In a relationship ...

[Urban Cragou]

Don't mean to sound shallow or anything but would feelings of being very unattractive (on your or partner's side) be a slight barrier?

[Samm]

No, because you partner will love you if your in a relationship

[Ammi]

...hmmm, that is possible..do you mean if someone has a very low self image..?..

[Urban Cragou]

...hmmm, that is possible..do you mean if someone has a very low self image..?..

Either. Two examples would be (on someone's side) feeling inadequate and 'not good enough' for a partner because of feeling unattractive and someone (partner's side) with genuine feelings of affection and love but is put off because of thinking the partner's unattractive.

A slightly more extreme case would be if one had BBD so an incredibly distorted view of how they look, so might especially feel they're not in the partner's league or something.

[Kyle]

Either. Two examples would be (on someone's side) feeling inadequate and 'not good enough' for a partner because of feeling unattractive and someone (partner's side) with genuine feelings of affection and love but is put off because of thinking the partner's unattractive.

A slightly more extreme case would be if one had BBD so an incredibly distorted view of how they look, so might especially feel they're not in the partner's league or something.

You mean Body Dysmorphic Disorder? I have that.

[Urban Cragou]

You mean Body Dysmorphic Disorder? I have that.

That's the one and :hug:

[Ammi]

Either. Two examples would be (on someone's side) feeling inadequate and 'not good enough' for a partner because of feeling unattractive and someone (partner's side) with genuine feelings of affection and love but is put off because of thinking the partner's unattractive.

A slightly more extreme case would be if one had BBD so an incredibly distorted view of how they look, so might especially feel they're not in the partner's league or something.

..ahh, ok..so you mean when you're first attracted to someone and that someone feels in some way not worthy of your affection, type thing..?...

...hmm, yeah, I think that could be a problem in that it would perhaps be very difficult to persuade them of the things that you liked about them/their good qualities or their physically attractive qualities..so that would maybe hinder the relationship from going forward because you would be stuck in that place of trying to persuade them of seeing in themselves what you see in them...I think for me, 'feeling lovely/beautiful' is knowing and believing that your partner believes you are, it's not so much that you are but that you see yourself through their eyes ...and it would be very frustrating to not be able to make someone feel that...lol, does that make any sense..?..

[Kyle]

That's the one and :hug:

:hug: thanks, I'm 4 months into Cognitive behavioural therapy. It's a bastard of a mental illness. Great thread redway.

[Candy Annie Cane]

I am not really aware of BDD, what actually is it? You feel ugly and worthless or deeper than that? I hope I'm not being rude, I've just never really read much about it

[Chuck]

I've seen many cases where the guy wasn't as attractive as the girl and he knew it and he felt very lucky to have her as girlfriend so he just got very possessive and wouldn't let her go out with her mates and wear short skirts etc. All these relationships ended because of it or also because of it.

[Kyle]

I am not really aware of BDD, what actually is it? You feel ugly and worthless or deeper than that? I hope I'm not being rude, I've just never really read much about it

Pretty much. In a nutshell it's an obsession over personal appearance or certain aspects of personal appearance that causes extreme distress and destroys your life. In a typical day I could be in front of a mirror for up to 4 hours and bear in mind I'm a male with no make-up regime.

Some people with BDD can see horrible images of themselves in the mirror that other people can't even see. It's like funhouse mirrors meets Groundhog Day meets the elephant man film.

[x-evenstar-x]

Here's a quote from the NHS website:

'Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), or body dysmorphia, is an anxiety disorder that causes sufferers to spend a lot of time worrying about their appearance and to have a distorted view of how they look.
For example, they may be convinced that a barely visible scar is a major flaw that everyone is staring at, or that their nose looks abnormal.
Having BDD does not mean the person is vain or self-obsessed.
When does low confidence turn into BDD?

Almost everyone feels unhappy about the way they look at some point in their life, but these thoughts usually come and go and can be forgotten.
However, for someone with BDD, the thought of a flaw is very distressing and does not go away.
The person believes they are ugly or defective and that others perceive them in this way, despite reassurances from others about their appearance.
BDD can lead to depression and even thoughts of suicide.'

[Ammi]

I've seen many cases where the guy wasn't as attractive as the girl and he knew it and he felt very lucky to have her as girlfriend so he just got very possessive and wouldn't let her go out with her mates and wear short skirts etc. All these relationships ended because of it or also because of it.

..yeah, I guess if you feel 'not worthy' of someone, it can cause a possessiveness as well, which obviously wouldn't be constructive to a 'two sided/equal' relationship...

[Holly Christmas]

I am not really aware of BDD, what actually is it? You feel ugly and worthless or deeper than that? I hope I'm not being rude, I've just never really read much about it

It's when you actually see yourself as extremely ugly, hate looking at yourself and have a distorted image of yourself, to the point of not believing anyone who gives you a compliment etc, very deep seated in a persons psyche.

Similar to anorexics who truly see themselves as fat when they look in the mirror. False and negative self image.

[thesheriff443]

Pretty much. In a nutshell it's an obsession over personal appearance or certain aspects of personal appearance that causes extreme distress and destroys your life. In a typical day I could be in front of a mirror for up to 4 hours and bear in mind I'm a male with no make-up regime.

Some people with BDD can see horrible images of themselves in the mirror that other people can't even see. It's like funhouse mirrors meets Groundhog Day meets the elephant man film.

are you serious? and im being serious!

[Kyle]

are you serious? and im being serious!

Yeh.

[thesheriff443]

Yeh.

its funny I mentioned to kaz that you where a good looking bloke but did not seem to have a lot confidence.

[Kyle]

its funny I mentioned to kaz that you where a good looking bloke but did not seem to have a lot confidence.

Thanks mate, how did you know I didn't have a lot of confidence? Can you tell by how a person posts?

[thesheriff443]

Thanks mate, how did you know I didn't have a lot of confidence? Can you tell by how a person posts?

I think our personality's come out in our posts and the more we post on different topics helps us build a profile of that person.

I looked at your pic in meet the members and then you posted something about girls and your self and the two did not match, that lead me to think you had a lack of confidence.

[x-evenstar-x]

its funny I mentioned to kaz that you where a good looking bloke but did not seem to have a lot confidence.

Thanks mate, how did you know I didn't have a lot of confidence? Can you tell by how a person posts?

If only you believed him!

[thesheriff443]

If only you believed him!

what?

[Kyle]

I think our personality's come out in our posts and the more we post on different topics helps us build a profile of that person.

I looked at your pic in meet the members and then you posted something about girls and your self and the two did not match, that lead me to think you had a lack of confidence.

Ah yeh good spot mate.

[x-evenstar-x]

what?

I wish he would believe that people think he is good looking.

[GypsyGoth]

Ah yeh good spot mate.

The treatment you're having for it now, will you be kinda cured of it by the end, or will it be something you'll always struggle with?

[Kyle]

The treatment you're having for it now, will you be kinda cured of it by the end, or will it be something you'll always struggle with?

They still don't know enough about BDD to find a way to 'cure' it. The best way at the moment is CBT and SSRI's to hopefully curb obsessive tendencies and negative self image. For a lot of people it can improve their lives. It will have some effect on me for the rest of my life. How much I don't know yet.

For anyone reading who thinks they have BDD (1-2% of the population according to some estimates) then it's definitely advisable to see your GP and get yourself in treatment cos it can get worse over time and it has one of the highest suicide rates going.

[thesheriff443]

I wish he would believe that people think he is good looking.

we all have hang ups, but its good that he is getting help.

[x-evenstar-x]

we all have hang ups, but its good that he is getting help.

I know everyone has hang ups, it just so happens for some it's very extreme though and it's heart breaking to see something like this destroy someone.

And yeah, it is :-)

[thesheriff443]

They still don't know enough about BDD to find a way to 'cure' it. The best way at the moment is CBT and SSRI's to hopefully curb obsessive tendencies and negative self image. For a lot of people it can improve their lives. It will have some effect on me for the rest of my life. How much I don't know yet.

