The sick jokes thread.

[Mystic Mock]

It's different to the other thread that I've made as this one requires inappropriate jokes instead of them just being out and out awful.

Ok I'll get the ball rolling.

1. What did the Priests say in their review of Disney XD? Who remembers the days when it was Fox Kids?

2. What did former BNP leader Nick Griffin say about gay people? That they like to puff up everything.

3. What did people say about the woman that said that she was raped? That she's milking it dry now.

This thread isn't meant to be offensive towards anyone and hopefully you will all join in on the sick jokes, and the un-pc jokes that I want to be able to be made on the thread because as long as it's a joke it shouldn't be taken offensively imo.

[Shaun]

I'm more offended by how illogical and unfunny they are than anything

[kirklancaster]

I'm more offended by how illogical and unfunny they are than anything

:joker:

[Crimson Dynamo]

:umm2:

[kirklancaster]

:umm2:

WTF - that new avatar. :joker::joker::joker:

[kirklancaster]

Two pieces of Vomit were walking down a terrace street. One stops at an alleyway and just stares at the floor. Tears well in his eyes. "What's wrong?" asks his mate. The sad vomit points to the alley and says: "That's where I was fetched up".

:dance::dance::dance:

[Kyle]

The black actor in the storm trooper getup on the new Star Wars trailer has been the recipient of online racial abuse and death threats

Then again, he is on the dark side.

[Crimson Dynamo]

I was at my local indian last night

when the waiter came over and said,"Curry ok sir", I said ok one song then Feck off

:nono: racialist

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

1. What did the Priests say in their review of Disney XD? Who remembers the days when it was Fox Kids?

2. What did former BNP leader Nick Griffin say about gay people? That they like to puff up everything.

3. What did people say about the woman that said that she was raped? That she's milking it dry now.

This thread isn't meant to be offensive towards anyone and hopefully you will all join in on the sick jokes, and the un-pc jokes that I want to be able to be made on the thread because as long as it's a joke it shouldn't be taken offensively imo.

The black actor in the storm trooper getup on the new Star Wars trailer has been the recipient of online racial abuse and death threats

Then again, he is on the dark side.

I was at my local indian last night

when the waiter came over and said,"Curry ok sir", I said ok one song then Feck off

:nono: racialist

family guy is such a great show

[kirklancaster]

The black actor in the storm trooper getup on the new Star Wars trailer has been the recipient of online racial abuse and death threats

Then again, he is on the dark side.

:joker:

[Cal.]

How are these sick?

These are just mediocre jokes.

[Crimson Dynamo]

How are these sick?

These are just mediocre jokes.

post your idea of a sick joke then and we will judge you

[kirklancaster]

How are these sick?

These are just mediocre jokes.

:fist: Hey Beyonsleigh - Mine was definitely a sick joke.

[Jamesy]

What’s one similarity between a jew and a stiff nipple?

They both disappear after a hot shower.

[Jack_]

Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital

[Crimson Dynamo]

Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital

Being opened by Jimmy Saville

[kirklancaster]

What's brown and crispy and scratches on glass?


A baby in a microwave

[kirklancaster]

What’s one similarity between a jew and a stiff nipple?

They both disappear after a hot shower.

:joker:

[Kyle]

I was looking for a new flat, and found a nice place in the centre of town that seemed ideal.

"It's only £600 a month," the woman told me. "But no children or pets."

I had to turn it down. It was a bargain but I wasn't willing to give up my sex life.

[Crimson Dynamo]

http://www.gifbin.com/bin/3204840swsw.gif

[Kyle]

My mate just text me: 'What are you up to?'

I text back: 'Just raping my daughter's Xmas present'

He wrote: 'Lol.....You mean wrapping?'

I text back: 'No, I've got her a pony'

[Crimson Dynamo]

My mate just text me: 'What are you up to?'

I text back: 'Just raping my daughter's Xmas present'

He wrote: 'Lol.....You mean wrapping?'

I text back: 'No, I've got her a pony'

oh god

:joker:

[Crimson Dynamo]

Me:- Boss i am not coming into work to day coz i am sick.

Boss:- How sick are you?

Me:- Well i am in bed with my sister

[Liam-]

My mate just text me: 'What are you up to?'

I text back: 'Just raping my daughter's Xmas present'

He wrote: 'Lol.....You mean wrapping?'

I text back: 'No, I've got her a pony'

:laugh2:

[Kyle]

YASSSS we're onto incest now, a game the family can play

[Kyle]

Arista's wife said to him last night" Do you fancy going away for a little while?"

He said, "Yeah, I'd love to."

"Good" she said. "Because I've just found the DVD of you shagging the cat."

