Her new collum: Why i don't believe in Monogamy

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Although its controversial she makes some very good points, why do we all strive to find that one special person who will make us eternally happy?

I think she's bang on when saying that making cheating taboo just makes it more exciting but if you lay your cards on the table and both agree to be in each others life and see what happens then temptation wont be as thrilling therefor is less likely to happen and ruin a potentially great relationship.

She posts

"consider the one person that may shatter your idealistic world to pieces when lack of trust leads to snooping through texts and emails"

I think 90% of people can relate to that moment when you go crazy in a relationship and start snooping through your partners phone. Relationships can be unwanted stress and for what? Just trying to find that perfect life you see in the movies or how we feel we are supposed to be. Those are my words.

Here's her full article.

After all, that tantalising temptress of tease is what butchered our furry feline friend… as well as those cripplingly complex relationships us mere mortals create and cling to so dearly.

Yet we as humans are creatures of spontaneity, impulse, and that seductive little bitch, temptation.

So why as a nation are we so enchanted by the magical allure of monogamy? The need to mate with a sole lone ranger? On finding that ONE person to spend the rest of your life with? Zzzzzz…

Question yourself why the Disney fairytale has translated into real life, forever in quest of the one person you can never share, as if s/he is a shiny trinket to admire on the mantlepiece.

I ask that you challenge our ideals of why we are content perpetually searching for the one person who will never falter, as if s/he is immune from the eye candy they will inevitably cross paths with.


Instead, consider the one person that may shatter your idealistic world to pieces when lack of trust leads to snooping through texts and emails… and you discover you're definitely not the only ONE.

Call me a cynical skeptic. I call it reliable realism.

And besides, you’re the one missing out on instinctive and salacious hook-ups…

When I enter a relationship, I categorically do not dive blindly in thinking, 'This is it!'

My eyes are wide open – like ‘Homer Simpson realising there's no beer in the fridge left’ open – and my heart is definitely not worn on my sleeve. Lee Ryan, take note.

And I truly believe I would forgive my partner if he had a one-night stand, not because I’m a doormat, but because I just don’t see how you can only be with one person forevermore.

Eve ate the apple because she was tempted and I think we will be grabbing juicy, succulent, mouth watering fruit from trees to satisfy our needs throughout our whole existence.


So now for the twist, if we could learn to be open and honest with each other, then there would be no such thing as cheating. Hear me out...

There would be less broken hearts, less paranoid people, more trust in a relationship. And maybe K-Stew and R-Patz would still be together.

Besides, if the fruit is not forbidden, would you still grab it?

I always say to the guys I date, 'Let's be together for now and see what happens. If you want to see other people or sleep around, fine – but it works both ways.'

Weirdly, once having a licence to thrill becomes acceptable, it essentially becomes less exciting.

If anyone has cheated – yeah, you with the inbox you keep deleting – you'll know the excitement of sneaking around lies at the heart of the fun.


Once that's stripped away, the whole thing falls a bit flat and seems less appealing… and you realise you're just banging your ugly boss in a suit.

On the flip side, two loving relationships co-existing does not appeal to me.

The idea of my partner 'dating' someone else simultaneously gives me that raw throat lump we get when we try not to cry Not because of the sex, but because the idea of someone I cherish having an emotional attachment to another bed-buddy sends my stomach into rollercoaster flips.

You can’t be in love with two people at the same time, and I certainly wouldn’t want to be the one on the wrong side of rose-tinted domestic bliss; rejection isn’t really my forte.

While everyone has their own views on relationships and how to conduct them, I can’t help but think if monogamy was a non-issue and we were free to do what we wanted to, more severed bonds might survive the dreaded inevitably of broken hearts due to wandering eyes… and hands.

So, singletons or taken totty, call me maybe?

[GiRTh]

In which publication can I find her relationship advice? Cosmo for porn stars? Her advice is dire.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

In which publication can I find her relationship advice? Cosmo for porn stars? Her advice is dire.

I don't agree with every thing but she makes some really good points if you actually read it with an open mind and not your ideal ideas on how your life should be. If you did infact even bother to read it.

[Niamh.]

I wouldn't fancy it myself tbh I don't really agree with any of her points either, I mean :

I think 90% of people can relate to that moment when you go crazy in a relationship and start snooping through your partners phone.

90% of people? really? I doubt it

[GiRTh]

I don't agree with every thing but she makes some really good points if you actually read it with an open mind and not your ideal ideas on how your life should be. If you did infact even bother to read it.Why the attitude? What make you think I haven't read it and do you think this can be taken seriously?

Her advice does not take into account people with lower sex drives than her. Her advise doesnt take into account people with a higher emotional attachment than her. Her advise is basically advise she'd give herself. So do you know where I can find her astonishing insight or do you just want to ask daft questions? Sorry for the attitude but you started it.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Why the attitude? What make you think I haven't read it and do you think this can be taken seriously?

Her advice does not take into account people with lower sex drives than her. Her advise doesnt take into account people with a higher emotional attachment than her. Her advise is basically advise she'd give herself. So do you know where I can find her astonishing insight or do you just want to ask daft questions? Sorry for the attitude but you started it.


Actually it does.

"On the flip side, two loving relationships co-existing does not appeal to me.

The idea of my partner 'dating' someone else simultaneously gives me that raw throat lump we get when we try not to cry.

Not because of the sex, but because the idea of someone I cherish having an emotional attachment to another bed-buddy sends my stomach into rollercoaster flips.

You can’t be in love with two people at the same time, and I certainly wouldn’t want to be the one on the wrong side of rose-tinted domestic bliss; rejection isn’t really my forte
"

[Niamh.]

Actually it does.

"On the flip side, two loving relationships co-existing does not appeal to me.

The idea of my partner 'dating' someone else simultaneously gives me that raw throat lump we get when we try not to cry.

Not because of the sex, but because the idea of someone I cherish having an emotional attachment to another bed-buddy sends my stomach into rollercoaster flips.

You can’t be in love with two people at the same time, and I certainly wouldn’t want to be the one on the wrong side of rose-tinted domestic bliss; rejection isn’t really my forte
"

I *think* Girth is saying people who don't separate sex from love and therefore would have a higher emotional attachment to their partners

[GiRTh]

Actually it does.

"On the flip side, two loving relationships co-existing does not appeal to me.

The idea of my partner 'dating' someone else simultaneously gives me that raw throat lump we get when we try not to cry.

Not because of the sex, but because the idea of someone I cherish having an emotional attachment to another bed-buddy sends my stomach into rollercoaster flips.

You can’t be in love with two people at the same time, and I certainly wouldn’t want to be the one on the wrong side of rose-tinted domestic bliss; rejection isn’t really my forte
"'Instinctive and salacious hook ups' are not for every one but she gives the impression that you're missing out if you don't engage in this activity. Some people dont care about missing out and she doesnt take them into consideration. She's basically giving advise to people just like her

[GiRTh]

I *think* Girth is saying people who don't separate sex from love and therefore would have a higher emotional attachment to their partners:worship:

[daniel-lewis-1985]

'Instinctive and salacious hook ups' are not for every one but she gives the impression that you're missing out if you don't engage in this activity. Some people dont care about missing out and she doesnt take them into consideration. She's basically giving advise to people just like her

Its not advice its her opinion and asking people to look at it from a different perspective and after reading it a lot of it does make sense.

Don't get me wrong I couldn't deal with my partner sleeping with someone else but that's not because of the sex its the worry of them falling in love with them.

[Niamh.]

Its not advice its her opinion and asking people to look at it from a different perspective and after reading it a lot of it does make sense.

Don't get me wrong I couldn't deal with my partner sleeping with someone else but that's not because of the sex its the worry of them falling in love with them.

I think it only makes sense if your partner having sex with other people wouldn't bother you though :laugh: And I'm willing to bet it would bother most people!

[daniel-lewis-1985]

I think it only makes sense if your partner having sex with other people wouldn't bother you though :laugh: And I'm willing to bet it would bother most people!

But like she also says that taking away the taboo of cheating makes it less appealing/exciting and therefor what I took from it is eventually this would lead to a stronger relationship where you realise the grass isn't greener.

