Friend who helped lesbian couple have children chased for CSA payments

[Vicky.]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2224536/Gay-sperm-donor-pay-daughters-barely-knows.html

Mark Langridge didn’t want children, but his lesbian friends did – so he agreed to donate his sperm.

Now his ‘act of kindness’ has come back to haunt him 13 years later, after he received a letter demanding child support payments.

Mr Langridge has not spoken to the family he helped create since 2004.

He was not named on the birth certificates of the two children, and played no role in their upbringing – but the Child Support Agency insists he has to pay £26 a week to support them.

He says he cannot afford the payments, which will add up to £8,000 before both children reach adulthood.


First off I know this is the mail before anyone starts :p

Basically a gay man donated his sperm to a lesbian couple to help them have 2 kids. The lesbian couple have split up and now the biological mother wants cash off him.

What do you think of this?

Personally I think he was a bit daft for not getting some kind of legal arangement, but would you really think at the time that people you helped would be so bitter further down the line? I think this woman should be ashamed of herself tbh.

[Shaun]

Completely selfish on her behalf. He shouldn't have any obligation to pay child support if this was a sperm donation... but it doesn't sound formal, which is a problem I imagine. Will probably result in a drawn-out court case that's eventually thrown out / he's found innocent, and the reputation of homosexuality and adoptive parenthood will be dragged through the mud by the usual suspects.

[Vicky.]

Completely selfish on her behalf. He shouldn't have any obligation to pay child support if this was a sperm donation... but it doesn't sound formal, which is a problem I imagine. Will probably result in a drawn-out court case that's eventually thrown out / he's found innocent, and the reputation of homosexuality and adoptive parenthood will be dragged through the mud by the usual suspects.

Apparently the court case would cost in the region of £60k.

[Kizzy]

He was very naive, the woman should be ashamed of herself.
Just shows what damage can be done with a turkey baster... haha!

[lostalex]

disgusting from the woman trying to get cash off on him. He did her a good deed for nothing, now she wants to hold him responsible for doing something nice for her? I can't imagine any court that would support her. what a stupid bitch. This sounds like a rotten horrible bitch,. and i feel sorry for this guy who thought he was doing something nice, only to have this psycho horrible bitch try to punish him for his good deed.

I have no faith in the British Justice system at all so i have no idea how this will turn out, but this woman sounds like a true ungrateful bitch.

[arista]

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/10/28/article-2224536-15BB6FEA000005DC-369_306x423.jpg

Does not sound fair on him,

[Vicky.]

Few extra details in the guardian

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2012/oct/26/gay-sperm-donor-pay-child-support-maintenance?newsfeed=true

Back then it was impossible for women to use official sperm banks unless they had a male partner – something that is no longer the case.

Changes to the law mean that if Langridge made the donation today in similar circumstances he wouldn't be financially liable for the children, and he has called for the law governing this area to be applied retrospectively. It is thought that there are several other men caught up in the same position.

He says he only agreed to it after being given repeated assurances that the couple were financially secure and would need no financial input from him at any stage. He was told by the mother that he was not named on the child's birth certificate, and that the mother's story would be that she'd had a fling and that the father had gone back to the US.

:bored:

[Ammi]

..I guess there's a lesson for the future in there..with something so important as a life, all legalities should be looked at, even if it were the closest of friends....

...I think it's the lowest of blows..what a horrible woman she must be...

[Roy Mars III]

Poor guy.

This is why you shouldn't do nice things for other people

[Jake.]

Selfish bitch

[thesheriff443]

i feel no pitty for this dick!

[lostalex]

welfare queens disgust me. They should take her children away from her if she can't support them. that's my opinion. Trying to fleece other people to support her family disgusts me.

[Vicky.]

i feel no pitty for this dick!

Interesting view, care to expand on it? Do you mean the woman is a dick, or the man?

[thesheriff443]

welfare queens disgust me. They should take her children away from her if she can't support them. that's my opinion. Trying to fleece other people to support her family disgusts me.

if they take them away someone else will be paying for them!