[Crimson Dynamo]

Arista's wife said to him last night" Do you fancy going away for a little while?"

He said, "Yeah, I'd love to."

"Good" she said. "Because I've just found the DVD of you shagging the cat."

:fist: That was Morsh and the cat

he admitted it earlier:idc:

[Kyle]

A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Three students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says "Son, of all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "Awwwwwww Shiiiiiiit!! From way back there I thought you said 'goats'."

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

this thread

http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1loo1R4FS1r3ce2io1_250.gif

[Udanax]

marsh

[Crimson Dynamo]

What's red and orange and looks good on hippies?

Fire.

[Kyle]

marsh

Awwwww, young love :love:

[kirklancaster]

Arista's wife said to him last night" Do you fancy going away for a little while?"

He said, "Yeah, I'd love to."

"Good" she said. "Because I've just found the DVD of you shagging the cat."

FFS :laugh2::laugh2:

[kirklancaster]

A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Three students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says "Son, of all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "Awwwwwww Shiiiiiiit!! From way back there I thought you said 'goats'."

:joker::joker::joker:

[kirklancaster]

Me:- Boss i am not coming into work to day coz i am sick.

Boss:- How sick are you?

Me:- Well i am in bed with my sister

:joker::joker::joker:

[kirklancaster]

What's red and slimy and wrapped in newspaper?

Abortion of chips

[Marsh.]

marsh

:smug:

[Marsh.]

:fist: That was Morsh and the cat

he admitted it earlier:idc:

It bloody wasn't. :fist:




As if I'd film it. :idc:

[Jamesy]

What's the difference between a gay man and a fridge?

The fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out

[Liam-]

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a sh*t."

[Marsh.]

What's the difference between a gay man and a fridge?

The fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a sh*t."

:laugh2:

[Liam-]

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young sons' innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry. That was just an insect."
To which one of the boys replies "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

[T*]

If I saw an amputee getting hanged, i'd probably just call out random letters.

[Crimson Dynamo]

What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?





A Quarter pounder with cheese.

[Crimson Dynamo]

A rapist goes to to the forest together with a woman

The woman says: "i'm scared"

The rapist says: "so what? I have to walk back all by myself"

[Liam-]

A Woman is like a pack of Cards...

You need a Heart to love her,

You need a Diamond to win her,

You need a Club to smash her head in,

And a Spade to bury the bitch.

[Crimson Dynamo]

A Woman is like a pack of Cards...

You need a Heart to love her,

You need a Diamond to win her,

You need a Club to smash her head in,

And a Spade to bury the bitch.

:joker:




:nono: bit racist

[Liam-]

Police are investigating the bigger picture of Mark Speight's death.

it was sent in by 11 year old Susie from Reading.

[Liam-]

Please don't ban me :worry:

[Crimson Dynamo]

Please don't ban me :worry:

iv already re[ported you and so has Morsh



lucky for you Josy is in a Gin fuelled stupor slumped at her desk snoring :nono:

[Liam-]

iv already re[ported you and so has Morsh



lucky for you Josy is in a Gin fuelled stupor slumped at her desk snoring :nono:

Just you and Morsh? That's alright, no-one listens to either of you anyway :amazed:

[Crimson Dynamo]

Just you and Morsh? That's alright, no-one listens to either of you anyway :amazed:

:fist:

[Liam-]

Jimmy Savile, Stuart Hall and Rolf Harris walk into an Irish bar.

The barman says, "Oh no, not Yewtree again."

[Crimson Dynamo]

Jimmy Savile, Stuart Hall and Rolf Harris walk into an Irish bar.

The barman says, "Oh no, not Yewtree again."

:joker: brilliant

[Liam-]

What's pink and smells like curry?

John Major's dick.

[Kyle]

Jimmy Savile, Stuart Hall and Rolf Harris walk into an Irish bar.

The barman says, "Oh no, not Yewtree again."

What's pink and smells like curry?

John Major's dick.

****in hell Noël's house party has really lost it's family reputation with these gags. What next? Mr Blobby waltzing on stage swinging his d*ck like a night stick?

[Jake.]

Jimmy Savile, Stuart Hall and Rolf Harris walk into an Irish bar.

The barman says, "Oh no, not Yewtree again."

:joker:

[Liam-]

****in hell Noël's house party has really lost it's family reputation with these gags. What next? Mr Blobby waltzing on stage swinging his d*ck like a night stick?

Don't be silly :nono:

Blobby will be too busy taking over from Saville.

[Liam-]

why does Miss Piggy douche with sugar and vinegar?

because Kermit's favorite food is sweet & sour pork

[Mystic Mock]

A kid goes to see Santa Claus as he wants to give Santa a list on what he wants for Christmas.

