn't have the Sexual Education lesson where you are shown all the STDs....we had it before lunch too :(

Yeah, but that was about 12 years ago for me now. My memory isnt that good :laugh:

[Doogle]

We were shown all of them except crabs :joker:

[King Gizzard]

How did the person you were sleeping with not know they had crabs/if they did why are you still there friend :suspect:

[Mystic Mock]

How did the person you were sleeping with not know they had crabs/if they did why are you still there friend :suspect:

Maybe they thought it was a really big rash and that it would go away.

[Kizzy]

Aw, zee, please don't feel bad :(
It's not your fault, if you feel yukky atm you could always shave?...
Shave all your hair off... sounds dramatic but would prob rid you of 90% of the problem?
Then you could concentrate on treating the 'hard to reach' places only?...As said wash all bedding and clothes worn too.

[Vicky.]

Maybe they thought it was a really big rash and that it would go away.

I would think the crawlies around their public area (and possibly down their legs) might give away that is wasnt just a rash somehow :joker:

[Mystic Mock]

I would think the crawlies around their public area (and possibly down their legs) might give away that is wasnt just a rash somehow :joker:

Well then they are quite cruel if they knew because I was wondering was they just a thick bastard.:joker:

[Z]

How did the person you were sleeping with not know they had crabs/if they did why are you still there friend :suspect:

Well they take 5-10 days to hatch so perhaps he didn't know at that point; and he's not my friend really, just someone I know and kindly offered to let him stay at ours so he didn't have to pay for a taxi back to his by himself. Never ever being kind to anyone ever again, fml.

[Vicky.]

This is what happens when you take in the waifs and strays :idc:

:p

[Josy]

OMG I feel really bad for you Zee :( but I did actually LOL

[billy123]

Remove your genitals with a rusty pair of scissors its the only cure.

[Mystic Mock]

Well they take 5-10 days to hatch so perhaps he didn't know at that point; and he's not my friend really, just someone I know and kindly offered to let him stay at ours so he didn't have to pay for a taxi back to his by himself. Never ever being kind to anyone ever again, fml.

More like you was gonna do the deed with him, realised that he had got crabs so you tried to stop yourself from getting it but it was to late.

Gosh I should write Eastenders with these stories I think.:joker:

[Me. I Am Salman]

Erghh that sounds nasty but I hope it goes well for you

[Shaun]

I swear to god if you've given them to me I'll cancel TiBBly Come Dancing

[Mrluvaluva]

Ew. Hope you are de-contaminated soon.

[Tom4784]

Greg you're such a mess. I'd name and shame the ****.

Yeah, but that was about 12 years ago for me now. My memory isnt that good :laugh:

Obviously, given your current condition :hmph:.

[LemonJam]

I'd try get him on Jerry Springer to try settle the score tbh.

[Benjamin]

Oh God, I shouldn't laugh it must be awful, I'm more in humour at the thread, I wasn't expecting this at all. :laugh:

But :hug:

Crabs sounds awful, I'm not going to look them up, Vicky put me off doing that.

[Ammi]

..oh, that really is a bit of an unfortunate event Zee...I feel bad just thinking about it and you're living it....
...there's probably a bit of a moral in that story somewhere, but you'll not be in the mood to think about that right now....

...I hope you haven't passed them on to someone else, this thing could spiral out of control....hope you get it sorted out and feel more comfortable soon, we're all thinking about you....

[Mrluvaluva]

we're all thinking about you....

Erm, no we're not. *tries to erase thoughts of crabs from mind*

[CaraRawr]

oh. wow.

[Petershaw1984]

*****......

[thesheriff443]

when ever i watch spong bob from now on i will always be thinking of zee as mr crabs.

[Niall]

Oh my :shocked: :joker:

Okay I'm sorry but that's rather hilarious but I'm sure stranger things have happened :love:

[billy123]

Thats one of the best excuses ive ever heard.

[Benjamin]

Oh God, I read up on them:

It is typically found in pubic hair, but may also live on other areas with hair, including the eyelashes

:shocked:

[CharlieO]

Stop lying to yourself we all know you did the dirty

[Z]

So this morning I went to the Boots round the corner from my flat and they didn't have anything but they helpfully phoned up the nearest branch to see if they had anything, which they did. I then went into this second branch of Boots and asked the girl at the till if they had any Lyclear cream, but not the head lice one. She looked at me like I was Russell Brand, and then asked her supervisor, who then asked the pharmacist, so then the entire staff behind the counter knew I needed this cream. They had some, and the supervisor asked me "is it scabies?" - mortified, I said "no, it's crab lice" and then committed suicide in front of her. It set me back £10.27 (jesus ****) and I've spent ages covering myself head to toe in this cream and am now washing absolutely everything I've pretty much laid my hands on in the last few days, I've been wiping down all the surfaces in my room etc, ****ing gross

[Benjamin]

Oh Greg. :joker:

That sounds hideous, but trust me at some point in the future you will look back and laugh at this. And at least you have got the stuff to get it treated. The worst part is now over. :hug:

[Z]

I know I'll find it funny when it's gone but right now I'm so upset. Who the **** gets a ****ing STI without doing any ****ing ****ing ARRRGGHHH WHAT THE ****

[Z]

I had such a **** night's sleep I was worrying so much. I have two flatmates; one of them I told last night because I was so upset and she came with me this morning for support; the other one it's her birthday tomorrow and all her birthday plans are today so I'm trying to stop worrying and be fun so I don't put a downer on her day, I haven't told her because I don't want to draw attention away from her birthday! Waaahhhh

[Benjamin]

Gregory, it'll be okay. **** happens in life, unfair it may seem but you'll survive. Yes, it's embarrassing, but we all been through something awfully embarrassing. If it makes you feel better I went for an sti check once after a scare and it was my friends dad that had to do the check. I wanted the world to open up and swallow me.

