Christmas Dilemma

[Jesus.]

So I was seeing this girl, and we were pretty serious. We'd talked about moving in and stuff, but things didn't work out in the end.

She has a daughter, who changed my world. She is an amazing little girl, bright as a button, but feisty to boot. We were inseparable when I was over at her house, and we were always doing activities and stuff.

I'd bought her Christmas presents a couple of months ago because I knew what she wanted - she loved messing with my piano, so that's what I'd got her. Now, it really isn't appropriate for me to be buying her piano's as I don't see her anymore, and I've split up with her mom. But I'd bought her a couple of tops as fillers, that will look really cute on her.

I haven't spoken to my ex for a couple of months, and I have no intention to either. I'm not using this as a way to make contact or any reason like that, but I'd really like to give the little one her smaller presents.

My ex's parents really liked me, so I was thinking of just popping them over there for her, so I don't have to have any dealings with my ex.

I guess I'm looking for people to help me rationalise this. If it was my daughter, then I'd like to be contacted first about an ex giving her a present, but we parted on such bad terms that there is no way she'd agree to it.

I'd hate for her to think, that I suddenly just stopped going round and I don't care for her anymore, when that's not true. My heart just bursts when I think about her little face.

So, peoples, whaddya reckon?

[Josy]

I think taking them to the ex's parents is a good idea, then they can pass them on and your ex won't think it's a way of trying to see her.

She might not want to accept them though but that would be unfair on her daughter if she done that imo, if the little girl was close to you it might also do her good to know you still care about her because she probably misses you after having you around for a while.

[Jack_]

Hm, a difficult one. Guess it could be seen as a bit creepy to some, but then you're only doing a good deed and at the end of the day, it's not the kids fault.

It's not like you can be arrested for it so you could just think ***** it and go for it. And that's a pretty damn good present and a lovely gesture, if either the parents or your ex refuses, that says more about them than it does you.

[Jesus.]

Thank you for the replies.

Josy - I think you've helped me confirm that's the way forward. Like I say, there is no ulterior motive on my part other than getting these presents to her.

JF - I didn't really see it in anyway as creepy, just a bit of a mess of a situation. So thanks for putting the creep idea into my head!!

[AnnieK]

I agree, take it to her parents and put the onus on them as to what they do with them, or perhaps you could post them. That way there is no contact but the little girl gets the gifts. Obviously, we don't know how your ex would react but hopefully she will accept them in the spirit they were given. It's really nice that you still think so much of the little girl so hopefully your ex won't read anything more into it than that.

[Jack_]

Oh sorry, just to clarify - I don't think it's creepy at all, but I'd imagine there might be some who think it was! Didn't mean to offend or anything!

[Kate!]

it's not at all creepy and I think you are being very respectful and thoughtful. Agree with Josy's approach, and I'm sure it will mean a lot to the little girl. Your ex may be a little touchy about it, but I'm sure in time will acknowledge it was a decent and good thing to do.

[Jesus.]

I agree, take it to her parents and put the onus in them as to what they do with them, or perhaps you could post them. That way there is no contact but the little girl gets the gifts. Obviously, we don't know how your ex would react but hopefully she will accept them in the spirit they were given. It's really nice that you still think so much of them little girl so hopefully your ex won't read anything more into it than that.

I'd thought about posting them, but I never feel confident about doing things like that, and I was quite close to her parents, so I don't really need to be so distant.

Thank you.

[Jesus.]

Oh sorry, just to clarify - I don't think it's creepy at all, but I'd imagine there might be some who think it was! Didn't mean to offend or anything!

I was half teasing. No offence taken!

[Livia]

It's very thoughtful of you. I'd go with Josy on this one.

[Ammi]

So I was seeing this girl, and we were pretty serious. We'd talked about moving in and stuff, but things didn't work out in the end.

She has a daughter, who changed my world. She is an amazing little girl, bright as a button, but feisty to boot. We were inseparable when I was over at her house, and we were always doing activities and stuff.

I'd bought her Christmas presents a couple of months ago because I knew what she wanted - she loved messing with my piano, so that's what I'd got her. Now, it really isn't appropriate for me to be buying her piano's as I don't see her anymore, and I've split up with her mom. But I'd bought her a couple of tops as fillers, that will look really cute on her.

