View Full Version : discovering you have an adopted brother?
the truth
24-03-2014, 03:13 PM
who is in his 50s? how on earth does one deal with that?
it seems he was adopted straight from birth but I don't know a great deal more
any advice ? experiences?
Kazanne
24-03-2014, 03:50 PM
I cant compare ,but I was abandoned as a small child with my older brother,we went on to be happily adopted,but have found out we have 5 other siblings which we have never met,to be brutally honest,I don't really care,they are strangers to me,although it would be nice to see them I think it would start off as you do when you meet people for the first time,I don't think there would be that bond,but it may be different with you.Good luck anyway.
BBfanUSA
24-03-2014, 04:24 PM
I wonder if I have any half siblings and my parents are lying to me...
They were both married to other people and divorced them before meeting each other.
I know that, I have asked them if there's any half siblings that I should know about and they both said no.
Kazanne
24-03-2014, 04:36 PM
I wonder if I have any half siblings and my parents are lying to me...
They were both married to other people and divorced them before meeting each other.
I know that, I have asked them if there's any half siblings that I should know about and they both said no.
I wouldn't think they would lie to you ,would they BBfanUSA?
Cherie
24-03-2014, 05:34 PM
who is in his 50s? how on earth does one deal with that?
it seems he was adopted straight from birth but I don't know a great deal more
any advice ? experiences?
How have you found out? Has he contacted you? I'm so nosy :joker:
the truth
24-03-2014, 06:19 PM
How have you found out? Has he contacted you? I'm so nosy :joker:
no an adoption agency has
Kazanne
24-03-2014, 06:21 PM
Do you WANT to meet him?
user104658
24-03-2014, 06:22 PM
I'd probably be quite interested to know about them. I don't really buy into any of that "blood is thicker than water" crap so it wouldn't really be an emotional issue... If they weren't worth knowing then I'd just cut them loose.
As for having been "lied to", don't think I'd be bothered about that either. People have their reasons for doing all sorts of things. I'd be interested to know what the reasons were, though... For the adoption in the first place, and for the secrecy.
Cherie
24-03-2014, 06:46 PM
Is there no one to tell you of the circumstances of his adoption? Personally I would want to meet him, if only to help him know something of his past.
Marsh.
24-03-2014, 06:51 PM
kind of exposes your true character
:smug:
lostalex
24-03-2014, 06:54 PM
As someone who's adopted, and know I probably have biological siblings out there because my mom was only 15 when she had me, i really don't consider them family and have no desire to know them. If they contacted me i would be friendly, but I probably wouldn't put much effort into making them part of my life.
To me they would be like the cousins i only ever see at funerals and weddings. Im friendly, but they really aren't a part of my life at all, and i don't want them to be.
Everyone's different though. Some adopted people are desperate to know their biological family.
the truth
25-03-2014, 09:22 AM
at this stage he has my deepest sympathies
lostalex
25-03-2014, 09:30 AM
it's totally your choice "the truth" if you don't want to have a relationship with them, you don't have to, and no one should make you feel pressured into it.
you absolutely have a right to say "no , i don't want to know you"
Cherie
25-03-2014, 09:36 AM
at this stage he has my deepest sympathies
because of what he would be getting himself into by contacting the family, or because of what he missed out on?
the truth
25-03-2014, 10:30 AM
because of what he would be getting himself into by contacting the family, or because of what he missed out on?
what he missed out on
Kizzy
25-03-2014, 11:17 AM
Ooh that's tricky, just go with your gut instinct but I have a feeling if they kept you and had him adopted he may be a tad resentful?...
The OP isn't clear - you have a 50 year old brother but you've discovered that your parents adopted him or you have a 50 year old brother who your parents gave up for adoption? I'm assuming it's the latter. How did you discover you have a 50 year old brother after all this time? Did your parents tell you? Has he contacted you because he's found out who his biological family are?
Kizzy
25-03-2014, 11:25 AM
The OP isn't clear - you have a 50 year old brother but you've discovered that your parents adopted him or you have a 50 year old brother who your parents gave up for adoption? I'm assuming it's the latter. How did you discover you have a 50 year old brother after all this time? Did your parents tell you? Has he contacted you because he's found out who his biological family are?
I'm guessing it's the latter too unless they kept him locked in the attic? :laugh:
Niamh.
25-03-2014, 11:28 AM
I'm guessing it's the latter too unless they kept him locked in the attic? :laugh:
I think you misunderstood what Z meant by the former Kizzy
Kizzy
25-03-2014, 11:31 AM
I think you misunderstood what Z meant by the former Kizzy
No I didn't, he's not met the brother.
Niamh.
25-03-2014, 11:36 AM
No I didn't, he's not met the brother.
He actually hasn't said that in any of his posts though
Cherie
25-03-2014, 11:38 AM
The OP isn't clear - you have a 50 year old brother but you've discovered that your parents adopted him or you have a 50 year old brother who your parents gave up for adoption? I'm assuming it's the latter. How did you discover you have a 50 year old brother after all this time? Did your parents tell you? Has he contacted you because he's found out who his biological family are?
iginally Posted by Cherie View Post
How have you found out? Has he contacted you? I'm so nosy
no an adoption agency has
Cherie
25-03-2014, 11:41 AM
what he missed out on
yes but that is not your fault.
Ooh that's tricky, just go with your gut instinct but I have a feeling if they kept you and had him adopted he may be a tad resentful?...
It depends on the circumsances, he may just want to know his medical history :shrug:
Kizzy
25-03-2014, 11:49 AM
He actually hasn't said that in any of his posts though
Well from what I can gather reading the OP he hasn't met him.
Kizzy
25-03-2014, 11:50 AM
yes but that is not your fault.
It depends on the circumsances, he may just want to know his medical history :shrug:
Well I don't know, there could be 101 questions he has I guess.
the truth
25-03-2014, 12:50 PM
he contacted us via an adoption agency , hes 50 odd....he has the same father as me, different mother....I think he was given up for adoption when he was born...I dont know the exact reasons why as my dad isnt with us anymore. I know almost nothing about him, other than the are of the country in which he now lives. there could be children galore, I just dont know. not sure what to do to be honest
Niamh.
25-03-2014, 12:54 PM
he contacted us via an adoption agency , hes 50 odd....he has the same father as me, different mother....I think he was given up for adoption when he was born...I dont know the exact reasons why as my dad isnt with us anymore. I know almost nothing about him, other than the are of the country in which he now lives. there could be children galore, I just dont know. not sure what to do to be honest
maybe he had a good life and is just curious about meeting his blood relatives? What's stopping you from wanting to meet him?
Cherie
25-03-2014, 01:14 PM
he contacted us via an adoption agency , hes 50 odd....he has the same father as me, different mother....I think he was given up for adoption when he was born...I dont know the exact reasons why as my dad isnt with us anymore. I know almost nothing about him, other than the are of the country in which he now lives. there could be children galore, I just dont know. not sure what to do to be honest
If it were me I would want to meet him, he is obviously curious about his past. Turning 50 may have been a bit of a milestone for him/
the truth
25-03-2014, 01:47 PM
I only found out in the past few days so im trying to come to terms with it....I cant imagine how it would feel for him though? so many unquantifiables at this stage.....
Cherie
25-03-2014, 02:07 PM
You have had a few people reply to you who are adopted and have had no issues with their lives and do not wish to know their birth family though that may change in the future, you can't really second guess this, he may not have any issues at all, he may just have had a grandchild and it has prompted him to find out more about his birth family. The only thing you can be sure of is that he has gone to the trouble to find you so he wishes to get in touch. It doesn't have to be in person at first, you could write/email him if you feel you couldn't go through with meeting him in person
If he wants to meet you and you can go for it I think it would be a good thing. I think you can only benefit out of this.
Cherie
25-03-2014, 02:31 PM
If he wants to meet you and you can go for it I think it would be a good thing. I think you can only benefit out of this.
I agree, at any rate thetruth you have nothing to lose. I appreciate it must be a hugh shock though.
I agree, at any rate thetruth you have nothing to lose. I appreciate it must be a hugh shock though.
Yup. I think once the initial shock wears off it will be a lot clearer for him to come to a conclusion of where to go from here.
Seems like the other guy has gone out of his way to open some sort of contact with you truth, please consider that when you make your decision. :thumbs:
..I think it’s all what you personally want truth, do you want to meet him..no expectations etc or anything beyond that, just to meet him..?..he’s obviously contacted the adoption agency..so he’s made his decision that he wants to trace/meet any biological siblings but that decision is only a part of it, you also have to want the same for it to happen...maybe don’t make a decision just yet, because it’s all a bit of a shock and new to you atm, your mind must be whirling with thoughts..take time to think about it all..?...
x-evenstar-x
25-03-2014, 05:57 PM
who is in his 50s? how on earth does one deal with that?
it seems he was adopted straight from birth but I don't know a great deal more
any advice ? experiences?
I meet my sister just a couple years ago, she is my half sister. At first it's was a bit rocky but it's good now! I'm so glad I got to meet her.
What harm can happen in meeting them?
Kizzy
25-03-2014, 08:36 PM
I have two half brothers from my dads first wife, we've never met but if they contacted me I would. I think he's very brave to have made the first move, he might just need a kidney but you never know? ;)
Roy Mars III
25-03-2014, 08:37 PM
depends, is he rich?
the truth
25-03-2014, 10:56 PM
I have two half brothers from my dads first wife, we've never met but if they contacted me I would. I think he's very brave to have made the first move, he might just need a kidney but you never know? ;)
isnt that an episode of curb your enthusiasm? lol
Vicky.