[Shaun]

it was my friends dad that had to do the check. I wanted the world to open up and swallow me.

good thing he didn't, by the sounds of it.

[Benjamin]

:joker:

[Z]

So I washed the cream off this morning after the 24 hour period and then spent all morning shaving my legs for the first time which turned into a bloody massacre hosted by my bath. I then went out and bought some Veet and just spent a good hour going to town on my legs with the stuff, I used the entire bottle and need to get another one to finish off the bits I missed but I'm pretty much hairless everywhere now. I'm taking no chances. I look ridiculous.

The moral of the story is never get close to anyone because they'll hurt you/give you crabs if you get too close to them. Shudder.

[Ammi]

..aww.. poor Zee..this is something to tell the grandchildren......or not....

[Mystic Mock]

Tell the Grandchildren Zee.

[Jessica.]

I hope you didn't shave off your eyebrows.

[Vanessa]

So this morning I went to the Boots round the corner from my flat and they didn't have anything but they helpfully phoned up the nearest branch to see if they had anything, which they did. I then went into this second branch of Boots and asked the girl at the till if they had any Lyclear cream, but not the head lice one. She looked at me like I was Russell Brand, and then asked her supervisor, who then asked the pharmacist, so then the entire staff behind the counter knew I needed this cream. They had some, and the supervisor asked me "is it scabies?" - mortified, I said "no, it's crab lice" and then committed suicide in front of her. It set me back £10.27 (jesus ****) and I've spent ages covering myself head to toe in this cream and am now washing absolutely everything I've pretty much laid my hands on in the last few days, I've been wiping down all the surfaces in my room etc, ****ing gross

:laugh:

[Mrluvaluva]

Once you are rid, here is something for you to go out and celebrate in:

http://rlv.zcache.com/kiss_me_im_std_free_funny_irish_tee_shirt-r86a44e997efa41cc87d7170abed0716c_f0l6h_210.jpg

[Ramsay]

Crabs are just great

[Benjamin]

This thread best win something in the TiBB awards.

[InOne]

Still have no idea what Greg thought he would gain by telling TiBB this :joker:

[Ammi]

..well, personally I don’t think it’s necessary to keep mentioning it..I mean I know being a virgin that sort of thing makes him quite special....obviously it makes him feel chosen like the Virgin Mary carrying the Messiah...but Messiahs aren’t as popular as they used to be..so really there’s just no need to go on and on about it.....

..and I don’t think he meant to gain anything by telling us Joe..I think he gained a lot more than he wanted to already....he just wanted to pass it on to all of us...have you not noticed, he’s always been shellfish like that.....

[Jesus.]

..well, personally I don’t think it’s necessary to keep mentioning it..I mean I know being a virgin that sort of thing makes him quite special....obviously it makes him feel chosen like the Virgin Mary carrying the Messiah...but Messiahs aren’t as popular as they used to be..so really there’s just no need to go on and on about it.....

..and I don’t think he meant to gain anything by telling us Joe..I think he gained a lot more than he wanted to already....he just wanted to pass it on to all of us...have you not noticed, he’s always been shellfish like that.....

I think he was looking for a promotion, but it ended up being more of a sideways move.

[Z]

Still have no idea what Greg thought he would gain by telling TiBB this :joker:

Lol it was one of those things where I was too embarrassed to tell any of my friends but needed advice so it felt more TiBB appropriate. Weird how things can be like that sometimes

[Z]

..well, personally I don’t think it’s necessary to keep mentioning it..I mean I know being a virgin that sort of thing makes him quite special....obviously it makes him feel chosen like the Virgin Mary carrying the Messiah...but Messiahs aren’t as popular as they used to be..so really there’s just no need to go on and on about it.....

..and I don’t think he meant to gain anything by telling us Joe..I think he gained a lot more than he wanted to already....he just wanted to pass it on to all of us...have you not noticed, he’s always been shellfish like that.....

:laugh2: AMMI!! Ahahahahahahaha!

[MeMyselfAndI]

:yuk:

[Jake.]

As TiBB's most beloved virgin, it came quite a shock to me this morning when I discovered that I have ****ing CRABS, ALL OVER MY LOWER HALF. I'm devastated, I've been upset all evening, I've literally no idea how this has happened but crabs I most certainly have. Going to the pharmacy tomorrow to get something for it, I don't even know what I'm supposed to ask for, I've had to tell my friend who stayed over here last night because you can catch it even just sharing a bed with someone who has it (which is how I'm assuming I caught crabs) which was just beyond embarrassing, and I don't know who else to talk to about this because it's so ****ing humiliating. I'm going to be known as the boy who caught an STD without doing the ST part. This is so unfair, some people shag and shag and shag and never catch anything; I share a bed and am now riddled with ****ing monsters. There are even some down on my ankles because I've got such hairy legs, it's repulsive, waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

:joker:

[Marc]

-stays away from Zee-

[thesheriff443]

zee is,a very open and funny guy!

[Z]

Oh I'm all better now. I suppose I shouldn't really have been complaining, at least something wanted to be on my legs.

[Maia]

:joker:

Crabs

[Firewire]

how have i not seen this thread until now?! this is absolutely hilarious, yet i feel so bad (even though it was like a month ago) :laugh2: