Ignoring your instincts

[Niamh.]

*Inspired by Caitlins thread*

Caitlins thread got me thinking about this, do we as a modern society ignore our basic instincts for fear of offending people too much? Have you ever ignored an in instinct and then later kicked yourself when things turned out badly?

One example for myself was a few years ago, I'd borrowed a van from a friend of my dads to take abroad for a couple of weeks. My dad asked me if I'd leave my car at work incase his friend needed to borrow his jeep while I was away and then he could use my car. I knew his friend would never ask to borrow his jeep and I got such a bad feeling about leaving my car there but because I was borrowing the van from his friend I bit my tongue about my concerns because I felt obliged to agree............my car was burnt out while I was away.

Also, here's the example from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo I was talking about in caitlins thread (spoilers if you haven't read the book/seen the film)

(Semi-spoiler alert.) Towards the climax of the film, Martin (the bad guy) returns home to find Michail (the good guy) in his yard. Sensing that he has been discovered, Martin invites Michail in for a drink – luring him into a trap. Michail complies. And, after a short dance of words, Martin pulls a gun and takes Michail to what can only be described as his dungeon.
There, while Michail is hanging from the ceiling, Martin does what is apparently a psychological necessity according to the genre; he talks to Michail. And here is where it gets relevant to solo travel.
Reflecting on Michail actions, Martin says how curious it is that people are more fearful of offending a person than for their own safety. Even as Michail’s gut told him that it was not safe to re-enter the house, he did. He could have run but, for fear of offending, he went in for a fateful drink. At least, that was Martin’s take on it and I think, in general, it’s pretty accurate.

[Kyle]

Of course a person can change but a reputation Is a reputation for a reason. If someone has a history of theft and burglary and they become the chief suspect ahead of someone who does not then I think they have little course to complain for arousing people's suspicion.

[Ninastar]

i think theres a huge different between instincts and being judgemental. but people like to get offended either way.

[smudgie]

Never ignore your instinct, better to offend someone than put yourself in danger etc.

[Jezzy]

I always believe in my instincts, seen too many bad things happen when I don't trust myself.

Saying that, I am not an amazing flyer, although I have done many longhaul...There's a difference between phobic and instinct, and sometimes it's difficult to distinguish them. I was convinced I was going to die in a plane crash on my last trip to Thailand, as I was when I went to India.

Funny thing, instinct vs fear.

[Nedusa]

I think phobias are an unnatural fear of something which would completely swamp any instincts one had. I think having good instincts is the ability to read the situation almost on a subliminal level picking up tiny clues from body language and having the ability to join the dots from a range of clues some visible most hidden.

Being able to pick up subtle clues in certain crowd situations when it's about to kick off is a good example of survival instincts.

Not being in the wrong place at the wrong time is a good habit to learn..

[Jezzy]

Being able to pick up subtle clues in certain crowd situations when it's about to kick off is a good example of survival instincts.

Not being in the wrong place at the wrong time is a good habit to learn..

This I agree with, and I can do. Your comments in general are spot on. (On this thread :laugh: )

[Jezzy]

I think having good instincts is the ability to read the situation almost on a subliminal level picking up tiny clues from body language and having the ability to join the dots from a range of clues some visible most hidden.

I think so too.

Being able to pick up subtle clues in certain crowd situations when it's about to kick off is a good example of survival instincts.

Crowds, I can always pick up the vibe. I've been at alot of protests, in a lot of countries. Get out when you think it will turn, always. Not so good in a small group.

Not being in the wrong place at the wrong time is a good habit to learn..

Yeah, it is, but it's a hard lesson and I doubt many perfect it...too much is down to luck.

[Ammi]

..hmmm, I think 'instincts' are quite a strange thing really because people often say things like..'I'm a good judge of character/my instincts are usually right..' type thing but I personally don't think that anyone or most people are better or worse than anyone else tbh...if say, you meet someone for the first time and there could be some slight thing about them that for some reason makes you feel you're not sure about them or you take an instant dislike' to them..that thing that you didn't like about them and made you feel like that, could not be anything to do with them as people as such, but just something about them that has 'sparked an association' with something else in your memory that hasn't been a good memory...and it could be really simple, something just really subtle that you would never realise because it's more in your sub-conscious....

...anyway, I think that what I'm trying to say is that if people do take an 'instant dislike' etc or just see something that they don't like in someone/a personality trait etc...I think that their focus will then be on only the negative things in the person and we all have negatives and irritating things etc, so they will always think that their instincts were right and if it's the opposite in that they like someone, then they can overlook a lot of negatives and only see the positive/nice bits because they're predisposed to do that ..so then that obviously reinforces the feeling that they have good instincts....

..anyway, I think I've lost my thought process..:laugh:...but I think that we all just have instincts and we just go with them if it's appropriate and sometimes we're right and sometimes we're wrong...oh, just one last thing that I should have said lol....I also think when people do have a fixed opinion on someone and then they say 'oh, that person has changed..'..I don't believe that on the whole, people do 'change' that much but what has changed is their perspective of that person, for whatever reason, they are seeing them in a more balanced way and with a different and probably more balanced perspective...

[Kizzy]

I think rather than first impressions which most make within 25 seconds of a first encounter niamh is meaning something different.
Gut instinct or intuition is usually about a situation you are going to experience rather than are experiencing ( like the car senario)
In a real situation where your instinct was that there was a threat I think fight or flight would kick in, self preservation would see you beat a hasty retreat from any percieved threat.
So I don't think life imitates art there, I think being offended is becoming very fashionable now...
People relish being up in arms for this or that, it's getting so nobody dare speak for fear of saying the wrong thing and be branded something 'ist'.

[Niamh.]

Yeah kizzy, that's what I meant, more about situations rather then opinions on people (although people would apply but more of a situation involving people if you know what I mean)

[Kizzy]

I think it's easy to compromise yourself for fear of offending others. Like saying no... it sounds easy doesn't it? but it isn't really because then you have to justify why... even then you feel bad :laugh:

[Niamh.]

Yeah, "because I have a bad feeling about it" won't cut it with most people either :laugh:

[Kizzy]

How come you had to leave the car at work, couldn't you have left it at home or your dads house?

[Niamh.]

How come you had to leave the car at work, couldn't you have left it at home or your dads house?

Just because we both live around 45/50 minutes away from work (in opposite directions) so it wouldn't have been practical in a case where that guy I borrowed the van from wanted to use my dads Jeep

[Kizzy]

Ah right a workmate, so your dad would've driven his jeep to work and swapped over there?
Turned out an expensive booze run then :/

[smeagol]

instinct is usually right. you know something is a bad idea you can tell. you feel it, you know you should go left not right , but if your like me your do it anyway. just to see what happens. lol

[lostalex]

Instincts are usually wrong.

for instance, when someone get's impaled on something, your first instinct is to try to remove it, but that's actually the most dangerous thing you could do. The person will bleed out and die in minutes.

when your frying pan catches fire your instinct is to throw water over it, which is the worst thing you can do. It just spreads hot oil everywhere and does nothing to put out the fire.

or even more primal, when you are angry or scared, your instinct is to lash out at the person you are angry or scared with, but violence only makes the situation worse. (the trayvon martin case recently is a good example of this)

Relying on instincts is usually a bad idea. but... we are animals, so of course we have instincts and it's hard to deny them. Telling someone to just ignore their instincts is like telling an alcoholic to just avoid alcohol, or telling a fat person to just stop eating so much. It ain't that easy.

[smeagol]

Instincts are usually wrong.

for instance, when someone get's impaled on something, your first instinct is to try to remove it, but that's actually the most dangerous thing you could do. The person will bleed out and die in minutes.

when your frying pan catches fire your instinct is to throw water over it, which is the worst thing you can do. It just spreads hot oil everywhere and does nothing to put out the fire.

or even more primal, when you are angry or scared, your instinct is to lash out at the person you are angry or scared with, but violence only makes the situation worse. (the trayvon martin case recently is a good example of this)

Relying on instincts is usually a bad idea. but... we are animals, so of course we have instincts and it's hard to deny them. Telling someone to just ignore their instincts is like telling an alcoholic to just avoid alcohol, or telling a fat person to just stop eating so much. It ain't that easy.


