Growing up + Living alone.

[Conzors]

I recently just moved into my own flat (which is rare for a 20 year old) and living on my own and its quite away from everyone i know (by this, i mean just under an hour on the bus, and a half hour car journey) but all my friends work full time and that.

I have never felt so lonely or on my own. I thought i'd like living out and having my own space when really all i want is to come home and everyone to annoy me - atleast id have been surrounded by people.

I like it for the most part, coming home - cooking what i want for dinner and that, but then the other part of me wonders if i've taken all these adult things on too soon in my life. Im a manager in a store which is already a big responsibility and then to have to live on your own and worry about bills and food (which leaves me broke) with the added stress of finding time and money to see your friends and family (which i hardly see) is just getting a bit too much!

Any advice on how to deal with this better?

What about you?
Anyone else thing they've grown up a bit fast and how have you dealt with it?
Anyone like living alone or not?

xxx

[Me. I Am Salman]

move back in

[Me. I Am Salman]

ok I just read your post properly, you should just stick it out for a few more months & you'll get used to it, I'm sure this is common

[Gstar]

ugh ffs I just wrote a really long post and tibb *****ed up I'm going to bed but will reply tomorrow

[Glenn.]

ok I just read your post properly, you should just stick it out for a few more months & you'll get used to it, I'm sure this is common

This tbh. The longer you stick at it the easier it gets.

[Me. I Am Salman]

It's like really expensive in London anyway, why did you choose to move out so young?

[Stu]

I recently just moved into my own flat (which is rare for a 20 year old) and living on my own and its quite away from everyone i know (by this, i mean just under an hour on the bus, and a half hour car journey) but all my friends work full time and that.

I have never felt so lonely or on my own. I thought i'd like living out and having my own space when really all i want is to come home and everyone to annoy me - atleast id have been surrounded by people.

I like it for the most part, coming home - cooking what i want for dinner and that, but then the other part of me wonders if i've taken all these adult things on too soon in my life. Im a manager in a store which is already a big responsibility and then to have to live on your own and worry about bills and food (which leaves me broke) with the added stress of finding time and money to see your friends and family (which i hardly see) is just getting a bit too much!

Any advice on how to deal with this better?

What about you?
Anyone else thing they've grown up a bit fast and how have you dealt with it?
Anyone like living alone or not?

xxx
When I first moved out I used to love flying back to the nest once or twice a week for a mean tuna sandwich. You've only just started playing this game so you might as well continue on playing it and it'll get better I assure you.

Maybe a single flat wasn't the best option to be honest. Moving in with friends or even strangers is a great experience because your house is always a hive of activity and you're social circle will expand to accommodate their social circles.

Living totally by yourself obviously also means much higher rent and bills which is a bitch. You don't really get this when you share a space. Even when I was on the dole I always had a bit of cash to spare for booze after paying bills and rent and taking care of groceries [the fact that I live soley off tuna, bananas, carrots and universal love helps].

I've never understood how people like me could be broke. You're either happy broke because you've spent all your money taking care of your bills and boozing on - which aint real broke, it's just living a typical student/post student life - or you seriously need to tone down your lifestyle and stay off the high streets more.

Not talking about you here obviously but you say you're a manager. That sounds like money to me. I pull pints for a pittance and am vulnerable to saying "yes, please" to volunteer work. Although obviously where you are living is much more pricey than the mean steets I am king of so whatever.

Anyway don't roll back on things. Stay positive and don't do the whole "did I take all this on too young?" line. Nah, you didn't. Most people should move out and get a job when they're going through their twenties, to be honest.

Just take a vested interest in solo activities. Get into a few TV series or something to pass the hours. Enjoy your alone time. It'll make the socializing bits once or twice a week all the sweeter.

Then you keep smiling and give out love and take love in. Or something like that. Loves like breathing. Take it in, breath it out and feed off it as if it were a food. It kinda is.

I'm rambling. Be happy, dude.

[Conzors]

It's like really expensive in London anyway, why did you choose to move out so young?

I was sharing a room with my brother - My family were driving me nuts!
xx

[Conzors]

When I first moved out I used to love flying back to the nest once or twice a week for a mean tuna sandwich. You've only just started playing this game so you might as well continue on playing it and it'll get better I assure you.

Maybe a single flat wasn't the best option to be honest. Moving in with friends or even strangers is a great experience because your house is always a hive of activity and you're social circle will expand to accommodate their social circles.