I agree with you that most people couldn't deal with it but it does kind of makes sense if you think about it long term and not just quick hook-ups.

[GiRTh]

Opinions or advice its still very focused on her personal preferences. Why is she giving sex tips anyway? What qualifications does she have other than having had multiple cocks at the same time?

[Niamh.]

But like she also says that taking away the taboo of cheating makes it less appealing/exciting and therefor what I took from it is eventually this would lead to a stronger relationship where you realise the grass isn't greener.

Meh I don't buy that logic I'm afraid and I don't think that most people cheat because it's exciting either, maybe some do but I don't think it's the only or the most popular reason people cheat at all, I think mostly people who cheat do so because they fancy someone else and don't have the self control to say no :shrug:

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Opinions or advice its still very focused on her personal preferences. Why is she giving sex tips anyway? What qualifications does she have other than having had multiple cocks at the same time?

Where are the sex tips? If so having multiple cocks woud make her qualified on sex lol plus ofcourse its personal preference its her column but she's asking people just to think of the idea and not telling them how they should be.

I just think there's nothing worse than being in a relationship and worrying that your partner will cheat which most people do, its a head ****.

If you go into a relationship without expectations and actually take a chance that eventually you will both tire of the whole temptation or lifestyle and just be in love with each other that would be a much better relationship eventually seeing as its totally open and honest.

The worst thing about monogamy is in my opinion how destructive it can be. Most couples cant even admit to even looking at another person without extreme jealousy and paranoia. That's a miserable relationship to be in and I think most people have experienced that.

God I sound like Carrie Bradshaw lol.

[GiRTh]

Where are the sex tips? If so having multiple cocks woud make her qualified on sex lol plus ofcourse its personal preference its her column but she's asking people just to think of the idea and not telling them how they should be.

I just think there's nothing worse than being in a relationship and worrying that your partner will cheat which most people do, its a head ****.

If you go into a relationship without expectations and actually take a chance that eventually you will both tire of the whole temptation or lifestyle and just be in love with each other that would be a much better relationship eventually seeing as its totally open and honest.

The worst thing about monogamy is in my opinion how destructive it can be. Most couples cant even admit to even looking at another person without extreme jealousy and paranoia. That's a miserable relationship to be in and I think most people have experienced that.

God I sound like Carrie Bradshaw lol.Its her stunted views on relationships and like Niamh said she doesn't seem to realise that sex and relationship are to some people all part of the same thing. I dont think its admirable that she so easily differentiates between sex and relationship cuz I think most men would not be of the same opinions as her. Personally, I doubt she's even has had multiple cocks at the same time as many times as she like to give the impression. She's 25 or 26 right? She must have started young, possibly underage, and been going at it hammer and tongs to be as sexually experienced as she likes people to think. I doubt she's had many meaningful relationship even though she has a kid as I think most men would be put off by her eventually.

[Lee.]

If you've got a great relationship where you're friends as well as lovers, can make each other laugh, trust each other 100%, have no self esteem issues and don't crave attention continually, monogamy happens naturally IMO.

[Niamh.]

If you've got a great relationship where you're friends as well as lovers, can make each other laugh, trust each other 100%, have no self esteem issues and don't crave attention continually, monogamy happens naturally IMO.

Exactly :love:

[GiRTh]

If you've got a great relationship where you're friends as well as lovers, can make each other laugh, trust each other 100%, have no self esteem issues and don't crave attention continually, monogamy happens naturally IMO.I agree. :thumbs:

But her opinions aren't for you. You're missing out, as far as Luisa is concerned, on the instinctive hook up. Luisa doesn't seem to realise that sex can still be exciting even of you've know each other for ten years. Luisa seems to think Sex is only exciting when its with randoms. Sorry but the column and her opinions are dire.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

If you've got a great relationship where you're friends as well as lovers, can make each other laugh, trust each other 100%, have no self esteem issues and don't crave attention continually, monogamy happens naturally IMO.

But how often does that happen? That's a lot of great qualities which anyone would love to have but lets face it people aren't that simple and perfect. Yes its ideal to have 100% trust and be best friends and in love but people end up being disappointed seeing as this rarey happens.

