Does being able to forgive people make you a better person?

[Ninastar]

With all these life sentence programmes on BBC3, Ive found them pretty interesting and I think they give a good view on the situation... I thought they would be biased in 'NO ONE SHOULD BE PUT TO DEATH!!!!11' blah blah blah and with whatever you believe, it was actually pretty good.

One thing came to my attention, and I truly hope no situation like this happens to me.

Some people chose to forgive the killers of their loved ones... Personally, I don't think I could ever do that. There was one woman who had her 3 year old son shot by (i think) a group of teenagers. The boy who did it was sent to life and it took her more or less 10 years to forgive him but she did in the end.

Do you think you could forgive someone for doing something like that? Does it make someone a better person for forgiving a murderer or no, does it make you just the same?

I personally don't think it makes you a better person. I don't think it makes you a worse person or anything, I just think it's something only a few people would actually be able to do.

[Ramsay]

I know i could never forgive something like that

[armand.kay]

I could never tbh

[Niamh.]

I don't know but I know I would feel like a worse person if I forgave someone who killed a family member of mine :/

[MTVN]

Yeah I think forgiveness is always commendable, might sometimes be misguided but its still always commendable

[Novo]

Yeah I think so, just because you've taken a life doesn't mean you are a evil person, lots of things can drive you towards the stage where you feel it is the right thing to do and I believe most people are capable of it if they have been driven that far, a few seconds, the obsession of justice and a gun can make any decent person a murderer if they truly believe they are making the right choose

[Kizzy]

I don't think I could forgive, I might try to make sense of the sequence of events that led that person to the point they committed the act. Just for my own peace of mind more than anything.

[Shaun]

Depends obviously on the motive and mental state of the criminal. I wouldn't say I'd never forgive someone for it, but just using personal experience... the man who killed my cousin, I know nothing about him and as far as I'm aware has shown little remorse, so no forgiveness there...

I don't think people should seek forgiveness either when there's such emotional involvement as a murder or rape or whatever. I'd just want to be left alone and never see them again if I were the victim/a victim's family member...

[Ammi]

With all these life sentence programmes on BBC3, Ive found them pretty interesting and I think they give a good view on the situation... I thought they would be biased in 'NO ONE SHOULD BE PUT TO DEATH!!!!11' blah blah blah and with whatever you believe, it was actually pretty good.

One thing came to my attention, and I truly hope no situation like this happens to me.

Some people chose to forgive the killers of their loved ones... Personally, I don't think I could ever do that. There was one woman who had her 3 year old son shot by (i think) a group of teenagers. The boy who did it was sent to life and it took her more or less 10 years to forgive him but she did in the end.

Do you think you could forgive someone for doing something like that? Does it make someone a better person for forgiving a murderer or no, does it make you just the same?

I personally don't think it makes you a better person. I don't think it makes you a worse person or anything, I just think it's something only a few people would actually be able to do.



..no I don't think that it does make you a better person but I do think that it's something that may make you a 'happier' person in that hatred etc hurts and damages your life more than the other person...

[Livia]

If it was an accident, then I may be able to forgive because after all, there but for the grace of God goes any one of us. Other than an accident, no, I could never forgive.

I don't think forgiving someone makes you a better person.

[smudgie]

Depends on the situation..in all honesty, if someone hurt/raped/ murdered one of my kids then the only thing that would make me feel better is revenge.
Whatever the consequences.

[InOne]

Depends on the circumstances but like most have said, if it was straight out murder then no I could never forgive.

[Kazanne]

NO I would never forgive and never will,maybe an accident I could ,but nothing else.

[Benjamin]

Yeah I think so, just because you've taken a life doesn't mean you are a evil person, lots of things can drive you towards the stage where you feel it is the right thing to do and I believe most people are capable of it if they have been driven that far, a few seconds, the obsession of justice and a gun can make any decent person a murderer if they truly believe they are making the right choose

That's probably the most sensible post I have ever seen you write on here and I agree with it completely.

[GypsyGoth]

I'd never forgive someone who hurt or killed a loved one. And I think the death penalty would be an appropriate punishment.

I watched one of the shows on the bbc about a prisoner who stabbed a guard and on his behalf a group of lawyers and (trainee lawyer I think) were attempting to get it reduced to life in imprisonment.

The family of the guard had forgiven the prisoner.

Anyway it all seemed like a really long and drawn out process, the guard who he stabbed didn't have a group of lawyers defending him when the prisoner stabbed him.

I believe that bad people who act savage should be killed, the world becomes a safer place with them gone. And I feel that people who can forgive bad people are just different to me, they're not better.

[Livia]

Brilliant post Gyps.

