Are parents losing control of their children?

[Ninastar]

So I've worked full time for 6 months exactly now and it's been crazy. I work in a nursery with kids ages 18 months - 3 years old and I won't lie, most of the time it is hell. I think a lot of it is because we aren't allowed to tell the children off. We can't sit them on a 'naughty step' (we aren't even allowed to say the word), you cant sit them by the cupboard and you're supposed to speak nicely to them.

Now on a Tuesday, we have 41 toddlers in 1 room. You genuinely feel like death when they day ends. There's no control because we have to be careful with how we talk to them. The kids get away with **** and they know it. I swear that these kids wouldn't get away with half the **** we did when we were younger.

I think it's because of two reasons.

1) Parenting is just appalling now... I know it's not completely parent's, but I swear parents are afraid to tell their kids off, especially in public, because they are afraid that other people will give them crap.

2) There's so many rules/guidelines/policies in place at schools/nurseries that prevent staff from actually being able to sort children out. Apparently on a behaviour management course, you learn that you aren't supposed to tell the children off, but you're supposed to distract them and tell them what they are doing wrong, then give them a warning, then if they don't listen, you sit them next to you.

I just don't think that's right... I think sitting them by a cupboard, or on a step is better because when you sit next to them, you're just giving them the attention they wanted in the first place.

Basically, what I'm trying to ask is if people have noticed a difference in the way parent's control their kids. I don't want my job to change the way I see parenthood, but right now, I feel like all these behaviour issues are totally unnecessary.

this might be the longest thing I've ever written here. I just needed to rant.

[Patrick]

Agree. Too many parents are afraid of looking like they're abusing their children or doing something wrong - blame the media.

I've been in my Aunt's sometimes, and the way her son gets off with some stuff is unbelievable - and then she tries all these techniques she gets of Super Nanny, and I'm fed up telling her to stop listening to Jo ******ing Frost, and start giving the child discipline.

[GypsyGoth]

I agree about giving the attention only encourages them to act up more. It does seem like a strange policy, when I think it's proved that things like naughty steps work.

And as regards parents, I think people should have to pass sometype of test before they have babies.

Some parents just seem to let their kids run wild.

[Smithy]

Just beat they asses http://comancheclub.com/public/style_emoticons/default/fist%20shake%202.gif

[Jack_]

'Parenting is just completely appalling now'

I'm sorry but what a ridiculously exaggerated and baseless sweeping statement. So because the kids you've experienced through work have been poorly behaved, that's representative of all the other kids and their respective parents in the world?

Every parent has different techniques, the parents that 'don't care' are few and far between, despite what the media would like to portray. The title of this thread is the kind of topic of discussion I'd expect by a right-wing columnist in a tabloid. Parents have different techniques, and every child has different needs and qualities and will react to such techniques in various different ways. It's about finding the right technique to match the right child. If you ask me these 'punishments' that are supposed to just control every child's behaviour are fundamentally flawed because every child will react in different ways and will learn 'acceptable' behaviour via different methods.

But in short the answer to your question is no. Kids will be kids, they always have been and they always will be - kids misbehave, it's about learning the difference between right and wrong and the only way this can be taught to any said child is through methods which that particular child will learn from, as I've alluded to. This same question was more than likely asked 20 years ago, and it'll be asked in another 20 years.

[MTVN]

I do think it's important for kids to grow up with a sense of discipline and respect, can't really comment on parenting because it's not really something I know anything about but it seems a bit ridiculous to not be able to tell kids off or use stuff like a naughty step, not that I'm a child psychologist or anything but I always considered that to be quite an effective measure to take really

[Ammi]

..no, I don’t believe in ‘punishments’...I believe in making children understand how their behaviour has affected others/made them feel...I don’t think that naughty steps or any such thing teaches them anything in terms of thinking about what they have done...at best it may teach them not to do it again but not why they shouldn’t do it...to me that’s the most important thing..for children to learn from a very young age that their actions are not insular but have an effect on others and their feelings...

..the only time you should 'remove' a child is when they are putting themselves or others in danger by their actions....

..we don't 'control' children, we don't own them, we are there to guide them...

[AnnieK]

I have a toddler and at the moment we are at the terrible twos stage. My little boy has an excellent vocabulary and so finds it easier than some to vent his frustration and that's what a lot of "misbehaviour" is at this age. He knows what he wants to do but obviously he can't do everything and so he vents by shouting, kicking etc. I have tried all manner of different things but the best that works for him is sitting down and calmly explaining things, shouting at him just makes him worse. When I was pregnant my mum said there is no book about the right and wrong way to do things, it's a learning curve for everyone and she was so right.