For anyone reading who thinks they have BDD (1-2% of the population according to some estimates) then it's definitely advisable to see your GP and get yourself in treatment cos it can get worse over time and it has one of the highest suicide rates going.

good advice, we all have some ocd traits, for sum they are just a fleeting habit but for some it can take over your life.

[thesheriff443]

I know everyone has hang ups, it just so happens for some it's very extreme though and it's heart breaking to see something like this destroy someone.

And yeah, it is :-)

oh course, like sm as mentioned a lot cant live with this condition and take their own lifes.
it takes great strength to seek help and even more to talk about it on here.

[Kyle]

oh course, like sm as mentioned a lot cant live with this condition and take their own lifes.
it takes great strength to seek help and even more to talk about it on here.

In a way I kinda glad Redway brought it up. This site gets a fair bit of traffic there will be members on here and guests even that may read it and think 'sh*t that's me' or something.

[x-evenstar-x]

oh course, like sm as mentioned a lot cant live with this condition and take their own lifes.
it takes great strength to seek help and even more to talk about it on here.

It is a very brave step seeking help, it's not easy. Also like you say openly talking about it here too is a great strength!

It's a devastating condition and one that is very unknown, more research needs to take place.

[thesheriff443]

In a way I kinda glad Redway brought it up. This site gets a fair bit of traffic there will be members on here and guests even that may read it and think 'sh*t that's me' or something.

very true sm, you may even want to do your own separate thread, with a clearer title, that's not taking nothing away from redway

[Candy Annie Cane]

Is it so something that you've always had Kyle or is something that has started later?

[x-evenstar-x]

Is it so something that you've always had Kyle or is something that has started later?

I guess Kyle can tell you about himself but in general it's something developed by outside influences in our lives and it commonly surfaces when a person is in their teens.

[thesheriff443]

It is a very brave step seeking help, it's not easy. Also like you say openly talking about it here too is a great strength!

It's a devastating condition and one that is very unknown, more research needs to take place.

its under the mental health umbrella, it all boils down to funding.
but more needs to be done.

[x-evenstar-x]

its under the mental health umbrella, it all boils down to funding.
but more needs to be done.

That's true. Why does everything cost money!! Lol

[Candy Annie Cane]

I guess Kyle can tell you about himself but in general it's something developed by outside influences in our lives and it commonly surfaces when a person is in their teens.

Ah right, so it is like anorexia then? It's awful that not more is known about this..

[Kyle]

Is it so something that you've always had Kyle or is something that has started later?

It starts for most people in adolescence Annie and it did for me too. It started for me with the odd comment about my nose then an obsession over that developed and before you know it every part of your body gets heavily scrutinised.

[x-evenstar-x]

Ah right, so it is like anorexia then? It's awful that not more is known about this..

Emm in a way, it's more similar to OCD than anorexia in the way the mind works with it all but I suppose it's similar with seeing distorted images of ourselves.

[Candy Annie Cane]

It starts for most people in adolescence Annie and it did for me too. It started for me with the odd comment about my nose then an obsession over that developed and before you know it every part of your body gets heavily scrutinised.

Well, I hope your therapy goes someway to allowing you to see what other people see....a good looking guy, with nothing to scrutinise. I guess it's an uphill struggle though? It's great that you can about it on here, as you've said it coukd just help someone who is struggling and thinking they are the only person who feels this way... :love:

[Candy Annie Cane]

Emm in a way, it's more similar to OCD than anorexia in the way the mind works with it all but I suppose it's similar with seeing distorted images of ourselves.

Yeah, sorry, I meant like most anorexics start in adolescence, once puberty hits and body image becomes a big deal...

[x-evenstar-x]

Yeah, sorry, I meant like most anorexics start in adolescence, once puberty hits and body image becomes a big deal...

Ahhh I see, yeah.

[Natalie.]