those are good points actually. but they are sort of reaction instincts , i'm sure there's a better word for it i cant think right now.
when i think of instinct i think more of the feeling you get the deeper level of just knowing. not the first reaction instinct

like should i place a bet i know i'm going to lose i can feel it. i just know but i,ll do it anyway lol. smart people would trust their instinct

[Kizzy]

I would say panic can make you respond irrationally to extreme stress not instinct.
Lashing out is either learned behaviour or an adrenaline fuelled fight or flight response.
Alcoholism is an addiction, so a physical or psycological dependence to a substance, nothing like instinct which is innate.

[lostalex]

I would say panic can make you respond irrationally to extreme stress not instinct.
Lashing out is either learned behaviour or an adrenaline fuelled fight or flight response.
Alcoholism is an addiction, so a physical or psycological dependence to a substance, nothing like instinct which is innate.

Addiction is similar to instinct because it is your subconscious along with your body chemistry affecting your behavior.

[Kizzy]

But addiction is something that has to be introduced initially, instinct is inborne.
Addictions can also be overcome or treated, instinct is inherent.

[lostalex]

But addiction is something that has to be introduced initially, instinct is inborne.
Addictions can also be overcome or treated, instinct is inherent.

that's not true, you are born with the disease of addiction, you can't "catch it" like the flu. I'm talking about the psychological disease of addiction, not physical addiction to drugs. physical(chemical) addiction is different. Not all people who get a physical(chemical) addiction have the psychological disease called addiction.

[Kizzy]

that's not true, you are born with the disease of addiction, you can't "catch it" like the flu. I'm talking about the psychological disease of addiction, not physical addiction to drugs. physical(chemical) addiction is different. Not all people who get a physical(chemical) addiction have the psychological disease called addiction.

I don't believe you can separate the two as easy, physical addiction can cause psychological change.
But I wouldn't call either an instinct.
What addictions are you born with?

[lostalex]

I don't believe you can separate the two as easy, physical addiction can cause psychological change.
But I wouldn't call either an instinct.
What addictions are you born with?

Addiction is a general psychological disorder, usually when someone gives up one addictive behavior they go on to another one, so it's a general disorder. drug addicts who get clean will often then go on to use gambling, or sex, or food in an addictive way. Addiction itself is a much larger psychological disease than just the behaviors. drug use, or eating disorders, or gambling are just the symptoms of the disease of addiction.

[Kizzy]

Addiction is a general psychological disorder, usually when someone gives up one addictive behavior they go on to another one, so it's a general disorder. drug addicts who get clean will often then go on to use gambling, or sex, or food in an addictive way. Addiction itself is a much larger psychological disease than just the behaviors. drug use, or eating disorders, or gambling are just the symptoms of the disease of addiction.

If someone is looking for escapism for some issues that can be classed as a psychological dependence that requires therapy.
I still don't see it as an instinct, an inherant predisposition for some maybe based on genetics.

[lostalex]

If someone is looking for escapism for some issues that can be classed as a psychological dependence that requires therapy.
I still don't see it as an instinct, an inherant predisposition for some maybe based on genetics.

I said it's LIKE an instinct, because your subconscious is controlling your behavior. A smoker knows that smoking is bad, but his subconscious finds a way to make him smoke, in that way it's an instinct. You aren't consciously aware of why you are doing something, that's why i'm saying it's LIKE an instinct. It's subconscious, like an instinct.

I really can't believe you are so confused about this. I think you're just pulling my chain now.

[Kizzy]

I said it's LIKE an instinct, because your subconscious is controlling your behavior. A smoker knows that smoking is bad, but his subconscious finds a way to make him smoke, in that way it's an instinct. You aren't consciously aware of why you are doing something, that's why i'm saying it's LIKE an instinct. It's subconscious, like an instinct.

I really can't believe you are so confused about this. I think you're just pulling my chain now.

No I'm not, I just don't agree.
With an addiction it's the level of whatever it is that you're craving that compels you, if gambling it could be adrenaline? So not really a unexplained subconscious act.
With instinct there is no stimuli to crave.