How many relationships break up or how many people get divorced, in my life more people are divorced than married and all have had multiple failed relationships where they have strived for everything to be perfect and given up on each other because it fails to materialise that way.

[Lee.]

But how often does that happen? That's a lot of great qualities which and chances are people wont be that perfect. Yes its ideal to have 100% trust and be best friends and in love but people end up being disappointed seeing as this rarey happens.

How many relationships break up or how many people get divorced, in my life more people are divorced than married and all have had multiple failed relationships where they have strived for everything to be perfect and given up on each other because it fails to materialise that way.

It happens a lot.. Every single one if my friends is in a happy monogamous relationship.. Obviously there's no guarantee that every couple will be together till death do them part, but to most people shagging around won't make them any happier.

[Kyle]

It happens a lot.. Every single one if my friends is in a happy monogamous relationship.. Obviously there's no guarantee that every couple will be together till death do them part, but to most people shagging around won't make them any happier.

Agreed.

I have no idea why the OP can't seem to let go trying to convince people it will make relationships better if we 'pretend' not to care about our partners having sex with other people.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

It happens a lot.. Every single one if my friends is in a happy monogamous relationship.. Obviously there's no guarantee that every couple will be together till death do them part, but to most people shagging around won't make them any happier.

I don't believe that at all, you are saying every single one of your friends are in perfect relationships where theres 100% trust with no slight paranoia or issues?

How can every single one of your friends be in a relationship? Plus we don't know what goes on behind closed doors, all couples are on their best behaviour in public and feel the need to look happy imo but ofcourse that's not true. Couples try to be perfect and when it doesn't work out I think that destroys relationships.

I don't agree that having lots of sex with different people is ok and I couldn't do it but I see her point that being open and honest from the start and not expect everything to be perfect is spot on.

I think going into a relationship its probably more healthy to take the approach of seeing where it goes and not pressurise it by commiting to each other straight away.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Agreed.

I have no idea why the OP can't seem to let go trying to convince people it will make relationships better if we 'pretend' not to care about our partners having sex with other people.

Im not im just discussing something I had never considered before and a lot of points do actually make sense.

I don't agree that having lots of sex with different people is 100% ok and I couldn't do it but I see her point that being open and honest from the start and not expect everything to be perfect is spot on.

I think going into a relationship its probably more healthy to take the approach of seeing where it goes and not pressurise it by commiting to each other straight away.

I guess I just have the ability to look at both sides of an opinion.

[Jack_]

Surprisingly interesting read

Doesn't matter what she'd have said though, it's Luisa, some people will refuse to take her seriously. She could find the cure for cancer and some people would still go 'dirty ****ing ***** she sleeps with multiple men I ain't trusting her the ****ing slag'

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Agreed.

I have no idea why the OP can't seem to let go trying to convince people it will make relationships better if we 'pretend' not to care about our partners having sex with other people.

I don't agree that having lots of sex with different people is ok and I couldn't do it but I see her point that being open and honest from the start and not expect everything to be perfect is spot on.

I think going into a relationship its probably more healthy to take the approach of seeing where it goes and not pressurise it by commiting to each other straight away.

[Kyle]

Im not im just discussing something I had never considered before and a lot of points do actually make sense.

And that's fair enough mate if you think they make sense to you then I don't see why you can't apply it to your life. If your straightforward with your partner and they agree why not.

[Niamh.]

Surprisingly interesting read

Doesn't matter what she'd have said though, it's Luisa, some people will refuse to take her seriously. She could find the cure for cancer and some people would still go 'dirty ****ing ***** she sleeps with multiple men I ain't trusting her the ****ing slag'

Excuse me, Luisa was my second favourite in there and favourite after Liz was evicted, I just don't agree with what she's saying :shrug:

[Lee.]

I don't believe that at all, you are saying every single one of your friends are in perfect relationships where theres 100% trust with no slight paranoia or issues?

How can every single one of your friends be in a relationship? Plus we don't know what goes on behind closed doors, all couples are on their best behaviour in public and feel the need to look happy imo but ofcourse that's not true.