Having said all that, I do feel for people who work in education now at schools or nurseries as there are so many laws and people waiting to jump on them for doing the wrong thing. My nephew fell at school and cut his eye (needing stiches) and when his mum arrived to collect him she was appalled to see him sat alone crying (he was 5) as the school were unable to sit him on a knee and comfort him in case they were accused of wrong doing. It's so sad that things have come to this.

[Ammi]

..I'm so sorry to hear about your nephew Annie..that should never happen...

..there are no 'rules' so strict that you can't use discretion, in a case like that, with those injuries, it would be unlikely that a child would be alone with an adult anyway...that would never have happened at our school..if a child is hurt/distraught the natural and right thing is to comfort them...and that's what I would do...

....I think what happened to your nephew is less to do with 'rules' than people hiding behind them....or having a 'jobsworth' attitude...very sad in such a vocational profession, but yes, a sign of the times, I guess....

[the truth]

'Parenting is just completely appalling now'

I'm sorry but what a ridiculously exaggerated and baseless sweeping statement. So because the kids you've experienced through work have been poorly behaved, that's representative of all the other kids and their respective parents in the world?

Every parent has different techniques, the parents that 'don't care' are few and far between, despite what the media would like to portray. The title of this thread is the kind of topic of discussion I'd expect by a right-wing columnist in a tabloid. Parents have different techniques, and every child has different needs and qualities and will react to such techniques in various different ways. It's about finding the right technique to match the right child. If you ask me these 'punishments' that are supposed to just control every child's behaviour are fundamentally flawed because every child will react in different ways and will learn 'acceptable' behaviour via different methods.

But in short the answer to your question is no. Kids will be kids, they always have been and they always will be - kids misbehave, it's about learning the difference between right and wrong and the only way this can be taught to any said child is through methods which that particular child will learn from, as I've alluded to. This same question was more than likely asked 20 years ago, and it'll be asked in another 20 years.

I dont smack my kids ever, I dont need to. they learn things simply by showing them. theyre smart enough to work it all out and end up showing me lol

but Its also some over-liberal nonsense added to the greed of some parents and the lack of fathers thats made so many kids obese and de-motivated. millions are brought up with no working role model in the home and a single mother milking benefits. if thats too politically incorrect to digest I dont care. I do care that so many kids arent taught right from wrong, but worse still theyre not learning right from wrong.

this is often how gypsy kids are brought up and look how they behave? they damage they steal they spit they break other kids equipment. oh yes thats another thing we are not allowed to openly discuss, gypsies, let me guess its racist and we cant generalize, despite the fact that the majority of gypsy children and adults we meet do not pay taxes , do not pay their bills, and do not follow the same rules as everyone else. any gypsy ponies running round other towns? because theyre running round ours all the time and the police costs to find them and close roads is enormous. they had a new toilet block built here by the council. the gypsies tore it down and sold all the parts for scrap so the council built them a new one at tax payers expense, which was also torn down

I digress. too much left wing political correctness is very dangerous. look at last nights football , a police investigation into the player who kicked the ball from under a kid. the kid deliberately time wasted and grabbed the ball. the player was sent off for a slight tap to get the ball, the ballbot milked it. the same ballboy openly admitted before the match on twitter he was going to time waste. he wasnt slightly injured but he milked it. police investigation into this? what a joke the police have become. people sneeze on twitter and the police always get involved just because it gets newspaper headlines. meanwhile people are being mugged, beaten, raped, kidnapped and murdered but can never get hold of the police as theyre investigating ballboys and twitter tittle tattle...what aa joke

[Kazanne]

'Parenting is just completely appalling now'

I'm sorry but what a ridiculously exaggerated and baseless sweeping statement. So because the kids you've experienced through work have been poorly behaved, that's representative of all the other kids and their respective parents in the world?

Every parent has different techniques, the parents that 'don't care' are few and far between, despite what the media would like to portray. The title of this thread is the kind of topic of discussion I'd expect by a right-wing columnist in a tabloid. Parents have different techniques, and every child has different needs and qualities and will react to such techniques in various different ways. It's about finding the right technique to match the right child. If you ask me these 'punishments' that are supposed to just control every child's behaviour are fundamentally flawed because every child will react in different ways and will learn 'acceptable' behaviour via different methods.

But in short the answer to your question is no. Kids will be kids, they always have been and they always will be - kids misbehave, it's about learning the difference between right and wrong and the only way this can be taught to any said child is through methods which that particular child will learn from, as I've alluded to. This same question was more than likely asked 20 years ago, and it'll be asked in another 20 years.

Well don't faint Jack,I agree 100%

[Roy Mars III]

Yes, children should be seen but not heard

[Niamh.]

Yes, children should be seen but not heard

haha, I told my son that he's lucky he wasn't born years ago cos back then children were seen and not heard and he said Why? Did everyone wear ear phones back then?

[Vicky.]

Some parents seem to not give a **** at all. I dont wanna play to stereotypes but it does seem to be the younger parents that just let their kids do whatever they please from my experience.

Others are afraid they will get done for abuse I think. Even shouting at your child these days gets you a load of disapproving looks from everyone around. Hell, not even shouting. Gavin raised his voice slightly in tescos the other day while his daughter was really screaming on for a magazine and I swear at least 5 people turned round to death stare him :bored:

[Smithy]

Vickys baby attacked me the other day, CONTROL YOUR CHILD WOMAN

[arista]

"we have 41 toddlers in 1 room"


You Are Brave

[arista]

Some parents seem to not give a **** at all. I dont wanna play to stereotypes but it does seem to be the younger parents that just let their kids do whatever they please from my experience.

Others are afraid they will get done for abuse I think. Even shouting at your child these days gets you a load of disapproving looks from everyone around. Hell, not even shouting. Gavin raised his voice slightly in tescos the other day while his daughter was really screaming on for a magazine and I swear at least 5 people turned round to death stare him :bored:


Spiffing

[arista]

"I just needed to rant. "

Post Of The Day Award for you.

Its good as you own kids will get a Better Mother.

[michael21]

So I've worked full time for 6 months exactly now and it's been crazy. I work in a nursery with kids ages 18 months - 3 years old and I won't lie, most of the time it is hell. I think a lot of it is because we aren't allowed to tell the children off. We can't sit them on a 'naughty step' (we aren't even allowed to say the word), you cant sit them by the cupboard and you're supposed to speak nicely to them.

Now on a Tuesday, we have 41 toddlers in 1 room. You genuinely feel like death when they day ends. There's no control because we have to be careful with how we talk to them. The kids get away with **** and they know it. I swear that these kids wouldn't get away with half the **** we did when we were younger.

I think it's because of two reasons.

1) Parenting is just appalling now... I know it's not completely parent's, but I swear parents are afraid to tell their kids off, especially in public, because they are afraid that other people will give them crap.

2) There's so many rules/guidelines/policies in place at schools/nurseries that prevent staff from actually being able to sort children out. Apparently on a behaviour management course, you learn that you aren't supposed to tell the children off, but you're supposed to distract them and tell them what they are doing wrong, then give them a warning, then if they don't listen, you sit them next to you.

I just don't think that's right... I think sitting them by a cupboard, or on a step is better because when you sit next to them, you're just giving them the attention they wanted in the first place.

Basically, what I'm trying to ask is if people have noticed a difference in the way parent's control their kids. I don't want my job to change the way I see parenthood, but right now, I feel like all these behaviour issues are totally unnecessary.

this might be the longest thing I've ever written here. I just needed to rant.

at the end of the day the good thing about being a kid is you can get away with just about any thing this also apply to oap so we got a long way to go before we can get away with stuff again :bawling::bawling::bawling:

also your amazing for doing that job as it not easy :hug:

[Munchkins]

Some parents seem to not give a **** at all. I dont wanna play to stereotypes but it does seem to be the younger parents that just let their kids do whatever they please from my experience.

Others are afraid they will get done for abuse I think. Even shouting at your child these days gets you a load of disapproving looks from everyone around. Hell, not even shouting. Gavin raised his voice slightly in tescos the other day while his daughter was really screaming on for a magazine and I swear at least 5 people turned round to death stare him :bored:

See i've found the opposite, that older parents seem to be a lot more politcally correct and molly coddle their children :p
its just gone too far though, i remember when my mum told off my litttle brother the other day we also got death stares -.-

[Vicky.]

See i've found the opposite, that older parents seem to be a lot more politcally correct and molly coddle their children :p
its just gone too far though, i remember when my mum told off my litttle brother the other day we also got death stares -.-

Yeah it very much depends on who you know I guess :laugh:

I know quite a few teen mums, most (who I know) just let their kids do whatever they like so they are total brats.

On the other hand, I do know one who is only 17 and she is the best mum I have ever seen, so attentive but strict at the same time, and her child (who is actually nearing the end of the terrible twos) is so well behaved.

[Ninastar]

Agree. Too many parents are afraid of looking like they're abusing their children or doing something wrong - blame the media.