[thesheriff443]

Interesting view, care to expand on it? Do you mean the woman is a dick, or the man?

he is a dick for giving his sperm not once but twice,
what did he think was going to happen! and when the kids get to that age when they want to know who there father was,
he has had 13 free years, its csa chaseing him more than the woman.

[lostalex]

if they take them away someone else will be paying for them!

but atleast they won't be raised by some welfare queen with no morals. I'd prefer they were raised by a home that is monitored by the state than by this pathetic woman who obviously has no sense of right and wrong.

[lostalex]

he is a dick for giving his sperm not once but twice,
what did he think was going to happen! and when the kids get to that age when they want to know who there father was,
he has had 13 free years, its csa chaseing him more than the woman.

sorry, but donating your sperm under these circumstances means he should now be responsible as a parent?? are you kidding?? he only donated his sperm under the EXPLICIT condition that he DOESN'T want to be a parent. that should be respected.

They would be perfectly happy to raise his child without any of his input if the relationship had worked out, but now that this dumb welfare queen has no money, she's trying to fleece him.

No part of the agreement of him giving his sperm included being responsible for the children. The 2 women that were starting a family have the responsibility, not him.

You have a very twisted and disgusting sense of logic if you think he owes anything to that woman or those children. They used his sperm to start a family, and were perfectly happy to exclude him completely before they broke up. SO why should he be in any way responsible just because their plan fell apart?

[thesheriff443]

but atleast they won't be raised by some welfare queen with no morals. I'd prefer they were raised by a home that is monitored by the state than by this pathetic woman who obviously has no sense of right and wrong.

their mother will love them more than the state!
its the state that is chaseing this man for the money,i read somewhere that if you dont give the name of the parent you will lose benefits.

[Niall]

Well the woman seems like selfish, desperate cow to be trying to scrounge money off him like this. It suggests to me that her ability to actually look after the kids should be called into question for acting this way.

[thesheriff443]

sorry, but donating your sperm under these circumstances means he should now be responsible as a parent?? are you kidding?? he only donated his sperm under the EXPLICIT condition that he DOESN'T want to be a parent. that should be respected.

They would be perfectly happy to raise his child without any of his input if the relationship had worked out, but now that this dumb welfare queen has no money, she's trying to fleece him.

No part of the agreement of him giving his sperm included being responsible for the children. The 2 women that were starting a family have the responsibility, not him.

You have a very twisted and disgusting sense of logic if you think he owes anything to these women.

he might as well of wrote that agreement in his sperm for all the good it wil do!.

[thesheriff443]

Well the woman seems like selfish, desperate cow to be trying to scrounge money off him like this. It suggests to me that her ability to actually look after the kids should be called into question for acting this way.

she has done it for 13 years!
and like i said it will be csa chaseing him not her.

[lostalex]

she has done it for 13 years!
and like i said it will be csa chaseing him not her.

so he has had absolutely no contact with these children for 13 years, and now that the welfare queen is in a tough spot, he'
s expected to be a father? are you kidding me?

They set up a family of 2 parents, those 2 parents are responsible. He is NOT one of the two parents.

Any court that finds that he is responsible for those children is a joke.

this case offends me as a gay person, because it totally obliviates the idea of 2 gay parents being THE parents. the idea, that if it doesn't work out, some welfare queen can then go after the sperm donor, it's just wrong.

It's SO obviously wrong.

[Nedusa]

Absolute Nonsense, once sperm is donated it ceases to be his responsibility (unless of course he donates it into his girlfriend) he has no legal or moral duty to any children that result. This is the main reason why sperm donators never know where the sperm ends up and the sperm recipients are only told general genetic information regarding the man.

[AnnieK]

he is a dick for giving his sperm not once but twice,
what did he think was going to happen! and when the kids get to that age when they want to know who there father was,
he has had 13 free years, its csa chaseing him more than the woman.

I don't think he thought this was going to happen - he thought he was doing a good deed for a friend and had their word that he would assume no responsibility I'd call it a bloody selfless and generous thing...unfortunately he did not have your cynical views obviously.... He is foolish for not getting some legal advice prior...

Anyone who has had problems conceiving or issues such as this would / should have been eternally grateful for someone who had given them the greatest gift - not thrown it back in his face years down the line....

The woman has given his name to the CSA so ultimately it is down to her....

[thesheriff443]

Absolute Nonsense, once sperm is donated it ceases to be his responsibility (unless of course he donates it into his girlfriend) he has no legal or moral duty to any children that result. This is the main reason why sperm donators never know where the sperm ends up and the sperm recipients are only told general genetic information regarding the man.

the law in this case says its his responsibility.

[lostalex]

Genetics has absolutely NOTHING to do with being a parent. The idea that just because you are genetically related to someone you have some responsibility towards them is ridiculous.

[thesheriff443]

I don't think he thought this was going to happen - he thought he was doing a good deed for a friend and had their word that he would assume no responsibility I'd call it a bloody selfless and generous thing...unfortunately he did not have your cynical views obviously.... He is foolish for not getting some legal advice prior...

Anyone who has had problems conceiving or issues such as this would / should have been eternally grateful for someone who had given them the greatest gift - not thrown it back in his face years down the line....

The woman has given his name to the CSA so ultimately it is down to her....

csa will have said give us the name or you will lose your benefits.

[lostalex]

If genetics matters so much, then why arn't we holding all descendants of NAZI's accountable for the Holocaust? Why arn't we holding all of the British and Dutch and Portugese descendants of the Transatlantic slave trade accountable for slavery?

[Z]

Even if CSA threatened to not give her benefits, she still double crossed the guy by giving his details. It's a simple fact if you don't give a name, nobody's going to make you. We don't live in a state with a Stasi or a KGB to chase up these things, for God's sake! I'm on the guy's side here; he probably didn't think he'd ever need any kind of formal arrangement because he heard nothing for 13 years. What a bitch to do this to her friend!

[lostalex]

He did a good deed for an obviously ungrateful, unstable, and selfish pathetic welfare queen. her kids should be taken into state custody immediately, and this guy is irrelevant. This woman can't take care of her kids. I'm SOOO f-ing sick of people that can't take care of their kids, and then laying everyone else with the burden of their f-ing brood.

Not only should her kids be taken away, but she should be spayed like a stray dog.

[AnnieK]

csa will have said give us the name or you will lose your benefits.

But if she had stuck to original story that they had discussed that it was a fling with an American or even a one night stand who she didn't know they wouldn't be able to take her benefits and it wouldn't have been this betrayal. Its just wrong.

[Vicky.]

The fathers name is not required to claim normal child benefits. The only reason the fathers name is required is if you want child support payments from HIM. I know this as a girl I know has 'unknown' on her childs birth certificate and she still gets child benefit/child tax credits.

[thesheriff443]

Even if CSA threatened to not give her benefits, she still double crossed the guy by giving his details. It's a simple fact if you don't give a name, nobody's going to make you. We don't live in a state with a Stasi or a KGB to chase up these things, for God's sake! I'm on the guy's side here; he probably didn't think he'd ever need any kind of formal arrangement because he heard nothing for 13 years. What a bitch to do this to her friend!

so if a friend ask's you for your sperm and says dont worry,do you give it to her.

[thesheriff443]

But if she had stuck to original story that they had discussed that it was a fling with an American or even a one night stand who she didn't know they wouldn't be able to take her benefits and it wouldn't have been this betrayal. Its just wrong.

maybe she did not think about her answer when questioned.

[AnnieK]

so if a friend ask's you for your sperm and says dont worry,do you give it to her.

obviously he did...naive yes but they had some form of verbal agreement which she initially honoured as she has not asked him for any money for 13 years...

[thesheriff443]

obviously he did...naive yes but they had some form of verbal agreement which she initially honoured as she has not asked him for any money for 13 years...

thats true so why are we on a witch hunt if she has supported them for 13 years!

[Vicky.]

thats true so why are we on a witch hunt if she has supported them for 13 years!

They are HER kids. Hers and her ex partners. If anyone should be made to pay, it should be the ex partner IMO.

That wont happen though as the law was different back when the children were born.

[thesheriff443]

They are HER kids. Hers and her ex partners. If anyone should be made to pay, it should be the ex partner IMO.

That wont happen though as the law was different back when the children were born.

thats true, in the eyes of the law he will be made to pay.

[thesheriff443]

the road to hell is paved with good intentions!

[AnnieK]

Its such a shame when there are genuine absentee fathers who get away with paying child support because they evade the CSA in one way or another- this guy has done a good thing and will be hounded for it when the CSA should really be chasing people who have walked out on their children and do not pay for their responsibilities

[lostalex]

Its such a shame when there are genuine absentee fathers who get away with paying child support because they evade the CSA in one way or another- this guy has done a good thing and will be hounded for it when the CSA should really be chasing people who have walked out on their children and do not pay for their responsibilities


I agree with this 100%

[GypsyGoth]

Wow, it's such a pity, she'll make it more difficult for other couples to find donors.

[Nedusa]

the law in this case says its his responsibility.

Yes, I've read a bit more about this and it seems the man in question had no formal legal disclaimer/agreement in place and merely offered his sperm casually to these women who were close friends of his. In this situation the law is not at all clear and as we have seen he is now still considered to be the birth father and responsible for these children ie for child maintenance.

I suspect deep down he probably liked the idea of knowing the children were his and even though he had no legal rights on the children, being their birth father he still has a moral duty of care.

The women involved in this should have used sperm from a normal sperm bank and not someone they were friendly with and who would inevitably "know" the children.

If he does have to pay for their upkeep then he should have the right to be named the father on the Birth certificate and should be granted access rights.

This situation cuts boths ways....!!!!

[Vicky.]

Yes, I've read a bit more about this and it seems the man in question had no formal legal disclaimer/agreement in place and merely offered his sperm casually to these women who were close friends of his. In this situation the law is not at all clear and as we have seen he is now still considered to be the birth father and responsible for these children ie for child maintenance.

I suspect deep down he probably liked the idea of knowing the children were his and even though he had no legal rights on the children, being their birth father he still has a moral duty of care.

The women involved in this should have used sperm from a normal sperm bank and not someone they were friendly with and who would inevitably "know" the children.

If he does have to pay for their upkeep then he should have the right to be named the father on the Birth certificate and should be granted access rights.

This situation cuts boths ways....!!!!

His story will send shivers down the spine of any man who was asked to donate their sperm by a childless woman in the 90s.

Back then it was impossible for women to use official sperm banks unless they had a male partner – something that is no longer the case.

:(

[Ammi]

..it sounds as though after 13 years, someone's had a word with her and said she should try to claim on this..it doesn't make sense that she would suddenly think to do this after all of that time....

..if it goes to court it'll surely be a landmark case...and I hope she's put in her place...it's a horrible thing to do..and does she even consider how the child feels in all of this..or is it all about the money..

[Nedusa]

:(

Well in that case he should have known that was the situation and if didn't know then he should have enquired. Knowing then that these women could not obtain sperm from a proper sperm bank without a male partner (Clue..??) then he should have only agreed subject to strict legal contracts absolving him of ALL responsibility to these future children.

By entering into this arrangement on such a casual basis he has put himself in a very vulnerable legal position and is somewhat at the mercy of the mother(s) of these children.

Whilst we may argue the toss in this thread about who is more at fault, spare a thought for the poor kids in question. With two lesbian mothers and an absent father who wants absolutely nothing to do with them playground time must be a barrel of laughs fighting off all the taunting and bullying. The children here are the real losers in this sordid mess...!!!

[bbfan1991]

Poor guy, so he has done a thing to help two people he cared about now it has come back to haunt him. Some people are so ungrateful!