Why on earth would I make that up? I have one friend who has been single longer than the rest of us but she's getting married in May.. So yes, every single one of my friends is in a happy monogamous relationship. There is one of us who isn't 100% happy.. They've had their ups and downs, but they've decided to work on it, not just give up.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Why on earth would I make that up? I have one friend who has been single longer than the rest of us but she's getting married in May.. So yes, every single one of my friends is in a happy monogamous relationship. There is one of us who isn't 100% happy.. They've had their ups and downs, but they've decided to work on it, not just give up.

So not all of your friends are in a happy monogamous relationship then. That post is a total contradiction.

So I didn't believe what you said and I was correct.

[Kyle]

I guess I just have the ability to look at both sides of an opinion.

Haw I didn't see this bit when I made my reply. If that's supposed to insult me you'll have to do better than that chief.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Haw I didn't see this bit when I made my reply. If that's supposed to insult me you'll have to do better than that chief.

Yeah sorry lol that was a bit of a dig.

[Kyle]

Yeah sorry lol that was a bit of a dig.

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/3260398/i-m-watching-you-o.gif

[Lee.]

So not all of your friends are in a happy monogamous relationship then. That post is a total contradiction.

So I didn't believe what you said and I was correct.

Because a relationship has ups and downs doesn't mean one if them has cheated. And they do appear to be happy again. My point was that a happy relationship sometimes does need a bit of effort.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Because a relationship has ups and downs doesn't mean one if them has cheated. And they do appear to be happy again. My point was that a happy relationship sometimes does need a bit of effort.

Ok but that's not what you said that's why I responded like that.

[Niamh.]

Ok but that's not what you said that's why I responded like that.

I would say most if not all couples have ups and downs, I don't think sleeping with other people is going to stop that from happening in fact, sleeping with other people while you're on a "down" in your relationship could be the end of the relationship imo

[daniel-lewis-1985]

I would say most if not all couples have ups and downs, I don't think sleeping with other people is going to stop that from happening in fact, sleeping with other people while you're on a "down" in your relationship could be the end of the relationship imo

The point Luisa made in the column was to be upfront from the start of the relationship and see where it takes them. I don't think she once said sleeping with someone else if both parties are not on the same wave length is right.

She is suggesting that people who jump into a monogamous relationship straight away with high expectations are more at risk of getting hurt when someone cheats on them as would most people.

But if the foundation of the relationship is the *Lets not be serious straight away and takes things slow, see where it goes approach imo could end up a much stronger relationship when those two people finally decide they want to be together as its been 100% honest from the start.

The paranoia, suspicion, checking texts, being extremely jealous if your partner dare look at another attractive person business that comes with 100% commitment from day 1 is destructive.

I am sure we have al faced situations like that and its not fun so I think she has a point. I haven't had a relationship for 3 years and that's due to the hassle it brings with the whole "why didn't you call me" "who were you out with" "why hasn't he text me" business, im defo going to try a more relaxed approach next time and just see where it goes.

Its basically just dating various people before committing to that 1 person.

[GiRTh]

Surprisingly interesting read

Doesn't matter what she'd have said though, it's Luisa, some people will refuse to take her seriously. She could find the cure for cancer and some people would still go 'dirty ****ing ***** she sleeps with multiple men I ain't trusting her the ****ing slag'
Luisa wouldn't cure cancer she'd be far too busy telling anyone who'd listen about the golden shower she performed the previous night.

Another reason, there are many, why I dont like her is cuz I frankly dont really believe her and I think she's far too open about her sordid sex life. Some one will undoubtedly say she has no reason to not be open but if she's done the things she's claimed to have for as long as she claims then I would bet my mortgage that at some point she's come across someone who expected a bit more than she was prepared to give, if you know what I mean. So Luisa you're so keen to tell us about the cream pies you've been involved in why dont you tell us about the times when you didnt enjoy it so much cuz the guy wanted to get a bit too rough with her or the guy had his dick so far down her throat that she couldn't breath and threw up. Sorry if you think my description is a bit graphic but I have no doubt is she is who she claims to be then she has stories like this to tell. Im, curious about those times seeing as she so keen to tell us all about it.