Living totally by yourself obviously also means much higher rent and bills which is a bitch. You don't really get this when you share a space. Even when I was on the dole I always had a bit of cash to spare for booze after paying bills and rent and taking care of groceries [the fact that I live soley off tuna, bananas, carrots and universal love helps].

I've never understood how people like me could be broke. You're either happy broke because you've spent all your money taking care of your bills and boozing on - which aint real broke, it's just living a typical student/post student life - or you seriously need to tone down your lifestyle and stay off the high streets more.

Not talking about you here obviously but you say you're a manager. That sounds like money to me. I pull pints for a pittance and am vulnerable to saying "yes, please" to volunteer work. Although obviously where you are living is much more pricey than the mean steets I am king of so whatever.

Anyway don't roll back on things. Stay positive and don't do the whole "did I take all this on too young?" line. Nah, you didn't. Most people should move out and get a job when they're going through their twenties, to be honest.

Just take a vested interest in solo activities. Get into a few TV series or something to pass the hours. Enjoy your alone time. It'll make the socializing bits once or twice a week all the sweeter.

Then you keep smiling and give out love and take love in. Or something like that. Loves like breathing. Take it in, breath it out and feed off it as if it were a food. It kinda is.

I'm rambling. Be happy, dude.

I love going home but its really hard with working 5 days a way and 12 hour shifts - its hard to fit it all in

Im definitely a happy broke, i dont regret my decision to move out at all! - sometimes i just wish maybe i had a companion or friends that could come over and chill but ever since i left college i dont really have that many friends or social circles (which i kinda like) but then were all busy in our own lives to focus on meeting ALL the time.

I dont get an awful lot of money - its still hourly and im lowest form of manager in the hierarchy of retail management - so theres still a looooong way to go.

Thanks for this though, i needed motivation and reassurance that im doing the right thing!

nuff love.
xx

[Stu]

Lowest form of manager in the hierarchy of retail management sounds like a good starting point to launch an embittered career in the rap game.

[Conzors]

Lowest form of manager in the hierarchy of retail management sounds like a good starting point to launch an embittered career in the rap game.

Haha no it is.
especially for my age.
Ill get there!

[Ammi]

..really, Connor..just what Stu saidapart from the tuna sandwiches, don't be seduced by those, they're terrible things...maybe go home for a nice stew/roast dinner instead...it's hard/strange at any age and many people leave home either to move in with someone..a partner/friend etc..so that makes it a little easier, although it's still a 'tear' from the home sort of thing...or they go to uni etc and then there are many others in the same situation and they're surrounded by people..but you've done it and are on your own...that's a huge step and not a 'gradual' step either...so what you're feeling now is really natural but it felt completely right to you...and you've done so well to have the job that you do at your age, so be proud of yourself...I think maybe it would help and be a good idea to be able to get out socially and meet people..new friends to add to your circle...and to do that, you might have to think about money and whether you can afford to go out..so, possibly sharing accommodation would be an option and make you feel a little less lonely as well...just make sure you don't share a house/flat with a looney lol...but seriously, think about what Stu said and being around people, rather than on your own if that's possible..and trying to absorb yourself in things that interest you as well....

..well done btw, Connor..your parents must be really proud of you...do TiBB members get a discount at your shop..?...



...:hug:....

[Verbal]

I bought and moved in to my own flat when I was 21. That was over ten years ago. Its right in the middle of a pretty busy city. I would love to be in a place thats away from everything. I'm a natural hermit though. In general, people annoy me. I'm writing like Arista now. So i'll stop.

Life in the city.

[Vanessa]

It's hard at first, but you get used to it. You'll make friends and then you'll feel happier. :blush:

[lostalex]

I first had my own place when i was 19, and i had moved to the other side of the country, All of my friends and family lived on the east coast, and i was completely alone on the west coast.

I think it was great, i really learned how to be independent, and i loved all the new freedom. I think it really helps you grow into yourself not having the crutches of old friends and family to see all the time, and you really learn more about yourself without the shelter of your family.

It gives you room to really build yourself into the person you wanna be. When i first came home again, no one recognized me. I was a whole new person, i think a better person and more authentic person.

I don't understand people that always stay close to home, and basically stay the same. I know some people that never left my home town and they make me sad, seeing that they are exactly the same people they were when i knew them in high school.

[Gstar]

Ok I'm back.

You really should stick it out for a while longer and see how you feel, if you're still feeling unhappy then move back home. Independance is a stage we all reach but not at the same time. Btw fair play to you being a manager at 20 years old, that's pretty amazing

[T*]

You should get a cat :amazed:

[arista]

Well Done Conzors
I think it takes time
but you have total freedom - that means so much more
Hang in there.



Life In The City.

[Z]

You should get a cat :amazed:

Genuinely think getting a pet would cheer you up so much Conor, good suggestion Tom! Something to look after and cuddle when you're at home! Maybe not if you feel that you're out of the flat for too long every day, but it's an idea!

I've lived in all sorts of situations since I left home aged 18... I've lived in student halls with friends; I've shared a flat with two guys; I've lived with an elderly woman; I've lived with a family; I've lived with strangers in a foreign country; I've shared a flat with two girls; and currently I'm living in a flat with four strangers - I have my own bedroom and bathroom and we share a kitchen. Loneliness is something I've struggled with ever since I left home - but I find that the living situation I have now is probably the best - my space is my space, I don't really have much to do in the way of dishes or chores and everyone keeps to themselves.

Maybe you could look into some kind of hobby that you could do at the weekends? It's hard to learn how to meet people when you're an adult - at school you make friends because you're put together with people in classes and when you're young you just decide that someone's your friend if they have the same lunchbox as you. As an adult, it's hard to do things by yourself because you're afraid of being judged, but if you don't do things by yourself then you will continue to be by yourself, because how can you meet anyone if you don't get yourself out there?

Last night I went out to a club by myself - I really wanted to go out and my friend said he would be there, but he didn't show up so I was walking past the club and the PR people asked if I wanted to go in and I ended up having the time of my life, the PR guy actually came in and introduced me to some people he knew because I said I was worried I wouldn't know anyone but I really, really wanted to go. He didn't have to do that for me, and I'm grateful; but he would never have done that for me if I hadn't asked.

I think you just need to put yourself into new situations where you will meet people and make friends with them. It's hard to do it as an adult, but it is doable!!

[Braden]

I think most people would feel uncomfortable at first, but it's a huge step and you should be glad that you've took it.

I'm currently doing my UCAS application and I feel like I should care a lot more than what I do. I'm pretty certain I'll probably be scared ****less when I actually move away, but I look at it as a good thing because you're open to so many more possibilities imo.

[mizzy25]

I think getting a cat would be a great idea as cats look after themselves infact get 2 cats so they would keep each other company when u r not there. A dog would b good but not for you what with working 12 hr shifts. maybe some fish? Have u met yr neighbours? maybe invite them round for a kind of housewarming party u cud even invite the guys from work.

[Stu]

Yeah don't get a cat. Get two. It's practically the same as looking after one anyway and they're infinitely more entertaining that way.

Every time you come home you'll have these two dopey things jumping off furniture to come check you out.

Cats ****ing rule.

[Kizzy]

I think the pet is a terrible idea sorry, you would be tied to the flat and wouldn't be able to accept any spontaneous invites out/away.
How many holidays do you have, can you just take the odd couple of days and say a month in advance plan to do things with friends/fam?
That way you're seeing people, it's organised quality time and you have something to look forward to.
Well done your career is going well, friendships will come, stay positive x

[AnnieK]

Yeah don't get a cat. Get two. It's practically the same as looking after one anyway and they're infinitely more entertaining that way.

Every time you come home you'll have these two dopey things jumping off furniture to come check you out.

Cats ****ing rule.

Completely agree....I have 2 13 week old kittens, they are hilarious and seriously naughty but company for each other too...

[mizzy25]

Cats aren't tying as they are very independent unlike dogs.

[Stu]

Completely agree....I have 2 13 week old kittens, they are hilarious and seriously naughty but company for each other too...
Enjoy them at their most energetic now! My two are about a year and a half each and just sleep for 18 hours a day, only raising their head when they hear a tin of tuna opening. Which is often in my digs.

They used to always play like crazy now they just lumber about looking a bit monged. I love them all the same.

But yeah your house is basically never dull with them. You could watch them like television. I can't do that with dogs.

[fingers]

As long as you have Kitty Litter and the cats know what it's for you have no worries, but going away on holiday will need proper planning!

[Me. I Am Salman]

cats > dogs, dogs are so unclean

I'd move out if something ****ted on my floor, I almost vomited when I watched a cleaning programme the other day where a man had old dog faeces in his bedroom near his clothes

[fingers]

You can't leave a dog or dogs alone for 12 hours.

[mizzy25]

dogs are not unclean if they are looked after and taken out regularly or let in the garden but Id say they need more attention than cats.

[Stu]

https://scontent-b-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/q71/1240200_528553707213666_728467215_n.jpg

[Me. I Am Salman]

I wish I had a pet :( my older brothers had a cat called Tony before I was born

[mizzy25]

Theres actually a doggy day care cente opened up on the industrial estate near where I live, its called the mutz hutz and u can leave your dog there whilst your @ work lol ive got 7 mind so they would have their hands full with mine lol

[Nemo123]

I recently just moved into my own flat (which is rare for a 20 year old) and living on my own and its quite away from everyone i know (by this, i mean just under an hour on the bus, and a half hour car journey) but all my friends work full time and that.

I have never felt so lonely or on my own. I thought i'd like living out and having my own space when really all i want is to come home and everyone to annoy me - atleast id have been surrounded by people.

I like it for the most part, coming home - cooking what i want for dinner and that, but then the other part of me wonders if i've taken all these adult things on too soon in my life. Im a manager in a store which is already a big responsibility and then to have to live on your own and worry about bills and food (which leaves me broke) with the added stress of finding time and money to see your friends and family (which i hardly see) is just getting a bit too much!

Any advice on how to deal with this better?

What about you?
Anyone else thing they've grown up a bit fast and how have you dealt with it?
Anyone like living alone or not?

xxx

Go home, if it's an option. At 20 you're too young to be moving out in your circumstances. Your parents will welcome you back with loving arms. Move out on your own terms when you want to and when you're ready.

[Kizzy]

They still need feeding, cleaning up after though it's like having a kid really. He couldn't just decide to take time off and stay at his mums or go to a festival..
Living on your own you have independence, a pet removes that somewhat I think

[Conzors]

Thanks for all of these!
It would be unfair on any pet as im away so often and that but a great suggestion
Im fine during the day its just when i come home and im alone and i have all this housework to do, this washing to do the bills to pay.

I mean i will get used to it but it'll take time

Appreciate them all
xxxxxx

[Verbal]

Thanks for all of these!
It would be unfair on any pet as im away so often and that but a great suggestion
Im fine during the day its just when i come home and im alone and i have all this housework to do, this washing to do the bills to pay.

I mean i will get used to it but it'll take time

Appreciate them all
xxxxxx

Welcome to being a grown up

[Kizzy]

Set up standing orders for the bills, and don't let the mess build up keep on top of it then it doesn't get overwhelming.
You might get surprise guests :)
Have you been out tonight it's halloween weekend, are there any unis near you? socialise boy! ;)

[Vanessa]

Thanks for all of these!
It would be unfair on any pet as im away so often and that but a great suggestion
Im fine during the day its just when i come home and im alone and i have all this housework to do, this washing to do the bills to pay.

I mean i will get used to it but it'll take time

Appreciate them all
xxxxxx

You'll be fine. Just make sure you do socialize as well as work. :hug:

[Conzors]

..really, Connor..just what Stu saidapart from the tuna sandwiches, don't be seduced by those, they're terrible things...maybe go home for a nice stew/roast dinner instead...it's hard/strange at any age and many people leave home either to move in with someone..a partner/friend etc..so that makes it a little easier, although it's still a 'tear' from the home sort of thing...or they go to uni etc and then there are many others in the same situation and they're surrounded by people..but you've done it and are on your own...that's a huge step and not a 'gradual' step either...so what you're feeling now is really natural but it felt completely right to you...and you've done so well to have the job that you do at your age, so be proud of yourself...I think maybe it would help and be a good idea to be able to get out socially and meet people..new friends to add to your circle...and to do that, you might have to think about money and whether you can afford to go out..so, possibly sharing accommodation would be an option and make you feel a little less lonely as well...just make sure you don't share a house/flat with a looney lol...but seriously, think about what Stu said and being around people, rather than on your own if that's possible..and trying to absorb yourself in things that interest you as well....

..well done btw, Connor..your parents must be really proud of you...do TiBB members get a discount at your shop..?...



...:hug:....

Ok I'm back.

You really should stick it out for a while longer and see how you feel, if you're still feeling unhappy then move back home. Independance is a stage we all reach but not at the same time. Btw fair play to you being a manager at 20 years old, that's pretty amazing

Genuinely think getting a pet would cheer you up so much Conor, good suggestion Tom! Something to look after and cuddle when you're at home! Maybe not if you feel that you're out of the flat for too long every day, but it's an idea!

I've lived in all sorts of situations since I left home aged 18... I've lived in student halls with friends; I've shared a flat with two guys; I've lived with an elderly woman; I've lived with a family; I've lived with strangers in a foreign country; I've shared a flat with two girls; and currently I'm living in a flat with four strangers - I have my own bedroom and bathroom and we share a kitchen. Loneliness is something I've struggled with ever since I left home - but I find that the living situation I have now is probably the best - my space is my space, I don't really have much to do in the way of dishes or chores and everyone keeps to themselves.