[Z]

I don't know how I'd feel about the murder situation but I know that with stuff like people falling out; holding a grudge over it means you've never truly moved on from that situation. It feels like a weight's been lifted off your shoulders if you forgive someone rather than hate them forever because of something that happened in the past. What happened cannot be undone, but you can rewrite the ending of that relationship with that person, whether it's a friend, a family member, a former partner or even a near stranger - if somebody has wronged you, your instinct is to protect yourself and hate that person for what they did to your life; but truly letting go of that hatred means you can 'heal' again properly, constantly holding onto the past in that way will just hold you back I think. So yeah if somebody murdered a member of my family the grief and hatred would probably last for a very long time but ultimately you need to somehow make peace with that situation or you'll never be able to lead a normal life again.

[Ammi]

I don't know how I'd feel about the murder situation but I know that with stuff like people falling out; holding a grudge over it means you've never truly moved on from that situation. It feels like a weight's been lifted off your shoulders if you forgive someone rather than hate them forever because of something that happened in the past. What happened cannot be undone, but you can rewrite the ending of that relationship with that person, whether it's a friend, a family member, a former partner or even a near stranger - if somebody has wronged you, your instinct is to protect yourself and hate that person for what they did to your life; but truly letting go of that hatred means you can 'heal' again properly, constantly holding onto the past in that way will just hold you back I think. So yeah if somebody murdered a member of my family the grief and hatred would probably last for a very long time but ultimately you need to somehow make peace with that situation or you'll never be able to lead a normal life again.


..I agree with you completely Greg, I would have to forgive for myself and for my self preservation which is why I don't think that it does make you a better person just someone who found it to hard and painful to 'stay in that place..'...but like you, I don't know if I would feel the same if someone murdered a loved one and I hope I never find out...

[Kizzy]

I think this is where justice comes in, if you agree with the decision made by a judge ( that is if they were ever charged) then I would think it would be easier as they are receiving and accepting their punishment for the crime.
If you don't or they aren't then it would be much harder, or even impossible.

[Jords]

In every day terms, not to hold grudges etc. Yes, I think so. In extreme cases like this, its almost impossible to 100% forgive. I dont think I could.

[Ammi]

..I think that seeing justice done is definitely a factor with it ..when my son was attacked, his attacker was never brought to justice and I think after seeing my son was going to be ok etc, I found that probably the hardest thing to accept..his dad found it even harder I think and probably meant that it took longer to 'move on'/forgive etc but I think you still have to in the end because if you don't it means that you've allowed that person to damage your family even more and as I say, I think for me, you have to for yourself...that's not as extreme as murder of course so I can't say if I would feel the same way...but also, I think how I feel is that even with something like an attack on your child..if I wished his attacker harm/= in any way..?..I would only be wishing his mother to feel how I did and I think I would feel the same even if it was murder....

[smeagol]

I think those who forgive are just nutters themselves. they don't forgive they just want to find some goodness out of the situation and by saying that rubbish and even believing it somehow makes them feel a little better. its all bull though

you can forgive some things though but it really depends what it is,
murder is a no no. only a nutter would forgive that

[Benjamin]

I think those who forgive are just nutters themselves. they don't forgive they just want to find some goodness out of the situation and by saying that rubbish and even believing it somehow makes them feel a little better. its all bull though

you can forgive some things though but it really depends what it is,
murder is a no no. only a nutter would forgive that

Well if it makes them feel better then good. They surely have been through enough pain and torment as it is, holding onto anger just prolongs their misery and if they feel that by forgiving they can let a piece of that anger go and try and move on with their lives then they deserve that.

[Kizzy]

I just watched psycopath night... How would it make me feel if I put myself into the shoes of their victims family?
They are seemingly themselves victims of circumstance that led to the imbalance that caused the psychopathy....
They're not sorry because they don't want to be, they can't as it's not an emotion they are able to express.

[Tom4784]

I probably could forgive, I'm too much of an empathic person. I'll understand and forgive people's actions even when I don't really want to.

[smeagol]

Well if it makes them feel better then good. They surely have been through enough pain and torment as it is, holding onto anger just prolongs their misery and if they feel that by forgiving they can let a piece of that anger go and try and move on with their lives then they deserve that.

its not real though not real forgiveness . you cant forgive someone who has murdered someone you love. unless you dont care about them.
people who do dont deserve anyone.

you can not hate and get on with life. you dont have to forgive. those killers only want forgiveness cause they are about to die or their life is over and they are scared of whats to come when they die.
if they got away with it. they wouldn't care and would most likely do it again before caught.
i think its a insult to the people who died to forgive. they dont have to hate but forgive thats just silly. thye haven't spilt coffee they stole someones life