25-03-2014, 11:14 PM
I would be far too curious to pass it up tbh
Kizzy
25-03-2014, 11:41 PM
isnt that an episode of curb your enthusiasm? lol
No it's a new sitcom, Two men and a bitchtroll from hell. :joker:
Nedusa
26-03-2014, 08:41 AM
I am an adopted child and discovered I had four half brothers and a half sister. Really messes up your head, so yes I know where you are coming from on this one.
AnnieK
26-03-2014, 08:44 AM
I am an adopted child and discovered I had four half brothers and a half sister. Really messes up your head, so yes I know where you are coming from on this one.
Have you ever been in contact with them or just know of their existence? I would be so curious I think - but that is very easy to say if you are not thrown into that situation.
Nedusa
26-03-2014, 08:57 AM
Have you ever been in contact with them or just know of their existence? I would be so curious I think - but that is very easy to say if you are not thrown into that situation.
Yes I have met them a few times but as they all live in Ireland it's difficult to meet up too often. My brother and I were adopted together as very young children but our natural mother went back to Ireland and married and had 5 children.
Nice to have more siblings but to call them family , is that a step too far ?
AnnieK
26-03-2014, 09:05 AM
Yes I have met them a few times but as they all live in Ireland it's difficult to meet up too often. My brother and I were adopted together as very young children but our natural mother went back to Ireland and married and had 5 children.
Nice to have more siblings but to call them family , is that a step too far ?
I guess it goes down the nature/nurture debate. They are blood relatives but I would imagine (obviously just supposition) that you have a stronger bond with your adopted family??
It is romanticised I guess in movies and books where children are separated at birth and then find each other later in life but I guess the reality is somewhat different?
Yes I have met them a few times but as they all live in Ireland it's difficult to meet up too often. My brother and I were adopted together as very young children but our natural mother went back to Ireland and married and had 5 children.
Nice to have more siblings but to call them family , is that a step too far ?
..kind of going off topic a bit, I watched Philomena the other night and it does bring home how awful it was for unmarried mothers in Ireland and the 'stigma' and not actually so long ago either and the whole Magdalene laundries etc...
Nedusa
26-03-2014, 09:14 AM
I guess it goes down the nature/nurture debate. They are blood relatives but I would imagine (obviously just supposition) that you have a stronger bond with your adopted family??
It is romanticised I guess in movies and books where children are separated at birth and then find each other later in life but I guess the reality is somewhat different?
Yes I consider my adopted family my "family". And although we share the same Irish birth mother my half brothers and sister are more friends than family.
Cherie
26-03-2014, 09:53 AM
Yes I have met them a few times but as they all live in Ireland it's difficult to meet up too often. My brother and I were adopted together as very young children but our natural mother went back to Ireland and married and had 5 children.
Nice to have more siblings but to call them family , is that a step too far ?
who made contact with who?
Nedusa
26-03-2014, 12:20 PM
who made contact with who?
My brother got a letter from the Adoption agency from our birth mother asking for a meeting, we agreed to meet after some thought and met her ( birth mother) in the adoption agency . Emotional reunion and we have maintained friendly communication ever since. Met my half siblings over in Ireland , that was pretty strange too.
Niamh.
26-03-2014, 12:24 PM
Yes I consider my adopted family my "family". And although we share the same Irish birth mother my half brothers and sister are more friends than family.
I'm a firm believer that it's nurture which creates bonds rather than nature. I would still be curious though i think If i were adopted to meet my biological family
who is in his 50s? how on earth does one deal with that?
it seems he was adopted straight from birth but I don't know a great deal more
any advice ? experiences?
Just go with it, no need to rush, but I feel excited for your future.
ignore that, I see what you are saying now.
It must be pretty hard to take and you must feel a bit upset at not knowing much much earlier. But well, he's still, ya brother, don't let it change anything.
Cherie
26-03-2014, 01:10 PM
My brother got a letter from the Adoption agency from our birth mother asking for a meeting, we agreed to meet after some thought and met her ( birth mother) in the adoption agency . Emotional reunion and we have maintained friendly communication ever since. Met my half siblings over in Ireland , that was pretty strange too.
She obviously never forgot about you. I think it is great you have had the opportunity to meet and get to know them, though I can imagine the decision whether or not to meet must have been a difficult one.
the truth
26-03-2014, 03:19 PM
Im a taurus so I take my time, but when the time is right Ill ask him around to meet the family. its surreal just thinking about it to be honest.
Im a taurus so I take my time, but when the time is right Ill ask him around to meet the family. its surreal just thinking about it to be honest.
..yeah, good luck with it when you do meet him, truth..I can't imagine how weird it must feel to be told that...
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