The Kid goes: “Please Santa can I have a 1D CD, a Toy Car, and some fresh meat?”

Santa Claus goes: “Don't worry sir Jim'll fix it for you.”

Santa Claus reveals his face, it turns out to be Jimmy's little helper, Rolf Harris.

The Kid screams but nobody can hear him as Rolf gives him some Cola Bottles.

Rolf Harris goes: “Don't you worry child you will get your fresh meat soon, umm ahhh.”

[T*]

A kid goes to see Santa Claus as he wants to give Santa a list on what he wants for Christmas.

The Kid goes: “Please Santa can I have a 1D CD, a Toy Car, and some fresh meat?”

Santa Claus goes: “Don't worry sir Jim'll fix it for you.”

Santa Claus reveals his face, it turns out to be Jimmy's little helper, Rolf Harris.

The Kid screams but nobody can hear him as Rolf gives him some Cola Bottles.

Rolf Harris goes: “Don't you worry child you will get your fresh meat soon, umm ahhh.”

what

[Liam-]

A British Airway's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers: "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines." he said, "I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground"

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,

"Well sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you, tray up bitch'

[kirklancaster]

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a sh*t."

:laugh2:

[kirklancaster]

why does Miss Piggy douche with sugar and vinegar?

because Kermit's favorite food is sweet & sour pork

FKING Disgusting and sick. -- I love it:joker::joker:

[kirklancaster]

What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?

A Quarter pounder with cheese.

You dirty, filthy, sicko, weirdo-- hilarious twat:joker::joker::joker:

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

A kid goes to see Santa Claus as he wants to give Santa a list on what he wants for Christmas.

The Kid goes: “Please Santa can I have a 1D CD, a Toy Car, and some fresh meat?”

Santa Claus goes: “Don't worry sir Jim'll fix it for you.”

Santa Claus reveals his face, it turns out to be Jimmy's little helper, Rolf Harris.

The Kid screams but nobody can hear him as Rolf gives him some Cola Bottles.

Rolf Harris goes: “Don't you worry child you will get your fresh meat soon, umm ahhh.”

http://i.imgur.com/fjD4FPj.jpg?1

[Marsh.]

What's pink and smells like curry?

John Major's dick.

:joker:

[Mystic Mock]

What did people say when Oslo was getting bombed in 2012? That it was a blast.

[Marsh.]

What's the difference between virgin olive oil and regular olive oil?

Popeye's knob

[LukeB]

One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that crap." The other man says, "Who?" The first man says, "Your butt cheeks."

[Kyle]

A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for three hours straight. She has multiple orgasms! After three hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion.

"Oh God, that was great! Now I need my money." The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs.

Then the hooker says, "No, I need my money. I'm a hooker and this is how I make a living."

The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes. Then the hooker gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and thumbs through it to "hooker." She hands it to the koala bear and it reads:

"HOOKER: person who has sex for money."

Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the door. The hooker reads:

"KOALA BEAR: Furry Mammal That Eats Bushes and Leaves."

[kirklancaster]

What's the difference between virgin olive oil and regular olive oil?

Popeye's knob

:joker::joker::joker:

[kirklancaster]

A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for three hours straight. She has multiple orgasms! After three hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion.

"Oh God, that was great! Now I need my money." The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs.

Then the hooker says, "No, I need my money. I'm a hooker and this is how I make a living."

The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes. Then the hooker gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and thumbs through it to "hooker." She hands it to the koala bear and it reads:

"HOOKER: person who has sex for money."

Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the door. The hooker reads:

"KOALA BEAR: Furry Mammal That Eats Bushes and Leaves."

:joker::joker::joker:Too fecking clever for this thread.

[kirklancaster]

One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that crap." The other man says, "Who?" The first man says, "Your butt cheeks."

:laugh2:

[kirklancaster]

A copper goes into a an off licence and sees the shopkeeper lying on the floor behind the counter giving a 15 year old girl oral sex. The copper nicks him for 'Gross Indecency With A Minor' but at court the shopkeeper gets acquitted. Why?

He had a liquor licence

[Mystic Mock]

A copper goes into a an off licence and sees the shopkeeper lying on the floor behind the counter giving a 15 year old girl oral sex. The copper nicks him for 'Gross Indecency With A Minor' but at court the shopkeeper gets acquitted. Why?

He had a liquor licence

:joker:

[T*]

What's green and eats nuts? Syphillis.

[Liam-]

Did you hear about the drunk circumcision doctor?

He got the sack.

[kirklancaster]

What's green and eats nuts? Syphillis.

Yew....:joker: