Does it bother you if...

[lily.]

.. someone doesn't like you, even though you've given them no reason to dislike you and you're nothing but nice to them?

One of my tutors is like this, and I don't know why it irks me, but it really does..

I feel like it's unjustified, and wouldn't mind if she had a good reason for it, but I just want to stunt up to her and ask her what her effing problem is.. which of course I can't, or that would just validate her dislike for me..

I want to not care, and I don't know if it's because I have to spend time with her a few days a week, or because she's in a position of seniority, but I struggle to not care..

[smudgie]

No.

It is their loss.

[mizzy25]

No Ive never cared if people like me or not, if they don't like me I hve a tendency to not like them. Its a shame its tutor though as you cant avoid them. Maybe they are jealous of you. Try being nice to them they will probably hate this lol

[Ramsay]

Obviously most people will say they don't care but i think deep down everyone wants to be liked
Yeah it annoys me when stuff like that happens and i will try and sort it out but i just lose interest after a while if the person still hates me :laugh:

[Black Dagger]

Meh, don't hate me because you ain't me :hmph:

[Niamh.]

Yeah I agree with the OP, it wouldn't really really bother me but I guess if you've not given them any reason to dislike you, never had a run in with them etc etc then it would be, to steal your word irksome

[lily.]

Obviously most people will say they don't care but i think deep down everyone wants to be liked
Yeah it annoys me when stuff like that happens and i will try and sort it out but i just lose interest after a while if the person still hates me :laugh:

That's basically it Karl.. I don't care if people dislike me if I don't have to really associate with them, but the fact that I'm forced to be around this person makes me care.

I always hand in my assignments on time.. I'm getting full marks on all my work, and I don't cause any trouble in class, yet she's still nasty to me.

I guess I only have to tolerate her until June, so it's not the end of the world, but I just wonder if there's actually anything I could do about this, cos it seems that it wouldn't matter what I said or did, she'd still feel the same.

[Niamh.]

That's basically it Karl.. I don't care if people dislike me if I don't have to really associate with them, but the fact that I'm forced to be around this person makes me care.

I always hand in my assignments on time.. I'm getting full marks on all my work, and I don't cause any trouble in class, yet she's still nasty to me.

I guess I only have to tolerate her until June, so it's not the end of the world, but I just wonder if there's actually anything I could do about this, cos it seems that it wouldn't matter what I said or did, she'd still feel the same.

Sounds like whatever her problem is with you is out of your control, like maybe you just remind her of someone she doesn't like or something like that?

[AnnieK]

I guess you could do one of two things:

Ask her for a quiet word and see if there truly is a problem, she will probably say there isn't but at least she may change her behaviour slightly...
or
Punch her in the face - she will still hate you but at least she'll now have a reason :laugh:

[Niamh.]

Option 2!! Option 2!!

[smeagol]

ask the b atch . go up scream in her face and ask whats her problem and say do you fancy me or what,. drop your attitude or drop your knickers lol

[King Gizzard]

I don't like not being liked and I don't really see a problem with it

[Livia]

Having worked in politics for a couple of years, I realise I could never have lasted this long if I gave a stuff about what people think. Some people judge you without ever knowing you. That's their problem, ******* them...

Get in to bitch mode Lily. She's not in a position of seniority, she's your tutor. She kind of works for you.

[Vicky.]

Not in the slightest

[Tom4784]

I don't waste my time caring about people that don't like me, I just refuse to acknowledge their existence. If I can't do that though I'll opt for killing them with kindness, smile a big patronising smile and drive them mad by rubbing the fact that you are the better person in their face by refusing to be affected by anything they do.

[Z]

Yes. My best friend's girlfriend has been nothing but a ******* to me, and I don't like to use that word to describe a person unless I really mean it. When they first started dating I was living abroad so I'd only really met her a handful of times and by the time I was back at uni, they'd been dating for nearly a year - obviously by this point she felt that she had enough control over him to not bother with his friends, because whenever I'm in a room with her she will actively ignore me unless she's forced to engage with me in conversation, where she will always be short and avoid looking at me. At first it really got to me because I'm used to getting to know and getting on with my friends' significant others - they're not always my friends too, but I know that I can have a chat with them at the very least.