Maybe you could look into some kind of hobby that you could do at the weekends? It's hard to learn how to meet people when you're an adult - at school you make friends because you're put together with people in classes and when you're young you just decide that someone's your friend if they have the same lunchbox as you. As an adult, it's hard to do things by yourself because you're afraid of being judged, but if you don't do things by yourself then you will continue to be by yourself, because how can you meet anyone if you don't get yourself out there?

Last night I went out to a club by myself - I really wanted to go out and my friend said he would be there, but he didn't show up so I was walking past the club and the PR people asked if I wanted to go in and I ended up having the time of my life, the PR guy actually came in and introduced me to some people he knew because I said I was worried I wouldn't know anyone but I really, really wanted to go. He didn't have to do that for me, and I'm grateful; but he would never have done that for me if I hadn't asked.

I think you just need to put yourself into new situations where you will meet people and make friends with them. It's hard to do it as an adult, but it is doable!!

I think the pet is a terrible idea sorry, you would be tied to the flat and wouldn't be able to accept any spontaneous invites out/away.
How many holidays do you have, can you just take the odd couple of days and say a month in advance plan to do things with friends/fam?
That way you're seeing people, it's organised quality time and you have something to look forward to.
Well done your career is going well, friendships will come, stay positive x

They still need feeding, cleaning up after though it's like having a kid really. He couldn't just decide to take time off and stay at his mums or go to a festival..
Living on your own you have independence, a pet removes that somewhat I think

Set up standing orders for the bills, and don't let the mess build up keep on top of it then it doesn't get overwhelming.
You might get surprise guests :)
Have you been out tonight it's halloween weekend, are there any unis near you? socialise boy! ;)

i met people that live inr the house opposite but i dont wanna feel like im bugging them

[MTVN]

Part of me quite likes the idea of living alone, always like being the only one in the house (like I am now staying in while my housemates have gone out for Halloween :idc:) but I reckon id get bored of it after a while and get stuck in a rut where I end up never getting round to meeting up with people and stuff

[Vanessa]

Part of me quite likes the idea of living alone, always like being the only one in the house (like I am now staying in while my housemates have gone out for Halloween :idc:) but I reckon id get bored of it after a while and get stuck in a rut where I end up never getting round to meeting up with people and stuff

I love alone and I love it. I can do what I want. Most of my friends are from work and we meet once a week to go out. :)

[Kizzy]

Do you not see workmates socially? I would bite the bullet and go out alone like zee said, if you feel safe to do that where you live.
Do you have the neighbours on fb, if you put 'we're off to (club) anyone out' maybe they would meet up?
You can always say you lost your mates or they pulled lol!

[T*]

Yay my idea was applauded :D

[joeysteele]

Hi Conzors, above you multi quoted posts from Ammi, Zee,Germyle and Kizzy that all have good advice in them.

I have never lived alone although have been away from home at Uni. I managed to share a house with 4 others so had company when I wanted it and when I wanted to be alone was able to do that too.
Since finishing Uni but doing some work now,I remained in the house we all shared with 2 others so again not alone so advising someone who feels a bit lost as you seem to feel at present is something I would be unwise to do.

All I will say is you have taken an independence step, which on the surface also looks a forward one as to how you saw your situation at home.
I hope you will come to get used to it and be able to plan your future from that base too, it is after all a stepping stone to your longer future and it may be that in the future you can move to bigger premises with someone else sharing that will help with bills etc:

Home is somewhere you can still visit and re charge your batteries so to speak,so I would hope you can stick at it and everyday is learning something more as to better ways of coping.
I applaud your efforts at only 20, and your position in work, they are all things to be really proud of as to achievements.
I am 21,nearly 22 and think, although I love being alone a lot of the time, I will always choose to be able to have someone else around.

So well done on taking that step to your independence, good luck for the future.

[Ammi]

i met people that live inr the house opposite but i dont wanna feel like im bugging them

..just try to remember, Connor that meeting people/making new friends isn't 'bugging people'...it's not only a good thing for you obviously but it's good for them as well...we all 'stretch' by meeting new people as we go through life..and they get just as much pleasure out of it as you do..you only feel that you're 'bugging' them because you're so aware of your own changes in life and how you're feeling, so that's how you see it and what makes you 'hold back'..people need you and to be around other people just as much as you do...