I've been in my Aunt's sometimes, and the way her son gets off with some stuff is unbelievable - and then she tries all these techniques she gets of Super Nanny, and I'm fed up telling her to stop listening to Jo ******ing Frost, and start giving the child discipline.

This! Jo Frost is perfect example of showing that you don't need to smack your children for them to learn how to behave. She's pretty much my no.1 idol and I'm not even joking.

haha, I told my son that he's lucky he wasn't born years ago cos back then children were seen and not heard and he said Why? Did everyone wear ear phones back then?

That's adorable.

Some parents seem to not give a **** at all. I dont wanna play to stereotypes but it does seem to be the younger parents that just let their kids do whatever they please from my experience.

Others are afraid they will get done for abuse I think. Even shouting at your child these days gets you a load of disapproving looks from everyone around. Hell, not even shouting. Gavin raised his voice slightly in tescos the other day while his daughter was really screaming on for a magazine and I swear at least 5 people turned round to death stare him :bored:

I do agree with this too. Both points are what I have found accurate from working in this nursery. Even though it's not always the case (believe me, some of the older parents are the worst), the younger parents just have no idea... There's a girl that if you say 'no' to her because she's not allowed something, she screams as loud as she can, throws herself on the floor and hits people.

People don't seem to realise what these kids can be like... They freaking hurt each other on purpose. I know the amount of kids doesn't help, but I can't understand how people don't think a child needs telling off for hurting another child.

"we have 41 toddlers in 1 room"


You Are Brave

I don't know how I'm still alive.

Yeah it very much depends on who you know I guess :laugh:

I know quite a few teen mums, most (who I know) just let their kids do whatever they like so they are total brats.

On the other hand, I do know one who is only 17 and she is the best mum I have ever seen, so attentive but strict at the same time, and her child (who is actually nearing the end of the terrible twos) is so well behaved.

I genuinely don't believe in teenage pregnancy. I think it's selfish, but you do get the odd hardworking, strict parents who really are great. I work with a girl who's had a baby at 20, which I still think is young, but she doesn't let her kid get away with crap. She left on maternity leave last february, and when she came back in november, she couldn't believe how much everything had changed. She agrees with me in saying it's because we can't tell them off.

[Stu]

'Parenting is just completely appalling now'

I'm sorry but what a ridiculously exaggerated and baseless sweeping statement. So because the kids you've experienced through work have been poorly behaved, that's representative of all the other kids and their respective parents in the world?

Every parent has different techniques, the parents that 'don't care' are few and far between, despite what the media would like to portray. The title of this thread is the kind of topic of discussion I'd expect by a right-wing columnist in a tabloid. Parents have different techniques, and every child has different needs and qualities and will react to such techniques in various different ways. It's about finding the right technique to match the right child. If you ask me these 'punishments' that are supposed to just control every child's behaviour are fundamentally flawed because every child will react in different ways and will learn 'acceptable' behaviour via different methods.

But in short the answer to your question is no. Kids will be kids, they always have been and they always will be - kids misbehave, it's about learning the difference between right and wrong and the only way this can be taught to any said child is through methods which that particular child will learn from, as I've alluded to. This same question was more than likely asked 20 years ago, and it'll be asked in another 20 years.
All of that.

[Joseline]

I'm a woman of God, and children need to learn to keep a hold of their kitty cats nowadays.

[arista]

Half of babies born to mothers over 30: Newborns will soon be more likely to have a mother over 35 than under 25

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2267915/Half-babies-born-mothers-30-Newborns-soon-likely-mother-35-25.html#ixzz2IxEgegj7


This should help staff.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/01/25/article-2267915-17259919000005DC-154_634x423.jpg

[arista]

I'm a woman of God, and children need to learn to keep a hold of their kitty cats nowadays.


Are you a Banned Poster?

[Jack_]

Well don't faint Jack,I agree 100%

Well I never...bloody hell! I never thought this day would come :p :joker:

[Ammi]

..I don't work with small children (babies and toddlers)..I admire anyone who does..but in general children react to situations the only way they know how to..often with frustration, as they're not able to communicate what they're feeling...not all adults are great communicators either and they can also get frustrated and react in different ways...imo, to 'punish' them for their frustrations will only increase them..it's better to try to teach them to express themselves in a more acceptable way and to consider others around them more....


EDIT:...the greatest gift you can give a child is confidence..and discipline is important as well...but I think criticism should be towards the behaviour and consequences of it...never the child themselves..they never set out to be 'naughty' children, you have to teach them boundaries...