They've been going out for over two years now and it's definitely impacted on my friendship with my best friend, we don't see each other as often as we used to and we don't speak unless we see each other - but whether or not he's aware that she has a problem with me I'm not sure. He never mentions her around me and he never brings her anywhere that any of us are going to be - I'm not sure if that's because she just doesn't care to know any of his friends or if he doesn't want us to mix, but it's very frustrating because that's the exact type of relationship I saw my older brother slip into and now he has no friends and he doesn't even have a family anymore, having chosen to distance himself from us.

I just keep hoping they'll split up and that'll be the end of that; but obviously I would never say anything to him because it's absolutely none of my business and it's not my relationship - clearly she makes him happy and that's all that matters. I just find it really, really strange behaviour to not only avoid getting to know your other half's friends, but to actively ignore them when you are in a room with them. She's a bitch, I used to be a bit upset that she was so off with me but now I just think she's a horrible person.

[Kazanne]

No it doesn't bother me at all,I'de rather have a few true friends that I know like me ,than lots of fairweather aquaintances anyway,Ide be suspicious if everyone liked me as I can be such a bitch.Also if everyone liked you and you liked everyone something there is false:hugesmile:

[Jessica.]

It only bothers me if they act on it. One time I was sent to the office to get something for a teacher in school and I saw my Home Ec teacher in the hall when I was going down the stairs, she is in her 60's and has always been so grumpy, well I decided to greet her nicely, since I was in a good mood and she just stood and glared at me, but it made me laugh and I tried to continue without causing trouble.

Anyway about an hour later I got called out of another class by my Irish teacher saying that the Home Ec teacher was thinking of pressing charges for intimidation because I was sneering at her.. I know I didn't intimidate her and I lost all respect for her that day, when people act like that, spreading lies about someone when they are supposed to be a professional it really grinds my gears.

There are and have been plenty people who don't like me for no reason but they don't try to vocalise it apart from letting me know and I am fine with that, it doesn't bother me, if they don't like me then they are not worth making an effort for. :D

[Natalie.]

Doesn't bother me, I don't need people to like me

[Kazanne]

Doesn't bother me, I don't need people to like me

:hug:

[joeysteele]

No it doesn't bother me at all,I'de rather have a few true friends that I know like me ,than lots of fairweather aquaintances anyway,Ide be suspicious if everyone liked me as I can be such a bitch.Also if everyone liked you and you liked everyone something there is false:hugesmile:

My guess is that you would need good reason to be like that with someone Kazanne because I only see you as one of the really nicest of people.
If you felt the need to get nasty towards someone then I would say they certainly would deserve it.

As to the question,I think at times it does bother me whether people like me or not, I have learned I can do little as to the situation if someone doesn't though and so I just accept that.
I do feel I do little to give any real cause for someone not to like me but if I know someone doesn't then I would make it that I avoid them at all times if possible.

[AnnieK]

Its kind of the other way round for me - a lot of people think I don't like them but its not that, I do weigh people up a lot and am pretty quiet for a long time and then once I have decided that they're all right I come out of my shell. I never realised until a couple of girls at work said I was awful when they first started work here and they thought I was hard work and a bit stuck up but then all of a sudden I'm the office idiot and the person everyone comes to if they need stuff sorting....it gave me a bit of a complex but I find it really hard to be all nicey nicey to people before I know them

[Vanessa]

It used to, but now i just don't care. I'm always polite to everyone, weather they like me or not. I treat everyone the same. :)

[Apple202]

no cos i do it to other people so dc

[Apple202]

well actually i dont really i just give people bad vibes if i dont think they like me even if i dont know for sure

[Marsh.]

In general no, it depends who it is.

I would have a huge problem if a tutor was being funny with me though. They are there to teach you, not make you uncomfortable. If it's so bad then try and discuss it with them or if they're being deliberately hostile then report them.

You're there for education, not to be treated like crap.

[Cherie]

Obviously most people will say they don't care but i think deep down everyone wants to be liked
Yeah it annoys me when stuff like that happens and i will try and sort it out but i just lose interest after a while if the person still hates me :laugh:

Not necessarily. Whatever situation you are in from day you start school to the day you retire you will meet people who just don't like you, if you have done nothing to justify the dislike it is just a personality thing and their problem and as long as it doesn't impact on your life (like giving bad grades as in Lilys case) then so be it.

[Kazanne]

My guess is that you would need good reason to be like that with someone Kazanne because I only see you as one of the really nicest of people.
If you felt the need to get nasty towards someone then I would say they certainly would deserve it.

As to the question,I think at times it does bother me whether people like me or not, I have learned I can do little as to the situation if someone doesn't though and so I just accept that.
I do feel I do little to give any real cause for someone not to like me but if I know someone doesn't then I would make it that I avoid them at all times if possible.

Thankyou Joey that is sweet of you and I do try and like most people but some do make it difficult,As long as the people I like,like me ,then I'm good with that.:hugesmile:

[Natalie.]

:hug:

:flowers:

[Livia]

Yes. My best friend's girlfriend has been nothing but a ******* to me..... etc.

Name and postcode. I'll sort it for you Zee.

[fingers]

Name and postcode. I'll sort it for you Zee.

The Gun Moll has spoken! Tutors will tremble! :devil:

[Z]

Name and postcode. I'll sort it for you Zee.

:devil: incomiiiiiiiiiiing

[Brother Leon]

In school days yeah, but these days I don't give a ****. My circle of friends is tiny anyway and I wouldn't want it any other way.

[fingers]

In school days yeah, but these days I don't give a ****. My circle of friends is tiny anyway and I wouldn't want it any other way.

That Snowman is one fat assed Bastid!

[lily.]

Get in to bitch mode Lily. She's not in a position of seniority, she's your tutor. She kind of works for you.

I find it difficult to know where she fits in that respect Livia..

Like, at work, there are clear roles and I know the chain of command, so to speak..

The last time I was in education, I was a teenager, so things were very different, but I class her as senior, because she's the class leader.. Unfortunately, she's also the department leader. I think she might be on a power-trip to be honest. I tried the 'Dean' method of being super-nice, but I'm still getting the snarky comments from her, and everyone else notices it.. I think they're all waiting for me to crack and just effing lose it with her lol..

[Shaun]

say crack again

[Kizzy]

No it doesn't bother me at all,I'de rather have a few true friends that I know like me ,than lots of fairweather aquaintances anyway,Ide be suspicious if everyone liked me as I can be such a bitch.Also if everyone liked you and you liked everyone something there is false:hugesmile:

:joker: I knew there was a reason I love you..Couldn't have put it better myself!

However as this is a tutor there really shouldn't be anything personal affecting how you interact, have you ever given them cause to have such a negative perception of you lily?

[MTVN]

Yea majorly, one of my weaknesses that I hate to be disliked and feel obliged to always try and change that persons opinion

[Marsh.]

Yea majorly, one of my weaknesses that I hate to be disliked and feel obliged to always try and change that persons opinion

I thoroughly detest you.

[King Gizzard]

King Moonracer the prick

[Ammi]

.. someone doesn't like you, even though you've given them no reason to dislike you and you're nothing but nice to them?

One of my tutors is like this, and I don't know why it irks me, but it really does..

I feel like it's unjustified, and wouldn't mind if she had a good reason for it, but I just want to stunt up to her and ask her what her effing problem is.. which of course I can't, or that would just validate her dislike for me..

I want to not care, and I don't know if it's because I have to spend time with her a few days a week, or because she's in a position of seniority, but I struggle to not care..