I haven't spoken to my ex for a couple of months, and I have no intention to either. I'm not using this as a way to make contact or any reason like that, but I'd really like to give the little one her smaller presents.

My ex's parents really liked me, so I was thinking of just popping them over there for her, so I don't have to have any dealings with my ex.

I guess I'm looking for people to help me rationalise this. If it was my daughter, then I'd like to be contacted first about an ex giving her a present, but we parted on such bad terms that there is no way she'd agree to it.

I'd hate for her to think, that I suddenly just stopped going round and I don't care for her anymore, when that's not true. My heart just bursts when I think about her little face.

So, peoples, whaddya reckon?


...if you have a good relationship with her parents, then it's a good idea to ask them their thoughts and perhaps send the gifts through them...they can ask her first, whether it's ok for them to give them to her....

..it's very sad when children are involved, because it's natural you would get attatched to her, as I'm sure she did with you...but unfortunately, you will have to accept your ex's decision as she is her mum....hopefully she will allow her to have them.....it's a lovely thought....:love:...

[arista]

Is this fair on your EX,
that matters

[Kizzy]

Aw jesus it's lovely that you still think of this little girl, would it give you some closure to know she has them?
Maybe you could post them to the grandparents with a short note, explaining your reasoning and let them decide whether to pass them on?

[thesheriff443]

its harsh but im afraid you should not take those gifts to your ex's parents

[Jesus.]

...if you have a good relationship with her parents, then it's a good idea to ask them their thoughts and perhaps send the gifts through them...they can ask her first, whether it's ok for them to give them to her....

..it's very sad when children are involved, because it's natural you would get attatched to her, as I'm sure she did with you...but unfortunately, you will have to accept your ex's decision as she is her mum....hopefully she will allow her to have them.....it's a lovely thought....:love:...

Yeah. I'm going to take them over to her parents, and have a chat with them. If they talk to her and she says it's a no-go, then I'll pick them back up from there without having to deal with her at all.

Is this fair on your EX,
that matters

I know it matters. It has no negatives to my ex as far as I can see, but it will be her choice. I just want the child to know that I'm thinking of her, I hope she has a great Christmas, and it's not really her fault.

I'm not looking to have an on-going relationship with the kid, I just want to make this gesture because I disappeared suddenly from her life.

My ex, as they always do, will have the last say on this.

[Jesus.]

Aw jesus it's lovely that you still think of this little girl, would it give you some closure to know she has them?
Maybe you could post them to the grandparents with a short note, explaining your reasoning and let them decide whether to pass them on?

Yeah - it's like a I'm sorry and goodbye - without her thinking it's anything other than just another present in a pile of about a million.

[Jesus.]

its harsh but im afraid you should not take those gifts to your ex's parents

Expand further..............

[Kazanne]

could you not post them to her address?at least then you'de know they'de get to her,just another idea,good luck

[thesheriff443]

Expand further..............

its your ex's child not your's
your ex will think you want buy favour with her daughter she will not want to bring you up in conversation to her daughter,
its sad but that life.

[Jesus.]

could you not post them to her address?at least then you'de know they'de get to her,just another idea,good luck

I'm sure if her mom received a package from me through the post, she'd probably burn it. That's her right. If I gave them to her parents, then I know they would at least explain to things to her, and she'd have time to cool down and get her round things, think about it and make an informed decision. Otherwise the red mist will descend.

[Munchkins]

You seem a lovely guy, and i think it would be great for the little girl to recieve even a small gift off you, just so she knows you still think about her as she probably misses you

[Jesus.]

its your ex's child not your's
your ex will think you want buy favour with her daughter she will not want to bring you up in conversation to her daughter,
its sad but that life.

I understand that point of view completely. However, I know her daughter would have asked about me loads, and when she can see me. I know that I will have cropped up.

I think I'm definitely going to take them round to her parents, and whatever happens from there, I will deal with in whatever way I have to.

[Jesus.]

I'm going to do it either tomorrow or Monday night. I will report back on anything that happens from here. Good, or most likely, terribly awful.

[thesheriff443]

I understand that point of view completely. However, I know her daughter would have asked about me loads, and when she can see me. I know that I will have cropped up.

I think I'm definitely going to take them round to her parents, and whatever happens from there, I will deal with in whatever way I have to.

thats your choice,but i think its not fair to involve the parents even tho they liked you!,they will always take their daughter's side.

[Munchkins]

I understand that point of view completely. However, I know her daughter would have asked about me loads, and when she can see me. I know that I will have cropped up.

I think I'm definitely going to take them round to her parents, and whatever happens from there, I will deal with in whatever way I have to.

Right, i really hope all goes well for you :)

[Jesus.]

thats your choice,but i think its not fair to involve the parents even tho they liked you!,they will always take their daughter's side.

I'm not asking them to take my side. I've bought their grandaughter a gift. I'm asking nothing in return other for them to pass this on if their daughter deems it appropriate. I don't wish for them to take my side, I just wish for them to explain to their daughter, that their grand daughter doesn't have to be caught in the middle of what happened between us.

That's it. No more, no less. She has 2 tops, both of which combined cost just over £20 combined. So no one can misconstrue my intentions.

[thesheriff443]

I'm not asking them to take my side. I've bought their grandaughter a gift. I'm asking nothing in return other for them to pass this on if their daughter deems it appropriate. I don't wish for them to take my side, I just wish for them to explain to their daughter, that their grand daughter doesn't have to be caught in the middle of what happened between us.

That's it. No more, no less. She has 2 tops, both of which combined cost just over £20 combined. So no one can misconstrue my intentions.

you talk about the grand daughter not being caught in the middle but thats exactly where she will be in the middle by you giving your gift.
at least your not in the position like many father's who can even see their own daughter's.

[bbfan1991]

Take it to them, your heart is in the right place and just explain that you want the present passed on for the child to enjoy:).

[Kizzy]

I'm going to do it either tomorrow or Monday night. I will report back on anything that happens from here. Good, or most likely, terribly awful.

I really hope not, it is an honest heartfelt gesture jesus.
Lets pray (lol) they see this has no ulterior motive just a goodbye gift, it must be so very hard :hug:

[AnnieK]

I'm going to do it either tomorrow or Monday night. I will report back on anything that happens from here. Good, or most likely, terribly awful.

Good luck with it, what will be will be but at least you have tried...

[arista]

"I'm not looking to have an on-going relationship with the kid, I just want to make this gesture because I disappeared suddenly from her life.

My ex, as they always do, will have the last say on this. "

Well then it should be fine to go ahead with,
good luck

[the truth]

So I was seeing this girl, and we were pretty serious. We'd talked about moving in and stuff, but things didn't work out in the end.

She has a daughter, who changed my world. She is an amazing little girl, bright as a button, but feisty to boot. We were inseparable when I was over at her house, and we were always doing activities and stuff.

I'd bought her Christmas presents a couple of months ago because I knew what she wanted - she loved messing with my piano, so that's what I'd got her. Now, it really isn't appropriate for me to be buying her piano's as I don't see her anymore, and I've split up with her mom. But I'd bought her a couple of tops as fillers, that will look really cute on her.

I haven't spoken to my ex for a couple of months, and I have no intention to either. I'm not using this as a way to make contact or any reason like that, but I'd really like to give the little one her smaller presents.

My ex's parents really liked me, so I was thinking of just popping them over there for her, so I don't have to have any dealings with my ex.

I guess I'm looking for people to help me rationalise this. If it was my daughter, then I'd like to be contacted first about an ex giving her a present, but we parted on such bad terms that there is no way she'd agree to it.

I'd hate for her to think, that I suddenly just stopped going round and I don't care for her anymore, when that's not true. My heart just bursts when I think about her little face.

So, peoples, whaddya reckon?

Yes Id still give the present. How long were you together>?

[Jesus.]

Update

I've just got back in from taking it over to her parents. The little one was asleep on the sofa, which broke my heart all over again, so I beat a fairly hasty retreat before she woke up.

Her mum said was it was a really lovely gesture, and she would personally see that she was allowed to have it. I said "If ***** doesn't want her to have it, then let me know and I'll come and collect it". But she insisted that the little one would receive the presents.

I'm so happy about that. Feels like I can close that chapter on my life knowing I did the right thing.

[Ammi]

...haha....I'm so happy for you JHC..they'll mean so much to her as well...it's a lovely thoughtful thing for you to do....

[AnnieK]

Glad it all worked out or you....it really is a lovely gesture.