It's great that you can talk about this on here :) I'm always interested in reading about mental health

[Kyle]

Well, I hope your therapy goes someway to allowing you to see what other people see....a good looking guy, with nothing to scrutinise. I guess it's an uphill struggle though? It's great that you can about it on here, as you've said it coukd just help someone who is struggling and thinking they are the only person who feels this way... :love:

Statistically there probably will be.

I wish Redway was still online I'd love to ask him or her how they know about it because like you said not a lot is known about it in the general public.

[Kyle]

It's great that you can talk about this on here :) I'm always interested in reading about mental health

Me too. It's shocking how many different mental disorders there are.

[x-evenstar-x]

Here's a link to a really good article that will give you a good idea of what it's like. You don't need to read it just look at the pictures, they show images of people of how they believe they look and how they actually look.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/beauty/article-1195336/Body-dysmorphic-disorder-Four-beautiful-women-distorted-way-THEY-themselves.html

[Z]

Oh definitely. If one half of the couple truly believes that they are ugly and therefore not deserving of the relationship; or if a single person believes that they are ugly and therefore not deserving of any relationship, I think that it would take someone with a lot of determination and patience to try and break down that belief and help that person believe in themselves - and nowadays, in our society where there is a very strong, pervasive culture that insists you must look like something out of a magazine or you're ugly and worthless; most people do not have the time or patience to wait for the reserved, sad and unhappy guy or girl to come around and realise that they aren't all the horrible things they believe that they are; they'd rather chase someone who doesn't have that hang up because it's less hassle.

It's horrible, really, when you think about it. I'm glad you're getting help Kyle :hug: I don't remember what you look like but you seem like a really cool guy and you shouldn't be unhappy!

[Urban Cragou]

Statistically there probably will be.

I wish Redway was still online I'd love to ask him or her how they know about it because like you said not a lot is known about it in the general public.

Apologies for replying late... only just seen this. Anyway, I tend to disregard media sources for portraying hyperbolic, offensive ideas about mental illness but there is the odd good story up on that sort of thing. But I've always been quite interested in psychological matters, so have kind of done my own research about it.

Views on mental health to the general public are indeed often ill-informed and stereotypical but I find there's an increasingly available amount of awareness on it; there was a show called Bedlam a couple of weeks back, featuring one of the oldest and infamous asylums and how it's now being used to help people with serious issues. Don't think there was BDD but certainly the likes of manic depression and extreme OCD, which was a real eye-opener go me and the unfortunate stigma they still face in their everyday lives.

There was quite some focus on anxiety disorders (such as OCD), so perhaps body dysmorphic disorder fits into that?

[Kyle]

Apologies for replying late... only just seen this. Anyway, I tend to disregard media sources for portraying hyperbolic, offensive ideas about mental illness but there is the odd good story up on that sort of thing. But I've always been quite interested in psychological matters, so have kind of done my own research about it.

Views on mental health to the general public are indeed often ill-informed and stereotypical but I find there's an increasingly available amount of awareness on it; there was a show called Bedlam a couple of weeks back, featuring one of the oldest and infamous asylums and how it's now being used to help people with serious issues. Don't think there was BDD but certainly the likes of manic depression and extreme OCD, which was a real eye-opener go me and the unfortunate stigma they still face in their everyday lives.

There was quite some focus on anxiety disorders (such as OCD), so perhaps body dysmorphic disorder fits into that?

It's alright mate no worries.

Yeh there's definitely more awareness coming through, there was a specifically BDD program called 'too ugly for love' which showcased a few people and their lives. Unfortunately the gentleman on there who was convinced he had dark rings around his eyes and used to post on a BDD forum I was on took his own life early this year. I've never been able to watch more than a few minutes the documentary actually too emotional and close to the bone for me funnily enough.

BDD and OCD used to come under the same umbrella in the NHS though very recently it's changed, I'll have to ask my therapist where the NICE guidelines have put it now but basically every leaflet and booklet I've ever been given has been for OCD and BDD.