..if it was me, I would just ask her and say if there's a problem..not in a confrontational/hostile way because as you said, that would just validate how she is toward you and she would feel justified for being how she is/try to put it back on you..but as she doesn't have a reason/there doesn't seem any reason to it, then it really is an issue she has, not you..and by ignoring it, then it's making it your problem because it's bothering you, so give it back to her where it belongs as she's the one who has created it...also because it could become your problem in a much more important and serious way by having an effect on your course/studies/distracting etc if you just ignore it...just tell her you sense a hostility and then she has to somehow respond to that..?..


...EDIT:..also, if it was one of your children..(I think you're a mum..?...)...you wouldn't ignore it if one of their teachers seemed hostile toward them...obviously because it isn't a very good way/appropriate way for a teacher to behave but also because you would be concerned about the effect it could have on their school work...this really is no different..doing this course is a big thing to you/important to you so don't allow any silliness from her spoil it for you...ask her about it and not only let her know how aware you are of it but make her look at her own actions and justify them...she's entitled to not like you and doesn't have to have a reason but as your tutor/mentor, she isn't entitled to openly express it or in any way make you feel uncomfortable or undermine you...

[Z]

King Moonracer the prick

Why is everyone being so funny recently, I swear I've burst into laughter at least a dozen times in the last 24 hours because of TiBB

[lily.]

:joker: I knew there was a reason I love you..Couldn't have put it better myself!

However as this is a tutor there really shouldn't be anything personal affecting how you interact, have you ever given them cause to have such a negative perception of you lily?

No. I think she just doesn't like my personality, if that makes sense. She has been this way from day one.

[lily.]

..if it was me, I would just ask her and say if there's a problem..not in a confrontational/hostile way because as you said, that would just validate how she is toward you and she would feel justified for being how she is/try to put it back on you..but as she doesn't have a reason/there doesn't seem any reason to it, then it really is an issue she has, not you..and by ignoring it, then it's making it your problem because it's bothering you, so give it back to her where it belongs as she's the one who has created it...also because it could become your problem in a much more important and serious way by having an effect on your course/studies/distracting etc if you just ignore it...just tell her you sense a hostility and then she has to somehow respond to that..?..


...EDIT:..also, if it was one of your children..(I think you're a mum..?...)...you wouldn't ignore it if one of their teachers seemed hostile toward them...obviously because it isn't a very good way/appropriate way for a teacher to behave but also because you would be concerned about the effect it could have on their school work...this really is no different..doing this course is a big thing to you/important to you so don't allow any silliness from her spoil it for you...ask her about it and not only let her know how aware you are of it but make her look at her own actions and justify them...she's entitled to not like you and doesn't have to have a reason but as your tutor/mentor, she isn't entitled to openly express it or in any way make you feel uncomfortable or undermine you...

You know a part of me is thinking that any kind of confrontation here is going to make it worse. I can't help feeling that the best course of action is to fly beneath her radar until June. If she denies doing it, what do I do with that? If she implies it is all in my head, how do I prove otherwise? I'm obviously not going to involve the rest of the students so what evidence do I really have?

Funny you should bring up the part about my kids, because Greg also said something along those lines when my course started and I was getting grief from her. It's funny how you'll put up with things yourself, but won't let anyone do the same things to your kids.

[Ammi]

You know a part of me is thinking that any kind of confrontation here is going to make it worse. I can't help feeling that the best course of action is to fly beneath her radar until June. If she denies doing it, what do I do with that? If she implies it is all in my head, how do I prove otherwise? I'm obviously not going to involve the rest of the students so what evidence do I really have?

Funny you should bring up the part about my kids, because Greg also said something along those lines when my course started and I was getting grief from her. It's funny how you'll put up with things yourself, but won't let anyone do the same things to your kids.

..I think you've just got to go with how you feel is the best way to handle it because you're the one who is in the situation and have a feeling of how you think she'll react if you say anything...and she probably would just deny it all tbh, but she would then be aware of how aware you are about it and maybe realise that she could get into trouble or better 'be less obvious'..?...I think you've just got to see how it goes and if it's really becoming an issue for you and maybe detracting from your studies/course, then decide what to do then...

[Mystic Mock]

Bother me it does.