Sorry but for me this girl is full of sh*t. What I see is someone who will say what she thinks you want to hear in order to win your approval or maintain her image. I'd like a more in depth look at her sex life cuz I',m sure if we really got into it she wont be all that proud of some of the things she's done.

[Josy]

Hmm if she doesn't believe in monogamy why did she get married :umm2:

Her marriage broke up after her husband had an affair, the way she goes on in that article you would think she would be more 'lenient' with any partners she has?

Anyway I call bull**** on her article, millions and millions of couples have been happily married to one person throughout their entire lives.

[Niamh.]

The point Luisa made in the column was to be upfront from the start of the relationship and see where it takes them. I don't think she once said sleeping with someone else if both parties are not on the same wave length is right.

She is suggesting that people who jump into a monogamous relationship straight away with high expectations are more at risk of getting hurt when someone cheats on them as would most people.

But if the foundation of the relationship is the *Lets not be serious straight away and takes things slow, see where it goes approach imo could end up a much stronger relationship when those two people finally decide they want to be together as its been 100% honest from the start.

The paranoia, suspicion, checking texts, being extremely jealous if your partner dare look at another attractive person business that comes with 100% commitment from day 1 is destructive.

I am sure we have al faced situations like that and its not fun so I think she has a point. I haven't had a relationship for 3 years and that's due to the hassle it brings with the whole "why didn't you call me" "who were you out with" "why hasn't he text me" business, im defo going to try a more relaxed approach next time and just see where it goes.

Its basically just dating various people before committing to that 1 person.

Isn't that just "dating" though? It's not exactly a new concept

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Hmm if she doesn't believe in monogamy why did she get married :umm2:

Her marriage broke up after her husband had an affair, the way she goes on in that article you would think she would be more 'lenient' with any partners she has?

Anyway I call bull**** on her article, millions and millions of couples have been happily married to one person throughout their entire lives.

Hence her now taking a different approach on entering a relationship as her monogamous ones all ended.

And millions also haven't had happy marriages, like I said I know more divorced couples than married ones, not everything is as simple as the majority like to think. People wont even dare to think about what she's saying all shes saying is asking people to think of it logically.

I totally agree if something's not working then why not try a different approach there's nothing wrong with what she is saying and covers the both sides of relationships.

I dont know why some people have to resort to talking about her cum guzzling, calling her a ***** and insinuating shes at risk of rape or worse.

FGS just have an intellectual debate for once.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Isn't that just "dating" though? It's not exactly a new concept

Kind of but most people dating get attached to quickly and expect after date 3 to commit (im guilty of that on more than one occasion).

Multiple dating different people for longer than a few weeks is something most people wont do.

I think taking an approach where you become friends with various people and open up all possibilities with them aka sex for a few months or more then see if you are ready to settle with them or if you are actually compatible in the long run is sensible.

People jump into monogamy way to quick as they want the perfect person so much, I don't think it works like that anymore.

[Jesus.]

Think it's just about terminology. There just isn't anything as exciting in a relationship as having sex with a new person. The build up, the flirting etc, relationships don't have that. I'm not saying it's better or more meaningful in any way, but I can definitely understand the desire to constantly seek out new sex buddies.

I also understand the difference in those feelings and real love and desire for the person that you're with. I'm not saying one is better than the other, just that people need to choose their own paths in life and what seems odd to some of us, seems natural to others.

[Niamh.]

Kind of but most people dating get attached to quickly and expect after date 3 to commit (im guilty of that on more than one occasion).

Multiple dating different people for longer than a few weeks is something most people wont do.

I think taking an approach where you become friends with various people and open up all possibilities with them aka sex for a few months or more then see if you are ready to settle with them or if you are actually compatible in the long run is sensible.

People jump into monogamy way to quick as they want the perfect person so much, I don't think it works like that anymore.


In my experience, the very beginning of a relationship is the most intense (honeymoon period etc) where you have no desire to be with other people because everything is new and exciting with this new person. I would imagine it's only after a year or so (if people are inclined to cheat) that they'll start thinking about it

[daniel-lewis-1985]

In my experience, the very beginning of a relationship is the most intense (honeymoon period etc) where you have no desire to be with other people because everything is new and exciting with this new person. I would imagine it's only after a year or so (if people are inclined to cheat) that they'll start thinking about it

The honeymoon period is exactly that though something that wont last. I think having that honemoon period with a few potential partners and see who it stays with and whos fizzles out can be a far better way to choose a long term partner.

Plus being upfront and telling the people you're dating that it may not lead anywhere is a sensible thing to do.

This article is a lot more sensible than others are making out, its not just I will have a boyfriend and all ways cheat on him its saying she wouldn't get into a serious relationship straight away and invest her emotions as the thought of someone who has deep feelings for her sharing that with someone else turn her stomach.

Not the sex but the emotional connection.

[daniel-lewis-1985]

Think it's just about terminology. There just isn't anything as exciting in a relationship as having sex with a new person. The build up, the flirting etc, relationships don't have that. I'm not saying it's better or more meaningful in any way, but I can definitely understand the desire to constantly seek out new sex buddies.

I also understand the difference in those feelings and real love and desire for the person that you're with. I'm not saying one is better than the other, just that people need to choose their own paths in life and what seems odd to some of us, seems natural to others.

Brilliant post

[Niamh.]

The honeymoon period is exactly that though something that wont last. I think having that honemoon period with a few potential partners and see who it stays with and whos fizzles out can be a far better way to choose a long term partner.

Plus being upfront and telling the people you're dating that it may not lead anywhere is a sensible thing to do.

This article is a lot more sensible than others are making out, its not just I will have a boyfriend and all ways cheat on him its saying she wouldn't get into a serious relationship straight away and invest her emotions as the thought of someone who has deep feelings for her sharing that with someone else turn her stomach.

Not the sex but the emotional connection.

I'm just speaking from personal experience here but the honeymoon period imo wouldn't be viable with multiple people at the same time. The reason it's so good and intense is because of the emotional part of liking this person so much it's almost all consuming, having sex with lots of other people would dilute and tarnish everything that's so great about the honeymoon period imo

[Ammi]

"consider the one person that may shatter your idealistic world to pieces when lack of trust leads to snooping through texts and emails"


'Instead, consider the one person that may shatter your idealistic world to pieces when lack of trust leads to snooping through texts and emails… and you discover you're definitely not the only ONE.'


So now for the twist, if we could learn to be open and honest with each other, then there would be no such thing as cheating. Hear me out...

There would be less broken hearts, less paranoid people, more trust in a relationship. And maybe K-Stew and R-Patz would still be together.


Weirdly, once having a licence to thrill becomes acceptable, it essentially becomes less exciting.

If anyone has cheated – yeah, you with the inbox you keep deleting – you'll know the excitement of sneaking around lies at the heart of the fun.


Once that's stripped away, the whole thing falls a bit flat and seems less appealing… and you realise you're just banging your ugly boss in a suit.

On the flip side, two loving relationships co-existing does not appeal to me.

The idea of my partner 'dating' someone else simultaneously gives me that raw throat lump we get when we try not to cry Not because of the sex, but because the idea of someone I cherish having an emotional attachment to another bed-buddy sends my stomach into rollercoaster flips.


..I think if you do look through your partner's texts etc, you probably need to think about the 'sub-conscious' of that because it isn't something that everyone in a monogamous relationship does..for Luisa, it may be that she knows her own boundaries, so she assumes or is fearful of those boundaries in her partner..?..(if she doesn't commit to monogamy, then why would he, type thing..)..or it could be her own insecurities, which although I do like Luisa and believe it's up to her, how many people she sleeps with in one night...I do think to do that, there is possibly some deep insecurities there....and I think that even more so now because in the article, she appears to be less fearful/bothered by multiple sex partners but more about a partner transferring emotions to someone else...

[lostalex]

All relationships are unique, and anyone making general statements about relationships is an idiot.

[Ammi]

..so many wise words in such a short sentence, Alex...I also think that everyone takes their own character/experiences/associations/'baggage' etc into a relationship and they often base their judgements and beliefs on that....

[Pincho Paxton]

Why I don't believe in Monogamy?

She must be stupid!

I have a Monogamy table right here in my living room!